# The sleazy fucking jerk. No, she's not interested in you **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 12, 2008, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818 "2008-12-12T02:12:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/41 "2008-12-12T16:28:39Z")
IMHO, the girl was unnecessarily rude. Someone says “Hello?” and your response is to turn your back? Bitch. ---
**Author:** ![LibrarySpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f9ae1b/32.png) [@LibrarySpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LibrarySpy)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/42 "2008-12-12T16:32:13Z")
I’m shocked at the people here who are defending a man who insisted on bothering a woman after she’d _deliberately turned her back on him_. This wasn’t initial contact, this was him invading her after she rejected him. How is that cool? Why does she owe him anything? Are you people that lonely? Join a bridge group! She went to a relatively quiet, well-lit place that was supposed to be safe enough to read a book in peace, and someone still made her feel too uncomfortable to stay. That sucks. **Spectre of Pithecanthropus** , to all the people saying he was just being neighborly, did he try to strike up a conversation with you? Did you two have an exchange of social normalties that could live on as an example for polite and warm society? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/43 "2008-12-12T16:39:28Z")
> [@Rysler](#): > > I’m shocked at the people here who are defending a man who insisted on bothering a woman after she’d _deliberately turned her back on him_. This wasn’t initial contact, this was him invading her after she rejected him. I’m shocked that you just made all that stuff up and assumed nobody would notice. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/44 "2008-12-12T16:52:24Z")
It was bitchy, but the sort of bitchiness that’s become almost obligatory if you want to go through your day without being hassled. I’m probably being an asshole when I ignore the wild-eyed, rat-haired guy who approaches me saying “sir? Excuse me, sir!” as I exit the turnstile from the train station, but I know from experience that there’s a much greater likelihood that he’s going to ask me for money than, say, directions to the nearest museum. Shame that things are that way, but that way are they. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/45 "2008-12-12T16:52:32Z")
> [@Aspidistra](#): > > If you see someone with a book in their hand deliberately turn away when you sit next to them I think it’s a fair bet they don’t want to spend their coffee break in chit-chat with strangers, irrespective of gender. I think that simply being in public means accepting a certain amount of risk that people might try to interact with you. And it’s not unreasonable to expect you to have to turn down an attempt at conversation. ---
**Author:** ![LibrarySpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f9ae1b/32.png) [@LibrarySpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LibrarySpy)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/46 "2008-12-12T16:53:20Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > I’m shocked that you just made all that stuff up and assumed nobody would notice. Well, I got it from the OP. > [@Spectre of Pithecanthropus](#): > > Anon comes this guy who’s fifty if a day, and sits in the adjacent armchair to her, and **tries to initiate contact** by smiling at her. She’s **clearly uncomfortable and looks the other way** , out the window, away from the book she’d brought with her. That’s not clear enough for him, **so he says hello how are you doing** to her. Bolded for emphasis. ---
**Author:** ![villa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc79bd/32.png) [@villa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/villa)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/47 "2008-12-12T17:02:36Z")
> [@Rysler](#): > > Well, I got it from the OP. Except looking the other way and deliberately turning her back on him aren’t really the same thing, are they? ---
**Author:** ![Nikki\_Tikki\_Tavi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3da27b/32.png) [@Nikki\_Tikki\_Tavi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nikki_Tikki_Tavi)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/48 "2008-12-12T17:03:50Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > And it’s rude to get up and leave afterwards. Why? She didn’t feel like talking and tried to get that point across with her body language but the man didn’t take the hint. Why should she sit there and feel uncomfortable? It doesn’t sound like the girl was being nasty about it, and if the OP read the situation right the dude was being creepy. Saying hello back to a guy that’s giving off sleazy vibes opens up the door for him to pester you. Sometimes I’m in the mood to chit chat with strangers while standing in line or having coffee, sometimes I’d rather read or do the crossword or just zone out. I don’t think I owe anyone my time if I’m not in the mood to talk. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/49 "2008-12-12T17:09:12Z")
> [@Rysler](#): > > I’m shocked at the people here who are defending a man who insisted on bothering a woman after she’d _deliberately turned her back on him_. This wasn’t initial contact, this was him invading her after she rejected him. How is that cool? Why does she owe him anything? Are you people that lonely? Join a bridge group! To be clear, she didn’t actually turn her back, but she did look the other way. It was unmistakable. > [@](#): > > **Spectre of Pithecanthropus** , to all the people saying he was just being neighborly, did he try to strike up a conversation with you? Did you two have an exchange of social normalties that could live on as an example for polite and warm society? All that had happened was that he had asked the guy in the fourth easy chair for the sports section. But I was the only one the four easy chair occupants who was working on a notebook. It may be that someone working on a computer is perceived to busier, and hence a less likely prospect for a new acquaintance. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/50 "2008-12-12T17:09:22Z")
> [@Nikki\_Tikki\_Tavi](#): > > Sometimes I’m in the mood to chit chat with strangers while standing in line or having coffee, sometimes I’d rather read or do the crossword or just zone out. I don’t think I owe anyone my time if I’m not in the mood to talk. I think that idle chit-chat while standing in line in a public place is one of the minimal obligations of living in a human society. It is extremely stingy to behave as if having to respond to “Some weather, huh?” is unreasonable. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/51 "2008-12-12T17:10:26Z")
Man up and tell him. “I don’t feel like chatting right now. So sorry.” If he continues at that point, then get up and leave, or complain, or whatever. Passive-aggressive shit doesn’t work, and body language - lots of people, especially men - can’t read body language. ---
**Author:** ![Nikki\_Tikki\_Tavi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3da27b/32.png) [@Nikki\_Tikki\_Tavi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nikki_Tikki_Tavi)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/52 "2008-12-12T17:13:29Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > I think that idle chit-chat while standing in line in a public place is one of the minimal obligations of living in a human society. It is extremely stingy to behave as if having to respond to “Some weather, huh?” is unreasonable. Unless the chitchatter is giving off a creepy vibe, has been trying to make eye contact that you’re obviously avoiding, and isn’t reading your not very subtle body language. In general, I agree with you, I like to talk to strangers. There are days or situations where I don’t want to though, and it doesn’t mean I’m a bitch. [QUOTE= **Anaamika**] Man up and tell him. “I don’t feel like chatting right now. So sorry.” If he continues at that point, then get up and leave, or complain, or whatever. Passive-aggressive shit doesn’t work, and body language - lots of people, especially men - can’t read body language. [/QUOTE] Turning away and deliberately ignoring attempts at eye contact (as the OP said the girl was doing) is a pretty obvious “leave me alone” signal. Not that hard to decipher. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/53 "2008-12-12T17:18:17Z")
> [@Nikki\_Tikki\_Tavi](#): > > In general, I agree with you, I like to talk to strangers. There are days or situations where I don’t want to though, and it doesn’t mean I’m a bitch. It’s not being a bitch not wanting to talk. It’s being a bitch expecting not to have to say “I’m sorry, I don’t feel like talking.” ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/54 "2008-12-12T17:19:08Z")
You know, if all you want to do is read a book quietly, and some guy comes along (irrespective of age) and deliberately sits next to you, and smiles and tries to catch your eye (without doing the same for the man ( **Spectre** ) sitting in the same group of chairs) and then tries to initiate conversation (again, without doing the same for **Spectre** ), don’t you think you would be reasonable in assuming that you’re not going to be left alone to read your book without being forced to be rude? Sometimes it’s just easier to walk away. So I don’t think she has a particularly thin skin, and I do sort of understand \*\*Spectre’s \*\*anger on her behalf, although I think it might be a bit of an overreaction. ---
**Author:** ![palacheck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a88e57/32.png) [@palacheck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/palacheck)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/55 "2008-12-12T17:22:02Z")
Television and the internet ruined people’s social skills. Walk my old neighborhood in Brooklyn 50 years ago and you would find it pulsing with conversation and activity(Italian neighborhood, but it was the same in most other neighborhoods). These days, even in New York(especially in New York, even) you don’t see this anymore, or at least I don’t. Instead you encounter fools with social paralysis from a simple conversation in a store or at the park. I’m just the old and loud New Yorker with a con man’s charm down here. Makes me sad. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/56 "2008-12-12T17:28:53Z")
> [@TroubleAgain](#): > > You know, if all you want to do is read a book quietly, and some guy comes along (irrespective of age) and deliberately sits next to you, and smiles and tries to catch your eye (without doing the same for the man ( **Spectre** ) sitting in the same group of chairs) and then tries to initiate conversation (again, without doing the same for **Spectre** ), don’t you think you would be reasonable in assuming that you’re not going to be left alone to read your book without being forced to be rude? Sometimes it’s just easier to walk away. And frankly, its more polite to walk away if the response to “I’m reading my book” turns out to be “Are you happy being a big fucking bitch?” I read the OP as she wasn’t standing in line - she was sitting in an easy chair at Starbucks reading a book. Now, it might be polite to respond to idle chitchat in line, but polite people know that an open book is a sign for “I’m not interested in engaging in polite chitchat.” So for everyone saying “she was being impolite for not responding” - if her book was indeed open, he broke the rules of society first. ---
**Author:** ![Nikki\_Tikki\_Tavi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3da27b/32.png) [@Nikki\_Tikki\_Tavi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nikki_Tikki_Tavi)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/57 "2008-12-12T17:30:46Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > It’s not being a bitch not wanting to talk. It’s being a bitch expecting not to have to say “I’m sorry, I don’t feel like talking.” Why does it need to be said if there are obvious “leave me alone” signals? Someone who’s being rude enough to ignore those signals is likely to ignore a verbal “leave me alone” too. Dude in Starbucks: _trying to make eye contact with girl sitting across from him_ Girl: _turning head away_ DIS: “Hello, how are you today?” Girl: “I’m sorry, I don’t feel like talking” DIS: “Why are you being such a bitch? I was just saying hello!” It’s honestly easier to ignore him completely or get up and leave if you’re getting that sort of vibe. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/58 "2008-12-12T17:30:59Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > It was bitchy, but the sort of bitchiness that’s become almost obligatory if you want to go through your day without being hassled. I’m probably being an asshole when I ignore the wild-eyed, rat-haired guy who approaches me saying “sir? Excuse me, sir!” as I exit the turnstile from the train station, but I know from experience that there’s a much greater likelihood that he’s going to ask me for money than, say, directions to the nearest museum. Shame that things are that way, but that way are they. Yeah. I don’t think the guy was a total creep (well, maybe he was, but I wasn’t there)–maybe a bit clueless, it’s hard to tell. I don’t think she was a bitch either. Sometimes people are obnoxious and you just ignore them–not really pit worthy. If I’m getting the vibe of an obvious pick up line or angle (or panhandling) and I’m just not interested, I just kind of filter it out and don’t bother responding. It reminds me of the time I was sitting on a bench and reading and some guy sat down and tried to engage me in conversation, and I kind of snubbed him and sort of gave brusque, monotone answers. Then he yelled at me saying, “Why are all white people so damned stupid,” which was funny since I’m not white. ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/59 "2008-12-12T17:35:06Z")
I’m the sort of person, who will give a nod or say “hello”. It’s just a simple pointless courtesy. It’s a lot better than screaming “Get the ^#%$ outta my way”, isn’t it? No, I’m not picking you up. No, I am not stalking you or drooling. It’s just a simple acknowledgement. You can nod, say “hello”, or just keep doing whatever you were doing. I don’t care. I’ll never see you again, and it doesn’t matter. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/60 "2008-12-12T17:46:30Z")
But he wasn’t “you’re such a bitch!” All she had to do was smile, nod, and THEN go back to her book. IF he continued, THEN you get rude. Duh. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818.md?page=4)