# The silliest military hat. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 1, 2005, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silliest-military-hat/328909 "2005-11-01T14:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2005, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silliest-military-hat/328909/1 "2005-11-01T14:50:45Z")
Nothing says “I’m a complete and total badass,” like a ridiculous hat. The fact that the hat stays on its owners head and hasn’t been knocked off or snatched for a game of keepaway is an ongoing testament to the owner’s ability to kick five hundred kinds of ass. This explains the propagation of berets, a completely ludicrous fashion statement if I ever saw one, through the uniforms of the world’s militaries. However, the [Norwegian His Majesty the King’s Gaurd](http://www.dcmilitary.com/army/pentagram/newspics/2256_vit_ki_cmyk.jpg) has berets beat by a mile. I don’t even know the name of this hat, but without a doubt, the fuzzy tassel feathery thing hanging off the side sends the message loud and clear: Screw with the King of Norway, and you’ll wish you were never born. What’s your nomination? ---
**Author:** ![nonacetone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonacetone/32/2819_2.png) [@nonacetone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nonacetone)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2005, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silliest-military-hat/328909/2 "2005-11-01T15:05:27Z")
I have to go with the Swiss Guard. You can see why… [![](http://members.dslextreme.com/users/markpoyser/uggabugga/2003/swiss-guard.jpg) ](http://members.dslextreme.com/users/markpoyser/uggabugga/2003/swiss-guard.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2005, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silliest-military-hat/328909/3 "2005-11-01T15:06:36Z")
[Guardia Civil (Spain) “Tricornia”](http://www.reiss.dk/hats/categories/show/?ID=142&Cat=1) ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2005, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silliest-military-hat/328909/4 "2005-11-01T15:06:49Z")
> [@Podkayne](#): > > The fact that the hat stays on its owners head and hasn’t been knocked off or snatched for a game of keepaway is an ongoing testament to the owner’s ability to kick five hundred kinds of ass. An aside regarding that: during the Occupation, Japanese prostitutes used to grab US servicemens’ covers and run into their brothels as a way of luring in customers. Granted, the servicemen weren’t strolling down brothel row by accident, but not wanting to get written up by the MP’s for being out of uniform would be a factor in getting them through a particular door. Anyway, my vote for stupidest headgear would be for the Ottoman navy in the 16th century: the captains wore large mock-ups of their ships on top of their turbans, like participants in a nautical-theme school pageant. ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2005, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silliest-military-hat/328909/5 "2005-11-01T19:34:32Z")
Their hats aren’t \*horribly \* ridiculous, just a beret type thing with a long strip of cloth, but when combined with a big puffy thing on the shoe, you can’t beat the [Traditional Greek Soldier](http://hk.geocities.com/hyfoto/med/greek/soldier.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2005, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silliest-military-hat/328909/6 "2005-11-01T19:50:00Z")
Sorry, as the Boss of My Thread, I have to blow the whistle. Tights? Shoe poofies? I’m afraid that the Swiss Guard and the traditional Greek soldiers are just not going to be in the running, since their silly hats are completely undermined by their other unfortunate fashion choices, and they simply do not look like badasses. Just for fun, here’s the super-advanced [Überberet of the Future](http://baronmoritani.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/sardaukarhat.jpg) from the Sci Fi miniseries “Frank Herbert’s Dune.” I don’t even have to tell you that dude is a Sardaukar, one of the Emperor’s crack troops, feared throughout the galaxy. You can already tell because of his extremely ridiculous hat. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2005, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silliest-military-hat/328909/7 "2005-11-01T21:34:08Z")
> [@Podkayne](#): > > I’m afraid that the Swiss Guard and the traditional Greek soldiers are just not going to be in the running, since their silly hats are completely undermined by their other unfortunate fashion choices. Greek soldiers have silly uniforms? [Surely not](http://www.wright-photo.com/evzone2.htm)😉 ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silliest-military-hat/328909/8 "2005-11-02T00:00:18Z")
I like how, in the pictures of marching Greek soldiers, they all seem to be glaring at the big poofy tassel on their shoe. Like they’re saying, “I hate these damned thing. The Turks don’t have big poofy tassels on their shoes. How is anyone going to take us seriously when we look like we stepped in a tribble?” Incidentally, I’ve been reading Phil Foglio’s steampunk webcomic, [Girl Genius](http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/index.php). One of the reoccuring themes are the Jagermonsters, an orc-like race of supersoldiers with a fondness for [ridiculous 18th century Austrian headgear.](http://www.studiofoglio.com/girlgenius/jagershots/jagershot.004.html) ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silliest-military-hat/328909/9 "2005-11-02T00:31:30Z")
Definitely the British bearskin [http://edition.cnn.com/EARTH/9708/13/britain.bearskin.ap/bearskin.ap.jpg](http://edition.cnn.com/EARTH/9708/13/britain.bearskin.ap/bearskin.ap.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silliest-military-hat/328909/10 "2005-11-02T00:42:01Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > [Guardia Civil (Spain) “Tricornia”](http://www.reiss.dk/hats/categories/show/?ID=142&Cat=1) Ok, you have to look at this site’s home page. “The Internet’s seventh-best on-line hat collection!” indeed. And I think I have a lot of time on my hands… ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silliest-military-hat/328909/11 "2005-11-02T00:58:17Z")
> [@Peter Morris](#): > > Definitely the British bearskin > [http://edition.cnn.com/EARTH/9708/13/britain.bearskin.ap/bearskin.ap.jpg](http://edition.cnn.com/EARTH/9708/13/britain.bearskin.ap/bearskin.ap.jpg) Everytime I see this hat, I feel obliged to sing that chant of the witch’s guards in Wizard of Oz, “O-Ee-Yah! Eoh-Ah!” ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silliest-military-hat/328909/12 "2005-11-02T01:08:35Z")
I think the hats U.S. drill instructors wear are a perfect example, although not as silly as some of the international examples provided. On my first day of boot camp I found it tough to take seriously someone whose headwear made them look like Smokey the Bear. The women’s hats are even weirder–they have one side of the brim buttoned to the main part of the hat. (In the Air Force, at least.) It actually didn’t take very long for me to learn to take them seriously anyway. This thread demonstrates the great beauty of certain military operations like American basic training: a five-foot-tall, attractive, petite woman can have an entire flight of 60 grown men quaking in their boots even though every single grown man is fully aware that said woman can’t legally lay a finger on them. Ironically (considering the military’s mission), I think this demonstrates that the power of psychology far outweighs that of physical violence. Of course, this doesn’t apply in the Army, where trainees occasionally still get beaten up by instructors. BTW, have you ever seen the Birth Control Glasses worn by Army and Air Force trainees? Yow! ---
**Author:** ![FlyingRamenMonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@FlyingRamenMonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingRamenMonster)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silliest-military-hat/328909/13 "2005-11-02T02:39:00Z")
I can’t find a picture, but imagine this: a white hat shaped kind of like a round mortar board, with a bright orange pom-pom in the centre like an egg done sunny side up. This is what I saw a pair of guards wearing at a train station in France a few years ago. We would have laughed if they weren’t wearing military fatigues and carrying machine guns. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silliest-military-hat/328909/14 "2005-11-02T03:41:50Z")
How about the pickelhaubes? Of course, those hats could have doubled as weapons in a pinch! ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silliest-military-hat/328909/15 "2005-11-02T07:48:53Z")
How about [whatever the hell this fella’s wearing?](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Mackensen2.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silliest-military-hat/328909/16 "2005-11-02T14:09:30Z")
[Sardaukar beret](http://baronmoritani.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/sardaukarhat.jpg), or whatever-the-heck its called. ---
**Author:** ![wolfstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d6d6ee/32.png) [@wolfstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfstu)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silliest-military-hat/328909/17 "2005-11-02T14:51:47Z")
[Pickelhaube](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pickelhaube)! [Wedge Cap](http://www.airforce.forces.gc.ca/traddocs/tradq_e.asp)! ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silliest-military-hat/328909/18 "2005-11-02T14:56:15Z")
The [cunt cap.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garrison_cap) ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silliest-military-hat/328909/19 "2005-11-02T20:54:47Z")
> [@Podkayne](#): > > …Just for fun, here’s the super-advanced [Überberet of the Future](http://baronmoritani.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/sardaukarhat.jpg) from the Sci Fi miniseries “Frank Herbert’s Dune.” I don’t even have to tell you that dude is a Sardaukar, one of the Emperor’s crack troops, feared throughout the galaxy. You can already tell because of his extremely ridiculous hat. Military millinery, eh? The link didn’t work, alas. I must admit, I came here just to post about the Sardaukar hats, but you beat me to it. Boy, were they stoopid. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2005, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silliest-military-hat/328909/20 "2005-11-03T01:30:15Z")
I don’t know if these were unique to Russia (might have had them in Germany as well), but they were metal dress helmets with large EAGLES mounted on top. Looked absolutely ridiculous. Here’s a description in the exhibition catalog from the _Nicholas and Alexandra_ exhibit: > [@](#): > > …officer’s helmet of gilded brass with a silver double-headed eagle screwed on under a crown… Unfortunately, I’m not finding any pictures. If I had a scanner, I’d scan the image-it has to be seen to be believed. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silliest-military-hat/328909.md?page=2)