# The sex you never see in movies
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [July 1, 2003, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528 "2003-07-01T07:25:47Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 4
### Author:  [@Tir\_Tinuviel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tir_Tinuviel)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2003, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/61 "2003-07-02T13:09:00Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Gary Kumquat \*
> \*\*In fact has anyone ever had a shag that from start to finish didn’t include at least one moment you’d never see in a movie? \*\*
Depends entirely what types of “movie” you watch…
😉
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### Author:  [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2003, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/62 "2003-07-02T14:06:42Z")
Having the freaking phone ring in the middle, deciding to ignore it (I love you too, dear), and it turns out to be my mother-in-law leaving a message on the answering machine about her best friend’s colon surgery.
Somehow, the magic was gone.
Regards,
Shodan
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### Author:  [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2003, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/63 "2003-07-02T14:21:29Z")
How about when the dog gets a little too friendly and places his cold nose on SO’s scrotum? Guaranteed to deflate the horniest of men!
Or going down on him (or her) and having to get the short hair out of your throat? Hopefully without gagging. 😉
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### Author:  [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2003, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/64 "2003-07-02T14:38:11Z")
I once stood up, after the act, and sneezed.
And shot a wad of deposited jizz straight on to my big toe.
Honey, look!
I’ve never seen that in a movie…
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### Author:  [@Sigmundex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmundex)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2003, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/65 "2003-07-02T18:49:37Z")
Good one, Dogzilla, that one made me laugh at work, luckily I’m alone in the office.
Here’s mine:
Sig and soon-to-be-wife, Christmas night, 1994. Sig gives wife video camera, ostensibly to film our upcoming honeymoon in Europe. Later that night…
Girlfriend: “It’s not recording!”
Sig: “Yeah, it is, I turned it on!”
Girlfriend: “You pushed the red button?”
Sig: “YES”
Girlfriend: “It’s not recording!”
Sig: “Yes, it IS!”
Girlfriend: “Say what you want, it’s not recording!”
It’s always funny to get that videotape out when she insists she’s right about something, these days.
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### Author:  [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)
#### Post date: [July 2, 2003, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/66 "2003-07-02T19:02:19Z")
The sex you don’t see in movies: Where the guy and gal hook up one (1) time and she _doesn’t_ get pregnant.
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### Author:  [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)
#### Post date: [July 3, 2003, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/67 "2003-07-03T00:05:54Z")
…Or an STD, or have an orgasm, or…
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### Author:  [@margin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/margin)
#### Post date: [July 3, 2003, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/68 "2003-07-03T01:44:14Z")
How about the simaltaneous head butt, finished off with a nice tongue bite? Ow.
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### Author:  [@badmana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badmana)
#### Post date: [July 3, 2003, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/69 "2003-07-03T05:11:11Z")
Or while she’s working you with her mouth she scratches you with her teeth? That killed _my/_ mood.
I can relate to the cat posts. He’s done it all including taking a swipe at _me_. My GF laughed and called my cat a cutie?? That stopped the mood as well.
You don’t see movies, even porn, where the’s guy’s finished so many times that he can’t finish and has to stop. When my GF and I went to Blue Mountain ski resort for 3 days we shagged so many times the first night (5) that in the morning, she was trying to finish me with her mouth and, well, ended up with a sore neck 😃
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### Author:  [@FordPrefect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FordPrefect)
#### Post date: [July 3, 2003, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/70 "2003-07-03T13:21:12Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Peach \*
> \*\*one minute sex
> (at least i never see this in the movies!) \*\*
There is a French Canadian movie where the sex scene takes about 14 seconds, or about 3 thrusts and after he finishes, all he can say is, “Sorry, Solidad.”
A lot of these are very familiar, but the weirdest for my wife and I was when our daughter asked “Mommy, why are you going oh, oh, oh?”
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### Author:  [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)
#### Post date: [July 3, 2003, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/71 "2003-07-03T13:55:10Z")
santorum.
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### Author:  [@Bongmaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bongmaster)
#### Post date: [July 3, 2003, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/72 "2003-07-03T14:00:22Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Cervaise \*
> \*\*Getting close to finishing and trying to ignore the cat who’s sitting at the bedroom door meowing and meowing and meowing _LET ME OUT MEOW MEOW MEOW_ and thrusting and feeling close and _MEOW MEOW MEOW_ and I just need another minute and _MEOW MEOW MEOW_ and shut up you stupid cat and _MEOW HISS SCRATCH **OW GODDAMMIT** YOU FUCKING CAT **stomp stomp stomp** YEAH THAT’S RIGHT YOU BETTER RUN YOU LITTLE FUCKER_ and coming back to bed and lying down and not saying anything for a minute and then turning on the television. \*\*
I had to duck my head and cover when I read that, everyone in the office wanted to know why my face was red and I was laughing so hard!
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### Author:  [@manwithaplan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manwithaplan)
#### Post date: [July 3, 2003, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/73 "2003-07-03T14:15:36Z")
Struggling with the plastic covering on an unopened box of condoms. This is even funnier when the struggler in question is attempting the feat with only one hand and his/her teeth because the other hand is engaged in trying to maintain the ‘mood’.
One or other partner attempting a new ‘trick’ and failing completely (e.g the ‘no hands’ method of putting on a condom).
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### Author:  [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)
#### Post date: [July 3, 2003, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/74 "2003-07-03T16:24:49Z")
How in the world would you put on a condom with no hands?
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### Author:  [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)
#### Post date: [July 3, 2003, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/75 "2003-07-03T16:34:14Z")
With your mouth.
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### Author:  [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)
#### Post date: [July 3, 2003, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/76 "2003-07-03T17:13:40Z")
Oh, but someone else has to do it. You can’t do it for yourself.
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### Author:  [@Coke\_Addict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coke_Addict)
#### Post date: [July 3, 2003, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/77 "2003-07-03T17:54:32Z")
Requesting a “do-over” b/c the first time was literally only about 2 seconds and not even a full thrust.
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### Author:  [@SnugTheJoiner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnugTheJoiner)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2003, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/78 "2003-07-04T01:55:32Z")
Granted, you hardly ever see sex between two men in the movies at all . . . but I guarantee you’ll NEVER see this:
Gentleman #1: Oh yeah. Oh YEAH. Uhhh. Oh! Yeah—! (etc.)
Gentleman #2: ARRRRGGGHHHH!!! OWWWW! Pull out! Pull out! Pull-out-pull-out-PULLOUTPULLOUTPULLOUT!!!
(Small damp popping noise)
Gentleman #2: Damn hemmorhoid! I thought it had finally gone down.
Needless to say, that took the starch out right quick. Not to worry: we just made popcorn and watched AUNTIE MAME.
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### Author:  [@Yersinia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yersinia)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2003, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/79 "2003-07-04T15:33:55Z")
> [@](#):
>
> _Originally posted by Ferret Herder \*
> \*\* Sex during the woman’s menstrual period, leading to it looking like some horrible accident has happened when you two separate? Ugh. Not to mention the sheets - before you start, just lay down a huge, dark-colored towel, pull back the sheets, and hope for the best._\*
Oh, ugggh. Normally my libido is reminiscent of an adolescent male (even though I’m a 42-year-old woman) and where sex with my man is concerned, the word “no” is practically never in my vocabulary. In fact, the only time I DO use that word to him IS during “that time of the month,” for this very reason.
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### Author:  [@Yersinia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yersinia)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2003, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sex-you-never-see-in-movies/185528/80 "2003-07-04T15:53:35Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by plnnr \*
> \*\*The sex where I broke her nose. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen so much blood in all of my life. \*\*
Hey, Klingons find bone-breaking sex extremely erotic. They even believe that if the bride’s clavicle is broken on the wedding night, it’s a sign that the marriage will be a happy one.
On this note, in the Star Trek movie “Generations,” when Dr. Soran hit the Klingon woman B’Etor in the mouth, not only did she pull her knife on him, but she said to him, “I hope you were performing a mating ritual…” (He wasn’t.)
Sorry. I’m a major Trekkie and when you said you’d broken your partner’s nose while having sex with her I could NOT resist kicking in this info about Klingon mating practices.
😉 BTW I’m not a Klingon.
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