# The SDMB Newbie Rites of Initiation (or **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 6, 2000, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369 "2000-12-06T20:38:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Prof.Dumbledore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/dfb087/32.png) [@Prof.Dumbledore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Dumbledore)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/161 "2000-12-11T18:32:32Z")
\*\*HOW COME NO ONE IS ADOPTING ME…☹ I am getting so :mad: Adopt me quick 'cos i’m so 🆒 \*\* ---
**Author:** ![BornDodgy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@BornDodgy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BornDodgy)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/162 "2000-12-11T18:45:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Prof. Dumbledore \* > \*\*\*\*HOW COME NO ONE IS ADOPTING ME…☹ I am getting so :mad: > Adopt me quick 'cos i’m so 🆒 > > * * * Dumbledore I d adopt you in an instant - but I am too young to be a mother… Hey - what about not letting anybody adopt us and just being supportive siblings? hehe dodgy ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/163 "2000-12-11T18:46:01Z")
If there’s nekkidness and chocolate syrup involved, I’ll take you on in journeyman status! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Melpomene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/0ea827/32.png) [@Melpomene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melpomene)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/164 "2000-12-11T18:53:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ogre \* > \*\*If there’s nekkidness and chocolate syrup involved, I’ll take you on in journeyman status! 🙂 \*\* Well…I _do_ need somone to spread the chocolate sauce on those hard-to-reach places… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Dumbledore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/dfb087/32.png) [@Prof.Dumbledore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Dumbledore)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/165 "2000-12-11T19:00:54Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by BornDodgy \* \*\* > [@](#): > > Dumbledore I d adopt you in an instant - but I am too young to be a mother… > > Hey - what about not letting anybody adopt us and just being supportive siblings? hehe > > dodgy \*\* Hey thats a cool idea, oh and i noticed that you know german. I used to live in austria. i forgot german now though…maybe you could teach me some. auf wiedersehn supportive sibling 😃 prof. dumbledore ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/166 "2000-12-11T19:05:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Melpomene \* > **Methinks I have been forgotten be my Mentor…** Of course you haven’t been. 🙂 I’m just taking my sweet time thinking of something for you to do. By the time I actually get around to it, you’ll be a reg anyway. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Dumbledore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/dfb087/32.png) [@Prof.Dumbledore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Dumbledore)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/167 "2000-12-11T19:10:07Z")
Hey dodgy, I just thought of a problem. If we are supportive siblings then we can’t have the newbie rites of initiation, so that means we always remain Newbies…Argghhhhhhhhh ---
**Author:** ![stargazer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb8c5e/32.png) [@stargazer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stargazer)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/168 "2000-12-11T19:35:32Z")
I think my mentor’s forgotten me… he’s busy moderating. ☹ Maybe he’ll pop in if I bring a keg… what kind of beer do y’all like? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![BornDodgy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@BornDodgy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BornDodgy)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/169 "2000-12-11T20:02:03Z")
hmm… but I am an old newbie… damnit… I am from Austria by the way… hallöchen 😃 dodgy ---
**Author:** ![wayward](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a87d85/32.png) [@wayward](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wayward)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/170 "2000-12-11T20:03:37Z")
Fresh young newbie reporting for duty. Ready and willing to become your bitch and perform any number of demeaning and embarassing tasks in the name of initiation. (As long as it’s nothing, you know… dirty) ---
**Author:** ![kiwiboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/35a633/32.png) [@kiwiboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kiwiboy)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/171 "2000-12-11T23:17:59Z")
Another newbie in search of a mentor… ---
**Author:** ![HannibalV](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e47c2d/32.png) [@HannibalV](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HannibalV)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/172 "2000-12-11T23:24:38Z")
As a still-mentorless newbie, I begin to wonder if there is newbie seniority, and if so, upon what is it based? Bah, don’t listen to me. I’m just waiting for my turn. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/173 "2000-12-11T23:30:20Z")
Beer? I drink Canadian beer. Specifically, Molson’s Canadien. And, **stargazer** , I’ve got your initiation question ready, except I don’t wanna post it in GQ until you see it first. If ya drop me an e-mail at [rseaney@teamsigma.com](mailto:rseaney@teamsigma.com), I’ll forward it to you so you can have a few hours headstart on the research. Okay? ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2000, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/174 "2000-12-12T01:53:51Z")
Sorry, friend Tygr. I just had a real “it sucks to be me” weekend, and I’m just now back on my computer. Anyway, you got some of these right. Unfortunately, not all. Now, here we go: > [@](#): > > **1) What is the name I use IRL?** > [@](#): > > My name is Cristi. C-R-I-S-T-I _(snip)_ My maiden name is Bates. Very good! Bonus points for tossing in the maiden name! > [@](#): > > \*\*2) How many children do I have? \*\* One Kid! (Cornchips ground into carpet) [/QUOTE] BZZZZZZT! Wrong answer! While I do indeed have cornchips ground in to my carpet (along with many, many other things that I think even the CIA might have trouble identifying), “one kid” is not the correct answer. Don’t forget–I said this one was trickier than it seemed. If you don’t have the correct answer by, oh, say Thursday, I’ll give it to you. 😃 > [@](#): > > \*\*3) What does my husband do for a living? \*\* > [@](#): > > My husband is a musician…(snip) Very good! This one was an easy one, though. > [@](#): > > \*\*4) What is my religion? \*\* > [@](#): > > …us Godless Heathens don’t go to Sunday School. While you didn’t quite call it by it’s actual name, I will give you a few bonus points for quoting me calling myself a Godless Heathen. In fact, I’m a practicing Pagan. There’s actually quite a lot of us here on the SDMB. That’s one of the reasons I’ve been here for so long–the huge religious (or not–there’s a whole passel of confirmed agnostics & atheists here) diversity. It’s a truly mind-expanding experience. > [@](#): > > \*\*5) What hobby have I recently undertaken? > \*\* > [@](#): > > Persephone is a Goddess. or > [@](#): > > I keep a herd of small goats in my basement. or > [@](#): > > “moderator whipped” BZZZZT! Sorry. But boy, do I admire your creativity answering this question! Those are good! I’m feeling generous tonight, so I’ll give you another hint: I started a thread about my hobby, and I started it last fall. Now, get back up there on that dragon, m’boy! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![malkavia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malkavia/32/5621_2.png) [@malkavia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/malkavia)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2000, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/175 "2000-12-12T02:44:20Z")
Someone pweese adopt me?! Im housebroken… and uh… Im good with children. I dont shed (much)and I can do tricks! So yeah… anyone looking for a newbie? ---
**Author:** ![Peculiar\_Pixie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/779978/32.png) [@Peculiar\_Pixie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peculiar_Pixie)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2000, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/176 "2000-12-12T03:32:19Z")
Someone sent me here… so I… uh… came… anyways… _looking at floor, blushing furiously_ ---
**Author:** ![Deacons\_Trucked](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d78d45/32.png) [@Deacons\_Trucked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deacons_Trucked)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2000, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/177 "2000-12-12T04:12:46Z")
…nobody wants me. Oh well, I tried. Guess I’m not “cool” enough. Well TPHTHTPTPTHTPHTHT. Sigh. ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2000, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/178 "2000-12-12T05:58:37Z")
Hold your horses, Deacons! If, by the time I get done with your brother, you still remain unadopted, I’ll sign you on, too, okay? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Dumbledore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/dfb087/32.png) [@Prof.Dumbledore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Dumbledore)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2000, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/179 "2000-12-12T08:21:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BornDodgy \* > \*\*hmm… but I am an old newbie… damnit… > dodgy \*\* Ok here’s the deal!!! since you’re so 🆒 and i’m so 😕 about how we are gonna perform the rites as supportive siblings i as the headmaster of hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry promote you from newbie to honorary oldbie so that you may become my mentor and guide me through the path of good and evil in the sdmb. yours truly professor dumbledore ---
**Author:** ![blastfurnace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5e9695/32.png) [@blastfurnace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blastfurnace)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2000, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369/180 "2000-12-12T10:59:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AudreyK \* > \*\ ***blastfurnace** , you can do both if you like. > > I hope you have fun with this. 🙂 > > So… is that your decision? Shall we begin? \*\* Aye-yi captian! I will honor your name here at the SDMB! Now I sail off the wreck havok upon the high-seas of Dopisity! ::pilaging to follow:: (no, I really have no idea why I adopted a pirate theme for this post. Please excuse me, the coffee is wearing off. Now, aaargggg!) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-newbie-rites-of-initiation-or/44369.md?page=10)