# The Secret Unrequited Crush Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 4, 2001, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-unrequited-crush-thread/85320 "2001-10-04T03:03:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Fiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e274bd/32.png) [@Fiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiver)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2001, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-unrequited-crush-thread/85320/21 "2001-10-04T16:12:30Z")
Well yes, he IS being kept in a Box. That’s Portnoy’s complaint. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2001, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-unrequited-crush-thread/85320/22 "2001-10-04T16:31:43Z")
Dear GOD. How often are we going to see that one, Fiver? I used that not long ago myself… welcome to the club. 😃 I don’t have any _secret_ crushes. **MrVisible** is my Gay Boyfriend, so he knows about that one. **Manservant Hecubus** and I get it on nightly in my dreams, but he knows that. **Uncle Bill** knows. Although, they’re all unrequited, so does that count? ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2001, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-unrequited-crush-thread/85320/23 "2001-10-04T16:32:23Z")
I am going to wager my credibility and say right now, right here at the beinging, that **apotheosis** is going to be one hell of a Doper. At 150+ posts he’s made me laugh out loud three or four seperate times. I first noticed him [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=88677), where his explination of the ecology of cigarrette trees _(marlboreal tumerosii)_ is on par with anything I’ve ever seen done on the SDMB (or anywhere). [Then](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=90691)he wrote the most clever little haiku. Of course, now that I havee come out endorsing him, he will inevitably reveal himself to be warming us all up for a discussion about exactly how the alien mind-beams are convincing us all to posion ourselves with peanut butter. Apotheosis, I want to apologize in advance for that. ---
**Author:** ![FlyingDragonFan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c89c15/32.png) [@FlyingDragonFan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingDragonFan)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2001, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-unrequited-crush-thread/85320/24 "2001-10-04T16:44:55Z")
Ahhh, Jarbaby … ---
**Author:** ![Lightnin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightnin/32/180_2.png) [@Lightnin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightnin)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2001, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-unrequited-crush-thread/85320/25 "2001-10-04T17:05:40Z")
_sigh_ I never get mentioned in these things… Anyway… I can’t mention my secret crush [sub]Ballybay[/sub] 'cause I’m just too shy. ---
**Author:** ![Blackclaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e68b1a/32.png) [@Blackclaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackclaw)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2001, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-unrequited-crush-thread/85320/26 "2001-10-04T17:06:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CrankyAsAnOldMan \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Blackclaw \* > > \*\* When I first read your post I saw “and he’s got a cute ass,” missing the “I’m sure” part which indicated to me that you’d already seen my ass. Since we’ve never meet, the next thought was “What? Is my ass on the internet somewhere?” \*\* > > No, no… _(giving him an oily reassuring smile)_ Not at all. Just guessing of course… heh heh… nothing to be paranoid about… > > _making minute adjustments to the spy satellite camera zooming in on Blackclaw’s netherparts_ > > \*\* Fine spy on me all you want. But don’t expect any gratuitous wiggling! ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2001, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-unrequited-crush-thread/85320/27 "2001-10-04T18:30:43Z")
I have yet to tell anyone how very impressed I was with Lightnin’. I love the shaved-head-with-goatee look, plus he kayaks and likes Celtic music. And he’s cute. ---
**Author:** ![Lightnin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightnin/32/180_2.png) [@Lightnin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightnin)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2001, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-unrequited-crush-thread/85320/28 "2001-10-04T19:08:32Z")
So, anybody know of a good plastic surgeon in the Austin area? 'Cause I’m going to have a hard time removing this silly grin from my face without professional help… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2001, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-unrequited-crush-thread/85320/29 "2001-10-04T19:41:24Z")
**Francesca** “I weep for Eduardo.” heh heh That and her description of the funny stuff her mom used to do to embarrass her in the silly things your parents used to say thread way back when. Oh yeah, and of course **Rue DeDay** , although I think he probably knows by now, what with me being a Special Friend and all. Hi Rue! ---
**Author:** ![Kittie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f07891/32.png) [@Kittie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kittie)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2001, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-unrequited-crush-thread/85320/30 "2001-10-04T19:51:06Z")
I love **Montgomeryburns1** and **Darksyde** but they already know. I love **Superdude** too but he doesn’t count because everyone loves him 😃 Damn, I don’t have any _secret_ crushes. ☹ ~Kittie ---
**Author:** ![Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bottle_of_Smoke)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2001, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-unrequited-crush-thread/85320/31 "2001-10-04T19:53:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Manservant Hecubus \* > **Really? I heard Mr. Cynical was keeping Portnoy in his Box.** So THAT’s why the picture was changed on the people pages. Updated pic, my ass. He just didn’t want the evidence there in plain sight. Unless you’re talking about his…ya know…“box.” In which case, I really don’t want to think about it. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2001, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-unrequited-crush-thread/85320/32 "2001-10-04T20:01:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kittie \* > \*\*I love **Superdude** too but he doesn’t count because everyone loves him > ~Kittie \*\* :: Dancing around like Snoopy:: I got mentioned! Yay! ::Grabs **Kittie** and kisses her:: I love you too, doll. ---
**Author:** ![LindyHopper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@LindyHopper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LindyHopper)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2001, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-unrequited-crush-thread/85320/33 "2001-10-04T21:30:18Z")
I need to add **Guinastasia**. She’s a lefty (even more so than me), and her minimalist response to clueless OP’s leave me speechless. Love ya, Guin! ---
**Author:** ![Bluesman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/97f17d/32.png) [@Bluesman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bluesman)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2001, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-unrequited-crush-thread/85320/34 "2001-10-04T22:32:43Z")
**Lucretia!** But that’s no secret…and it SHO’ as HELL ain’t unrequited! 🙂 And I’d **love** to see **Geobabe** and **Jess** NEKKID! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2001, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-unrequited-crush-thread/85320/35 "2001-10-04T22:42:25Z")
Goodness. Thank you **Nocturne** and **scout1222** , I had no idea 🙂 My undisclosed crushes? Like **Cranky** , I have a bit of a thing for **Miller**. And despite his unavailability, **Redboss** does it for me. It’s the wicked wit - gets me every time. ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2001, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-unrequited-crush-thread/85320/36 "2001-10-04T22:52:40Z")
Why do I embarrass myself like this? Feh. What am I worried about? I’m safe as kittens, London Calling never reads these kinds of threads anyways. I can’t mention all the others…because they actually might. ---
**Author:** ![Geobabe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/geobabe/32/3908_2.png) [@Geobabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geobabe)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2001, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-unrequited-crush-thread/85320/37 "2001-10-04T22:53:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bluesman \* > And I’d **love** to see **Geobabe** …NEKKID! 🙂 \*\* That’s no secret either, bub. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2001, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-unrequited-crush-thread/85320/38 "2001-10-04T23:26:23Z")
**Guinastasia** goes on my list. I don’t think I ever mentioned her on a crush list before, and for the life of me, I don’t know why. The other crushes are pretty much public already, or I at least email them a lot, so I think they know. ---
**Author:** ![KarlGrenze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@KarlGrenze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGrenze)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2001, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-unrequited-crush-thread/85320/39 "2001-10-05T00:54:20Z")
Jester : D&R : ---
**Author:** ![Albert\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Albert\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Albert_Rose)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2001, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-unrequited-crush-thread/85320/40 "2001-10-05T02:43:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Elenfair \* > \*\*Albert Rose. He’s such a _sweeeeetie_… > > 😃 > > ::: blushes ::: \*\* What a woman. **Elenfair** , our mutual adoration is well-known to the Happy Fun Squad celebrants. C’est formidable! C’est magnifique! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-unrequited-crush-thread/85320.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-secret-unrequited-crush-thread/85320.md?page=3)