# The SDMB Text Adventure Game **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 11, 2006, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-text-adventure-game/356341 "2006-05-11T06:07:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Electronic\_Chaos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Electronic\_Chaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electronic_Chaos)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-text-adventure-game/356341/21 "2006-05-11T17:53:40Z")
> [@JKellyMap](#): > > You recall having dreamt you were in a maze of twistly little passages, all alike. Please state your reply in the form of a command. ---
**Author:** ![Tio\_Gringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5e925/32.png) [@Tio\_Gringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tio_Gringo)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-text-adventure-game/356341/22 "2006-05-11T17:59:01Z")
Get out of bed. Take brick. Throw brick through window. Crawl through window. Climb tree. ---
**Author:** ![Electronic\_Chaos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Electronic\_Chaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electronic_Chaos)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-text-adventure-game/356341/23 "2006-05-11T18:08:19Z")
> [@EvilAsh](#): > > Get out of bed. > Take brick. > Throw brick through window. > Crawl through window. > Climb tree. You throw the brick through the window. You crawl through the window and recieve many lacerations. You climb the tree, and make friends with a bird. From here, you can see: McKenzie’s bar A red car in your driveway ---
**Author:** ![Tio\_Gringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5e925/32.png) [@Tio\_Gringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tio_Gringo)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-text-adventure-game/356341/24 "2006-05-11T18:57:43Z")
Climb down from the tree. Get in car. Masterbate. Use keys to start car. Drive to bar. Enter bar. Order drink. Look around. (This is kind of fun!) ---
**Author:** ![Electronic\_Chaos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Electronic\_Chaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electronic_Chaos)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-text-adventure-game/356341/25 "2006-05-11T19:01:20Z")
> [@EvilAsh](#): > > Climb down from the tree. > Get in car. > Masterbate. > Use keys to start car. > Drive to bar. > Enter bar. > Order drink. > Look around. > > (This is kind of fun!) You instead opt to jump down from the tree. Ouch. You hobble to the car, a bloody bruised mess. You have now mastered bate (whatever that is). You start the car and drive to the bar. The door is locked. There is a woman outside of the bar. She is looking at you with a weird facial expression. ---
**Author:** ![Tio\_Gringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5e925/32.png) [@Tio\_Gringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tio_Gringo)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-text-adventure-game/356341/26 "2006-05-11T19:11:31Z")
Talk to woman. Flirt with woman. Make pass at woman. Use keys to unlock door. Go in bar. Get a beer. Look around. ---
**Author:** ![Electronic\_Chaos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Electronic\_Chaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electronic_Chaos)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-text-adventure-game/356341/27 "2006-05-11T19:19:36Z")
> [@EvilAsh](#): > > Talk to woman. > Flirt with woman. > Make pass at woman. > Use keys to unlock door. > Go in bar. > Get a beer. > Look around. “Ralph! Where have you been! My shift started 30 minutes ago!” The woman doesn’t take kindly to your flirting, and threatens to sue for sexual harrasment. The woman storms off, mumbling about her lawyer. You unlock the door and enter the bar. You grab a drink and sit down. The bar is an old musty thing, with lots of neon lights advertising different beers. There are stools here. There are lemons here. There is a cash register here. There is a kitchen to the north, a bathroom to the east, and the exit to the south. ---
**Author:** ![Tio\_Gringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5e925/32.png) [@Tio\_Gringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tio_Gringo)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-text-adventure-game/356341/28 "2006-05-11T19:23:08Z")
Examine all (registers, stools, lemons, etc.). Turn on lights. Play jukebox. Play pinball. Masterbate. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-text-adventure-game/356341/29 "2006-05-11T19:35:59Z")
> [@EvilAsh](#): > > Masterbate. Your load is too heavy. (Ignore me. I just couldn’t resist.) ---
**Author:** ![Tio\_Gringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5e925/32.png) [@Tio\_Gringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tio_Gringo)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-text-adventure-game/356341/30 "2006-05-11T19:39:49Z")
> [@Snooooopy](#): > > Your load is too heavy. > > (Ignore me. I just couldn’t resist.) I’m trying too create space for more inventory. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Electronic\_Chaos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Electronic\_Chaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electronic_Chaos)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-text-adventure-game/356341/31 "2006-05-11T20:10:12Z")
> [@EvilAsh](#): > > Examine all (registers, stools, lemons, etc.). > Turn on lights. > Play jukebox. > Play pinball. > Masterbate. The cash register is locked. The stools are firm. The lemons are yellow The neon lights are now turned on. There is no jukebox (cheapskate). There is no pinball (cheapskate). You have already mastered bate. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-text-adventure-game/356341/32 "2006-05-11T21:11:35Z")
Unlock register. Examine register. Pour beer. Drink beer. Go to kitchen. Examine kitchen. ---
**Author:** ![Electronic\_Chaos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Electronic\_Chaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electronic_Chaos)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-text-adventure-game/356341/33 "2006-05-11T21:15:30Z")
> [@iamthewalrus(:3=](#): > > Unlock register. > Examine register. > Pour beer. > Drink beer. > Go to kitchen. > Examine kitchen. The register is unlocked. It contains 2 quarters. You take the quarters. The beer is now poured. The beer is now empty. You are in the kitchen. There is a grill. There is a deep fryer. There is a refridgerator. There is a sink. There is an office to the north. You hear a phone ringing. ---
**Author:** ![Tio\_Gringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5e925/32.png) [@Tio\_Gringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tio_Gringo)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-text-adventure-game/356341/34 "2006-05-11T21:22:48Z")
Go to office. Pick up phone. Breathe heavily. Say, “Hello.” Examine office. ---
**Author:** ![Tio\_Gringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5e925/32.png) [@Tio\_Gringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tio_Gringo)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-text-adventure-game/356341/35 "2006-05-11T21:24:10Z")
Take a quarter. Call someone who cares. ---
**Author:** ![Electronic\_Chaos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Electronic\_Chaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electronic_Chaos)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-text-adventure-game/356341/36 "2006-05-11T21:34:27Z")
> [@EvilAsh](#): > > Go to office. > Pick up phone. > Breathe heavily. > Say, “Hello.” > Examine office. You enter the office and pick up the phone. Breathing heavily, you say “Hello?” “Ralphie, 'sat you? Look, I was wondering about that uh…shipment you got for me?” You ignore the caller, and instead choose to look around the office. There is a desk here. There is a phone here. The caller is getting agitated. ---
**Author:** ![Tio\_Gringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5e925/32.png) [@Tio\_Gringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tio_Gringo)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-text-adventure-game/356341/37 "2006-05-11T21:39:38Z")
Talk to caller again. Say, “You can have your shipment when I get my money, you goat-fletching fucktard!” Wait for response. ---
**Author:** ![J.Z.Knuckles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecccb3/32.png) [@J.Z.Knuckles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/J.Z.Knuckles)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-text-adventure-game/356341/38 "2006-05-11T22:32:19Z")
open desk get all from desk put phone in desk close desk kitchen open refrigerator get match from matchbook strike match light grill with match ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2006, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-text-adventure-game/356341/39 "2006-05-12T01:23:12Z")
Consult guide about Ralph McKenzie. Count matches. Take all in refridgerator. Look in deep fryer. Examine deep fryer. GNUSTO REZROV. Hang up phone. Pick up phone handset. Dial 202-456-1414. Say, “Is George available?” ---
**Author:** ![Electronic\_Chaos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Electronic\_Chaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electronic_Chaos)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2006, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-text-adventure-game/356341/40 "2006-05-12T02:24:29Z")
> [@EvilAsh](#): > > Talk to caller again. > Say, “You can have your shipment when I get my money, you goat-fletching fucktard!” > Wait for response. The caller threatens to have you ‘taken care of’ and hangs up. > [@](#): > > open desk > get all from desk > put phone in desk > close desk > > kitchen > open refrigerator > get match from matchbook > strike match > light grill with match The desk is jammed shut. You are in the kitchen. The frige is open. There is some moldy food in here. The grill is electric. You turn it on. > [@](#): > > ``` > Consult guide about Ralph McKenzie. > > ``` > > Count matches. > Take all in refridgerator. > Look in deep fryer. > Examine deep fryer. > GNUSTO REZROV. > Hang up phone. > Pick up phone handset. > Dial 202-456-1414. > Say, “Is George available?” You have no Hitchhiker’s Guide available. There are an infinite amount of matches. The deep fryer is empty. The deep fryer appears to be a fire hazard. Nothing happens. The phone is already hung up. The number is disconnected. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-text-adventure-game/356341.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sdmb-text-adventure-game/356341.md?page=3)