# The secret to getting laid **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 20, 2011, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-to-getting-laid/571974 "2011-02-20T02:49:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2011, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-to-getting-laid/571974/1 "2011-02-20T02:49:55Z")
Method: Dancing spontaneously in the kitchen with your fiancee. Her response: šŸ™‚ Your response: :rolleyes: Method: Telling your fiancee that you told her (female) friend that you dance spontaneously with her in the kitchen. Her response: ;)ā­•o:o:o Your response: :D:cool: ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2011, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-to-getting-laid/571974/2 "2011-02-20T07:05:20Z")
I donā€™t get it. I just told my wife that I spontaneously danced with your fianceeā€™s female friend in the kitchen. Her response wasnā€™t what I was expecting. ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2011, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-to-getting-laid/571974/3 "2011-02-20T07:09:47Z")
Methinks a liquor cabinet somewhere is several ounces (liters? quarts?) lighter. ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2011, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-to-getting-laid/571974/4 "2011-02-20T07:10:18Z")
\*\*The secret to getting laid \*\* It has something to do with two claw-foot bath tubs sitting side by side on the lawn. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2011, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-to-getting-laid/571974/5 "2011-02-20T07:28:37Z")
Okay, so I just told my wife that I was going to pull the tubs out of the bathrooms so we could bathe in the contents of our liquor cabinet while on the phone with Chessicā€™s fianceeā€™s female friendā€™s plumber (we donā€™t have claw-foot tubs so weā€™ll need instructions on how to put these acrylic shells back in when weā€™re through). Sheā€™s not happy. Could it be because itā€™s still really cold outside and the lawn is covered in snow? No wonder this is a secret! ---
**Author:** ![ptr2void](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ptr2void/32/3406_2.png) [@ptr2void](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ptr2void)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2011, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-to-getting-laid/571974/6 "2011-02-20T13:01:05Z")
The key part of this secret: > [@](#): > > fiancee šŸ˜‰ ---
**Author:** ![KinkiNipponTourist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e9bcb4/32.png) [@KinkiNipponTourist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KinkiNipponTourist)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2011, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-to-getting-laid/571974/7 "2011-02-20T13:09:54Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > Method: Dancing spontaneously in the kitchen with your fiancee. > Her response: šŸ™‚ > Your response: :rolleyes: > > Method: Telling your fiancee that you told her (female) friend that you dance spontaneously with her in the kitchen. > Her response: ;)ā­•o:o:o > Your response: :D:cool: Well done! Now for confession time: did you really tell your fianceeā€™s friend that? Or were you just saying that to get a quick/easy lay? BE HONEST. :D:cool::o ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2011, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-to-getting-laid/571974/8 "2011-02-20T13:53:09Z")
Rolling your eyes at your fiancee when you dance with her spontaneously makes her want to have sex with you? Is that like an advanced neg? ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2011, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-to-getting-laid/571974/9 "2011-02-20T16:26:42Z")
The secret to getting laid: Be someone someone else wants to have sex with. ---
**Author:** ![mookieblaylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b2d939/32.png) [@mookieblaylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mookieblaylock)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2011, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-to-getting-laid/571974/10 "2011-02-20T17:19:33Z")
Method: donā€™t be me. If you are then you may as well cut your genitals off because youā€™re never gonna be using them. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2011, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-to-getting-laid/571974/11 "2011-02-20T17:54:38Z")
The secret to getting laid: [del]wealth[/del] confidence. At least, thatā€™s what the Internet tells me. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2011, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-to-getting-laid/571974/12 "2011-02-20T17:58:12Z")
> [@Rhythmdvl](#): > > I donā€™t get it. I just told my wife that I spontaneously danced with your fianceeā€™s female friend in the kitchen. Her response wasnā€™t what I was expecting. Since apparently I was too cryptic in the OP, let me state it plainly. Dancing spontaneously with your fiancee makes her smile. You get a ā€œarenā€™t you cuteā€ and thatā€™s it. Thus the rolleyes. But if you say ā€œI told your friends that we dance spontaneously,ā€ then you get the ā€œcome 'ereā€ wink and blowjob smilies commence, leading to a wide grin for being so cool. > [@KinkiNipponTourist](#): > > Well done! Now for confession time: did you really tell your fianceeā€™s friend that? Or were you just saying that to get a quick/easy lay? BE HONEST. :D:cool::o Definitely did. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2011, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-to-getting-laid/571974/13 "2011-02-20T18:00:07Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > The secret to getting laid: [del]wealth[/del] confidence. At least, thatā€™s what the Internet tells me. Hot, rich guy secure with himself: Confident. Ugly, broke guy secure with himself: Arrogant. Itā€™s like women see a 6ā€™2", muscular, rich-looking guy walk down the street and they go ā€œOooh, would you look at the confidence in that guy!ā€ ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2011, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-to-getting-laid/571974/14 "2011-02-20T18:02:57Z")
I used to know the secret to getting laid. Iā€™ve forgotten it. Iā€™m happy to be a born again virgin. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2011, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-to-getting-laid/571974/15 "2011-02-20T18:13:37Z")
The secret to getting laid is low standards. ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2011, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-to-getting-laid/571974/16 "2011-02-20T18:53:55Z")
> [@ptr2void](#): > > The key part of this secret: > > Quote: > fiancee Yeah. Why does one need a ā€œsecret to getting laidā€ if they have a significant other? Putting out is part of their job description. ---
**Author:** ![gravitycrash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@gravitycrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gravitycrash)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2011, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-to-getting-laid/571974/17 "2011-02-20T19:02:49Z")
According to 99% of womenā€™s profiles on any dating site on the internet you gotta make them laugh. If you canā€™t make them laugh then: NO SEX FOR YOU. Since Iā€™m not very funny, not very good looking, and not very rich I hit the trifecta in the not getting laid department. ---
**Author:** ![N8N8N8N](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e99b99/32.png) [@N8N8N8N](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/N8N8N8N)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2011, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-to-getting-laid/571974/18 "2011-02-20T19:18:11Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > Method: Dancing spontaneously in the kitchen with your fiancee. > Her response: šŸ™‚ > Your response: :rolleyes: > > Method: Telling your fiancee that you told her (female) friend that you dance spontaneously with her in the kitchen. > Her response: ;)ā­•o:o:o > Your response: :D:cool: You been watching too many Cyalis commercials ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2011, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-to-getting-laid/571974/19 "2011-02-20T19:26:45Z")
Back in the remote past when ā€œgetting laidā€ was a singular goal, the strategies that worked best for me were: a) trolling sci-fi conventions for differently-adjusted girls who had no idea they were supposed to be completely unattainable and would hop into bed with you if were able to demonstrate a sufficiently obscure sense of humour, even if you were 5ā€™4" and had feet like a hobbit. (Perhaps even _because_ you were 5ā€™4" and had feet like a hobbit.) b) throwing psychedelic projections for head bands and at warehouse parties and having a ready supply of recreational pharmaceuticals. These days, what seems to work is observing that (incredibly!) we may just have a narrow window of opportunity in which to manage the deed. My, how times change. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2011, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-to-getting-laid/571974/20 "2011-02-20T19:29:11Z")
Fiancee: just about anything. Post-fiancee: begging. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-to-getting-laid/571974.md?page=2)