# The silly married name game **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 11, 2007, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silly-married-name-game/395522 "2007-03-11T22:02:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sonia\_Montdore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@Sonia\_Montdore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sonia_Montdore)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2007, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silly-married-name-game/395522/1 "2007-03-11T22:02:07Z")
Let’s play the silly married name game. You marry off Person A to Person B, resulting in a silly new name for one of them. The rules are: 1. They must be real people, not fictional characters. 2. They can come from different periods of history. We’ll lend 'em a time machine. 3. You can pair up people of the same sex, even if they don’t/didn’t lean that way in real life. I’ll start: If Robin Givens married Peter Graves, she’d be Robin Graves. Your turn. ---
**Author:** ![E.Thorp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@E.Thorp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E.Thorp)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2007, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silly-married-name-game/395522/2 "2007-03-11T22:19:22Z")
If Tuesday Weld married the son of Frederic March, she’d be Tuesday March the Second! [/Fozzie Bear] ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2007, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silly-married-name-game/395522/3 "2007-03-12T01:43:49Z")
If Eddie Rabbitt married Bonnie Tyler, she would be Bonnie Rabbitt. If the Bride of Frankenstein divorced her current husband and remarried magician Jeff McBride, she would be the Bride of McBride. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2007, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silly-married-name-game/395522/4 "2007-03-12T02:38:49Z")
If Madonna married Liberace, they still wouldn’t have a last name. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2007, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silly-married-name-game/395522/5 "2007-03-12T03:10:04Z")
If Wanda Sykes married Robert Hughes, divorced him and married Henry Kissinger, she’d be Wanda Hughes Kissinger now. ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2007, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silly-married-name-game/395522/6 "2007-03-12T13:46:06Z")
If Oprah Winfrey dumped Graham Steadman and married Depak Chopra, she’d be Oprah Chopra. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2007, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silly-married-name-game/395522/7 "2007-03-12T13:54:50Z")
If O.J. married Homer… ---
**Author:** ![scareyfaerie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scareyfaerie/32/3135_2.png) [@scareyfaerie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scareyfaerie)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2007, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silly-married-name-game/395522/8 "2007-03-12T14:05:56Z")
One of my friends told me about someone she was at school with. This girl hated her surname of Whiteleg. So she got married. Now she’s traded Whiteleg for Sidebottom. I kid you not. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2007, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silly-married-name-game/395522/9 "2007-03-12T14:16:58Z")
If the star of _Kill Bill_ married the author of _The Three Musketeers_, she’d be Uma Dumas. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2007, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silly-married-name-game/395522/10 "2007-03-12T14:29:07Z")
If _Anna Paquin_ married _Eric Bana_, divorced him, and remarried [Salvatore Bonanno](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salvatore_%22Bill%22_Bonanno)…but hyphenated her name…she’d be **Anna Bana-Bonanno**. Sailboat ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2007, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silly-married-name-game/395522/11 "2007-03-12T15:19:44Z")
Okay, I spent almost an hour trying to work this out and now I think I have it: If Uma Thurman married former tennis player Hernan Gumy, she’d be Uma Gumy. I hope a Pink Floyd fan reads that. ---
**Author:** ![2pelo\_honey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/2/ecb155/32.png) [@2pelo\_honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2pelo_honey)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2007, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silly-married-name-game/395522/12 "2007-03-12T15:22:51Z")
[QUOTE=Askance] If Wanda Sykes married Robert Hughes, divorced him and married Henry Kissinger, she’d be Wanda Hughes Kissinger now. [/QUOTE] 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2007, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silly-married-name-game/395522/13 "2007-03-12T16:37:41Z")
If Parker Posey married Bob Barker she’d be PARKER BARKER. If Maria Conchita Alonso married Buckminster Fuller then upon discovering he was dead married Topher Grace, she’d be MARIA FULLER GRACE. If Marie Osmond married Haley Joel Osment and then Ozzie Osborne she’d be Marie Osmond Osment Osborne. If she adopted Tony Perkins’s son Osgood (as she is want to do) he’d be Osgood Osmond Osment Osborne. If Clay Aiken married some body builder named Terry Back, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2007, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silly-married-name-game/395522/14 "2007-03-12T16:50:11Z")
If [Mike Hunt](http://mississippistate.rivals.com/viewprospect.asp?pr_key=52798&sport=1) married Clay Aiken, he’d be Mike Hunt Aiken. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2007, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silly-married-name-game/395522/15 "2007-03-12T17:00:38Z")
[QUOTE=Sampiro] If Marie Osmond married Haley Joel Osment and then Ozzie Osborne she’d be Marie Osmond Osment Osborne. If she adopted Tony Perkins’s son Osgood (as she is want to do) he’d be Osgood Osmond Osment Osborne. [/QUOTE] Then she could marry Charles Osgood. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2007, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silly-married-name-game/395522/16 "2007-03-12T17:17:38Z")
If OpalCat from these boards married my favorite Israeli actor she’d be Opal Topol. If the greatest actress in the history of France married Gary Hart and divorced him for George Burns she’d go from being Sarah Bernhardt to Sarah Hart-Burns. If Iceland’s most famous singer married an unsuccessful Supreme Court nominee and upon his death married the least popular Monkee she’d be Bjork Bork Tork. If Princess Leia’s portrayer married an often married CNN interviewer and they made their home at 704 Houser Street she’d be Carrie Fisher King of Queens. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2007, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silly-married-name-game/395522/17 "2007-03-12T18:09:46Z")
[QUOTE=Sampiro] If Iceland’s most famous singer married an unsuccessful Supreme Court nominee and upon his death married the least popular Monkee she’d be Bjork Bork Tork. [/QUOTE] Then if she marries a TV alien, and divorces him to marry Prince Andrew of the UK, that would makes her Bjork Bork Tork Mork from Ork, Duchess of York. If the oldest of the Beverly Hillbillies married the actor who played Barney Fyfe, she’s be Granny Knotts. If Popeye’s girlfriend married the ex-husband of the lead singer of Jefferson Starship, she’s be Olive Oyl Slick. If British singer Dusty Springfield married Dr. Gregory House, she’d be Dusty House. If the lead actress in the original Broadway production of **The Music Man** married the Shepard from **Firefly** , she’d be Barbara Cook Book. If the character Barbara Cook played married an Arnold Schwarzenegger character, then worked as a dominatrix at night while caring for sick animals during the day and joining a local service club, she’s be Marian the Barbarian Disciplinarian Veterinarian Rotarian (ex-librarian). ---
**Author:** ![zelie\_zelerton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/59ef9b/32.png) [@zelie\_zelerton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zelie_zelerton)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2007, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silly-married-name-game/395522/18 "2007-03-12T20:34:34Z")
[QUOTE=Marley23] Okay, I spent almost an hour trying to work this out and now I think I have it: If Uma Thurman married former tennis player Hernan Gumy, she’d be Uma Gumy. I hope a Pink Floyd fan reads that. [/QUOTE] Hurrah! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5ac83/32.png) [@The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mad_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2007, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silly-married-name-game/395522/19 "2007-03-12T20:55:26Z")
Stolen from Rip Taylor… If Rich Little married Pia Zadora she’d be Pia Little. If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader she’d be Ella Vader (against the rules, but part of the routine) If Totie fields married Truman Capote, she’d be Totie Capote. if Kitty Carlisle married Conway Twitty, she’d be Kitty Twitty. my own lame one- if Peter Cushing married Whoopi Goldberg, she’d be Whoopi Cushing. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2007, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silly-married-name-game/395522/20 "2007-03-12T21:02:12Z")
If Tea Leoni married Pol Pot, she’d be Tea Pot. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-silly-married-name-game/395522.md?page=2)