# The sleazy fucking jerk. No, she's not interested in you **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 12, 2008, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818 "2008-12-12T02:12:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![brazil84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8491ac/32.png) [@brazil84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brazil84)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/221 "2008-12-16T19:40:31Z")
It’s pretty clear to me that **Malacandra** wasn’t accusing anyone of being a prostitute. He was just alluding to a well-known joke. That’s how I understood his post at the time, and that’s how I understand it now. I’m guessing that **Lamia** is the type of person, all too common, who really enjoys taking offense. ---
**Author:** ![GillianBoardman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc79bd/32.png) [@GillianBoardman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GillianBoardman)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/222 "2008-12-16T19:42:54Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Father figure. Or she likes older men, knowing how shallow younger men are\*. Or she’s attracted to Gravitas or power, not nessesarily wealth. But yes, money is one of the attractants for younger women. But there’s a difference between a girl wanting a sugar-daddy and one that just prefers the Opera to TV-on-the-couch. > > **Some younger girls like an experienced lover, one who both knows the tricks but also has no problem using a condom. One who isn’t a “Minute-man”, even if he isn’t so studly looking. One with “slow hands”.** > However, I am now 50-something. When I was just a bit younger, I had two (not at the same time) much younger, very attractive GF, who’d even call _me_ for a booty call. One did like a date at _Arcadia_ as opposed to Micky-D’s, but the other just said I was a superior lover. Note that I am not weathly. > > - and I _was_. This! I may be 46 now, but when I was 18, (ok, really 16, because i was married by the time I was 18), I was interested in older men because I felt it was much more likely they knew their way around a woman’s body. Personally, I thought the guys my age were pretty, but most often they were duds in bed. They would learn in time, but I didn’t want them to learn on me. That’s what cougars are for. And don’t jump me, I mentioned my current age for just that reason. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/223 "2008-12-16T19:51:45Z")
> [@GillianBoardman](#): > > This! I may be 46 now, but when I was 18, (ok, really 16, because i was married by the time I was 18), I was interested in older men because I felt it was much more likely they knew their way around a woman’s body. Personally, I thought the guys my age were pretty, but most often they were duds in bed. They would learn in time, but I didn’t want them to learn on me. That’s what cougars are for. And don’t jump me, I mentioned my current age for just that reason. It is now time for the obligatatory _“How yew doin? ;)”_ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/224 "2008-12-16T19:52:17Z")
> [@brazil84](#): > > I’m going to hypothesize that there are two big categories of people who are really disturbed by the idea of a 40 year old guy hitting on an 18 year old girl: > > (1) older guys who don’t have the cojones to do it themselves; > > (2) older women who resent the fact that so many men in their age group are chasing younger women rather than women of their own age. I think any guest on Jenny Jones could sum those both up with a classic line: ‘Y’all jus’ jealous!’ But, alas, I do not agree (and fit into neither category). ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/225 "2008-12-16T19:58:36Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > …Either this is some of the most pathetic backpedaling I’ve ever seen on these boards, or you are a truly inept writer. > > \*Look, if you can’t say what you mean then that’s not my fault. I would apologize if I had insulted someone by accident. If you are unwilling to do this then that’s your right, but it makes you a jerk. His profile calls him a “wannabe writer.” His work does lack clarity. (And, in revenge for my critique of his profile photo, he berated me because _my_ profile says I have no friends. Boo hoo.) ---
**Author:** ![brazil84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8491ac/32.png) [@brazil84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brazil84)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/226 "2008-12-16T19:58:58Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > I think any guest on Jenny Jones could sum those both up with a classic line: ‘Y’all jus’ jealous!’ I don’t watch Jenny Jones, but that seems to be a reasonable characterization. > [@](#): > > But, alas, I do not agree (and fit into neither category). Suit yourself. I admit it’s hard to guage people’s motivations online. ---
**Author:** ![storyteller0910](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@storyteller0910](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/storyteller0910)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/227 "2008-12-16T20:03:11Z")
> [@Bridget\_Burke](#): > > His profile calls him a “wannabe writer.” His work does lack clarity. > > (And, in revenge for my critique of his profile photo, he berated me because _my_ profile says I have no friends. Boo hoo.) Well, _I’m_ berating you because you misunderstood someone, used that misunderstanding as as basis on which to gratuitously insult them, and now refuse to back down from it. **Malacandra** may or may not have communicated his point clearly at first (I understood it perfectly, and so did others, but hey, it’s the English language and mileage varies), but his subsequent statements have been perfectly clear. That **Lamia** - but most especially you - refuse to back down from your graceless and ugly replies to something nobody ever said is… well, graceless and ugly. And in a way that has nothing to do with any picture, or any writing style. ---
**Author:** ![Dublin11](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Dublin11](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dublin11)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/228 "2008-12-16T20:11:16Z")
> [@GillianBoardman](#): > > This! I may be 46 now, but when I was 18, (ok, **really 16** , because i was married by the time I was 18), I was interested in older men because I felt it was much more likely they knew their way around a woman’s body. Personally, I thought the guys my age were pretty, but most often they were duds in bed. They would learn in time, but I didn’t want them to learn on me. That’s what cougars are for. And don’t jump me, I mentioned my current age for just that reason. You knew men your own age were duds in bed when you were sixteen? Crikey. ---
**Author:** ![GillianBoardman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc79bd/32.png) [@GillianBoardman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GillianBoardman)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/229 "2008-12-16T20:16:50Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > It is now time for the obligatatory _“How yew doin? ;)”_ > 😃 Oh my god! **DrDeth** , I think I love you, I never expected in a million years to get that response to one of my posts! After all, I’m not 18 anymore. But I did feel it was time to stand up for the older guys, who were being spoken of here as if they all had leprosy. And it was an honest assesment of my feelings. ---
**Author:** ![GillianBoardman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc79bd/32.png) [@GillianBoardman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GillianBoardman)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/230 "2008-12-16T20:22:29Z")
> [@Dublin11](#): > > You knew men your own age were duds in bed when you were sixteen? > Crikey. Yes, I knew. No, I’m not ashamed of it. No, I was not a victim of child abuse. And no, I really don’t want to debate it. I have a hard time keeping quiet when the “creepy” attraction threads come up, but I know I’ll never convince the usual suspects that some of us are just ready sooner than others. So I don’t even try. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/231 "2008-12-16T20:24:54Z")
> [@GillianBoardman](#): > > Oh my god! **DrDeth** , I think I love you, I never expected in a million years to get that response to one of my posts! After all, I’m not 18 anymore. But I did feel it was time to stand up for the older guys, who were being spoken of here as if they all had leprosy. And it was an honest assesment of my feelings. Well, I’m still an “older man” to you… technically.😉 I know, some dudes just can’t beleive that some younger girls are mature enough to prefer an older man. ---
**Author:** ![Dublin11](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Dublin11](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dublin11)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/232 "2008-12-16T20:39:55Z")
> [@GillianBoardman](#): > > Yes, I knew. No, I’m not ashamed of it. No, I was not a victim of child abuse. And no, I really don’t want to debate it. I have a hard time keeping quiet when the “creepy” attraction threads come up, but I know I’ll never convince the usual suspects that some of us are just ready sooner than others. So I don’t even try. I’m not asking you to debate it. I’m just sitting here saying crikey. In fact, I think I might just say it again. Crikey. And the reason I say it (more than once) is that it’s so far out of my personal experience that my mind is a bit boggled. All you or I or anyone else can react to is based on our own experiences, after all. ---
**Author:** ![GillianBoardman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc79bd/32.png) [@GillianBoardman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GillianBoardman)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/233 "2008-12-16T20:43:04Z")
> [@Dublin11](#): > > I’m not asking you to debate it. I’m just sitting here saying crikey. > In fact, I think I might just say it again. > Crikey. > > And the reason I say it (more than once) is that it’s so far out of my personal experience that my mind is a bit boggled. All you or I or anyone else can react to is based on our own experiences, after all. Sorry, I was a little quick on the draw there, didn’t mean to be snarky to you. Perhaps I am just an eensy bit oversensitive on the topic! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Dublin11](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Dublin11](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dublin11)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/234 "2008-12-16T20:48:44Z")
> [@GillianBoardman](#): > > Sorry, I was a little quick on the draw there, didn’t mean to be snarky to you. Perhaps I am just an eensy bit oversensitive on the topic! 😉 No need to apologise. 🙂 And aren’t we two very polite old birds! Right, back onto the real shouting - who wants to tell me about coffee houses? ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/235 "2008-12-16T22:11:55Z")
> [@brazil84](#): > > It’s pretty clear to me that **Malacandra** wasn’t accusing anyone of being a prostitute. He was just alluding to a well-known joke. That’s how I understood his post at the time, and that’s how I understand it now. I’ve heard the joke, and I know what it’s about: insinuating that the woman is a prostitute. > [@](#): > > \*I’m guessing that Lamia is the type of person, all too common, who really enjoys taking offense. \*Not a very lucky guess on your part. If I enjoyed taking offense then I would have been delighted at being the subject of an unprovoked insult. I was not. Although I have to say that I was as offended by the poor logic behind **Malacandra** ’s statement as by the suggestion that I rent out my vagina. My beliefs about the sexual interests of teenage girls in general have nothing to do with my own behavior. Even if I had said that _I_ was uninterested in most 40-something men but would make an exception for Johnny Depp\*, it would not follow that I was only interested because “he has fame, status and money enough”. Johnny Depp is widely considered to be a very handsome man, and only someone already inclined to believe that all women are whores would jump to the conclusion that Mr. Depp’s bank account is his most attractive feature. Now, if **Malacandra** were interested in clearing things up it would have been pretty simple for him to say something like “I’m sorry, that didn’t come across very well. I was trying to make a joke, but upon re-reading my post I can see how it sounded insulting. I apologize for my clumsy writing.” This would certainly have been a lot simpler than trying to argue that “you” doesn’t mean “you”, which is what he chose to do instead. Upon preview I see we have a nice example of this type of apology from **GillianBoardman**. I’ve done the same myself when I fear I have unintentionally caused offense. It’s just the decent thing to do, but **Malacandra** has passed up several prime opportunities to do it. If he would rather be the sort of person who insults others for no reason and then tries to pretend that he didn’t then I guess that’s his choice, it’s the Pit and such things aren’t against the rules here, but it’s a pretty obnoxious way to behave. \*For the record, I would not. He’s good-looking and a fine actor but not really my type. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/236 "2008-12-16T22:30:03Z")
Well, I’m sorry you’d still rather be offended than not, despite two explanatory posts by me and some by third parties who have understood perfectly well what I was saying. I’ve been known to apologise quite clearly and unequivocally, but it just doesn’t happen to people who stamp their little foot at me and say “Apologise, sirrah!” - still less to those who call me an inept writer, since I’ve been given plenty of contrary opinion over the years (and, once again, other people who have read the thread have had no trouble reading for comprehension). The joke doesn’t insinuate that the woman is a prostitute: she herself categorises herself as such by indicating a willingness to have sex for money, even an unreasonably large sum. After that, as her interlocutor says, it’s just arguing about the price. And if your comprehension skills were as high as you make out, you would understand that I wasn’t making any claim that a girl willing to sleep with Depp would be doing so _because of his money_ - just that her unwillingness to sleep with fortysomethings wasn’t an absolute, any more than the joke-woman’s unwillingness to prostitute herself was an absolute. Also, you might understand that this whole shebang had nothing to do with whether you yourself were willing to fuck JD. Sorry if my original post in this little episode was unclear, but I was pushed for time. I have clarified perfectly well now, and you’re just being obtuse for obtuseness’s sake. Enjoy your view from up there and please let me know if you can see my house. @Bridget: I wasn’t berating. I was pointing and laughing. Please feel free to give me more occasion to do so. The profile pic, however, stays. It might cut down on the number of posters who mistake my gender; and whether I’m as handsome as the Deppmeister or not, at least I’m not afraid to show my face. ---
**Author:** ![brazil84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8491ac/32.png) [@brazil84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brazil84)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/237 "2008-12-16T22:46:12Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > I’ve heard the joke, and I know what it’s about: insinuating that the woman is a prostitute. Sure, and it’s just a joke. > [@](#): > > If I enjoyed taking offense then I would have been delighted at being the subject of an unprovoked insult. I was not. For some reason you chose an interpretation which was clearly not intended. The only reasonable explanation is that it’s your preference to take offense. i.e. you enjoy it. I’ve met too many people like this. By all appearances, they love the feeling of power which comes from making other people feel uncomfortable as they struggle to explain themselves and apologize. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/238 "2008-12-16T23:00:22Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > I’ve heard the joke, and I know what it’s about: insinuating that the woman is a prostitute. I have no dog in this fight, but you are being obtuse. **Malacandra** was very clearly alluding to the famous joke in which a lady claims to find one thing morally repugnant but then admits it all depends on the price. Since you acknowledged there may be exceptions to the rule, he was only indicating that the two of you were ‘‘haggling over the price,’’ which in this context very obviously means now you’re going to sit down and figure out where the line is between Creepy Older Guy and Mature Gentleman. In fact, his tone was altogether pleasant and not at all insulting. This has nothing to do with prostitution–the original joke is only about prostitution in that it nicely illustrates the point that there is always a grey area when it comes to these issues. Even though you clearly took it the wrong way, he explained (more than once) what he meant and in fact, even apologized that it caused you initial offense. But he is absolutely correct; if you continue to be offended over this non-issue, then you are inflicting the distress upon yourself. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/239 "2008-12-16T23:20:21Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > I rent out my vagina. But… damnit, I thought we were negotiating for anal sex. I’m so confused. ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/240 "2008-12-16T23:39:17Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > The profile pic, however, stays. It might cut down on the number of posters who mistake my gender; and whether I’m as handsome as the Deppmeister or not, at least I’m not afraid to show my face. I, for one, think it’s a very nice picture. And I also thought it was a good bit of sarcasm. . . and laughed out loud when I read it. There are way too many people here who like to play the victim and wave their arms about hysterically at every imagined offense. And this one is waaay over the top– **Lamia** , I’m looking at you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818.md?page=13)