# The Secret Manifesto of Canada... Exposed! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 20, 2001, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-manifesto-of-canada-exposed/62708 "2001-04-20T18:34:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2001, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-manifesto-of-canada-exposed/62708/41 "2001-04-22T23:00:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TVeblen \* > \*\* > > Your hideous plan won’t work, hear? All we have to do is plant cases of Molson or Moosehead along major highways and put signs up to the package liquor stores. I’ve vacationed many a time in Canada; with quite genuine admiration I gotta say you folks drink like _fish_ and pay exorbitant prices to do it. The invasion will stall out within 100 miles of the border. But it’ll be the most fun invasion in history. > > Oh, hell, c’mon down anyway. Most of you folks are pretty damn beguiling. We’ll getcha outta that sweltering flannel in no time, the breweries will be glad to run extra shifts and let’s face it-- Maine, North Dakota, Wisconsin, etc. could stand a kickass party. Bring along your invasion-ready plastic picnic forks. [sub]And men. Canadian men are hot, even without the flannel. _Especially_ without the flannel.[/sub] Maritimers, bring lobster. We’ll supply the beer, JD, margaritas, pizza, nachos, string cheese and sun-screen. > > This could work. Hell, this could be GREAT! A few weeks of “international relations” (wink) and we, the people, could redefine hands-on diplomacy (another wink). Politicans just futz it up anyway. Hey, maybe we could solemnize the event by ceremoniously torching William Shatner’s hairpiece. (It looks like a molting marmot anyway.)\*\* After reviewing the evidence, I’m voting for **Veb** ’s plan. Not that it matters now anyway, as I’m to be tortured and killed for my treachery against my country. Oh well. I’ll say I’m sorry, and we’ll all go out and have some overstrong beer. 😃 Oh, and **Tisiphone** - It just sounded humorous the way I put it, I thought. I’ll change it if you like. Cheers! ---
**Author:** ![jab1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ee7513/32.png) [@jab1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jab1)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2001, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-manifesto-of-canada-exposed/62708/42 "2001-11-26T22:22:45Z")
Canada? Hell, a few L. A. street gangs could repel an invasion by Canada. (Why do you think they still roam free? This is what they’re for.) ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2001, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-manifesto-of-canada-exposed/62708/43 "2001-11-26T22:51:39Z")
> [@](#): > > Remember the innocent little ‘u’ we put in every word we can? Colour. Armour. As innocent as that ‘u’ may seem, it’s infecting you. It’s infecting your country as we speak. It’s working its way through your communication systems, winding itself into your military command, wrapping itself around your systems. And it’s taking over all your ICBMs, every plane you have that can drop nukes, every ship, every nuclear offense you’ve got. And what does it do? Why, it does what a ‘u’ does. It sends it all right back at you. > That’s right, America! Fire a nuke at Canada and that innocent little ‘u’ will wake up. It’ll take control of that flying nuke and send it right back at you! Now who’s laughing?! See, see, see! I tried to warn you all that “U” was dirty. [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=1822981#post1822981](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=1822981#post1822981) But did anyone listen to me? Nooooooooo. You all just snickered and thought I was paranoid and insane, but now I stand vindcated. ---
**Author:** ![Lok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e8c25b/32.png) [@Lok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lok)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2001, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-manifesto-of-canada-exposed/62708/44 "2001-11-26T23:19:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mnementh \* > **You might as well surrender now and accept your fate. And soon, each Canadian will have ten American slaves!** If I surrender now, can I choose who gets me as a slave? If so, I will gladly give in to Ginger of the North. As often as she wants. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![D18](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@D18](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D18)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2001, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-manifesto-of-canada-exposed/62708/45 "2001-11-26T23:20:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \* > \*\*Remember–the Atom Bomb is a **dry** heat. . \*\* Forget the Atom **Bomb**. We’ve got Atom **Egoyan**! He’ll weird you to death! [maniacal laughter] BUHWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! [/maniacal laughter] ---
**Author:** ![DMAAN](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/278dde/32.png) [@DMAAN](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMAAN)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2001, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-manifesto-of-canada-exposed/62708/46 "2001-11-26T23:55:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TVeblen \* > \*\*Load up your campers and coolers, 'Merkins! The Canadians are coming! [sub]nyuk, nyuk, nyuk[/sub] > > Veb \*\* [http://www.takeourword.com/TOW126/page1.html](http://www.takeourword.com/TOW126/page1.html) > [@](#): > > Well, merkin goes back quite a bit earlier than Lyndon Johnson or even the United States. In the 18th century it was defined thus: > > Merkin, counterfeit hair for women’s privy parts. > > - Grose, Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue, 1796 > But why would anyone…? Oh, never mind. > > A century earlier, merkin signified a… well… [ahem] an anatomical replica in which lonely men found consolation. Some time in the early 1500s it came to mean “a woman’s privy parts”, per se, but before that, Merkin was just a girl’s name. > \*\* HA!!! Merkins are pus… uh what they said above. We’ve even gotten you to slowly change your name to something beaverish. We’ll beat you yanks yet. d ---
**Author:** ![JimSox5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b5a626/32.png) [@JimSox5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimSox5)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2001, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-manifesto-of-canada-exposed/62708/47 "2001-11-27T01:39:41Z")
As Indiana was not selected to become a part of Canada, I’m going to drive up right to the state line of Illinois and put down a big ass American flag. Then I’ll crossover and we’ll all have a big ass kegger. And then maybe somebody could tell me why no word rhymes with orange. Or purple. Or month. Or silver. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2001, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-manifesto-of-canada-exposed/62708/48 "2001-11-27T01:48:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lok \* > \*\*If I surrender now, can I choose who gets me as a slave? If so, I will gladly give in to Ginger of the North. As often as she wants. 😃 \*\* :eek: 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Lok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e8c25b/32.png) [@Lok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lok)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2001, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-manifesto-of-canada-exposed/62708/49 "2001-11-27T05:15:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GingerOfTheNorth \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Lok \* > > \*\*If I surrender now, can I choose who gets me as a slave? If so, I will gladly give in to Ginger of the North. As often as she wants. 😃 \*\* > > :eek: 🆒 \*\* Oooh. Looks good so far! 😃 Lok ---
**Author:** ![DPWhite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d26b3c/32.png) [@DPWhite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPWhite)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2001, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-manifesto-of-canada-exposed/62708/50 "2001-11-27T07:09:31Z")
What are you guys drinking up there? Eh? Molson? ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2001, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-manifesto-of-canada-exposed/62708/51 "2001-11-27T15:53:05Z")
Molson is our _export_ beer. None of us actually drink the stuff! I had an uncle that accidentally got some in his mouth. He moved to Arizona out of shame. Note to Americans: You sound as silly saying “Eh” as we do saying “Y’all”. So, y’all knock it off, eh? ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2001, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-manifesto-of-canada-exposed/62708/52 "2001-11-27T16:06:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GingerOfTheNorth \* > **Molson is our _export_ beer. None of us actually drink the stuff! > I had an uncle that accidentally got some in his mouth. He moved to Arizona out of shame.** ::falls of chair in hysterics:: :D:D:D:D ---
**Author:** ![Zach\_Lee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ed655f/32.png) [@Zach\_Lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zach_Lee)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2001, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-manifesto-of-canada-exposed/62708/53 "2001-11-27T19:10:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GingerOfTheNorth \* > \*\*Molson is our _export_ beer. None of us actually drink the stuff! > \*\* I’m convinced. If Molson is your swillwater beer, COME ON DOWN! Bring beer. I, for one, will welcome the chance to be governed by folks who know how to handle alcohol. (hijack) And along the way, can you please do something about that fishlipped GW Bush, and his overzealous, Calico Cat Crazed Ashcroft, the Constitution Killer? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-manifesto-of-canada-exposed/62708.md?page=2)