# The SDMB relationship rules **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 3, 2011, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-relationship-rules/591335 "2011-08-03T16:55:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-relationship-rules/591335/61 "2011-08-04T18:07:28Z")
When the trust is gone it is time to end the relationship. If you feel like he or she is cheating on you and you are contemplating hacking their email or going through their text messages to prove it just break up with them instead. In the end it doesn’t matter whether they are cheating on you or not because if you don’t trust them that means there is something wrong with the relationship. If you aren’t comfortable with him going out with the guys or with her staying late at work because you don’t know what they are _really_ doing that is a signal that you aren’t comfortable with the relationship as a whole. Don’t stick around in a relationship that makes you crazy and paranoid. It isn’t fair to you or to the person you are with if you are constantly fearful that they aren’t capable of fidelity or rational adult behavior. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-relationship-rules/591335/62 "2011-08-04T19:37:34Z")
A tangent, if Sven will indulge me: What’s so good about sex with crazy people? What’s the added value with them that doesn’t tend to be there in sane people? ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-relationship-rules/591335/63 "2011-08-04T19:40:45Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > A tangent, if Sven will indulge me: > > What’s so good about sex with crazy people? What’s the added value with them that doesn’t tend to be there in sane people? It gives people an excuse as to why they haven’t moved on to a healthy relationship. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-relationship-rules/591335/64 "2011-08-04T22:16:27Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I don’t agree with this, but I’m not sure if I’m just a middle-aged weirdo or if it is an unreasonable expectation that phones get turned off during dates. My husband and I make it through almost\* all of our dates without either one of us making or taking calls. I think it’s inappropriate to take a phone call during a date unless it’s a real emergency. If someone calls, and your date starts a casual conversation with the caller for several minutes … yeah, rude. However, I’m talking about the recent phenomenon of bailout calls and safety calls. I just started dating again this year, and I don’t think I’ve been on a first date where the woman I was with didn’t get a bailout or safety call, or call a friend after a while to “check in”. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-relationship-rules/591335/65 "2011-08-04T22:29:23Z")
I’m just glad I didn’t follow **elmwood** ’s rules, else I’d be out a fiancee. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-relationship-rules/591335/66 "2011-08-05T03:26:04Z")
> [@elmwood](#): > > Under no circumstances accept a date where a woman wants brings a friend along. Yikes! Who does that? > [@](#): > > The three-date rule only exists in dating advice books. Today, it’s “one and done”. What’s the three-date rule? ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-relationship-rules/591335/67 "2011-08-05T03:47:25Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > What’s the three-date rule? You gotta put out by the third date or else. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-relationship-rules/591335/68 "2011-08-05T04:13:07Z")
So now it’s first date or else? ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-relationship-rules/591335/69 "2011-08-05T04:31:32Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > So now it’s first date or else? According to some, yes. I still like the three date rule, personally. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-relationship-rules/591335/70 "2011-08-05T11:25:18Z")
Three dates still sounds like much too fast for me. “One and done” sounds like a recipe for disaster. I have this picture of a thousand scheming frat boys running around posting this on websites hoping to make it “a thing.” ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-relationship-rules/591335/71 "2011-08-05T11:33:06Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > What’s so good about sex with crazy people? What’s the added value with them that doesn’t tend to be there in sane people? Hard to quantify, uninihibited is the word that springs to mind, but doesn’t quite cover it: I guess it’s about not just liking varied sex, but not feeling guilty about liking it, no matter what form it takes. It’s a ride. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-relationship-rules/591335/72 "2011-08-05T11:46:21Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > Three dates still sounds like much too fast for me. “One and done” sounds like a recipe for disaster. > > I have this picture of a thousand scheming frat boys running around posting this on websites hoping to make it “a thing.” I’d dump anyone where I felt pressure to do anything on a timeframe I wasn’t up to. Sex, marriage, kids. But I’d also dump anyone who wasn’t moving the relationship along at a pace I need - i.e. I wouldn’t want to marry someone after two weeks because they wanted to…but I wouldn’t wait five years for a proposal. Its a quick compatibility check. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-relationship-rules/591335/73 "2011-08-05T12:10:11Z")
Two things: [ol][li]Make sure you like someone \*before _you marry them.[/li][_]My ex-wife used to say, “Don’t try to change your husband. The only person who will appreciate it is his next wife.” She was right.[/ol] ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-relationship-rules/591335/74 "2011-08-05T14:19:51Z")
> [@Scissorjack](#): > > Hard to quantify, uninihibited is the word that springs to mind, but doesn’t quite cover it: I guess it’s about not just liking varied sex, but not feeling guilty about liking it, no matter what form it takes. It’s a ride. Um… I can’t believe that here of all places, I need to point out that correlation does not equal causation. Enjoying sex in all its variety and for its own sake is hardly a quality you can only find in crazy people. For what it’s worth, the sex with the last crazy guy I dated was meh. My rule: **Just pay attention.** People suck at being someone else, even when they _truly believe_ that’s who they are. They will show you who they _actually_ are in approximately 100 ways per hour, and you will see it if you just pay attention. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-relationship-rules/591335/75 "2011-08-05T21:23:07Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Um… I can’t believe that here of all places, I need to point out that correlation does not equal causation. Enjoying sex in all its variety and for its own sake is hardly a quality you can only find in crazy people. True, but in my experience a lot of women bring way too much to sex: they enjoy it just fine, but there is a lot of social baggage that comes with along with it and gets in the way. Crazy chicks do it how they like cos they like. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-relationship-rules/591335/76 "2011-08-05T21:42:04Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > A tangent, if Sven will indulge me: > > What’s so good about sex with crazy people? What’s the added value with them that doesn’t tend to be there in sane people? From what I’ve seen, way it works is this: if a person is crazy, naturally enough that seriously decreases their overall attractiveness to normal people, who will tend to avoid them and not have either sex or relationships with them. Given that people end on average to hook up with folks of approximately equal attractiveness, this means that those willing to put up with the crazy to get sex can as it were go out with people more (on the surface at least) sexually attractive then they would otherwise be able to obtain. For them, the sex may be better because they are more turned on by having a more attractive partner. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-relationship-rules/591335/77 "2011-08-05T22:03:53Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > When everyone you know thinks your mate is not a very good match for you, at least consider that they might be right. Well, maybe. Sometimes everyone you know thinks your mate is a bad match because y’all are the same gender. Or different races. Etc. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-relationship-rules/591335/78 "2011-08-05T22:23:00Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > When the trust is gone it is time to end the relationship. > > If you feel like he or she is cheating on you and you are contemplating hacking their email or going through their text messages to prove it just break up with them instead. In the end it doesn’t matter whether they are cheating on you or not because if you don’t trust them that means there is something wrong with the relationship. If you aren’t comfortable with him going out with the guys or with her staying late at work because you don’t know what they are _really_ doing that is a signal that you aren’t comfortable with the relationship as a whole. Don’t stick around in a relationship that makes you crazy and paranoid. It isn’t fair to you or to the person you are with if you are constantly fearful that they aren’t capable of fidelity or rational adult behavior. Sigh, I’ve been through this a few times with girlfriends. “I don’t think he’s at the barber shop” (the fucker was so never getting a haircut) “I counted his condoms” etc etc. Girl, it doesn’t matter what he’s doing, he’s not doing YOU!! Hell, I’m going to get this saga off my chest. I’m saying to her “Do you need to see his dick going into someones pussy?”. She does. Anyway one night we’re at her house and she decides to call him, it’s really late. The light goes on in the neighbours house and we see his naked silhouette creeping across the living room to answer the phone. :smack: We laugh about it now, sorta. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-relationship-rules/591335/79 "2011-08-05T22:26:42Z")
> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > You gotta put out by the third date or else. From what I’ve seen in relationship advice books, the “three date rule” is that if someone you met is halfway decent, [you should have three dates with them to see if “chemistry” emerges](http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/dating-advice/dating/52651-three-date-rule-to-determine-chemistry.html). I’ve never seen that in the real world; thus, “one and done” if sparks aren’t flying. Googling around, it seems like [the term is used more often the context **Invisible Chimp** mentioned](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three-date_rule). ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-relationship-rules/591335/80 "2011-08-06T00:53:50Z")
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