# The sex you never see in movies
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [July 1, 2003, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528 "2003-07-01T07:25:47Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 3
### Author:  [@modro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/modro)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2003, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/41 "2003-07-02T01:46:30Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Spiff \*
> \*\*Is that a leg? \*\*
Oh no, not that again. Thank goodness I am lacking a beverage right now, lest I short out my keyboard.
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### Author:  [@grettle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grettle)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2003, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/42 "2003-07-02T01:56:59Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Mangetout \*
> \*\*The one where the girl screams “Ow OW! Your arm is on my hair!”
>
> \*\*
This actually happened in Sex and the City this week. I do realize this is not a movie but a TV series, but similar scripted sentiment.
I have nothing else to add, but I am certain that I am just blocking the embarassing moments.
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### Author:  [@Aranea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aranea)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2003, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/43 "2003-07-02T02:11:44Z")
Finishing up, going to remove the condom, and finding that it isn’t there. Searching through the sheets, puzzled, then coming to the slow realization that it’s Still In There, and I’m about to have to go mining.
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### Author:  [@Ferris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferris)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2003, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/44 "2003-07-02T02:45:16Z")
Coitus interrruptus isn’t shown very often in the movies, is it? I suppose there’s the odd ‘OMG! My husband’s home!’ scenario, but I’ve never seen the ‘OMG! The cat’s just vomited all over your jeans at the foot of the bed’ plot device.
Just as well, I suppose. ☹
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### Author:  [@Forty-Six\_Two](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Forty-Six_Two)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2003, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/45 "2003-07-02T02:46:27Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Cervaise \*
> **Getting close to finishing and trying to ignore the cat who’s sitting at the bedroom door meowing and meowing and meowing _LET ME OUT MEOW MEOW MEOW_ and thrusting and feeling close and _MEOW MEOW MEOW_ and I just need another minute and _MEOW MEOW MEOW_ and shut up you stupid cat and _MEOW HISS SCRATCH OW GODDAMMIT YOU FUCKING CAT stomp stomp stomp YEAH THAT’S RIGHT YOU BETTER RUN YOU LITTLE FUCKER_ and coming back to bed and lying down and not saying anything for a minute and then turning on the television**
That was probably the funniest post I’ve ever read… I caused people in the other room to investigate in concern at my loud cackling.
My input… the, uh, Wrong Hole™ incident that has me forever paranoid about my aim. Ahem.
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### Author:  [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2003, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/46 "2003-07-02T03:33:47Z")
Getting hit with a bible. In a wooden case. On Easter Sunday. Yes it really did happen.
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### Author:  [@Orange\_Skinner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orange_Skinner)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2003, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/47 "2003-07-02T03:55:01Z")
Post picnic sex that takes place on a blanket in the shade on a nice sloping hill in the middle of nowhere…that suddenly evolves into sled-riding.
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### Author:  [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2003, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/48 "2003-07-02T04:42:51Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Zette \*
> \*\*Getting hit with a bible. In a wooden case. On Easter Sunday. Yes it really did happen. \*\*
Okay, you can’t just leave it like that-details!
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### Author:  [@flood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flood)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2003, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/49 "2003-07-02T04:59:09Z")
Getting slapped by her mom and threatened by her dad that “I could kill you any time you little asshole” and her mom telling her that she’s a “little fucking whore”.
No, didn’t happen to me. My cousin. hahahahahahhahahaha.
It tickles me everytime I think about it.
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### Author:  [@Cruktar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cruktar)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2003, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/50 "2003-07-02T05:19:53Z")
Getting into it, complete with atmospheric movie-like banging of the headboard against the wall…which dislodges an enormous five-foot by four-foot painting hanging above the bed that falls on both of your heads.
Ahhh, romance.
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### Author:  [@Orange\_Skinner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orange_Skinner)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2003, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/51 "2003-07-02T05:22:42Z")
Oh, yeah, and having the girl’s long hair repeatedly get stuck in the couple’s mouths while kissing, and getting pulled out again.
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### Author:  [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2003, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/52 "2003-07-02T05:33:45Z")
Or the guy’s long hair getting stuck in the couple’s mouths while kissing.
I have shorter hair now, thankfully.
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### Author:  [@Kanelda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kanelda)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2003, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/53 "2003-07-02T06:01:58Z")
Or when the long-haired girl is on top, goes to kiss the guy and her hair tickles his nose.
::sneeze!!::
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### Author:  [@Fairy\_Princess\_Kitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fairy_Princess_Kitty)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2003, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/54 "2003-07-02T06:35:21Z")
**Kanelda** , how about when the long haired girl is on top and has to constantly flip her hair from oine side to the other to keep it out of the way?
Or the ever popular:
Oh… Ooohh… Ohh… OW! That was my cervix! _painful whimper_
Kitty
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### Author:  [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2003, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/55 "2003-07-02T07:06:51Z")
**Forty-Six&Two** — Thanks. 😃
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Aranea \*
> **Finishing up, going to remove the condom, and finding that it isn’t there. Searching through the sheets, puzzled, then coming to the slow realization that it’s Still In There, and I’m about to have to go mining.**
I believe the technical term is “shelunking.”
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### Author:  [@Kanelda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kanelda)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2003, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/56 "2003-07-02T07:10:46Z")
Hehe I was doing that with my hair for awhile when he asked if I’d stop, because he wanted to feel my hair on his face.
He didn’t suggest that anymore after having his little sneeze-fest 🙂
Oh and it’s been mentioned before about bein on the lady’s hair… well, what about trying to move or get up and realizing you’re on your OWN hair?
Pesky long hair. I swear it was always getting in my way. Bah!
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### Author:  [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2003, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/57 "2003-07-02T07:26:24Z")
Having dog poke his nose over the side of the bed to see what we’re doing. He usually humps his bed when we’re getting undressed - he can smell sex in the air.
Of course this is better than what happened to Napoleon. On his wedding night with Josephine, her adored dog resented the intrusion and bit him. There. That’s not in any biopic of Napoleon I ever saw.
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### Author:  [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2003, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/58 "2003-07-02T11:01:06Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Spiff \*
> \*\*Is that a leg? \*\*
HAHAHA! Man, I loved that thread.
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### Author:  [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2003, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/59 "2003-07-02T12:00:28Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by OpalCat \*
> \*\*Then I realized that the poster was from one of those countries that doesn’t realize the word “fanny” means “ass” and it all became clear ;)? \*\*
Maybe in your country! Over here “fanny” means vagina.
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### Author:  [@lauramarlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lauramarlane)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2003, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/60 "2003-07-02T12:38:46Z")
Well, no point denying these happened to me. But it would be great (and somewhat comforting) to see these things happen during big screen romantic moments!
Just on the verge of completion my SO, in an eager, pounding frenzy, slams his head into the brass headboard hard enough to raise a welt–but managed to finish anyway.
I was on top and sneezed so hard that he gots forcefully, and painfully, squirted out and was a bit sore for a day or so afterward. (I have allergies–I couldn’t help it!)
The time we got home from the gym after a sweaty workout and were pulling off our clothes in a rush. He tugged off his shorts a little too quickly and…well…apparently, Mr. Happy got stuck half in and half out of the little mesh baggie he had been contentedly residing in and some skin abbrasion occurred. It took about two weeks for the friction blister to heal.
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