# The sex you never see in movies
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [July 1, 2003, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528 "2003-07-01T07:25:47Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)
#### Post date: [July 1, 2003, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/21 "2003-07-01T17:04:59Z")
You’ll never see what I did once. I rolled a girl over, well, off the bed and she landed on a wine bottle. Pointing up. On her lower back. Left a nice black **O**.
We finished though 😃
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### Author:  [@lachesis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lachesis)
#### Post date: [July 1, 2003, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/22 "2003-07-01T17:16:21Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by garius \*
> \*\*sock removal.
>
> it cannot possibly be done in any way that doesn’t inspire a fit of giggles.
>
> socks in movies just seem to magically disappear - i want some of those. \*\*
must … resist … _ **must … resist …** _
“removal?!? what, in this day and age, you don’t believe in having **safe socks**?!?!?!?!?!”
:: hangs head in shame, and slinks quickly around nearest corner ::
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### Author:  [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)
#### Post date: [July 1, 2003, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/23 "2003-07-01T17:23:09Z")
Having to pee in the middle of it.
Never happened to me, either, I was just throwing it out there. It, uh, happened to a friend of mine. Yeah, that’s the ticket.
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### Author:  [@PigArcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PigArcher)
#### Post date: [July 1, 2003, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/24 "2003-07-01T17:25:14Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Melanie \*
> **Have to take it out every gd time you want to change positions instead of nice movie-style sycronised roll over bullshit**
Or when you do pull off the synchronized roll-over…
And bang her head on the nightstand.
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### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [July 1, 2003, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/25 "2003-07-01T17:25:27Z")
Suddenly realizing you’re both covered in ants.
(Outdoor park bench)
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### Author:  [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)
#### Post date: [July 1, 2003, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/26 "2003-07-01T17:38:17Z")
Sock removal isn’t too bad if you work it in with pants removal. Instead of unbuckling the pants and just wriggling out of them, use your hand to slide them off your legs, and hook a finger into your sock as you go by, deftly pulling the socks off with the pants. Works for me every time. Or it’s even easier if you’re taking pants off while still standing (for whatever reason) because you use one foot to stand on the bottom of the other pantleg and the sock, step out of it, then use your newly-bared foot to do the same for the first foot.
Like **tanookie** said, the thing that really gets me is the leg cramps. They come on so suddenly, and are easily misinterpreted – it’s easy to get the wrong idea when in the middle of things I start to writhe around and yell “Aaah! Ahhhh!”
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### Author:  [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)
#### Post date: [July 1, 2003, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/27 "2003-07-01T17:58:43Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Melanie \*
> **In some exotic postion, chick getting pumped full of air and lets out a fanny fart**
It took me a second to figure out what was meant here. I was thinking… but… all farts come from your fanny! That’s what makes them farts!
Then I realized that the poster was from one of those countries that doesn’t realize the word “fanny” means “ass” and it all became clear 😉
Ok how about when it starts out ok, but then gets dry and sore and you have to either stop or go find lube or something?
Or just any time when you end up not finishing (that doesn’t involve having to race out the door because of some emergency situation)?
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### Author:  [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)
#### Post date: [July 1, 2003, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/28 "2003-07-01T18:10:06Z")
Having to put the diaphragm in.
The cat on the other pillow… _staring_ at you…
Staying naked afterwards. Ever notice how, after an implied sexual encounter, when it’s time to jump out of bed in the morning, they’re practically fully dressed?
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### Author:  [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)
#### Post date: [July 1, 2003, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/29 "2003-07-01T19:20:09Z")
The sex where I broke her nose. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen so much blood in all of my life.
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### Author:  [@Batsinma\_Belfry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batsinma_Belfry)
#### Post date: [July 1, 2003, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/30 "2003-07-01T19:44:04Z")
The guy getting smacked in the head because he wiped off on the clean sheets.
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### Author:  [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)
#### Post date: [July 1, 2003, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/31 "2003-07-01T19:53:32Z")
Is that a leg?
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### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [July 1, 2003, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/32 "2003-07-01T19:53:53Z")
Please tell me you mean his mantool.
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### Author:  [@XJETGIRLX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XJETGIRLX)
#### Post date: [July 1, 2003, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/33 "2003-07-01T20:42:11Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by garius \*
> sock removal.
>
> it cannot possibly be done in any way that doesn’t inspire a fit of giggles.
>
> socks in movies just seem to magically disappear - i want some of those.
You mean **garigirl** can’t remove them for you using just her toes? I’ll have to show her how 😉
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### Author:  [@dgs212](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dgs212)
#### Post date: [July 1, 2003, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/34 "2003-07-01T21:06:36Z")
How about the synchronized application of tissues/towels/underwear/etc. to your respective genitals to catch any drips when the gentleman pull out (complete with countdown…“one, two, three, go!”)?
We make a very big mess everytime, but have cleanup down to a science.
The worst is when it gets so wild that all sheets have been scattered off the bed and anything suitable for clean-up is juuuuust out of reach. (TMI alert) I once had to catch my entire load and her accumulation of…juices… in my hands. It was a lot more than I expected.
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### Author:  [@urban1a](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/urban1a)
#### Post date: [July 1, 2003, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/35 "2003-07-01T22:00:09Z")
Giving your partner a black eye? Once I was manuvering to get us into a position for better mutual pleasure and accidentally hit the guy in the eye with my knee.
Huge black eye the next morning. Luckily he seemed to consider it a badge of honor.
Bob
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### Author:  [@Peach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peach)
#### Post date: [July 1, 2003, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/36 "2003-07-01T22:15:01Z")
one minute sex
(at least i never see this in the movies!)
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### Author:  [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)
#### Post date: [July 1, 2003, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/37 "2003-07-01T22:16:54Z")
Getting close to finishing and trying to ignore the cat who’s sitting at the bedroom door meowing and meowing and meowing _LET ME OUT MEOW MEOW MEOW_ and thrusting and feeling close and _MEOW MEOW MEOW_ and I just need another minute and _MEOW MEOW MEOW_ and shut up you stupid cat and _MEOW HISS SCRATCH **OW GODDAMMIT** YOU FUCKING CAT **stomp stomp stomp** YEAH THAT’S RIGHT YOU BETTER RUN YOU LITTLE FUCKER_ and coming back to bed and lying down and not saying anything for a minute and then turning on the television.
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Ferret Herder \*
> **Accidentally snapping the band (not breaking) of the condom when putting it on**
Congratulations, this made me physically twitch in my chair.
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### Author:  [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)
#### Post date: [July 1, 2003, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/38 "2003-07-01T22:39:01Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Peach \*
> \*\*one minute sex
>
> (at least i never see this in the movies!) \*\*
Quentin Tarantino’s _Jackie Brown._
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### Author:  [@lovelee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lovelee)
#### Post date: [July 1, 2003, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/39 "2003-07-01T22:52:01Z")
Second to the _meow meow meow_ at the door cat is the _nudge nudge nudge_ cat. The one that’s determined that, darn it, someone in the room is getting petted and they’re just not going to stand for being second in the petting line.
Then there’s the whole shake-head-cold-cat-drool-all-over thing. Yeeow.
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### Author:  [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2003, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/40 "2003-07-02T01:08:22Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Cervaise \*
> \*\*Quentin Tarantino’s _Jackie Brown._ \*\*
Damnit, **Cerv** , ya beat me to the punchline.
[sub](I would not turn down one-minute sex with Bridget Fonda, though)[/sub]
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