# The SDMB Soap Opera **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 7, 2000, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854 "2000-07-07T14:38:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2000, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/161 "2000-07-11T02:46:17Z")
…individually selected those he wanted to torture and torment. Little did he realise that a few of the Dopers had built up an immunity to acid so he was taken completely by surprise when… ---
**Author:** ![ArkonDLoC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@ArkonDLoC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArkonDLoC)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2000, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/162 "2000-07-11T03:13:04Z")
…he was shot from behind! With his last bit of strength he turned to see that he had been shot by… ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2000, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/163 "2000-07-11T03:16:12Z")
…ChiefScott. Chief had been very busy all night, chasing around zombies and psychos. Most people considered him a hero, but his real motive was… ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2000, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/164 "2000-07-11T03:21:58Z")
…to destroy Canada’s parliament buildings in Ottawa! But matt\_mcl, the fearless Mountie, after having gotten wind of this dastardly plan, adjusted his red serge jacket, strode out of Mountie headquarters, got on his horse, and… ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2000, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/165 "2000-07-11T04:05:20Z")
…prompty fell off, into a mud puddle. Evil laughter sounded from behind him and he turned his head to behold his greatest nemesis… ---
**Author:** ![Catrandom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7bcc69/32.png) [@Catrandom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catrandom)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2000, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/166 "2000-07-11T04:11:36Z")
Catrandom, the long-forgotten deprogrammer. Matt\_mcl had once tried to hire her to deprogram his cat from its inborn hairball-tossing, furniture-scratching ways, but she had refused and threatened to have him deported. The two had never forgiven one another, and now … ---
**Author:** ![pLt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/eb9ed0/32.png) [@pLt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pLt)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2000, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/167 "2000-07-11T04:34:27Z")
… Catrandom was faced with having to work for pLt in the porn industry. If only … ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2000, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/168 "2000-07-11T04:34:33Z")
…Matt rose to face her. “I’ve got you now,” she sneered. “You sissy Canadian cops don’t even carry guns. You’re no match for me.” “Wrong country,” murmured Matt, and whipping out his service revolver, … ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2000, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/169 "2000-07-11T04:47:17Z")
…the gun prematurely went off, which was the story of matt’s life. Before he could recover from the embarrassment, she… ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2000, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/170 "2000-07-11T06:15:56Z")
…strode forward, knocking the gun from his hand, grabbing his shoulder and pulling back her fist… …when suddenly she stopped. The feel of his iron-hard muscles beneath her hand… the touch of his body… the sweet aroma of maple leaves and mud… Our intrepid hero fares no better how ever and suddenly finds himself torn between hate and a primal instinct to kiss her deeply. They both stare into each other’s eyes briefly before leaning forwards: their mouths closing the scant distance between them… ---
**Author:** ![pLt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/eb9ed0/32.png) [@pLt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pLt)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2000, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/171 "2000-07-11T06:19:34Z")
when the sound of a camel undulating outside the window interrupts their thoughts … (that one was for dpr :)) ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2000, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/172 "2000-07-11T06:25:09Z")
…“What the hell was that?!” Matt cries out. “What does it matter Darling?” She asked as she kissed his ear. “What the hell am I doing?” Matt cried? “What do you mean?” "I’m gay! I can’t do this, especially since I’m in love with… ---
**Author:** ![pLt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/eb9ed0/32.png) [@pLt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pLt)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2000, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/173 "2000-07-11T06:29:53Z")
pLt … despite the fact he runs a porn ring. but … but … ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2000, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/174 "2000-07-11T06:35:06Z")
…how could you love such a loser" Catrandom wailed. “I don’t know” Matt answered honestly. "We’re on opposite sides of the law _Cue dramatic music. Camera pans in for a close up_ but I feel a connection to him. A connection I can’t explain. A connection that began… ---
**Author:** ![pLt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/eb9ed0/32.png) [@pLt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pLt)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2000, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/175 "2000-07-11T06:38:31Z")
_despite aversion to being called a loser_ he can make me famous! All I have to do is … ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2000, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/176 "2000-07-11T06:47:35Z")
…break a few laws. But they are minor ones. Really. I know I swore to uphold the law, but damn it! I have a special “talent” that the world should see! “What special talent is that?” Matt turns around and faces her, "I can… ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2000, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/177 "2000-07-11T06:51:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by pepperlandgirl \* > \*\*…how could you love such a loser" Catrandom wailed. > “I don’t know” Matt answered honestly. "We’re on opposite sides of the law _Cue dramatic music. Camera pans in for a close up_ but I feel a connection to him. A connection I can’t explain. A connection that began… \*\* …when a young matt set out to make his fortune in the big city. There he was accosted by a SLAP The flashback was interrupted by Cat who looked up at matt (oh god I know I have three verses of a Dr Seuss poem entitled Matt in the Cat in my head) and said (withheaving bosoms) “No! You can’t deny my feelings!!” Her breathing became heavier and raspier as she said in a bass voice… “Come over to the dark side…” ---
**Author:** ![JavaMaven1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@JavaMaven1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JavaMaven1)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2000, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/178 "2000-07-11T07:01:33Z")
…as she wrapped her fingers in his hair, and pressed her soft, round bosoms against his chest. "I can show you things _no man_ can. I can … " ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2000, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/179 "2000-07-11T07:06:41Z")
…I can do things that you have never even dreamed of!" She promised. “Oh yeah, like what?” Matt inquired. “I can do things like…” ---
**Author:** ![MysterEcks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@MysterEcks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysterEcks)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2000, 9:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854/180 "2000-07-11T09:17:23Z")
…this!" she said triumphantly, and drove her knee viciously into Matt’s crotch. “That’ll teach you to try to shoot me!” But Catrandom’s victory was short-lived, because… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-soap-opera/24854.md?page=10)