# The Simpsons **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 18, 1999, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-simpsons/8505 "1999-08-18T04:31:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![realm505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@realm505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/realm505)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 1999, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-simpsons/8505/101 "1999-09-02T06:07:00Z")
J/K i can’t get enough of the simpsions ---
**Author:** ![Heath\_Doolin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Heath\_Doolin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heath_Doolin)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 1999, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-simpsons/8505/102 "1999-09-02T07:20:00Z")
Homer in New York chasing the horse and buggy “Marge grab the kids and jump over here. No time for the baby!” “Dad you killed the zombie Flanders” “He was a zombie?” Homer: “The information superhighway showed the average person what some nerd thinks about Star Trek.” (this one runs on my office screensaver scroller) and of course Homers SAGE ADVICE! -There’s nothing wrong with hitting someone when his back is turned. -The three little sentences that will get you through life: 1. Cover for me. 2. Oh, good idea, Boss! 3. It was like that when I got here. - If stuff starts flying, just turn your head! - You know, if you tip the glass, there won’t be so much foam on top. -Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. -Its a crock, no matter how good you are there is someone better. {Bart then says “Can’t win, don’t try”] -If something’s hard to do then it’s not worth doing -[Getting out of jury duty] The trick is to say you’re prejudiced against all races. -If something goes wrong…blame the guy who can’t speak English. -Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose – it’s how drunk you get. -Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. ---
**Author:** ![Heath\_Doolin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Heath\_Doolin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heath_Doolin)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 1999, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-simpsons/8505/103 "1999-09-02T07:25:00Z")
Great scott I forgot my all time fave Burns is a vampire and Lisa explains that Homer must drive a stake through his heart and of course Homer comes through with the all time zing: (Gasp!) Kill my boss? Do I dare live the American Dream?! ---
**Author:** ![Heath\_Doolin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Heath\_Doolin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heath_Doolin)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 1999, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-simpsons/8505/104 "1999-09-02T07:26:00Z")
Great scott I forgot my all time fave Burns is a vampire and Lisa explains that Homer must drive a stake through his heart and of course Homer comes through with the all time zing: (Gasp!) Kill my boss? Do I dare live the American Dream?! and one totally off the Homer following when Sideshow Bob is found to have commited voting fraud when he is elected. Lisa finds that they have marked the cemetary headstones as voters: Lisa: Do you know what this means? Bart: Oh my god! The dead have risen and are voting Republican! ---
**Author:** ![ChuckSki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@ChuckSki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChuckSki)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 1999, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-simpsons/8505/105 "1999-09-02T12:18:00Z")
TennHippie This line: “Of course you’re going to hate New York if you only focus on the pimps and the CHUDs” is said by Marge just before the family leaves for NY in the episode where: Barney draws duty as the Designated Driver; The Duff Crew shows up at Moes with the giant mug o’ Duff, which he has to turn down; He (Barney) drives Homer and the boys home then takes off on a binge in Homer’s car, leaving it at the World Trade Center (on the plaza) in NY; Homer get a notice from NY about his abandoned car (now Booted); Remember this one? ## It was just on last night!! “The intellectuals’ chief cause of anguish are one another’s works.” Jacques Barzun Cheers! CAL ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 1999, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-simpsons/8505/106 "1999-09-03T05:25:00Z")
“mmmm… Soylent Green…” ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 1999, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-simpsons/8505/107 "1999-09-02T18:20:00Z")
Wiggum: “Suspect is driving a…car. Suspect is hatless! Repeat, suspect is hatless!” “Here’s my location. I’m directly under the sun…now!” ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 1999, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-simpsons/8505/108 "1999-09-03T03:20:00Z")
Let’s see if I can remember this one right…Burns, Smithers, and Homer are fleeing from the government with the Tillion Dollar Bill. They zoom past Chief Wiggum in his squad car as his radio squaks: “Be on the lookout for three men in a 1937 maroon Stutz Bearcat!” Wiggum (observing one-of-a-kind car flying past): “Nah, that was more of a burgundy.” ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 1999, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-simpsons/8505/109 "1999-09-03T04:12:00Z")
Oh, man, I love this show. From tonight’s Side Show Bob episode (one of my all-time favorites, where the Simpsons are placed in the witness relocation program and SSB sings HMS Pinafore): Lisa: “Bart! I think I know who is writing these threatening letters! Who have you been making harassing phone calls to all this year?” Bart (quizzically): “Linda Lavin?” Lisa: “No, someone who _didn’t_ deserve it!” Oh, man, I love this show. * * * “Me fail English? That’s unpossible!” “English? Who needs that? I’m never going to England.” ---
**Author:** ![pldennison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc29f/32.png) [@pldennison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pldennison)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 1999, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-simpsons/8505/110 "1999-09-03T11:49:00Z")
ChuckSki, that episode also contains the great exchange: Homer: “Do you have anything to drink?” Vendor: “I have Mountain Dew or Crab Juice.” Homer: “Ewwwwww! Agh . . . blech . . .I’ll take the Crab Juice!” ---
**Author:** ![pldennison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc29f/32.png) [@pldennison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pldennison)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 1999, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-simpsons/8505/111 "1999-09-03T11:52:00Z")
Oh, BTW, Simpsons fans, if you haven’t started watching _Futurama_ yet, snap to it! If anything, the writing is even funnier. The robot character, Bender, has some of the greatest lines I’ve heard in a long time. ---
**Author:** ![RoboDude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bbe5ce/32.png) [@RoboDude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RoboDude)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 1999, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-simpsons/8505/112 "1999-09-09T02:43:00Z")
All this talk about the Simpsons, and nobody has mentioned the many funny things Bart has written on the chalkboard? go to [http://www.rit.edu/~mwp6741/comedy/simpson.html](http://www.rit.edu/~mwp6741/comedy/simpson.html) for a list of most of them. ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 1999, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-simpsons/8505/113 "1999-09-09T02:53:00Z")
Got to agree about _Futurama_. Bender is great! The sequence where he went on a “sober binge” was hillarious. “Bender! You’re blind, stinking sober!” Fry: “I don’t understand why a robot needs to drink.” Bender: “I don’t need to drink! I can quit anytime I want!” Dr. J ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Sparkle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Mr.Sparkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Sparkle)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 1999, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-simpsons/8505/114 "1999-09-11T02:19:00Z")
Homer: “Mmm…sacrelicious” Family in car… Grandpa: “I gotta goto the baathroom!” Marge: “We’re almost there grandpa” Grandpa: “Tooo late…” Homer: In a falsetto voice,\*“Hel-lo Mister Dean! I think you’re a stupid head!” \* Dean: “Homer is that you?” Scream and running sound from Homer. Bart: “Hey look… Why is Stampy ramming the other elephants?” Park ranger: “Thats because Stampys a jerk.” “Quit it Mr. Simpson.” Grandpa: “…And thats why we used to call them fatty yellow beans.” ---
**Author:** ![PatrickM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7feea3/32.png) [@PatrickM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickM)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 1999, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-simpsons/8505/115 "1999-09-17T02:57:00Z")
Taking the liberty of the inexact quote: Marge’s mother: “Monty, you’re the Devil himself!” Mr. Burns: “Who told…” and then changes the subject. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 1999, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-simpsons/8505/116 "1999-09-17T04:09:00Z")
BURNS: Oh yes, sitting - the great leveler. From the mightiest pharaoh to the lowliest peasant, who doesn’t enjoy a good sit? ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 1999, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-simpsons/8505/117 "1999-09-17T04:36:00Z")
Well, I apoligise if it’s already been said, but I still have to say Grandpa’s “I wore and onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. And nickels had a picture of a bee on them. ‘Gimme 5 bees for a quarter’ we’d say!” I’ve doubled over many a stodgy businessman with laughter while intoning during their droning monologue “I wore and onion on my belt…which was the style at the time!” ---
**Author:** ![dramatoig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e0b2c6/32.png) [@dramatoig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dramatoig)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 1999, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-simpsons/8505/118 "1999-09-17T04:56:00Z")
My favorite, from the “Flaming Moe’” episode: Marge: Homer, maybe you can take some consolation in the fact that something you created is making people happy. Homer: Oh, look at me! I’m making people happy! I’m the magical man from Happyland in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane! My chief joy with the Simpsons, however, is picking out the references, both literary and visual. I got sort of the same recognition thrill/laugh from MST3K… * * * “You must not mind me madam; I say strange things, but I mean no harm.” Samuel Johnson ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 1999, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-simpsons/8505/119 "1999-09-17T12:51:00Z")
My fave, from the ‘oil well’ episode, where Willie has been re-assigned as the French teacher: “Awwllrrrright! Pay attention noo, yuh cheese-eatin’ liddle surrrrender-monkeys!” ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 1999, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-simpsons/8505/120 "1999-09-18T04:12:00Z")
Well, no pertinent reply, although I’m sure you TM can muster more. This is a blatant thread jumpstart project. Regards [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-simpsons/8505.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-simpsons/8505.md?page=7)