# The sleazy fucking jerk. No, she's not interested in you **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 12, 2008, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818 "2008-12-12T02:12:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_fight\_the\_hypothetical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/59ef9b/32.png) [@Don\_t\_fight\_the\_hypothetical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_fight_the_hypothetical)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/101 "2008-12-12T21:53:04Z")
> [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](#): > > In all seriousness, suppose you tried to make eye contact with someone, whether your preferred gender or not, and that person _ **obviously** _ rejected your opening. If you persisted regardless, how could you possibly be anything other than a nuisance? But nuisance isn’t the same as “sleazy fucking jerk”. ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/102 "2008-12-12T21:53:39Z")
No matter what, I don’t think the guy in the OP sounds like a “sleazy fucking jerk”. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/103 "2008-12-12T22:06:18Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > So that’s a yes to the anal sex, right? \< eyes **FinnAgain** suspiciously \> I don’t know. How _old_ are you? ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/104 "2008-12-12T22:11:55Z")
> [@Hi\_Neighbor](#): > > Perhaps she wouldn’t have minded being social with someone closer to her age Personally, I think everyone over 50 and under 30 should be shot. Shot and then electrocuted. And then hanged. And burnt. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/105 "2008-12-12T22:24:56Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > It’s half your age plus seven. Not the way **Bricker** ’s wife would want it… ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/106 "2008-12-12T22:36:44Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > I know you’re in love with that equation, but I believe she was making a joke. Instead of old guys looking for young women, she was saying maybe you guys should go after old women. A funny. Yup, this. Also, agree with what you said–the guy in the OP may not be a pittable jerk (or even a pitiable jerk), but neither is the girl. I dunno, to my mind, this is like pitting a homeless person for panhandling and then saying that the guy who doesn’t give any money is a douchebag. It’s an annoying social encounter. Sometimes you ignore someone whom you think is a dick, sometimes you’re the one being ignored. ---
**Author:** ![lisacurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/41988e/32.png) [@lisacurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisacurl)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/107 "2008-12-12T23:12:37Z")
> [@Mince](#): > > Whatever age women of her ilk lose the pretentious “everybody wants me and only talk to me to get in my pants” philosophy; usually around age 35-40, give or take, at which time she’ll be begging dudes to notice her. > > “Young and beautiful, someday your looks will be gone.” > > –Captain and Tennille > As far as the OP goes: Sleazy jerk!? What if were Tom Selleck? I’m 41. I still don’t like sleazy old dudes trying to chat me up in Starbucks. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/108 "2008-12-12T23:19:07Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > I don’t know. How _old_ are you? Well, I’m _cough **cough** mumble\*\*cough_. So, like I said, hi. (Or should that be “hi?”) ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/109 "2008-12-12T23:20:35Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Some women have been burned by “being nice.” The conversation started like this: > > Strange Man: Hi > Her: Hello (returns to reading book) > SM: Is that a good book? > Her: (doesn’t look up) ummm, yeah… > SM: Well, what is it about? > Her: (looks up), um, I’m in the middle of reading right now, do you mind. > SM: Oh, sorry > > five minutes pass… > > SM: So, do you come here often? > Her: Excuse me? (because she was reading her book and didn’t hear him) > SM: I really like this coffee shop - I was wondering if you were a regularly. > Her: (now realizing this is Joe Clueless and if she used to come here every Saturday, she is visiting the Starbucks three blocks over from now on)…no, not really. If you’ll excuse me, I’m at a really good part… > > five minutes pass > > SM: So, would you like to go out sometime. > Her: No… > SM: Why not, I’m a nice guy. > Her: I’m not interested. > SM: Well, then why were you so nice to me! > > (And, as someone who was once followed HOME from the mall, clueless guys at Starbucks are sometimes creepy threatening stalkers you need to call the police on to get them off your front porch.) Interesting how you go from “Hello” to \*stalker \*without a shred of evidence in between. ---
**Author:** ![AngryIrishLass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bbce88/32.png) [@AngryIrishLass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngryIrishLass)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/110 "2008-12-12T23:23:21Z")
> [@Gangster\_Octopus](#): > > No matter what, I don’t think the guy in the OP sounds like a “sleazy fucking jerk”. The girl in the OP evidently did and she was the object of his attention. She’s the one who gets to set her creepy guy scale. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/111 "2008-12-12T23:25:54Z")
> [@AngryIrishLass](#): > > The girl in the OP evidently did and she was the object of his attention. She’s the one who gets to set her creepy guy scale. Yeah, I agree. I also see lots of Dopers who talk about the Gift of Fear (book) and about trusting your instincts and remembering that sometimes it’s okay not to be polite. But when someone does this and leaves a situation where they feel uncomfortable, they get called a bitch for not being polite enough? I’m starting to realize why so many women feel obligated to be polite to all and sundry. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/112 "2008-12-12T23:33:58Z")
> [@villa](#): > > I strenuously object. If I am expecting anal, it’s a Marriot at the very least. Sorry. They don’t take Starwood. Actually you know it is ok to strike up a conversation with someone. It just comes across as super creepy if you are agressive about it. I’m a guy and I don’t like it when another guy is all smiling and talking two inches from my face and looming over me intently. Also if you don’t have the same energy level it makes for an awkward conversation. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/113 "2008-12-12T23:38:04Z")
> [@Rysler](#): > > Well, I got it from the OP. > > > [@me](#): > > > > Anon comes this guy who’s fifty if a day, and sits in the adjacent armchair to her, and tries to initiate contact by smiling at her. She’s clearly uncomfortable and looks the other way, out the window, away from the book she’d brought with her. That’s not clear enough for him, so he says hello how are you doing to her. > > Bolded for emphasis. Sorry, you bolded what? I don’t see it. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/114 "2008-12-12T23:44:33Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > Well, I’m _cough **cough** mumble\*\*cough_. > > So, like I said, hi. > > (Or should that be “hi?”) Now see, you _must_ be too old. Otherwise, you would have said “Hai!” \< sniffs and looks away disinterested \> Stalker. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/115 "2008-12-12T23:46:51Z")
Wait… I’m not supposed to follow you home and kill your cat? ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/116 "2008-12-12T23:48:42Z")
No, you’re supposed to follow me home and stand underneath my window in a raincoat, blaring Peter Gabriel from your boom box. Or something. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/117 "2008-12-12T23:51:06Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Sorry. They don’t take Starwood. > Actually you know it is ok to strike up a conversation with someone. It just comes across as super creepy if you are agressive about it. Of course it is, but it depends on the situation. Sharing an experience of the moment, certainly provides a non-gratuitous opening as when strangers are thrown together by the random workings airline seat assignments. Or another example is when you wind up in the slowest, longest line in the supermarket, having happened to buy popsicles, and the register tape needs to be replace (again), two customers ahead of you need cigarettes (again), and a third customer argues about pricing (again), so you say to the person next to you, “Damn, this always happens when I buy popsicles.” Or you could be watching a game at a bar or attending a concert. IMO it’s without some sort of common ground that such approaches can become gratuitous, and, to some, threatening. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2008, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/118 "2008-12-12T23:56:34Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > No, you’re supposed to follow me home and stand underneath my window in a raincoat, blaring Peter Gabriel from your boom box. Can we compromise and I’ll follow you home and kill your cat with Peter Gabriel? ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/119 "2008-12-13T00:04:38Z")
My cat _is_ Peter Gabriel and I’ve been wanting that sucker dead for years… ---
**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/120 "2008-12-13T00:19:22Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > I’m trying really, really hard here… but I don’t get it. At all. > > What’s so hard about saying “Hi. No offense, but I’m really not feeling chatty. Thanks anyway.” Do people really spend their time worrying that a guy \*might \*call them a bitch? They actually get up and leave their comfy coffee spot rather than just politely decline conversation, and then proceed to NOT converse? Seriously? Did you get to see the thread about reclining seats in airplanes? Communication seems to be a rare commodity around here. Maybe she should have just sneezed on him to make him go away. > [@MandaJo](#): > > Is it possible that no one here is being a jerk? It may be his quirk that he’s a bit clueless about body language. It may be her quirk that she’s extremely shy and non-confrontational. People can be different without being bad. Hard to get a 3-page thread from that attitude. > [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](#): > > It occurs to me that in order for you to observe this event so carefully and minutely, you must have been looking rather intently (staring) for longer than normal than to just glance around the room. You were also observing and then typing in your notebook. > > It may be possible that this girl saw you staring at her and wondered what you were typing in your notebook and moved away in order to stop you from observing her. Who knows what you could have been typing?! It could have been (gasp!) a Pit thread violating her privacy about how other people are violating her privacy. > > As between people staring and typing in notebooks and people coming up to say hi, it’s a toss-up in regards to creepiness, I think. I like the way you see through things. I think our OP was not exactly an impartial observer on this whole deal. > [@Euphonious\_Polemic](#): > > Sorry - I just wanted to be flattered so I can turn you down. > > (why does everyone always hit on me. Why!?) Because of your delicious boobs? > [@msmith537](#): > > Sorry. They don’t take Starwood. You eventually get to an age where you just take any kind of wood. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818.md?page=7)