# The Sign in Front of This One Church (With Extra Blasphemy!) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 23, 2003, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739 "2003-06-23T11:15:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/81 "2003-06-25T13:37:03Z")
And I’ll bet the nice living room has plastic slip covers over all the furniture. And those plastic rug runners so the carpet doesn’t get all dirty. **Rue** I bet God makes everybody take off their shoes before they even come in his house. I mean, God would always just have freshly mopped/waxed floors right? Would God have a Mother Angel standing right beside the front door saying, “Alright Mister! This floor just got mopped and/or waxed! You take off those shoes right now! Do you think all I have to do is clean up after you?” ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/82 "2003-06-25T13:58:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by swampbear \* > \*\* I bet God makes everybody take off their shoes before they even come in his house. \*\* Only if the souls are dirty… sorry, I was weak, I couldn’t resist. I’ll just take off my shoes now ---
**Author:** ![Oicu812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f475e1/32.png) [@Oicu812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oicu812)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/83 "2003-06-25T14:15:37Z")
So what would our new, fridge based belief system be called? The First Church of the Fundamental Frigidaire? Secret Sect of the Maytag Mythology? The Kitchenaid Cult? O ---
**Author:** ![Wintermute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@Wintermute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wintermute)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/84 "2003-06-25T14:31:51Z")
Ok, see, here’s what gets me. Why would God _need_ a refrigerator? (And why does fridge get a ‘d’, but refrigerator doesn’t?) Why wouldn’t God be able to simply _think_ of what He wants and have it materialize in front of Him, at the peak of freshness and flavor? Isn’t He omnipotent? Wouldn’t He be able to go, “Hmmm, I’m in the mood for some Coq au Vin, with maybe a nice Chardonnay and mango/shoe polish ice cream for dessert.”, and have it all appear before Him, laid out to perfection, at the perfect temperature, the perfect blend of seasonings and the right amount of sauce? Why would God’s ice cream melt? ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/85 "2003-06-25T14:48:07Z")
As per the OP **Winnie** , there’s no “d”. But it does get an apostrophe. Unless that’s some other speck of punctuation. ('Frige) But “fridge” does look better, and since it rhymes with “bridge” it just seems best to spell it the same way. Have you ever eaten ice cream, but instead of spooning the bites up one at a time, you stir and stir the ice cream until it gets all mooshy? Maybe God would like His ice cream like that once in a while. That’s why His ice cream would melt. So it could get mooshy. -Rue. (mooshy) ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/86 "2003-06-25T15:09:51Z")
I’m afraid I am too tired to expound on the theological implications of god’s fridge. But I wanted to say I like this thread very much. I like this thread very much. There you go. ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/87 "2003-06-25T16:17:05Z")
Come back and expound when you’re not so tired **Puddin’**. We’ll be waiting to hear from you. -Rue. (waiting) ---
**Author:** ![Pupshaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@Pupshaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pupshaw)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/88 "2003-06-25T20:36:52Z")
I once saw a church sign that read “God is calling you,” so I figure God must have a telephone as well as a refrigerator. And he’s calling me (and probably you, too) but not leaving any messages. I thought those were telemarketers, but I guess I was mistaken. It’s God! I’m afraid to find out why he’s calling, though. What if I pick up the phone and hear a sepulchral voice saying “Pupshaw! It’s _time_…to clean the refrigerator!” And then I’d be scared–does he mean my refrigerator, or the Celestial Refrigerator? In either case, it’d be scary. Anyway, on my refrigerator, I have magnets with pictures of my cats in them. The vet gave them to me when I first brought my cats in. They have “Welcome to our family” and the vet’s name and phone number printed on them. And a little heart-shaped cutout with polaroids of the cats showing through. So I think that’s what God’s magnets look like. Not that he needs 'em to remember our phone numbers; he just likes the way they look. Maybe when we get to heaven, we also get to wear a little tag that says “If found, please call God” and God’s phone number on it. But I don’t know what God’s phone number is, because he doesn’t leave me any messages. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/89 "2003-06-25T20:44:02Z")
**Pupshaw**. you _must_ post more often!! You cracked me up! You also got me to wondering if the “BLOCKED NUMBER” that shows up on my Caller ID might just be God. I won’t answer blocked calls. ---
**Author:** ![Wintermute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@Wintermute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wintermute)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/90 "2003-06-25T20:47:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rue DeDay \* > \*\*As per the OP **Winnie** , there’s no “d”. But it does get an apostrophe. Unless that’s some other speck of punctuation. ('Frige) But “fridge” does look better, and since it rhymes with “bridge” it just seems best to spell it the same way. > > Have you ever eaten ice cream, but instead of spooning the bites up one at a time, you stir and stir the ice cream until it gets all mooshy? Maybe God would like His ice cream like that once in a while. That’s why His ice cream would melt. So it could get mooshy. > -Rue. (mooshy) \*\* _Aahhh!_ :smack: Of course. Mooshy. **Rue** , I think I have figured you out. You are obviously some great religious teacher come to teach us, your followers, the mysteries of the universe. You are not a young man with two children and a wife living in 21st-century America. You are, in fact, a Tibetan priest, sitting cross-legged in your saffron robe and posting to us with the wisdom you have gained through hundreds of reincarnations. The OP was a koan. In fact, _all_ your MMPs are koans. Am I right? Did I get it? Of course, you could still be a young man with two children and a wife and be a great teacher. This is my long-winded way of saying, “You’re so clever, **Rue**!” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sassy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@Sassy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sassy)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/91 "2003-06-25T22:04:18Z")
_First Church of DeDay, Electrician_ hi **Rue** 😃 ---
**Author:** ![lynn73](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@lynn73](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lynn73)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/92 "2003-06-25T22:36:44Z")
It’s just an expression to help get across how much we mean to God. :rolleyes: No need to analyze it to death. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Creant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Miss\_Creant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Creant)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/93 "2003-06-25T22:45:18Z")
The sign that I have always remembered read, " **The only thing you miss by not being Christian is heaven"** which, despite not being a Christian, struck me as a very \*\* unChristian\*\* thing to say. I wonder if God keeps his take-out food menus on the fridge or just shoves them in the drawer next to His silverware. And how come **Rue** doesn’t have his own nationaly syndicated column? I bet if he did, God’s mom would cut them out on a regular basis and mail them to her son. ---
**Author:** ![dwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dwyr/32/363_2.png) [@dwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwyr)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/94 "2003-06-25T23:34:00Z")
Either someone got monumentally whooshed or I just did. Anyway, The Columbia Guide to Standard American English has this to say about “fridge” > [@](#): > > fridge (n.) > > is an abbreviated slang version of refrigerator, having lost its first syllable to apheresis and its clipped final syllables to apocope. Whatever the heck, oops… _excuse_ me. I mean I have no earthly idea what most of that means. Any linguists in the house? ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sign-in-front-of-this-one-church-with-extra-blasphemy/183739/95 "2003-06-25T23:40:29Z")
I bet God just took **His4Ever’s** picture off the fridge. It’s prolly stuck on the side of the microwave right now. :rolleyes: Speaking of God’s telephone, I remembered this one while reading **Pupshaw’s** post. \