# The Sign in Front of This One Church (With Extra Blasphemy!) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 23, 2003, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739 "2003-06-23T11:15:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![TWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@TWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TWDuke)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/21 "2003-06-23T15:23:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Salem \* > … \*\*Bless you, **Matt**. (That somehow seems so appropriate here, doesn’t it?) I see now, it’s the old give-it-a-foreign-name-to-make-it-sound-fancy trick. Just a note - in Italy, they don’t call fancy gelato “ice cream”. \*\* Undoubtedly, a lot of restaurants and manufacturers misuse the term gelato in this way, but proper gelato is denser than most American-style ice cream, which typically contains a lot of air. Gelato often has a lower fat content and should not be stored or served as cold as ice cream. Does God’s refrigerator contain microwavable burritos? ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/22 "2003-06-23T15:34:56Z")
Can God stand there with impunity and hold the door open? That was practically a cardinal sin in my house growing up: “Close the damn refridgerator door! What’re you waiting for, the Second Coming?” ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/23 "2003-06-23T16:44:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Neidhart \* > \*\*Not only that – when it rains, that’s God’s toilet leaking. \*\* Okay, so how do you explain thunder and lightning? How about tornadoes? Hail is obviously God’s icemaker on the fritz. ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/24 "2003-06-23T17:55:49Z")
Thanks for the offer of the tickets **Shibb**. But Boston? Me liking them? Not so much. But it was still nice of you to offer. I keep Pilsbury Popin’ Fresh Cinnamon Rolls (with icing!) in my crisper drawer. That way if I were to accidentally put some actual vegetables in there too, I won’t forget them. I’d just move them aside when I was after my cinnamon rolls (with icing!) and say “Huh. Vegetables. I’ll have to remember to eat those before they go off. Or just throw them away sometime.” I don’t know where God keeps his Pilsbury Popin’ Fresh Cinnamon Rolls. With or without icing. God drinks Coke **Tiger**. Regular Coke. He keeps the Pepsi for Purgatory. It seems fair that way. And he puts his toilet paper over the top **Shirley**. He just has to close His door when he has kittens around. God probably holds his front door open too **plnnr**. Cooling the whole neighborhood. Probably even has every light in the house on too. That’s so like God. -Rue. (Aquinas) ---
**Author:** ![TWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@TWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TWDuke)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/25 "2003-06-23T18:06:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rue DeDay \* > … **I keep Pilsbury Popin’ Fresh Cinnamon Rolls (with icing!) in my crisper drawer.**… Popin’ Fresh? It that some kind of Catholic thing? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/26 "2003-06-23T19:15:56Z")
Does God cry over spilt milk? ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/27 "2003-06-23T19:31:00Z")
_“Let there be refrigerator light.”_ ---
**Author:** ![Morgainelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Morgainelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgainelf)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/28 "2003-06-23T20:08:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TWDuke \* > \*\* > Does God’s refrigerator contain microwavable burritos? \*\* Well of course! He invented them, you know. It also has fresh packaged pasta and frozen pre-made pizza dough. As for the crisper drawer, if you actually _saw_ your veggies and ate them in time, what would you put in the composter? God has a plan - it’s just not always evident. There is no expired food in God’s fridge - St. Peter is in charge of dealing with it. ---
**Author:** ![Mastema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/94ad74/32.png) [@Mastema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mastema)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/29 "2003-06-23T21:27:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Morgainelf \* > \*\*There is no expired food in God’s fridge - St. Peter is in charge of dealing with it. \*\* I prefer to think that, since there are obviously NO preservatives in God’s fridge, stuff would HAVE to go bad from time to time. So every once in a while god gets him a passel-o fridge cleaning angels, which I believe are a subsect of one of the lower choirs, and they all have a leftover casting out ceremony. wherein the following sorts of things are frequently overheard, “Does anyone remember when I Created this cole-slaw?” “WOW! This is Lucifers old lunch tupperware, I am SO not opening this in here.” “Remember when you caught Michael using your flaming sword to spread the mayo on his MLT, and he said it was to conserve energy and toast the bread at the same time, and you were trying so hard to stay mad and not laugh. Man that kills me every time I think of it.” ---
**Author:** ![Plankspanker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Plankspanker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plankspanker)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/30 "2003-06-23T21:41:59Z")
ok, since we’ve established that the fridge up the bloke Upstairs probably does have items that go off, i have a few questions… what does he do if something is one day past the ‘best before’? will he eat it anyway, or will he decide to discard it? also, d’yo think he keeps marmite in the door, hiding it from all those who seek the almighty’s yeast extract in the cupboard? so many questions!?!?!? ---
**Author:** ![Tikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5daacb/32.png) [@Tikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tikki)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/31 "2003-06-23T21:56:57Z")
I wonder if God’s refrigerator has one of those shelves for eggs? You know, the kind that have the little molded wells so the eggs don’t go rolling around and come falling out when you open the door, where they smash onto the floor, splashing your fuzzy blue slippers with bits of shells and stuff that will harden if you don’t wash your slippers right away. If He has one of these shelves, does he have one that holds one dozen eggs or two dozen? Do you suppose He might keep an ostrich egg or two in case he wants to impress houseguests with a huge omelette in the morning? How do you suppose he likes his eggs? I mean the chicken kind, not the ostrich kind. I’m guessing sunny side up so He can mix the yolk around with His toast. I know I would do that if I were God. Or maybe get some cheese and ham and English muffins and make a homemade Egg McMuffin. If St Peter is in charge of dealing with the expired food, is he also in charge of occasionally moving the refrigerator out from the wall to clean the dust and the two Twix candy bars God had put on top to save for a snack sometime but fell behind the fridge when He put that 12-pack of paper towels from Costco up there? Would St. Peter eat them, even if the chocolate had melted and the wrappers were covered in dust? Or would he throw them away? I like the idea of God chilling out on some beach in the Carribean but I’m not thrilled with the idea of maybe seeing in His Speedos. \*\* \* Rue! I think I love you! \* \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Tikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5daacb/32.png) [@Tikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tikki)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/32 "2003-06-23T21:59:22Z")
Uh, seeing _Him_ in his Speedos. **blush** ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/33 "2003-06-23T22:15:59Z")
**Tikki** - I can’t believe you didn’t know that in Heaven, there is no gunk behind or under the fridge. Ever. That’s part of what makes it Heaven! ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/34 "2003-06-23T22:16:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rue DeDay \* > \*\*God probably holds his front door open too **plnnr**. Cooling the whole neighborhood. Probably even has every light in the house on too. That’s so like God.B] Like, who’s got the nerve to send God the light bill? Not me! ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/35 "2003-06-23T22:23:51Z")
If things do go bad in God’s Fridge, do they become Satan’s by default? These questions are far more interesting than anything I ever had in religion class. Theology and Appliances. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/36 "2003-06-23T22:43:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rue DeDay \* > \*\*\ > God drinks Coke **Tiger**. \ > -Rue. (Aquinas) \*\* When I read this, I thought you were saying God drinks Coke Tiger - a new and intriguing Coke flavour. ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/37 "2003-06-23T23:29:03Z")
“What does God need with a refridgerator?” ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/38 "2003-06-23T23:38:10Z")
Could God have a refrigerator so large that even he couldn’t stock it? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/39 "2003-06-23T23:49:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rico \* > \*\*Like, who’s got the nerve to send God the light bill? Not me! \*\* Doesn’t “Lucifer” mean “bringer of light” or some such? Fern Forest asks: > [@](#): > > “What does God need with a refridgerator?” “…or a starship?” ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/40 "2003-06-23T23:51:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr. Blue Sky \* > \*\*Doesn’t “Lucifer” mean “bringer of light” or some such? \*\* Actually I thought it was “bringer of Bud Light…” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739.md?page=3)