# The SDMB Serial Killer **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [February 23, 2008, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-serial-killer/438844 "2008-02-23T13:38:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![George\_Kaplin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3e96dc/32.png) [@George\_Kaplin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/George_Kaplin)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-serial-killer/438844/1 "2008-02-23T13:38:19Z")
Ladies and gentlemen of the Dope. I have a confession to make. While, by and large, I am a fairly affable and [sub]kill kill kill them all[/sub] easy going gent. I have recently been diagnosed with multiple personality disorder and, sadly, my [sub]knives knives lovely lovely sharp knives[/sub] other persona isn’t a nice guy. He’s a temperamental fellow, given to mercilessly butchering posters whose usernames, profiles, or posting habits violate a certain rule. The only way to stop him is to work out the rule he is following. But be warned, if you guess incorrectly then you too will be slaughtered. Also, posters in this thread whose usernames, profiles, or posting habits violate the rule risk attracting his unwanted attention regardless of whether or not they have guessed at the rule. He has already killed **Giraffe** But I have his word that he would never kill **Cecil Adams**. Can you thwart the SDMB serial killer before he rampages through the entire board? ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Credible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a8b319/32.png) [@Justin\_Credible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Credible)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-serial-killer/438844/2 "2008-02-23T14:10:21Z")
Posters with one word names!? ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Klutz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/captain_klutz/32/4993_2.png) [@Captain\_Klutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Klutz)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-serial-killer/438844/3 "2008-02-23T14:15:57Z")
Posters with double letters in their names? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-serial-killer/438844/4 "2008-02-23T14:32:57Z")
God, don’t you hate serial killers who write an OP and then log off? ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Credible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a8b319/32.png) [@Justin\_Credible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Credible)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-serial-killer/438844/5 "2008-02-23T14:33:51Z")
[QUOTE=twickster] God, don’t you hate serial killers who write an OP and then log off? [/QUOTE] They’re worse than Dahmer. ---
**Author:** ![bbs2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e495f1/32.png) [@bbs2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bbs2k)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-serial-killer/438844/6 "2008-02-23T14:38:15Z")
Contain the same vowels? I’m confused. ---
**Author:** ![Hockey\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a183cd/32.png) [@Hockey\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hockey_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-serial-killer/438844/7 "2008-02-23T15:10:46Z")
Likely I may be killed. Maybe I should go hide! ---
**Author:** ![George\_Kaplin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3e96dc/32.png) [@George\_Kaplin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/George_Kaplin)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-serial-killer/438844/8 "2008-02-23T15:12:47Z")
**Justin Credible’s** incorrect guess infuriates the SDMB serial killer sending him into a knife wielding frenzy. By the time he’s finished poor Justin has been turned into fettucini. But **Justin Credible** shouldn’t take it too hard. Even if he hadn’t made an incorrect guess he still would have fallen foul of the rule and been killed anyway. **Captain Klutz** , by contrast, would have lived to tell this sordid tale were it not for his incorrect guess. The killer carves another notch into his bedpost, while the Captain’s family gets a visit from the cops. **bbs2k** meets a similar end. He doesn’t break the rule, but he does guess incorrectly. **Twickster** wrote: > [@twickster](#): > > God, don’t you hate serial killers who write an OP and then log off? Yeah. They’re bastards. Dead! **Justin Credible** wrote: > [@Justin Credible](#): > > They’re worse than Dahmer. Oi! Quiet you. You’re supposed to be dead. 😃 Actually, this would be a good time to point out that being dead is no barrier to being able to post in this thread. You can even reveal the solution from beyond the grave, if you figure it out. The only thing is that you can’t make any more guesses. Thus, it came to pass that the following posters on the SDMB were consigned to the hereafter: **Giraffe** - _Broke the rule_ **Justin Credible** - _Broke the rule_ **Captain Klutz** - _Guessed incorrectly_ **bbs2k** - _Guessed incorrectly_ **twickster** - _Broke the rule_ As mentioned, **Cecil Adams** remains unmolested. I also have it on good authority that **elucidator** has nothing to worry about. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-serial-killer/438844/9 "2008-02-23T15:14:37Z")
Oh, poor giraffe! He was a lovely **animal**! (?) ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-serial-killer/438844/10 "2008-02-23T15:15:45Z")
Are us bloody corpses allowed to ask questions? If so, here’s mine – do your posts (both OP and subsequent) follow the rule to the T? ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-serial-killer/438844/11 "2008-02-23T15:19:13Z")
Edit: Boo, that doesn’t work. My guess is that you can’t have more As than you do Is. ---
**Author:** ![George\_Kaplin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3e96dc/32.png) [@George\_Kaplin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/George_Kaplin)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-serial-killer/438844/12 "2008-02-23T15:20:52Z")
The killer lies in wait, lovingly polishing his trusty butcher knives. He dearly hopes the next poster he sees will fall afoul of his mysterious rule. He sees a dim shape on the horizon, hurriedly dons his taffeta ball gown, SS cap, and giant comedy sunglasses and gets ready to pounce on… **Hockey Monkey**?? No fuckin’ way. Not **Hockey Monkey** , that’ll never do. He doesn’t break the rule at all…bugger. Ruefully, the killer lets **Hockey Monkey** pass by unmolested. ---
**Author:** ![dbuzman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de0a6/32.png) [@dbuzman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dbuzman)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-serial-killer/438844/13 "2008-02-23T15:27:44Z")
Posters whose names have the vowels arranged i before e. ---
**Author:** ![George\_Kaplin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3e96dc/32.png) [@George\_Kaplin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/George_Kaplin)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-serial-killer/438844/14 "2008-02-23T15:32:22Z")
Okay. I’ve momentarily snatched back control from my evil other half long enough to answer a couple of questions: > [@twickster](#): > > Are us bloody corpses allowed to ask questions? You certainly can. Fire away. > [@](#): > > If so, here’s mine – do your posts (both OP and subsequent) follow the rule to the T? Yes, both my posts follow the rule. In other news, the entire front page of my daily newspaper is taken up with the shocking story of the brutal murder of one **R. Threshold**. Police say that he not only broke the rule, but that his efforts to uncover the identity of the serial killer currently stalking the SDMB led him to incorrectly guess at the killer’s motives, infuriating him further. A byline indicates that Mr **Threshold** was accompanied by his sensei **Sage Rat**. Apparently, the killer spotted **Sage Rat** but showed no interest in harming him. ---
**Author:** ![Thorium\_Indium\_Potassium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c2a13f/32.png) [@Thorium\_Indium\_Potassium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thorium_Indium_Potassium)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-serial-killer/438844/15 "2008-02-23T15:35:02Z")
Posters who have names that would never fly in real life are breaking the rule. Which leads me to point out that my name, Senora, is Mrs. in Spanish. Do I live to tell this tale to my unborn children? ---
**Author:** ![George\_Kaplin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3e96dc/32.png) [@George\_Kaplin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/George_Kaplin)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-serial-killer/438844/16 "2008-02-23T15:36:56Z")
> [@dbuzman](#): > > Posters whose names have the vowels arranged i before e. A valiant effort **dbuzman** , but sadly mistaken. Your incorrect guess has sealed your fate. Incidentally, you would have survived if you hadn’t made that guess. Perhaps it would behoove posters to phrase their suspicions in such a way that they are not obviously recogniseable as guesses… **The SDMB Casualty List** **Giraffe** - \* Broke the rule\* **Justin Credible** - _Broke the rule and guessed incorrectly._ **Captain Klutz** - _Guessed incorrectly_ **bbs2k** - _Guessed incorrectly_ **twickster** - _Broke the rule_ **Revenant Threshold** - _Broke the rule and guessed incorrectly._ \*\*dbuzman \*\* - \*Guessed incorrectly. \* And those who have escaped the killer’s wrath include: **Hockey Monkey** **Sage Rat** ---
**Author:** ![George\_Kaplin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3e96dc/32.png) [@George\_Kaplin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/George_Kaplin)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-serial-killer/438844/17 "2008-02-23T15:41:42Z")
**SenoraGO** > [@](#): > > Posters who have names that would never fly in real life are breaking the rule. Which leads me to point out that my name, Senora, is Mrs. in Spanish. > > Do I live to tell this tale to my unborn children? Ingeniously, you phrased your speculations in such a way that the killer wasn’t able to recognise them as an obvious guess. If you hadn’t broken the rule the killer uses to choose his victims you would indeed have lived to tell the tale. But break it you did, and the killer is now fashioning your carcass into a rather fetching three piece suit for his imaginary pet flying alligator. Tough break. ---
**Author:** ![bbs2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e495f1/32.png) [@bbs2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bbs2k)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-serial-killer/438844/18 "2008-02-23T15:52:03Z")
You’re a mean mean ol’ serial killer. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-serial-killer/438844/19 "2008-02-23T15:53:27Z")
[QUOTE=SenoraGO] Posters who have names that would never fly in real life are breaking the rule. Which leads me to point out that my name, Senora, is Mrs. in Spanish. Do I live to tell this tale to my unborn children? [/QUOTE] **Hockey Monkey** and **Sage Rat** were unharmed, so that doesn’t seem to apply. I can find no correlation in join date, posts per day, absence/inclusion of birthday in the public profile, or location. Without a decent guess, or the inclination to review the thousands of posts previously submitted to the Dope by the people named, I’m going to say it has to do with whether you use an emoticon when you post. One of these 😃 , and you’re as good as dead. ETA: Fuck, I see that the OP used one of these 😃 . Please make my demise quick and painless. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-serial-killer/438844/20 "2008-02-23T15:58:20Z")
Well I’m quite a decent fellow but I do like knives, very sharp knives. You don’t by any chance need an assistant do you? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-serial-killer/438844.md?page=2)