# The SDMB Staff Office **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 18, 2003, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273 "2003-03-18T15:05:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/21 "2003-03-19T15:40:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Coldfire \* > \*\*Carcasses of sacrificed goats as far as the eye can see. > > And a cellar full of dead trolls. \*\* In light of this, I expect to see numerous “pine tree” air fresheners hung thither and yon. I recall the stench of one little decomposing mouse behind the fridge - my eyes burn and water just to imagine this!! Personally, I envision a scene like the waiting room in _Beetlejuice_ with our intrepid Mods and Admins waiting for the coveted summons: “The Master will see you now.” ---
**Author:** ![David\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/51bf81/32.png) [@David\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/David_B)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/22 "2003-03-20T00:26:45Z")
samarm said: > [@](#): > > I’m seeing lots of beer… firearms… goats… am I warm? I dunno – does the combination of beer, goats, and guns make you hot? ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/23 "2003-03-20T02:29:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \* > \*\*I believe it would be decorated & furnished in the style known as Merchant Ivory. \*\* Actually the decorating style is more Merchant’s Big Ol’ Bargain Warehouse. But we strenuously recommend that you not sit on the futon. The stains…well, you don’t want to know. You _really_ don’t want to know. > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by UncleBeer_ > **Our procedures are far more secure than this.** Durn tootin’. It’s a frayed Post-It note stuck to the monitor rim, bearing an arcane line of letters and numbers, labelled “Asswordpay”. ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/24 "2003-03-20T03:11:44Z")
I really don’t want to hijack a fun thread, but may I ask a serious question? Why did you people agree to do this job? It’s utterly thankless, you have to spend a boatload of time doing it, and you get unending abuse for your pay. Why? I’d never do what you guys do. [sub]Just to get this thing back on track, I’m going to go to bed and dream about **TVeblen** all night. I have absolutely no idea what she’s like in person, but I’m going to dream about her anyway.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/25 "2003-03-20T03:22:38Z")
Why do we do it? If _your_ office had both a Krispy Kreme and a Ben & Jerrys on site open 24 hours a day, wouldn’t you be willing to put in the extra hours? ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/26 "2003-03-20T03:30:36Z")
Krispy Kreme AND Ben & Jerry’s??? I am so there. I’ll bring Pringles!! ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/27 "2003-03-20T03:37:57Z")
Who needs Pringles when you’ve got a Godiva shop across the hall that keeps sending over truffle samples for our opinions. It’s a damn good thing we have free health benefits and a lifetime membership at the gym downstairs, I tell you. ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/28 "2003-03-20T03:56:27Z")
You are **gods**!!! [wayne’s world] _We’re Not Worthy - We’re Not Worthy_ [/wayne’s world] ---
**Author:** ![CuriousCanuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@CuriousCanuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CuriousCanuck)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/29 "2003-03-20T04:29:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Exgineer \* > \*\*[sub]Just to get this thing back on track, I’m going to go to bed and dream about _TVeblen_ all night. I have absolutely no idea what she’s like in person, but I’m going to dream about her anyway.[/sub] \*\* If only you could see her inside my head 😃 Love ya Veb!!! ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/30 "2003-03-20T05:28:58Z")
You’re starting to get a tad creepy with this **Veb** fascination, **Curious**. I was just shooting for a joke (and I will admit that I missed wildly), but you are starting to look stalkerish. Maybe you’re harmless though. I can’t tell. I’m sorry if this post offended **Veb** , who can take care of herself if she needs to. (If she even reads it, which she probably won’t bother to do.) ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 8:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/31 "2003-03-20T08:05:43Z")
\*\*\*\*\*\*\* The doorway shimmers, and comes into being\*\*\*\*\*\*\* I stepped though, and was stunned by what I saw. The room smelled vaugely of mildew, probably a remnant from the vast flooding in February. The walls were done in light colors, and the windows were nice and large. The bars on said windows, however, came as a bit of a surprise. There were quite a few folks there. I wasn’t sure why I had been picked. I didn’t even know that many of the mods names, and I wasn’t a regular on IRC. I guess my wit and wisdom had shined through. \*_Tubadiva_ I recognized, if only for the tuba. _Coldfire_ was there as well. I never would have thought that modern loungewear would look so good with wooden shoes. **Manhatten** was looking with wry amusement at the SS uniform that a loving fan had sent him. There was a slew of others, whose names I recognized… **David B, Ukelele Ike, Uncle Beer** and others. The room resembled in some ways a college frat den. The furniture was old, but comfy looking. There was a dart board, with an inscription from **Sue Dhynum**. A large rainbow poster that had been signed by **matt\_mcl** and several other of our out dopers. In a corner was a server that someone had converted to a habitrail. Hamsters were running around frantically. It was an amusing sight, but I had to wonder how much truth was to the jokes of hamster powered servers. A door off to the side had a simple placcard on it that read **Cecil**. There was a box to the side that said “Questions” that was filled to overflowing with slips of paper. I was a bit nervous. I certaintly wasn’t expecting this. I stepped forward, and nerviously introduced myself. What was the future going to hold? I had no idea. But I was eager to find out. ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/32 "2003-03-20T08:11:26Z")
The mods immediatly fire me because I can’t code to save my ass. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/33 "2003-03-20T11:46:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Exgineer \* > \*\* > I’m sorry if this post offended **Veb** , who can take care of herself if she needs to. (If she even reads it, which she probably won’t bother to do.) \*\* I wasn’t offended, **Exgineer**. People who actually offend us are _impressed_, in the historical sense of being kidnapped and dragged away in chains for servitude. Along with pay-to-post we took a serious look at the classic “rum, sodomy and the lash” option. We felt it held great potential. > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Tristan_ > The mods immediatly fire me because I can’t code to save my ass.\*\* People who flunk the coding test, on the other hand, just have to do community service; frisking troll carcasses for spare change for a beer run, say. Veb ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/34 "2003-03-20T13:31:18Z")
You are met at the other end of the door by **Coldfire** , who issues you your official wooden shoes. **Uncle Beer** hands you your Official SDMB Mug. **Eutychus** sits in the corner, obviously stressed, repeating over and over “No lyrics, No lyrics.” After wading through the spilt beer and passed out drunken hamsters you round the corner and pass **Tristan** in the Community Service Center. You’re on your way to meet _Him_ so you’re a little nervous. You think you’d maybe like to take a piss before you do so that you don’t embarrass yourself, but the bathroom has been occupied by **CuriousCanuck** for hours and hours. **TVeblen** brushes past muttering something about a missing picture. **Exgineer** is sleeping in the hall, his arm wrapped around a goat, smiling and talking in his sleep. We won’t print what he says here, because it might embarrass him. The firing range is filled with Mods taking potshots at silhouettes of trolls past and drinking beer. None of them even cast a glance your way. After all, you’re just a newbie to them. You take your leave, past the Godiva shop, Krispy Kreme, and Ben and Jerry’s. You come to a door, golden and trimmed in platinum. It opens of it’s own accord, to the boisterous sounds of angelic choirs (and from somewhere, a **Tuba** ). You are blinded by the light but push forward to see: > [@](#): > > So there _He_ was on a water-bed > Drinking a cola of a mystery brand > Reading an airport novelette, listening to Andrew Lloyd-Webber’s “Requiem” > He said, before it had really begun, “I prefer the questions that aren’t dumb” > “I’ve been wading through all this unbelievable > junk and wondering if I should have given > the world to the monkeys. . .” I’ve been waiting for weeks to apply that fricking quote to the Master. It just seems so appropriate to me. Thanks for the great thread **London Calling.** ---
**Author:** ![CuriousCanuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@CuriousCanuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CuriousCanuck)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/35 "2003-03-20T14:21:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Exgineer \* > \*\*You’re starting to get a tad creepy with this **Veb** fascination, **Curious**. > > I was just shooting for a joke (and I will admit that I missed wildly), but you are starting to look stalkerish. > \*\* You are kidding right? I do not think that you need worry so much. ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/36 "2003-03-20T14:23:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CuriousCanuck \* > \*\*You are kidding right? I do not think that you need worry so much. \*\* Then explain the missing photo and your excessive bathroom time. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![CuriousCanuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@CuriousCanuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CuriousCanuck)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/37 "2003-03-20T14:25:32Z")
Oh, and **welby** , You have included me into my first SDMB story. 🙂 Made me smile for the first time today. Thanks! 😃 Now… where did I put that picture… 😛 ---
**Author:** ![CuriousCanuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@CuriousCanuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CuriousCanuck)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/38 "2003-03-20T14:28:28Z")
Preview! :smack: Anyway, Have you ever seen the bathroom there? I was in awe… though I am afraid I am sworn to secrecy about why. As for the picture… well I misplaced it sadly, but I think if I hide out here I might be able to get another… ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/39 "2003-03-20T14:36:51Z")
Well of course I didn’t, it was occupied. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/40 "2003-03-20T16:12:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CuriousCanuck \* > \*\* > As for the picture… well I misplaced it sadly, but I think if I hide out here I might be able to get another… \*\* You LOST it?! It was irreplaceable, swiped right off the Post Office wall! Well, I guess it _could_ be replaced but not without further felonies. Damn, the things we do for this place. Veb [sub]Actually the picture came from the bathroom in the first place. Cecil has all our wanted posters and warrant notices framed and hanging on the wall. Martha Stewart he ain’t.[/sub] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273.md?page=3)