# The SDMB Soap Opera **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 7, 2000, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854 "2000-07-07T14:38:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 15
**Author:** ![enilorac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3bc359/32.png) [@enilorac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enilorac)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/281 "2000-08-04T03:49:05Z")
…the batmoblie! “Uh Brucey, u’re speeding”… ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/282 "2000-08-04T03:55:07Z")
“Well,” said Batman. “Try getting your hand off my stick shift, and I’ll slow down…” Supergirl quickly yanked her hand back and… ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/283 "2000-08-04T04:20:49Z")
…Batman chuckled “It’s the cape. Chicks dig the cape.” ---
**Author:** ![enilorac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3bc359/32.png) [@enilorac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enilorac)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/284 "2000-08-04T04:37:13Z")
supergirl pinches batman’s check (the one on his face!) and says “Yes battypoo girls just LUV your cape, but we got a world to save here so snap out of it!” During all this Robin, disgusted decides he himself is the only sane one left to save the world! ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/285 "2000-08-04T05:54:21Z")
TIMEOUT > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JavaMaven1 \* > \*\*… studly, tanned pool-boy back at the B&B. As he spent his afternoons in a speedo, cleaning the pool, jumping on the trampoline, > \*\* I’ve gone from a poolboy to an evil supervillian bent on taking over the world with an alien armada? Life as a soap character is way too cool… TIMEIN ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/286 "2000-08-04T06:05:25Z")
Robin (actually UncleBeer in tight spandex) lifts Supergirl out of the Batmobile passenger seat and tosses her in the Bat-trunk. “Holy Hamburger Helper!” exclaimed Boy Wonder. "We’ve got to hurry back to Republican convention before… ---
**Author:** ![enilorac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3bc359/32.png) [@enilorac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enilorac)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/287 "2000-08-04T06:24:27Z")
before the republican party has to take back its claim at being conservative as well as compasionate. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/288 "2000-08-06T23:03:39Z")
Robin’s crime-fighting zeal, unfortunately, overrode his ability to drive the Batmobile. After speeding crazily down Gotham street for a few blocks, the Batmobile went totally out of control, and overturned several times. It landed upright, and no one was hurt. Robin, however, hollered, “Holy Earl Scheib! Batman’s gonna whale me for ruining his paint job!” Batman, however, suddenly appeared at the scene–just after the Batmobile crashed into a huge black limousine, carrying dougie\_monty, who had been abducted at gunpoint from the convention floor. The limousine was wrecked, and the bad guys in it fell into the waiting hands of Batman, Robin, and several assorted superheroes who were coincidentally there. So were Sally Mears, Phoebe Atwood, and the other three bimboes–Betty Idelson, Olivia Short, and Vera Tedson. They had driven from Philadelphia to New York, chasing the bad guys on their own. Now they were on the street, stark naked, and surrounding dougie\_monty, still stunned from the crash. He regained consciousness, saw the five luscious women standing over him, and muttered, “Well, at least, I’ll die happy.” He then fainted, but with a smile on his face. 🙂 The other male Dopers, however, weren’t angry or even disappointted at the loss of Sally and her sexy friends, because they suddenly heard behind them… ---
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/289 "2000-08-07T00:59:59Z")
…the Evil Laugh of Arkon! Who had used the psychic energy of the orgy to restore his supposedly dead body. He was at ready to… ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/290 "2000-08-07T02:12:44Z")
…kick some serious Bat-fanny, because Superheroes have NO place in a soap opera. Evil Villains, yes, but Cape-Wearing, Wall-Climbing, billionaire freaks, no, unless they’re vampires named Barnabas Collins, but since this isn’t _Dark Shadows,_ the Bat has to _gooooo._ So Arkon kicks Batman’s ass. “Hm, that was easy,” says Arkon. “Too easy. There’s gotta be a genuine good guy around here somewhere, just waiting to set me up.” The bushes rustled behind him. Arkon turned, to find himself face to face with… ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/291 "2000-08-07T03:42:05Z")
_gasp_ …his long lost older borther whohe’d worshipped as a child but who was thought lost to the world when he went missing on a plane that passed through the bermuda triangle. In fact it was the absence of this same older brother (an allround nice guy) that some say lead Arkon to a life of crime and dastardly deeds. _in the ensuing shock and the absence of the cimefighting duo whose butts were resoundly kicked, an alien minion goes to the wreckage of the batmobile and kidnaps the unconscious supergirl for dpr "hey if it isn’t going to degenerate into a superhero thing I’ll have to remove her from the scene_ _dpr takes supergirl - the secret love of his life - and, along with his alien armada goes off into deep space boldly going where no cute couple has gone before etc. etc._ Meanwhile Arkon is still at a loss for words. “Why? Where…? Wh…?” Well at a loss for a full sentence actually… ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/292 "2000-08-07T20:27:13Z")
…he was accosted by two big, brawny men–not superheroes, cops, or even members of the Teeming Millions, let alone Cecil himself. The men, named Joe Bradley and Stan Brown, had contracted with Bruce Wayne to build the Batmobile to the spec it had before the crash. Joe and Stan, first-rate engineers, had been quite proud of their work–and they were well paid. They were joined by three other men, and the five wives, a group of attractive women more discreet than Sally and her friends. Akron was accosted by the smallest of the five women, Stan’s wife Louise, whom Trion had met earlier; he at first mistook her for Velma. Louise was angry, but she did not raise her voice: She had a way of expressing anger without using a loud voice or an angry tone. After she finished bawling him out he decided he’d do well to… ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/293 "2000-08-07T23:35:05Z")
…lie low for awhile. After all, not many people knew he was alive again. And maybe he and his brother could recapture the innocence of youth. Maybe his days of evilness where indeed behind him… _visions of cute bunnies and teddy bears danced before his eyes_ Meanwhile, Purple Bear had stumbled accross something VERY interesting… ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/294 "2000-08-07T23:39:23Z")
…hidden in a nearby hollow log, she found a bag of… ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2000, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/295 "2000-08-08T03:50:37Z")
…black jellybeans. Now, purplebear hated black jellybeans, as all good, decent, non-psychopathic people do, as black jellybeans are the embodiments of evil. She knew that the only possible use for them was… ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2000, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/296 "2000-08-08T06:12:43Z")
…to use them as bait to trap some truly pyschotic people. ANd she had just the one in mind… ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2000, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/297 "2000-08-09T21:16:01Z")
…none other than Alfred E. Neuman, who spoke his famous tagline when they collided. He was accompanied by Sylvester P. Smythe, Professor Sickmund, the Nebbish, and, of course, Cecil Adams. They came face-to-face with ten sexy women drawn by Bill Ward, including Nanny Dickering. Alfred said, “Axolotol, portzebie, furshlugginer, mainly…, Arthur, Corwin; what, me worry?” Thus confronted, Nanny told the other nine women that the best thing for all of them to do now was… ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2000, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/298 "2000-08-12T19:10:13Z")
…stand on their heads and gargle peanut butter. Seeing this, Alfred and the others, who had rarely seen such women (even Sylvester P. Smythe, since Bill Ward stopped drawing Nanny Dickering for _Cracked,)_ felt smitten by a strong attraction to the women, and so they… ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/299 "2000-08-15T03:34:38Z")
…were in deep contemplation of the oh-so-lovely SDMB ladies and were caught unawares by the evil henchmen who bundled them into a van to be sold as slaves on the black market. The girls however were left to the devices of their boss: _gasp_ Trion’s evil twin!!! (remember the OP?) ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/300 "2000-08-16T22:26:28Z")
…this continued for approximately ten minutes until Trion’s good-hearted _triplet,_ Trion II, set down spike strips in front of the van and tossed a tiny tear-gas canister in through an open window, disabling the driver. Alfred & Co. escaped easily and engaged in a vain search for Sally, who had left the thread, or any other available sexy girl. The captured women, meanwhile, surprised _their_ captor with some fancy Akido and Kung Fu moves they’d learned from Charlie’s Angels. In the fight these Bill Ward-drawn women lost all their clothing, but still they strode triumphantly down the street defying anyone to stop them. They were heading straight for… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854.md?page=14) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854.md?page=16)