# The Second Worst SF Book Ever **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 13, 2007, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-second-worst-sf-book-ever/387877 "2007-01-13T23:20:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2007, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-second-worst-sf-book-ever/387877/1 "2007-01-13T23:20:12Z")
The worst, as we all know, is **Galaxy 666** by Pel Torro, the pen name of an English cleric who wrote by wandering around his house and dictating into tape recorders spread throughout. I hold in my hand **The Last Astronaut** which I nominate as the second worst sf book ever. It is by, _gasp_ Pel Torro. (My copy is Tower 43-247, copyright 1969.) Here be spoilers - not that you’re going to read this book for the plot. First of all, character naming in sf is important, giving a feel for the society and the character. This book, set 1,000 years in the future, has the following characters in the crew of the starship Leibnitz Alex Braid - Captain Conrad Danes - co-pilot Eric Fenn - Doctor Gerald (Jerry) Hilton - hydroponics Isaac Jackson - Engineer Keith Lewis - astrogator Mike Neville - scientist Orlande Price - psychologist Queenie Romaine - Computer operator and sexpot Sally Thompson - organizer So you see Torro names his characters with all the care of a writer of a logic puzzle. Now point of view is important in fiction. It is generally considered that point of view should not change except in a major transition. Torro rotates point of view with the speed of the merry-go-round at the end of _Strangers on a Train._. Waiting for takeoff, he rotates pov, in alphabetical order, among all the characters, who have no interesting thoughts, and are confined to their stereotypes. Writing all their names, over and over, does chew up the pages though. Reading the takeoff scene, as the Leibnitz prepares to head for Galaxy 701, star system 256, planet 4, I thought it unfortunate that he didn’t create an eleventh crew member, named Ultra Violet or something. Silly me. Soon after take off, they discover a stowaway, a blue haired beatnik chick named Ursula Vernon. I would have thought beatnik was out of date 10 years after 1959, let alone 1,010 years after 1959. I won’t bother you with the plot too much, which consists of the crew members dying in ever more ridiculous ways. (Queenie, looking for a private place for an assignation, and being a bit confused as to the layout of the ship, walks into an airlock and dumps herself into space.) But enough. The characters are even more cardboard than those in Galaxy 666, and the plot is worse, though this one doesn’t have quite the level of howlers in the dialog. A must for your bad book collection, I think. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2007, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-second-worst-sf-book-ever/387877/2 "2007-01-13T23:33:51Z")
[QUOTE=Voyager] Queenie Romaine - Computer operator and sexpot [/QUOTE] If I ever do drag, that’s going to be my drag name. ---
**Author:** ![Kal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de053/32.png) [@Kal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kal)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2007, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-second-worst-sf-book-ever/387877/3 "2007-01-13T23:39:50Z")
I’m gonna use it for my new internet handle. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2007, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-second-worst-sf-book-ever/387877/4 "2007-01-13T23:55:45Z")
I’m gonna use it to remove hairballs from my cat. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2007, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-second-worst-sf-book-ever/387877/5 "2007-01-14T00:13:10Z")
Wait, is this the book that has an explosion which causes one unlucky crewman to be “spread thinly” about the engineering room? By the seven green moons of Gongle, I hadn’t realized Torro had written that one, too. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2007, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-second-worst-sf-book-ever/387877/6 "2007-01-14T00:59:45Z")
“Pel Torro” is one of the many pen names of Lionel Fanthorpe, known in science fiction as The Biggest Hack That Ever Lived. Fanthorpe wrote around 180 books (the exact total is unclear, since Fanthorpe used several pseudonyms; some of those were used by other authors, too, as house names\*) in about 15 years. Fanthorpe wrote many of these books in less than a week, with several clocked at three days and one as a single day. He dictated all his work and, once the tape was full, sent it off to secretaries to transcribe. There’s [a Fanthorpe appreciation page](http://www.peltorro.com/) (of course). \*“House Names” were pseudonyms which multiple authors used: for example, Victor Appleton III. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_Wright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Steve\_Wright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_Wright)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2007, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-second-worst-sf-book-ever/387877/7 "2007-01-14T01:04:21Z")
For those not acquainted with the great man’s pellucid prose, more information about Pel Torro - actually just one of the pseudonyms used by the indefatigable R. Lionel Fanthorpe - can be found [on his website](http://www.peltorro.com/), of course … ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_Wright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Steve\_Wright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_Wright)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2007, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-second-worst-sf-book-ever/387877/8 "2007-01-14T01:09:04Z")
And **RealityChuck** beats me to it by five minutes! I was distracted by a mind wallaby, I’m afraid. ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2007, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-second-worst-sf-book-ever/387877/9 "2007-01-14T01:18:11Z")
[QUOTE=Voyager] Alex Braid - Captain Conrad Danes - co-pilot Eric Fenn - Doctor Gerald (Jerry) Hilton - hydroponics Isaac Jackson - Engineer Keith Lewis - astrogator Mike Neville - scientist Orlande Price - psychologist Queenie Romaine - Computer operator and sexpot Sally Thompson - organizer [/QUOTE] What, he couldn’t come up with just three more characters? ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2007, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-second-worst-sf-book-ever/387877/10 "2007-01-14T03:05:48Z")
[QUOTE=Bryan Ekers] Wait, is this the book that has an explosion which causes one unlucky crewman to be “spread thinly” about the engineering room? By the seven green moons of Gongle, I hadn’t realized Torro had written that one, too. [/QUOTE] That’s the one. And after, the captain and the stowaway pitch woo. ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2007, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-second-worst-sf-book-ever/387877/11 "2007-01-14T04:28:07Z")
[QUOTE=Voyager] The worst, as we all know, is **Galaxy 666** by Pel Torro, the pen name of an English cleric who wrote by wandering around his house and dictating into tape recorders spread throughout. [/QUOTE] Please. True cognoscenti know that the first worst book, and possibly even the second worst, is _Negative Minus_. Written, of course, by Lionel Fanthorpe. Best/Worst title too. Fred Turner had a copy at the 69 Worldcon and drew crowds by public readings. I’ve never _shudder_ forgotten. A synopsis: > [@](#): > > e chap in Negative Minus whose travels seem reminiscent of episodes in Homer and who is called Suessydo, his wife being Epolenep … and of course this wanderer returns home to find the lady beset with suitors (`One by one, food and alcohol overcame the revelling princelings.'), whereupon he takes his enormous multi-charge hunting blaster from the wall -- `Few men would have had the strength to lift it, let alone fire it.’ – and the rest is history. Suessydo. Phil Collins is a fan! BTW, the link **Steve Wright** gives is the same as **Chuck’s** fan appreciation site. The [real Fanthorpe home page](http://www.lionel-fanthorpe.com/writing.php) lies elsewhere. And if you don’t believe us on the quality of Fanthorpe’s writing, you must, _must_, **must** , MUST go to the random quote generator on [this page](http://www.peltorro.com/examples.htm). Samples {WARNING: DANGER, WILL ROBINSON! DANGER} > [@](#): > > When he awoke it was pitch dark, dark as the pit, dark as the tomb, dark as the grave. A thick, black velvet darkness that seemed almost tangible in its intensity. The kind of darkness that got into the pores of your nose… > > It was like groping your way through a thick fog. The beams of your headlights showing the fog back at you. It was like that, yet it wasn’t. > > The space in which they found themselves at present was a large open-looking chamber with a very high ceiling. It gave an impression of tragic grandeur which would have reminded Vir of old Vienna, except for the fact that he had never been there. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2007, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-second-worst-sf-book-ever/387877/12 "2007-01-14T05:16:45Z")
According to [Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lionel_Fanthorpe), Fanthorpe is also a Mensa member, a martial arts instructor and an Anglican priest. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2007, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-second-worst-sf-book-ever/387877/13 "2007-01-14T07:53:34Z")
[QUOTE=Dr. Rieux] According to [Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lionel_Fanthorpe), Fanthorpe is also a Mensa member, a martial arts instructor and an Anglican priest. :eek: [/QUOTE] On his site, the books he really promotes are the ones he has written on the paranormal & historical mysteries. He is, not surprisingly, an occasional guest on Coast to Coast AM. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2007, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-second-worst-sf-book-ever/387877/14 "2007-01-14T12:01:23Z")
Voyager writes: \> The worst, as we all know, is Galaxy 666 by Pel Torro, the pen name of an \> English cleric who wrote by wandering around his house and dictating into tape \> recorders spread throughout. Lionel Fanthorpe didn’t become an Anglican priest until after his really heavy writing phase. He was working as a high school teacher when he was doing most of his writing. That’s the amazing thing. Not only did he write 89 books in one three-year period, but he was working a full-time job in addition to his writing. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2007, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-second-worst-sf-book-ever/387877/15 "2007-01-14T16:21:26Z")
> **[Examples of Thesaurus Abuse](http://www.peltorro.com/thesaurus.htm)** > > Examples of Thesaurus Abuse Many giggles. -FrL- ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2007, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-second-worst-sf-book-ever/387877/16 "2007-01-14T16:53:54Z")
[QUOTE=Voyager] …So you see Torro names his characters with all the care of a writer of a logic puzzle. … [/QUOTE] Speaking on behalf of all writers of logic puzzles, may I say … ooh, Queenie Romaine. Nice. ---
**Author:** ![Baldwin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baldwin/32/7264_2.png) [@Baldwin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baldwin)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2007, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-second-worst-sf-book-ever/387877/17 "2007-01-14T17:22:04Z")
Seems like kind of a cheat if he only got up to Ursula Vernon. Shall we complete the set? I nominate Wendy Xerxes and Yolanda Zimmerman. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2007, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-second-worst-sf-book-ever/387877/18 "2007-01-14T17:32:53Z")
So when is Hollywood going to make a movie of _The Last Astronaut?_ Then Alan Dean Foster can novelize it . . .\* \*Shortly after the Kenneth Branagh film [_Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein_](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Shelley%27s_Frankenstein) (so titled because it was purportedly closer to the book than all previous film adaptations) came out, I saw a paperback for sale in a bookstore titled _Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein._ This was not a new edition of Mary Shelley’s classic novel; it was a novelization of the Branagh film. I’m not making this up. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2007, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-second-worst-sf-book-ever/387877/19 "2007-01-14T17:44:19Z")
Um… worse than _Battlefield Earth_? Really? _shudders_ ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2007, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-second-worst-sf-book-ever/387877/20 "2007-01-14T19:25:57Z")
The reason that Fanthorpe was able to get so many terrible books published was that he had a deal with a publisher called Badger Books that they would publish anything he wrote. They honestly didn’t care that the books were awful. Fanthorpe had demonstrated to them that he could consistently turn out a book every week or two, while working another full-time job. Badger Books had a schedule to meet and didn’t care how bad the books were as long as they were nominally science fiction, of the right length, and told a story, however ridiculous it might be. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-second-worst-sf-book-ever/387877.md?page=2)