# The Shitbird **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 23, 2010, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-shitbird/547668 "2010-07-23T01:31:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2010, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-shitbird/547668/61 "2010-07-23T20:53:39Z")
> [@GHO57](#): > > At least the bird doesn’t hate you enough to commit suicide. I’ve got kamikaze birds. I’ll be sitting down watching TV… and _BOOOM!!_ a [2557.jpg"]bird]([http://www.svarthuvadvitbukspapegoja.se/Bilder/Vilda](http://www.svarthuvadvitbukspapegoja.se/Bilder/Vilda) faglar i Europa/Bjorktrast [Turdus pilaris)flies into the window. Supposedly putting something on the window, usually a [bird silhouette](http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=LuP&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&q=bird+silhouette+window&revid=1601786803&sa=X&ei=GgFKTK2IGIPksQP54_BI&ved=0CFYQ1QIoBg) will cause even the meanest bird brain to know it can’t fly through. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2010, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-shitbird/547668/62 "2010-07-23T20:57:43Z")
> [@Snickers](#): > > \*Shitbird shitting in the break of day, > Take this shiny truck and make it scowl, > All your life > You were only waiting for this mirror to befoul. > \* ::Holds up lighter:: ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2010, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-shitbird/547668/63 "2010-07-23T21:13:23Z")
> [@VunderBob](#): > > **Scylla** , the feathered rodent perp was actually a foo bird. Everyone knows if the foo shits, wear it. Damn you! _shakes fist_ I wanted to make that joke. Being and animal lover I do not condone shooting birds. Except for roadrunners. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2010, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-shitbird/547668/64 "2010-07-23T21:14:58Z")
> [@VunderBob](#): > > **Scylla** , the feathered rodent perp was actually a foo bird. Everyone knows if the foo shits, wear it. If the foo shits, you must acquit. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2010, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-shitbird/547668/65 "2010-07-23T21:21:39Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > Except for roadrunners. Why is that? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2010, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-shitbird/547668/66 "2010-07-23T21:44:35Z")
Check the username. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![River\_Hippie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/river_hippie/32/26_2.png) [@River\_Hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/River_Hippie)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-shitbird/547668/67 "2010-07-24T00:33:20Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > Preview: **Scylla** shoots the Shitbird. > > All is calm for a week, and then **Scylla** walks out to his truck, only to find that several members of PETA have taken a dump in it. > > **Scylla** grabs his handy SKS rifle, and waits… SKS is overkill. Air rifles best for shitting birds. No pissed off neighbors. ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-shitbird/547668/68 "2010-07-24T00:35:37Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Supposedly putting something on the window, usually a [bird silhouette](http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=LuP&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&q=bird+silhouette+window&revid=1601786803&sa=X&ei=GgFKTK2IGIPksQP54_BI&ved=0CFYQ1QIoBg) will cause even the meanest bird brain to know it can’t fly through. Wouldn’t those be more effective if they were a flattened bird – you know, like those witch-into-a-wall decorations you see at Halloween? ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-shitbird/547668/69 "2010-07-24T02:13:04Z")
Dang! Why all the hatred for **Scylla** all of a sudden? Did I miss some crucial social falling out on the Dope when I wasn’t looking? I liked it. So what if it wasn’t peeing-yourself funny? It was amusing and intriguing. And best of all clean (well okay, not clean clean…:D). I love people who don’t take themselves so seriously, can laugh at their own foibles, and then turn around share with others how silly they were. It’s VERY charming and warm human interest type fun. And so WHAT if it’s in the pit? Heaven forbid we not be absolutely foaming at the mouth for every thread posted here! Hellova lot better than the “let’s drop an f-bomb every other word, see if we can come up with the most nauseating, crude, from-the-mind-of-a-pimply-adolescent-teenage-boy insults imaginable” crap that passes for “a thing of beauty” in a lot of rant posts in the pit. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-shitbird/547668/70 "2010-07-24T03:14:03Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > Dang! Why all the hatred for **Scylla** all of a sudden? Did I miss some crucial social falling out on the Dope when I wasn’t looking? It’s ok. It’s worked out really well. The threadshitting has added irony, and texture and depth to my little story that it wouldn’t have without it. The mindless hostility of **Frank** and **bucketybuck** perfectly parallels the mindless shitting of the bird on the truck. And, if somebody doesn’t get it from that, **Mhendo** shows up and starts almost **literally** shitting on my truck. Just like the bird. The pleasure of the thing is that the threadshitters are just too stupid in their hostility to recognize the irony of their actions and realize that what’s really being pitted here is them, and that their contribution is necessary to make it work! The moral of course, both in the story and metaphorically is that you really only damage yourself by taking the actions of such mindless and insignificant creatures personally. I could not have done it without them (or without someone else as equally mindless, and hostile, and stupid,) why do you think I insisted it stay in the Pit? They couldn’t show up and do their thing if it was in MPSIMS, could they? > [@](#): > > I liked it. So what if it wasn’t peeing-yourself funny? It was amusing and intriguing. Thank you very much. > [@](#): > > Hellova lot better than the “let’s drop an f-bomb every other word, see if we can come up with the most nauseating, crude, from-the-mind-of-a-pimply-adolescent-teenage-boy insults imaginable” crap that passes for “a thing of beauty” in a lot of rant posts in the pit. Thank you again. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-shitbird/547668/71 "2010-07-24T04:23:47Z")
> [@Scylla](#): > > And, if somebody doesn’t get it from that, **Mhendo** shows up and starts almost **literally** shitting on my truck. I wasn’t even going to contribute to the thread, just like i haven’t contributed (i don’t think) to any of your past story threads. But then you spouted bullshit about your truck, so i felt the need to correct your misrepresentation. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-shitbird/547668/72 "2010-07-24T04:38:30Z")
I think this lolcat sums up this whole story - [cat and bird](http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/funny-pictures-cat-waits-for-bird.jpg) ( **Scylla’s** the cat). ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-shitbird/547668/73 "2010-07-24T04:41:14Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > Dang! Why all the hatred for **Scylla** all of a sudden? Did I miss some crucial social falling out on the Dope when I wasn’t looking? I don’t think so. **Scylla** and i have pretty sharp political disagreements, but with him as with most other Dopers, i do my best not to let those differences spill over into non-political threads. As i said above, i don’t think i’ve ever contributed to one of his “story” threads before. I opened this one, as i open all pit threads, to see if the OP was offering up a good rant, because i really like a good rant, especially when the object of the tirade is fully deserving. But it was about a bird! That shits on vehicles! Is the next installment about a dog that pees on hydrants? A cat that scratches furniture? My eyes glazed over half-way through the OP. The only reason i kept reading the thread was to see if anyone had actually found it interesting or amusing, and to try and discern why it was here rather than in MPSIMS. I happened across **Scylla** ’s comment about his truck, and i just felt the need to respond to it. Had the thread been in MPSIMS, where it belonged, i probably wouldn’t even have opened it, and certainly wouldn’t have felt any need to criticize it. **Scylla** , or anyone else for that matter, can produce a whole string of mind-numbing human interest stories in MPSIMS, and i promise not to interfere with a single one of them. I was also intrigued by the splitting of the OP into three (!!!) whole sections, to heighten the experience for those who were waiting with breathless anticipation for the denouement of this riveting suburban drama. Given that the whole text of the three posts would have fit comfortably into a single OP, it struck me as—how to put this most delicately?—self-indulgent? Anyway, that’s my 2c. ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-shitbird/547668/74 "2010-07-24T05:20:11Z")
Golly, you know, when I read threads that bore me, I just, you know, quit reading and go do something else. Hmm. I did enjoy this, **Scylla**. Nice to see how the threadshitter birds are so…predictable. ---
**Author:** ![Library\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cab0a1/32.png) [@Library\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Library_Boy)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-shitbird/547668/75 "2010-07-24T05:24:57Z")
Pit police, please save us!!! ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-shitbird/547668/76 "2010-07-24T10:53:02Z")
> [@Scylla](#): > > The mindless hostility of **Frank** … A bird shit in your car because you created an environment which allowed it to do so, and instead of thinking to yourself, “Damn, better roll up the windows next time,” you think, “I’m going to kill the Motherfucker,” and take action to do so. Sorry, nothing mindless about my hostility. > [@](#): > > The pleasure of the thing is that the threadshitters are just too stupid in their hostility to recognize the irony of their actions and realize that what’s really being pitted here is them, and that their contribution is necessary to make it work! Wow . . . that was . . . deep, man. Have you ever, y’know, really _looked_ at your hand? > [@](#): > > I could not have done it without them (or without someone else as equally mindless, and hostile, and stupid,) why do you think I insisted it stay in the Pit? They couldn’t show up and do their thing if it was in MPSIMS, could they? Both of my posts in this thread would be entirely appropriate for MPSIMS. They wouldn’t have been posted there (as I wouldn’t have opened the thread), but they’d be appropriate. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-shitbird/547668/77 "2010-07-24T12:49:00Z")
> [@mhendo](#): > > > [@Scylla](#): > > > > And, if somebody doesn’t get it from that, **Mhendo** shows up and starts almost **literally** shitting on my truck. > > I wasn’t even going to contribute to the thread, just like i haven’t contributed (i don’t think) to any of your past story threads. > > But then you spouted bullshit about your truck, so i felt the need to correct your misrepresentation. What misrepresentation, Shitbird? I said the truck was a ULEV, which is a fact. You responded to my fact with a falsehood. > [@](#): > > The ULEV rating is comparative, so all it tells us is that a car with that rating is better than average What the ULEV actually means is that the car produces 50% or less emissions than the average of that model year which is significantly better than you implied. Than, you continued to shit on my truck, but again without accuracy. > [@](#): > > According to the California Air Resources Board, the 2010 Ridgeline gets a Global Warming Score of 4 and a Smog Score of 5. This is on a scale of 1-10, where 10 is best, and where literally dozens of models get better than 7 on both scores. My truck is an '06, not a '10. Even if it a was a '10, none of this contradicts my statement that the truck is ULEV. Like I said, Shitbird. You’re just shitting on the truck. [quote] Add to that the fact that the Ridgeline, by Honda’s own figures, gets a ridiculous 17mpg combined EPA, and it’s clear that to claim that this gas-guzzling auto doesn’t “shit in his air” is completely idiotic. [quote] MPG is not a measure of emissions you ignorant dissembling shitbird, so… still no. If that is not enough, we can go further, proving that you’re just ignorant asshole shitting all over this thread without good reason. Rather than correcting misrepresentations, you’re simply making them. If an individual wished to comment on the environmental responsibility of my choice of the Ridgeline in a responsible and intelligent fashion, than one would need to know the criteria that went into that choice, the intended usage of the vehicle, and then one might have some data on which to make a judgement. For example, if I was using the truck to commute 50 miles, one way, by myself, it’s not the best choice. I, on the other hand have the truck because I live on large acreage with animals, in the country, and do a lot of hauling. The design of the Ridgeline gives me the usable space of a full size pickup truck bed + an 8.5 cubic foot trunk + an additional aproximate 100 cubic feet of cargo space in the passenger compartment (the rear can be reconfigured for cargo.) The 4wd allows me to take it around the property offroad. It just so happens that I have a lot of 50 year old poplars that have died or are dying, and a bunch of pine trees that unfortunately have the blight. I’ve been cutting these down, and using the Ridgeline to haul the wood to be made into shavings and mulch. Then I’ve been using the Ridgeline to by some nice maples and oaks and a grove of fruit trees that I’ve planted. I’ve been doing this, not because I’m a smug environmental wheenie, but to make my property nice. It just happens to work out that I’m using the Ridgeline to recycle and plant trees. During the week, I use the truck to commute. Roundtrip, my commute is 4 miles. I bought the truck used, in July '08 when gas prices were going through the roof, and while it had a sticker price of over $40,000, I paid $17,500. So, by buying a used vehicle instead of a new one, I also saved the environmental impact of a new vehicle manufacture. The roads here rarely get plowed in a reasonable fashion, so the 4wd is useful in the winter as well. So, not that it is any of your business you ignorant fool, but my purchase and use of my Ridgeline would appear to be a pretty responsible and environmentally laudable choice. The fact that you are spouting falsehoods from a standpoint of ignorance just so you can act like a smug bastard and shit all over my truck is why you are a shitbird. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-shitbird/547668/78 "2010-07-24T13:03:52Z")
> [@Frank](#): > > Both of my posts in this thread would be entirely appropriate for MPSIMS. They wouldn’t have been posted there (as I wouldn’t have opened the thread), but they’d be appropriate. In other words, if it wasn’t in the Pit, it would not have attracted a shitbird like you. …Yeah. I know. Here’s the thing **Frank**. There are lots of threads all over this board. Lots of times I read things that I don’t care about, or don’t interest me. At the same time, I realize that other people might like them, or care about them. Certainly the person that was writing the thread cared about it enough to write it. **Nothing** is gained by just showing up and shitting on the thread, other than the personal satisfaction you personally derive from being an asshole to somebody. I’m really insulting the shitbird by calling you one. You are much worse. The Shitbird has no malice. It’s not really trying to be a mean and hurtful asshole You are. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-shitbird/547668/79 "2010-07-24T13:12:18Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > I liked it. So what if it wasn’t peeing-yourself funny? It was amusing and intriguing. And best of all clean (well okay, not clean clean..:D). I love people who don’t take themselves so seriously, can laugh at their own foibles, and then turn around share with others how silly they were. It’s VERY charming and warm human interest type fun. And so WHAT if it’s in the pit? Heaven forbid we not be absolutely foaming at the mouth for every thread posted here! with the most nauseating, crude, from-the-mind-of-a-pimply-adolescent-teenage-bo Thank you. Good post. I’m reminded of a story that I’m fond of telling about a pregnant woman I used to know. It’s not the funniest story ever told, and I’m not the best story teller ever, but nonetheless I find it amusing and I hope that others will find it so as well. It starts out “So I knew this woman who was, like, in her 14th month of pregnancy.” What happens – ALWAYS – is some fanboy wanker buzzkiller will pipe up with “14 months? Women never go past nine months! Are you stupid or something? Don’t you know anything about pregnancy?” I will then get a stern lecture on female reproductive biology, accompanied by some put-downs of how ignorant I am about that particular subject. Thanks for ruining the momentum of my story, asshole. We’re all duly impressed with your vast knowledge THAT EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS. The only tiny gaps in your otherwise perfect brain are 1) realizing that there’s such a thing as hyperbole, and 2) it’s impolite to interrupt a storyteller. I bow to your superior brain, though I’m hardly impressed with your social skills. **Scylla** , not that I’m doubting the veracity of your story. I found it quite amusing. Thanks for telling it. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-shitbird/547668/80 "2010-07-24T13:29:32Z")
> [@Scylla](#): > > Certainly the person that was writing the thread cared about it enough to write it. I’m unclear as to how, after all this time on the board, you believe that any response to a thread other than uncritical and fawning admiration is threadshitting. My responses have been relevant and on point, and the mere fact that they are critical does not–has not ever–constituted threadshitting. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-shitbird/547668.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-shitbird/547668.md?page=5)