# The SDMB Staff Office **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 18, 2003, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273 "2003-03-18T15:05:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![London\_Calling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@London\_Calling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/London_Calling)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/1 "2003-03-18T15:05:53Z")
Through no fault of your own, one day an e-mail arrives and you find yourself ‘promoted’ to the status of a Straightdope moderator. You accept this responsibility in the same way as you do other coming-of-age experiences; something that life asks you to deal with, and to do so as best you can. You have a restless night to prepare yourself. At 8.00am the following morning the door bell rings and two men in white overalls introduce themselves as the ‘Installation team’. They show you the ID the e-mail mentioned they’d carry and ask you to leave the house until 12.00 Noon. On leaving, you notice the white van in your drive with the word ‘Cecil’s’ writ large along the side. You walk the streets, through the park, get a coffee and ponder what it is the team are doing with your computer. At 12.00 you return. The ‘Installation team’ has left but you find a white, sealed manila envelope sitting atop your keyboard. \*“Dear New Moderator, If you sit at your computer and look to the left, you will see the wall now contains the outline of a door frame – you may tell visitors that this was once an entrance to this room but it as long since been bricked up. It is, in fact, your non-linear gateway to the Straightdope Moderator office. **Instructions for accessing the Straighdope office** Start your computer, click the ‘Start’ button in the bottom left hand corner of the screen and click the SDMB icon now sitting in that menu. Insert the password contained in yesterday’s e-mail and close down your computer. The door to the Straightdope office will open in 10 seconds and remain open for 10 seconds. We look forward to meeting you in person. Welcome aboard, Cecil and the team.“\* You follow the instructions, the door slides open …and you see … what ? A large, Star Trek Bridge-style open office space ? **Coldfire** gazing longingly at a framed photograph of his bird while firming clasping in his hand … a tin of lager ? **Lynn Bodoni** and **La Beer** exchanging views on semi automatic weaponry and cousin Vinny’s likely release date ? \*\* Ukulele Ike \*\* sitting in the far corner wearing a goofy hat and making noises ? **TVeblen** and \*\* Gaudere, \*\* in above-the-knee skirts and having a girlie moment over to the side ? **Manhattan** crushing one of those stress balls with a giant hammer ? … what ya see in there and is there going to be a welcome party ? ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/2 "2003-03-18T17:05:25Z")
Naked debauchery as far as the eye can see. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/3 "2003-03-18T17:42:57Z")
All offices need an official go-fer. That would be me. I’m already part of the staff from our last few weeks at AOL and I need _something_ to do! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/4 "2003-03-18T21:55:07Z")
**jdavis** , eyes bugging out and sweat pouring down his brow, desperately shakes a cage full of hamsters, and shouts in a thick Scottish accent, “I dinna think they can take any more, Master!” In the background, **Dex** , wearing a silk smoking jacket, imperturbably quizzically cocks one slanting eyebrow. Off to the left, **Arnold** , oblivious to anything else, vigorously polishes his Alphorn. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/5 "2003-03-18T22:01:37Z")
Goofy hat and making noises? _Goofy hat and making noises?_ Bah. To MPSIMS with you, where you belong. ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/6 "2003-03-18T22:19:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by London\_Calling \* > \*\*Start your computer, click the ‘Start’ button in the bottom left hand corner of the screen and click the SDMB icon now sitting in that menu. \*\* But Dude, what if you have a Mac? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/7 "2003-03-18T22:23:44Z")
Feh ! Then it would be located in the Apple menu. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/8 "2003-03-18T22:48:33Z")
And if you run Linux or \*BSD, it would be accessed through the command line. How? Simple: su cecil (The only account with more power than root. :D) ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/9 "2003-03-18T23:24:35Z")
This is an obvious fabrication. > [@](#): > > Insert the password contained in yesterday’s e-mail and close down your computer. Our procedures are far more secure than this. ---
**Author:** ![panamajack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/47e85d/32.png) [@panamajack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panamajack)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/10 "2003-03-18T23:47:13Z")
So, looking at the thread title in its original forum, I see “Moved: The SDMB Staff Office” Where did it go? East of the Mississippi and west of the Moon River, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/11 "2003-03-19T00:30:01Z")
Carcasses of sacrificed goats as far as the eye can see. And a cellar full of dead trolls. Ah, bliss. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/12 "2003-03-19T00:41:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by UncleBeer \* > \*\*This is an obvious fabrication. > > Our procedures are far more secure than this. \*\* Yeah, but smoke signals are just so _un_PC these days. In both senses. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/13 "2003-03-19T00:50:00Z")
You folks are brave. Heroic, even. I’d be too damned scared to even open the door. And I’d throw out my brand-new computer. Using tongs. ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/14 "2003-03-19T01:36:28Z")
Clogs. Lots and lots of clogs. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/15 "2003-03-19T01:39:39Z")
I believe it would be decorated & furnished in the style known as Merchant Ivory. ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/16 "2003-03-19T04:17:41Z")
…but you don’t want to look in the fridge. ---
**Author:** ![samarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@samarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samarm)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/17 "2003-03-19T04:21:36Z")
hmm… I’m seeing lots of beer… firearms… goats… am I warm? ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/18 "2003-03-19T04:24:54Z")
I’d expect to see a long dark stairway going down to dark depths… Moldy smells… Dripping pipes and rats. At the very bottom… through the labyrinth and past the minotaur is a small poorly lit room. In it our hard working mods are chained to the walls, tinkering with hamster cages and with not so new PCs (they gave them a budget to get rid of the Macs after they realized they weren’t compatable with the personalities of most of the hamsters). And cecil has a leather couch. Just because. ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/19 "2003-03-19T14:25:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Colibri \* > Off to the left, **Arnold** , oblivious to anything else, vigorously polishes his Alphorn. Well, I thought I’d heard every possible euphemism, but this is a new one on me. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/20 "2003-03-19T15:09:22Z")
I’m stuck. I can’t decide if it would be Willy Wanka’s Chocolate Factory or Room 101. Maybe niether, maybe both. Would I open the door? That way lies insanity. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273.md?page=2)