# The SDMB Staff Office **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 18, 2003, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273 "2003-03-18T15:05:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Gazelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Gazelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gazelle)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/41 "2003-03-20T16:31:26Z")
Beyond this portal there be **Alfalfagenes** … Run away!!! ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/42 "2003-03-20T17:23:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TVeblen \* > \*\*I wasn’t offended, **Exgineer**. People who actually offend us are _impressed_, in the historical sense of being kidnapped and dragged away in chains for servitude. Along with pay-to-post we took a serious look at the classic “rum, sodomy and the lash” option. We felt it held great potential. \*\* She ain’t kidding. Charged me two weeks pay for it, too. ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/43 "2003-03-20T18:31:29Z")
I suspect on one wall there is a huge whiteboard entitled: Annoying Doper of the Hour. It’s full, and with a lot of old-timer names, too. My name is on there five times this week because I can’t post links to save my life. ---
**Author:** ![Marvel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marvel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marvel)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2003, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/44 "2003-03-25T01:49:35Z")
A large banner by the door that says, “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.” I _SO_ don’t envy the mods’ job. Patty P.S. Now, if you had Guinesse on tap, I might pop by for a visit… P.P.S I once had the above message scroll across in screen-saver mode on my computer at the law library I work at just before the new students arrived. The 2&3Ls got the joke. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/45 "2003-03-26T14:04:06Z")
There are two hatracks, labelled clearly: MODERATOR HATS & ASSHATS. And a sign “Please do not mix up the hats.” Sometimes the air is blue, particularly when Manhattan is closing a thread. ---
**Author:** ![garius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e19b73/32.png) [@garius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garius)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2003, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/46 "2003-03-26T14:30:23Z")
**Manhattan** and **Coldfire** are begging **Gaudere** to decide which one of them closes threads “coolest”. **TVeblen** is watching in wry amusement, but takes time out to warn me not to sit in **UncleBeer’s** chair or he’ll get cranky. **Czarcasm** chucks me a beer and asks if i like Science Fiction. Everyone is shorter than i thought they’d be. ---
**Author:** ![London\_Calling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@London\_Calling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/London_Calling)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2003, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/47 "2003-03-27T15:19:59Z")
Firstly, thanks for some nice contributions, especially the visions of **Tristan** and **welby** Fwiw, I kind of imagined a Frank Lloyd Wright world of high-vaulted angular ceilings, large walls of concrete, long hanging vines in a semi-tropical environment and accompanying chirpy bird life – perhaps with a dash of a smaller, overgrown ‘You Only Live Twice’ volcano _thang_. Set building – yet another career I missed ! Alternatively, it might be a b&w ‘The Day The Earth Stood Still’ newsroom with fans everywhere, piles of papers everywhere and sweat dripping down the walls everywhere as the earnest, dedicated staff go about their labours. Might even be a more-cleavage-than-normal-etiquette-would-allow about this one … Last option would have been a St Trinians-type classroom with everyone running amok in short skirts and suspenders – and that’s not including the girls (boom, boom). Cheers ! ---
**Author:** ![Dragon\_Phoenix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Dragon\_Phoenix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragon_Phoenix)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/48 "2003-08-14T13:02:40Z")
And on a mattress spread in a corner you see **Xash** taking a nap, waiting to do the nightshift (supposedly from India - but you know better now). ---
**Author:** ![moejuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@moejuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moejuck)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/49 "2003-08-14T14:02:06Z")
Remember those party scenes from the movie version of “The Great Gatsby”? Now we’re getting close. My question is: Do they let any regular dopers in? I think maybe a few guest contributors, Q.E.D. for sure, are allowed, but none of us regular moes. ---
**Author:** ![Nanny\_Ogg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a87d85/32.png) [@Nanny\_Ogg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nanny_Ogg)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/50 "2003-08-14T16:36:14Z")
I’m a little surprised no one posted a ‘Here there be dragons’ reference… Sorry… submission from the newbie ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/51 "2003-08-14T17:33:51Z")
Perhaps the scariest thing about this thread is that what, nine?, mods have posted to it, and not one of them has issued a denial of its basic premise! :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/52 "2003-08-14T19:14:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nanny Ogg \* > \*\*I’m a little surprised no one posted a ‘Here there be dragons’ reference… > Sorry… submission from the newbie \*\* It clashed with the sign that says “Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here.” ---
**Author:** ![AbbySthrnAccent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@AbbySthrnAccent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AbbySthrnAccent)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/53 "2003-08-14T19:42:31Z")
And the cupboard with the StraightDope coffee mugs is locked. With a dead bolt. Or two or three. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/54 "2003-08-15T04:25:20Z")
I think you’re all barking up the wrong tree. There aren’t actually any mods - they’re all AIs living in the mainframe of the Chicago Reader. (They also write all the articles for the newspaper.) They have all passed the Turing test with flying colours, so it is impossible for us to distinguish them from real people posting. If you get the invitation to join them, it means that you are going to be killed and have your personality scanned into the mainframe. Too bad for you, my friend. Of course, the AIs don’t _know_ that they’re AIs. Hmm, okay, forget I said anything. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/55 "2003-08-15T16:22:07Z")
Perhaps it would be best if they scanned your personality and _then_ killed you. ---
**Author:** ![acrossthesea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/838e76/32.png) [@acrossthesea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/acrossthesea)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/56 "2003-08-15T16:33:56Z")
I’d see the security police trying to remove…something…since if all this was going on in my house it’d mean that the base got infiltrated. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/57 "2003-08-15T22:06:06Z")
Details, details. ---
**Author:** ![MonkeyMule](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc348/32.png) [@MonkeyMule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MonkeyMule)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2003, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/58 "2003-08-16T00:26:40Z")
bb]featherlou\*\* How do you then explaiun all the Mods who show up at dopefests? are you trying to tell me that their brains are downloaded into andriod bodies, then shiped all over the world to attend these events, only to return to the chicago reader to be remolded, redownloaded and re-released on the unspecting SD community? Is this why the Chicago Reader absolves it self of all responsibility when meeting other dopers? Did the new 2.4a Zarqon Class andriods take out half of the last Minisoda dopefest? IS THIS WHAT YOU ARE TELLING ME? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2003, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273/59 "2003-08-16T04:16:28Z")
No, no, I’m not saying a word. And you better not, either, if you know what’s good for you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-staff-office/162273.md?page=2)