# The SDMB Soap Opera **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 7, 2000, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854 "2000-07-07T14:38:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Trion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Trion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trion)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2000, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/1 "2000-07-07T14:38:20Z")
Well, unfortunately Boo Boo and little\_tiger’s soap opera has died out. So I figure we might as well start a new one. Murder, backstabbing, infidelity and hidden parentage will be the norm in this thread. I myself am the local psychiatrist. My evil twin is locked up at Brentwood Asylum. But more importantly, I’m currently being blackmailed by… ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2000, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/2 "2000-07-07T14:40:49Z")
. . . Eve, who has sent Ukulele Ike out on a secret mission to uncover the truth behind Trion’s commiting the supposedly “evil” twin in Brentwood. But Eve herself is very nervous, as . . . ---
**Author:** ![CanadianSue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@CanadianSue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanadianSue)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2000, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/3 "2000-07-07T14:41:35Z")
Trion, you don’t have to look far hon. The clients will be lined up at your door in no time. For a cut of 60/40 (60 for me of course) I’d be glad to assist. ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2000, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/4 "2000-07-07T14:48:49Z")
…Swiddles, friendly girl-next-door by day, evil club-hopping maniac by night has the truth about Eve’s secret… ---
**Author:** ![Tymp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Tymp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tymp)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2000, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/5 "2000-07-07T15:39:30Z")
. . . That she is not _really_ the heiress to the throne of West Virginia as she has led **Ukulele Ike** to believe. To prevent her secret from slipping out, she has carefully arranged for **Tymp** to . . . ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2000, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/6 "2000-07-07T15:46:34Z")
…call in a band of ex-military survivalists to off **Swiddle** , thereby keeping the secret hidden. But, **Mullinator** , the wacky neighbor from next door has stumbled onto the plot, so he… ---
**Author:** ![ignatiusjreilly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/2acd7d/32.png) [@ignatiusjreilly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ignatiusjreilly)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2000, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/7 "2000-07-07T16:10:35Z")
… starts a torrid affair with Swiddles in an effort to thwart the killers. But one morning, he receives a blackmail letter from **ignatius** who has found a box containing a can of reddy-wip, a small bag of dog chow, and a pair of handcuffs sitting on Mully’s back porch. Intrigued by the possibility of finally… ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2000, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/8 "2000-07-07T16:55:26Z")
…holding a sword over Muly’s head he quickly forward photos of the back porch swag to **Falcon** who posts them on her web page. Seeing this outrageous detritus, **aenea** … ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2000, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/9 "2000-07-07T17:01:02Z")
…tells **Sealemon88** about it, hoping to get his help. But what she doesn’t know is that she is actually talking to **Sealemon’s** other personality; the evil, unscrupulous personality known as… ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2000, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/10 "2000-07-07T17:08:45Z")
. . . finding someone who shares his interests, BratMan007 (the ex-military survilvalist sent to off Swiddles) decides he may want to get to know Swiddles a little better rather than just kill her and begins a plot to . . . ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2000, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/11 "2000-07-07T17:22:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BratMan007 \* > \*\*. . . finding someone who shares his interests, BratMan007 (the ex-military survilvalist sent to off Swiddles) decides he may want to get to know Swiddles a little better rather than just kill her and begins a plot to . . . \*\* sorry, this was inresponse to ignatiusjreilly’s post, but it took forever to load. ---
**Author:** ![JavaMaven1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@JavaMaven1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JavaMaven1)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2000, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/12 "2000-07-07T17:25:30Z")
… as **BratMan007** plots to take **Swiddles** to the just-outside-of-town, romantic, little B & B owned by **JavaMaven1** , little does he know I keep tabs of all the dirty little extra-curricular activities that happen under my roof. Who else paid off **ignatius** to leave that little love-gift for **Mullinator**? But, **JavaMaven1** is nervous, because someone in town knows about what is in the basement of that B & B… ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2000, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/13 "2000-07-07T18:08:32Z")
…the body of \*\*[caseywyn](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=29026) **, Barista to the rest of you, who denied \*\* Javamaven \*\* her daily dose of double expresso straight-up one faithful morning. \*\* Javamaven,** driven mad by her dropping caffeine levels, took the life of the innocent barista and now lives in shame. But her secret is soon to be discovered by… ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2000, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/14 "2000-07-07T18:26:49Z")
Persephone, the eccentric living on the edge of town. She harbors a desperate love for Sealemon88, and she’s willing to do anything to get him in to her little love nest. She picks up the phone to call him & tell him about the secrets in the basement of the B&B, when all of a sudden, in walks… ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2000, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/15 "2000-07-07T18:27:11Z")
…Pepperlandgirl who has been stalking her for the past three years, convinced that Javamaven was responsible for her husband’s death in the… ---
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2000, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/16 "2000-07-07T18:35:18Z")
…Robbery at Labyrinth Incorperated, where he worked as a researcher for the sinister Arkon, who, unknown to all plans… ---
**Author:** ![JavaMaven1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@JavaMaven1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JavaMaven1)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2000, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/17 "2000-07-07T18:58:34Z")
…was in a torrid love triangle with JavaMaven and caseywyn, while he was developing a new strain of high-caffinated coffee beans. Little did he know that this new strain causes… ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2000, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/18 "2000-07-07T19:00:24Z")
Intense intestinal cramping. This new blend of coffee, while purging the GI systems of millions worldwide also… ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2000, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/19 "2000-07-07T19:13:23Z")
…caused birth defects resulting in… ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2000, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/20 "2000-07-07T19:24:45Z")
**Doctor Jackson**. Though cruelly deformed by the java beans, Doc Jackson serves his community well, accepting as payment for services rendered such items as chickens and… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854.md?page=2)