# The sleazy fucking jerk. No, she's not interested in you **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 12, 2008, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818 "2008-12-12T02:12:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![mshar253](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@mshar253](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mshar253)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/21 "2008-12-12T04:53:47Z")
> [@Aspidistra](#): > > If you see someone with a book in their hand deliberately turn away when you sit next to them I think it’s a fair bet they don’t want to spend their coffee break in chit-chat with strangers, irrespective of gender. OK, so maybe the guy in the OP is a little clueless. Or perhaps overly friendly. But geez, when I clicked on this thread I expected to read about someone who slipped something in a girl’s drink or called her 26 times a day. ---
**Author:** ![Influential\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Influential\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Influential_Panda)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/22 "2008-12-12T04:58:04Z")
Sounds like the OP wanted to hit on her and now is afraid this other 50 year old dude is making him look bad by association. ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/23 "2008-12-12T04:59:56Z")
> [@mshar253](#): > > OK, so maybe the guy in the OP is a little clueless. Or perhaps overly friendly. But geez, when I clicked on this thread I expected to read about someone who slipped something in a girl’s drink or called her 26 times a day. Oh I agree. “Sleazy jerk” is way too much of an assumption in this case. ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/24 "2008-12-12T05:15:21Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > By god, teach the man right for daring to say hello to a fellow human being. I mean, what the fuck is he thinking?!?!? HELLO?!?!? He actually said fucking “HELLO”??? Jebus, that’s half a step from just jumping on top of her in the store and raping the shit out of her! And at his age, attempting to communicate with a younger female AT ALL??? Miracle that she didn’t just whip out the can of mace and spray the fucker, then have him dragged off by the cops! > > Wow. The nerve of some people. > > :rolleyes: Thank you. The advent of an uber-individualistic society has caused us to become paranoid and fearful about communicating with other human beings. I’d be pitting her, not him, for contributing to a thoroughly unnecessary problem in this country. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/25 "2008-12-12T05:29:08Z")
> [@Aspidistra](#): > > If you see someone with a book in their hand deliberately turn away when you sit next to them I think it’s a fair bet they don’t want to spend their coffee break in chit-chat with strangers, irrespective of gender. Ok, in that scenario, it’s indeed true that age plays no part. However, I don’t understand why a polite response, _then a pointed, but firm return to her book_, wouldn’t have been adequate. Hell, all one has to do is Lather, Rinse, and Repeat and eventually, even the most clueless will get the hint. So ultimately, yeah, _she_ needed to grow a thicker skin. :rolleyes: And then people wonder why there isn’t more happy grease in the cogs of the society machine. ---
**Author:** ![Santo\_Rugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/26 "2008-12-12T05:41:47Z")
> [@RedWood](#): > > I am neither cute nor college age, but it’s AMAZING how many folks ignore the wedding ring 🙂 Or are completely oblivious. It wasn’t something that crossed my mind in college, because if somebody was married or taken everybody in the town knew it. There’s been more than a few times when I’m chatting with a gal at a bar, and she’ll get up to go to the restroom about twenty minutes later, and a buddy has told me, “Dude, she’s got a ring on.” I’m a lot better at it now, but I didn’t even realize it my first year out of school. 🙂 Oh, and to the OP: Maybe he was intentionally trying to make room so his wife could sit down when she brought them their coffee. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/27 "2008-12-12T05:43:58Z")
Her reaction does seem extreme, unless: 1. The guy was giving off bad vibes, very creepy 2. She’s had an unsettling social experience with another very similar guy, perhaps originating in the same sort of circumstances 3. She’d been the victim of an assault, whether sexual or otherwise violent, by an older guy and this man, however innocent he may have been, was triggering flashbacks Or maybe she’s just hypersensitive, as the thread consensus seems to be. But those possibilities leapt immediately to mind as I read the thread. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/28 "2008-12-12T05:47:32Z")
Wait, so an older man smiled at a younger woman and said “Hello, how are you doing?” and **you didn’t call the police**? What the fuck were you thinking? When that woman’s body ends up in the dumpster behind your local Starbucks, her blood is on your hands my friend. Asshole. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/29 "2008-12-12T06:35:46Z")
Hey, if I could nod and say hi to a guy walking down the street wearing a [damned bikini](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=432994), I don’t see what the big deal is here. It’s just being polite. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/30 "2008-12-12T06:40:10Z")
Some of the replies are giving me reason to think (and some are making me laugh). I suppose you had to be there, for it did seem inappropriate. OTOH, he did also briefly speak to the man in the fourth chair, another middle aged guy like himself, and me. Yet on that occasion there was at least a reason; he was asking for a part of the newspaper. In the case of the woman, it seemed a bit gratuitous. ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/31 "2008-12-12T06:44:07Z")
> [@Influential\_Panda](#): > > Sounds like the OP wanted to hit on her and now is afraid this other 50 year old dude is making him look bad by association. The OP is brilliant! It’s not like he’s talking to the clueless idiots of the world because well. . . they’re clueless, so why bother? But now he’s made himself out to be the oh-so-sensitive crusader for hot, young things who can now run to him for understanding. Even better if this worked in real life. On preview: The old dude was picking up other old guys as well? What is this world coming to?! ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/32 "2008-12-12T07:25:51Z")
> [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](#): > > The OP is brilliant! > > It’s not like he’s talking to the clueless idiots of the world because well. . . they’re clueless, so why bother? > > But now he’s made himself out to be the oh-so-sensitive crusader for hot, young things who can now run to him for understanding. > > Even better if this worked in real life. > > On preview: The old dude was picking up other old guys as well? What is this world coming to?! No, I’m jealous Creepy Dude didn’t hit on me. (Hah! a little joke.) In all seriousness, suppose you tried to make eye contact with someone, whether your preferred gender or not, and that person _ **obviously** _ rejected your opening. If you persisted regardless, how could you possibly be anything other than a nuisance? ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/33 "2008-12-12T08:21:25Z")
> [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](#): > > In all seriousness, suppose you tried to make eye contact with someone, whether your preferred gender or not, and that person _ **obviously** _ rejected your opening. If you persisted regardless, how could you possibly be anything other than a nuisance? So many possibilities with this one. Where shall I start? First, there are a whole bunch of stories of married people where the woman wasn’t interested in the man on first glance. But since the age gap is as wide as you say, let’s say that doesn’t apply here. Second, it was obvious to you (from your perspective) that she rejected his eye contact. It may not have seemed that way to him or her. You’re assuming that. But for argument’s sake, let’s say that she was rejecting to his eye contact and that he wasn’t getting it. All he did was say hi. Did she move away while he was saying it? If she moved away while he said it, that’s a little precipitous. If she moved away later, it could be that she just decided to leave. But let’s even say that she moved away because he talked to her. Perhaps he was thinking that she couldn’t possibly think that he’s hitting on her because he’s too old. Maybe in his mind, he was just being friendly. If he went further, that would probably cross the line of social inappropriateness. All that said, you were there and I wasn’t. Maybe there was more body language that went on that you didn’t write about. Lots of people of all different ages and both sexes have creeped me at some time or other. And I’ve moved away from many situations to try to keep myself safe. But I’m open to the possibility that not all the people that creeped me out had bad intentions. While it wouldn’t change my actions, it does change my perspective. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 10:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/34 "2008-12-12T10:19:26Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > Her reaction does seem extreme, unless: > > 1. The guy was giving off bad vibes, very creepy > > 2. She’s had an unsettling social experience with another very similar guy, perhaps originating in the same sort of circumstances > > 3. She’d been the victim of an assault, whether sexual or otherwise violent, by an older guy and this man, however innocent he may have been, was triggering flashbacks > > Or maybe she’s just hypersensitive, as the thread consensus seems to be. But those possibilities leapt immediately to mind as I read the thread. 1. She was abandoned at an early age by her father, a penniless French nobleman, who went off to restore the family fortunes and raise her in the style she was accustomed to: the only keepsake she has of him is a golden locket emblazoned with the family coat of arms. Her mother, distraught with grief, was nibbled to death by hedgehogs shortly afterwards, and she was adopted by a family of gypsies: she later became a succesful ballerina, but recently contracted tuberculosis while dancing before the crowned heads of Europe in a draughty theatre. In between bloodstained but delicate coughs she dearly wishes to see her long-lost father {whom she’ll recognise by the ring he always wore, which also bore the family crest}, once more before she kicks the bucket. and eagerly scans the fingers of each fifty-something man she sees for the tell-tale sign. Alas, the fruitless search is leaving her wan and pale, and she barely has the strength to raise her limpid blue eyes to one more middle-aged stranger’s hands. 2. She’s so far up her arse she can see her tonsils without a mirror. ---
**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/35 "2008-12-12T12:28:16Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > He didn’t happen to tell her that she was achingly beautiful, did he? You know, so he could bask in her beauty for just a moment more? 🙂 Exactly. Maybe the OP was happily upskirting this girl and the other dude scared his free show. Or… > [@Influential\_Panda](#): > > Sounds like the OP wanted to hit on her and now is afraid this other 50 year old dude is making him look bad by association. Geriatric cock block. I blame Viagra for this disgusting image. > [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](#): > > …OTOH, he did also briefly speak to the man in the fourth chair, another middle aged guy like himself, and me. … What a perv. Geriatric gang banging the poor girl. > [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](#): > > First, there are a whole bunch of stories of married people where the woman wasn’t interested in the man on first glance. Important point. Men are not attractive. Not too creative with romantic overtures either (sometime we end up whistling for lack of words). Time and persistence are often our only weapons. > [@Scissorjack](#): > > 1. She was abandoned at an early age by her father, a penniless French nobleman, who went off to restore the family fortunes and raise her in the style she was accustomed to: the only keepsake she has of him is a golden locket emblazoned with the family coat of arms. Her mother, distraught with grief, was nibbled to death by hedgehogs shortly afterwards, and she was adopted by a family of gypsies: she later became a succesful ballerina, but recently contracted tuberculosis while dancing before the crowned heads of Europe in a draughty theatre. In between bloodstained but delicate coughs she dearly wishes to see her long-lost father {whom she’ll recognise by the ring he always wore, which also bore the family crest}, once more before she kicks the bucket. and eagerly scans the fingers of each fifty-something man she sees for the tell-tale sign. Alas, the fruitless search is leaving her wan and pale, and she barely has the strength to raise her limpid blue eyes to one more middle-aged stranger’s hands. I hate it when that happens. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/36 "2008-12-12T12:57:08Z")
I wasn’t there. I’ve been in situations where I’ve returned pleasantries, said I was reading, and it worked fine. I’ve been in situations where that hasn’t worked. I’ve been in situations where my personal state has left me really not in the mood to exchange pleasantries with strangers and I’m in a coffee shop to be “alone with people.” I’ve been in situations where the guy was giving out such a creepy vibe with the “how are YOU doing?” thing that I was already feeling soiled and just frankly needed to walk away. I would assume that for whatever reason, this girl was in some form of one of the latter conditions. And yes, I agree that I feel sorry for her that she felt she had to get up and leave because her peace was intruded on. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/37 "2008-12-12T16:15:40Z")
> [@Ichini\_Sanshigo](#): > > Wait, she couldn’t smile back and indicate that she was reading? She had to run at the slightest sign of contact? I did that once. I was doing a crossword. Some harmless-looking guy asked me if he was in the right line for something. I said yes. He was like, ‘Oh, I guess you want to get back to your crossword.’ I smiled and shrugged. A few beats. Then, ‘Are you happy being a big fucking bitch?’ The conversation went downhill from there… ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/38 "2008-12-12T16:19:58Z")
> [@Scissorjack](#): > > 1. She was abandoned at an early age by her father, a penniless French nobleman, who went off to restore the family fortunes and raise her in the style she was accustomed to: the only keepsake she has of him is a golden locket emblazoned with the family coat of arms. Her mother, distraught with grief, was nibbled to death by hedgehogs shortly afterwards, and she was adopted by a family of gypsies: she later became a succesful ballerina, but recently contracted tuberculosis while dancing before the crowned heads of Europe in a draughty theatre. In between bloodstained but delicate coughs she dearly wishes to see her long-lost father {whom she’ll recognise by the ring he always wore, which also bore the family crest}, once more before she kicks the bucket. and eagerly scans the fingers of each fifty-something man she sees for the tell-tale sign. Alas, the fruitless search is leaving her wan and pale, and she barely has the strength to raise her limpid blue eyes to one more middle-aged stranger’s hands. > > 2. She’s so far up her arse she can see her tonsils without a mirror. That was fucking awesome. Jesus Christ. I can hardly wait until I get old and have to perform a cost/benefit analysis before waving at a stranger, lest I be dragged away in cuffs. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/39 "2008-12-12T16:24:18Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > Geez, I’m easily made uncomfortable, and maybe it’s because of the whole Southern culture thing, but this is stupid. You can’t stand having somebody say hi to you? Stop that! 🙂 I’m a New Yorker (upstate, ok? that counts!) and while I have been where the girl is, I still don’t think it’s too much just to say hi. And it’s rude to get up and leave afterwards. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/40 "2008-12-12T16:26:01Z")
sounds like he cockblocked you before you could try out your Smoove B moves. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818.md?page=3)