# The Seventh Seal has been opened... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 26, 2004, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-seventh-seal-has-been-opened/256957 "2004-07-26T17:40:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2004, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-seventh-seal-has-been-opened/256957/1 "2004-07-26T17:40:42Z")
[Proof](http://www.nonsoloblues.com/steven_uk.html) If David Hasselhof can be a singing star in Germany, why not Steven Seagal tantalizing the French with his dulcet tones. Oh…look…here come the locust. ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2004, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-seventh-seal-has-been-opened/256957/2 "2004-07-26T20:10:15Z")
From your link: > [@](#): > > The exceptional collaboration of Stevie Wonder on « My God », on which he furiously delivers an amazing harmonica solo, adds some magic to the album and to Steven Seagal’s velvet voice. Be afraid. Be very afraid. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2004, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-seventh-seal-has-been-opened/256957/3 "2004-07-26T20:25:21Z")
Hey, maybe this means my dream of a Jean Claude Van Damme gospel album is on the horizon. In the preceding sentence, the word “dream” shall be defined as “fucking nightmare”. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2004, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-seventh-seal-has-been-opened/256957/4 "2004-07-26T20:54:17Z")
I never dreamed that I would regard Hello Kitty as a safe cultural haven… _twitch_ ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2004, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-seventh-seal-has-been-opened/256957/5 "2004-07-27T02:13:40Z")
> [@](#): > > _The exceptional collaboration of Stevie Wonder on « My God », on which he furiously delivers an amazing harmonica solo, adds some magic to the album and to Steven Seagal’s velvet voice._ Someone PLEASE tell me this isn’t the Jethro Tull song. PLEASE. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2004, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-seventh-seal-has-been-opened/256957/6 "2004-07-27T02:24:56Z")
**THERE. IS. NO. GOD.** ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2004, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-seventh-seal-has-been-opened/256957/7 "2004-07-27T02:30:53Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > Hey, maybe this means my dream of a Jean Claude Van Damme gospel album is on the horizon. But think of some great album titles he could have: “Van Damme the Torpedoes” “Van Damme Yankees” “Chevy Van (Damme)” ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2004, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-seventh-seal-has-been-opened/256957/8 "2004-07-27T02:48:54Z")
HIllary Rodham Cliinton was just called “The First Lady of the Democratic Party, The First Lady of the American People.” Look at the pretty horsemen coming. ---
**Author:** ![Feit\_C\_Taj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ee59a6/32.png) [@Feit\_C\_Taj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feit_C_Taj)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2004, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-seventh-seal-has-been-opened/256957/9 "2004-07-27T02:58:56Z")
You know, when I read the title, I immediately thought of Police Academy 8 (seven sequels, seven seals - get it?) ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2004, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-seventh-seal-has-been-opened/256957/10 "2004-07-27T04:41:30Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > **THERE. IS. NO. GOD.** Aw, sure there is…he’s just senile, and a borderline psychotic. And he needs our tears to give him his great power. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2004, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-seventh-seal-has-been-opened/256957/11 "2004-07-27T12:56:08Z")
Just wait for the music video. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2004, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-seventh-seal-has-been-opened/256957/12 "2004-07-27T16:01:28Z")
Well, at least he’s got some original song titles. I mean, just look at the tracklisting: > [@](#): > > 1.GIRL IT’S ALRIGHT > 2.DON’T YOU CRY > 3.MUSIC > 4.BETTER MAN > 5.ROUTE 23 > 6.MY GOD > 7.LOLLIPOP > 8.NOT FOR SALE > 9.DANCE > 10.JEALOUSY > 11.WAR > 12.STRUT > 13.GOREE > 14.THE LIGHT If you go [here](http://www.nonsoloblues.com/steven2.html) you can actually hear a little. Click at your own risk. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2004, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-seventh-seal-has-been-opened/256957/13 "2004-07-27T16:03:33Z")
> [@Ranchoth](#): > > Aw, sure there is…he’s just senile, and a borderline psychotic. > > And he needs our tears to give him his great power. [Eric Cartman] Oh, your tears are so yummy! The tears of unfathomable sadness! Yes! Yes! [/EC] ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2004, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-seventh-seal-has-been-opened/256957/14 "2004-07-27T16:41:19Z")
> [@](#): > > HIllary Rodham Cliinton was just called “The First Lady of the Democratic Party, The First Lady of the American People.” > > Look at the pretty horsemen coming. This is just brilliant. ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_Factotum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2004, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-seventh-seal-has-been-opened/256957/15 "2004-07-27T17:10:12Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > [Proof](http://www.nonsoloblues.com/steven_uk.html) > If David Hasselhof can be a singing star in Germany, why not Steven Seagal tantalizing the French with his dulcet tones. So if Hassellhoff/Germany is equivalent to Seagal/France, who is Germany’s answer to Jerry Lewis? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2004, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-seventh-seal-has-been-opened/256957/16 "2004-07-27T17:34:28Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > Oh…look…here come the locust. Just one? Whew! You had me worried there for a minute. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2004, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-seventh-seal-has-been-opened/256957/17 "2004-07-27T17:55:25Z")
> [@Sean Factotum](#): > > So if Hassellhoff/Germany is equivalent to Seagal/France, who is Germany’s answer to Jerry Lewis? 😕 Steven Wright (except he may be a little to hyperactive for the Germans) ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2004, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-seventh-seal-has-been-opened/256957/18 "2004-07-27T18:00:51Z")
> [@Ponder Stibbons](#): > > Just one? Whew! You had me worried there for a minute. Yeah, buit it’s a really big one. It could get into the air ducts and keep us awake for _weeks_. 🙂