# The sleazy fucking jerk. No, she's not interested in you **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 12, 2008, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818 "2008-12-12T02:12:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/121 "2008-12-13T01:24:27Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > Hi. _gets up and leaves Pit, stomping off to GD_ ---
**Author:** ![KSO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f07891/32.png) [@KSO](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KSO)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/122 "2008-12-13T01:26:47Z")
This reminded me of something that happened to me many years ago when I was traveling around Europe on my own. I was in Zurich for the day and went to the park to read. Some skeevy guy came up to me and said hello. I was completely engrossed in the book so he repeated himself, loudly. I looked up at him and was sort of spaced out. He said “Do you speak English?” in an incredibly snotty voice. So I responded with an equally snotty “yes” and went back to my book. A couple of minutes later, something caught my eye. I looked up and he was standing in the bushes jerking off. That’s a sleazy jerk for you. ETA: Later that night, at the train station, an old drunk guy grabbed my breast. I’m not a fan of Zurich. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/123 "2008-12-13T01:42:20Z")
> [@Euphonious\_Polemic](#): > > Sorry - I just wanted to be flattered so I can turn you down. > > (why does everyone always hit on me. Why!?) Are you boobs big? ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/124 "2008-12-13T01:49:10Z")
> [@AngryIrishLass](#): > > The girl in the OP evidently did and she was the object of his attention. She’s the one who gets to set her creepy guy scale. Umm, perhaps not, after all, we have no idea of what she really was thinking. Perhaps she sudddenty had to take a dump, we dont know. ---
**Author:** ![mshar253](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@mshar253](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mshar253)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/125 "2008-12-13T01:49:28Z")
> [@Gangster\_Octopus](#): > > Maybe I am being obtuse, but what’s the point of going to a coffee shop for some privacy to try and read a book? Because then people won’t get to see that you’re a reader and an intellectual. Uh, duh. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/126 "2008-12-13T02:06:36Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > I think that idle chit-chat while standing in line in a public place is one of the minimal obligations of living in a human society. It is extremely stingy to behave as if having to respond to “Some weather, huh?” is unreasonable. You obviously don’t live in L.A. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/127 "2008-12-13T03:04:41Z")
What the fuck is wrong with people. He wanted to talk, she didn’t. She could have told him to shut the fuck up and leave her alone. She could have told him politely that she didn’t want to talk to him. She could have just gotten up and walked away. She chose the last option. He went and talked to someone else. No one in this was a sleazy jerk. No one here was a bitch. Am I living in an alternate universe where this exchange is anything but normal? ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/128 "2008-12-13T04:32:42Z")
> [@5-4-Fighting](#): > > Are you boobs big? \ No. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Surb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ce73a5/32.png) [@The\_Surb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Surb)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/129 "2008-12-13T05:50:19Z")
Internet boobs are always big. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/130 "2008-12-13T08:53:27Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > What the fuck is wrong with people. From where I sit, it seems overly sensitive to the point of weirdness to get up and leave somewhere you intended to be, simply because someone wanted to talk to you and you didn’t feel like it. Worst comes to worst if I planned on reading in a cafe, I’d tell someone in no uncertain terms that I wasn’t interested in conversation. There’s no problem with simply saying “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude but I’m here to read/study/do work/whatever, and I really can’t talk.” I don’t get some of the previous responses from people who said things like “If you’ll excuse me, I’m at a really good part…” or “I’m in the middle of reading right now, do you mind?” because those mean “I’m busy _for now_, but later I may possibly want to talk” If what you mean is “I have no interest in conversation today”, then just _say that_. Don’t use language that implies that you might want to talk later, don’t rely on social cues or body language or whatever the heck. Just be clear and frank, and certainly don’t be so intimidated that you can’t sit down and read a book because you aren’t able to clearly and forcefully tell someone to leave you alone. Fleeing because someone smiled at me and then tried to chat me up would just feel… \*weird. \* ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/131 "2008-12-13T16:46:43Z")
This is one reason I never talk to women at StarCoffee’s. I don’t want them to think I’m a sleezy pervert so I just ogle from a distance while I have my hand down my pants and play with my genitals. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/132 "2008-12-13T19:25:03Z")
You people got this so wrong. The woman was a tease. She was ASKING for it, and then turned away. How do I know? I was right in the OP – she was in an “easy” chair! She should have been easy, but no, she made him hard and herself difficult. ---
**Author:** ![raindrop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/74df32/32.png) [@raindrop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raindrop)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/133 "2008-12-13T20:59:26Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > I don’t get some of the previous responses from people who said things like “If you’ll excuse me, I’m at a really good part…” or “I’m in the middle of reading right now, do you mind?” because those mean “I’m busy _for now_, but later I may possibly want to talk” > **If what you mean is “I have no interest in conversation today”, then just _say that_.** Don’t use language that implies that you might want to talk later, don’t rely on social cues or body language or whatever the heck. What I bolded is just as ambiguous as what you criticize. The clueless man who can’t take “no” for an answer will also see that as saying “I have no interest in conversation _ **today** _, but do inquire about when we can get together at a more convenient time.” There are plenty of knuckleheads who will follow “I have no interest in conversation today” with “So what about tomorrow? I’d really like to know you better. How about we get together for drinks?” Yep, happens a lot. When a man really can’t read the obvious clues, spelling them out specifically often doesn’t work either, because his brain is coming up with reasons why she didn’t really say what she really did say. Even saying it in the most straightforward non-ambiguous way doesn’t get rid of the guy who doesn’t really want to leave. Heck, even saying it 10 times in a straightforward way doesn’t always work. And it doesn’t work because he doesn’t want to (or can’t) believe he’s being rejected. And for those who do finally get that their attention is unwelcome, many of them will call a woman a bitch for saying a very simple and straightforward “No thanks, not interested.” In fact, I’ve most often been called a bitch when I’ve given the most straightforward “no” responses. And there are tons of guys who think “no” means something other than “no.” Some guys think “no” means she’s playing hard-to-get. Some think she just hasn’t heard him clearly, or that she hasn’t really taken a good look at him to see what a wonderful person he really is, or that if he persists she will eventually appreciate his fervent adoration of her. Many men simply cannot fathom that “no” means “no.” Those who don’t think “no” is an acceptable answer will have trouble accepting it as the final answer, no matter how straightforwardly it is stated. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2008, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/134 "2008-12-13T22:49:05Z")
As a guy pushing 50, I wanted to observe that I find it is getting easier and easier to engage young lovelies in brief polite banter, if for no reason other than they don’t for a moment consider you a figure of attraction, and I don’t for a moment think they would consider me such. Which can be pleasant or depressing depending on how you look at it… 😛 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Understander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3da27b/32.png) [@The\_Understander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Understander)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2008, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/135 "2008-12-14T00:07:08Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > What the fuck is wrong with people. He wanted to talk, she didn’t. She could have told him to shut the fuck up and leave her alone. She could have told him politely that she didn’t want to talk to him. She could have just gotten up and walked away. She chose the last option. He went and talked to someone else. > > No one in this was a sleazy jerk. No one here was a bitch. Am I living in an alternate universe where this exchange is anything but normal? Paranoia rules the day in the world of the 24-hour news cycle… but for the record I agree with you. So we’re on for the anal sex now? ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2008, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/136 "2008-12-14T01:58:23Z")
> [@raindrop](#): > > And there are tons of guys who think “no” means something other than “no.” > [@](#): > > **When a lady says “no”, she means “perhaps”, > Whan a lady says “perhaps”, she means “yes”, > and when a lady says “yes”, . . . she’s not a lady at all.** Or so they say. ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2008, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/137 "2008-12-14T04:32:38Z")
> [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](#): > > In all seriousness, suppose you tried to make eye contact with someone, whether your preferred gender or not, and that person _ **obviously** _ rejected your opening. If you persisted regardless, how could you possibly be anything other than a nuisance? After some deliberate thought, I came up with just such a situation. There was a guy sitting in a bookstore, contentedly reading his book. I gazed at this guy, then intently stared at him, even moving further in front of him to get his attention. (No response.) I put on my best smile and said hi. (Still nothing.) Finally, I cleared my throat and said in a nice loud voice, "Excuse me sir, but in about 5 minutes, the place where you’re sitting will be descended upon by about a dozen knitters who will be knitting and talking for hours. You can stay if you wish, but. . . " And you’re right. The guy stood up and took off like his pants was on fire. (Meh, some guys are wimps. 😉 ) But if you think I was being a nuisance, you should have seen the guy that didn’t get the warning and got stuck in the vortex. Within 10 minutes, the guy looked like he _wished_ his pants was on fire so he could escape. Knitters. . .ya gotta love 'em. Sharp, pointy instruments in their hands and no question is considered too personal. 😃 Not all people saying hi have bad intentions. Some are saving wayward men from the vortex. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2008, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/138 "2008-12-14T05:08:55Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > What the fuck is wrong with people. He wanted to talk, she didn’t. She could have told him to shut the fuck up and leave her alone. She could have told him politely that she didn’t want to talk to him. She could have just gotten up and walked away. She chose the last option. He went and talked to someone else. > > No one in this was a sleazy jerk. No one here was a bitch. Am I living in an alternate universe where this exchange is anything but normal? I’m with you, **Biggirl**. Well, I can imagine that the man described in the OP _may_ have been a sleazy jerk, but it seems about equally possible that he was just a talkative older guy. Either way, the girl didn’t feel like talking. She left. We don’t even know that she left because of the man, maybe she was about to leave anyway, but I don’t see anything bitchy about walking out of a coffee shop. It’s not like she threw her book at him. She wasn’t obligated to engage in small talk with the man if she didn’t want to. Several posters have asked why she would be reading in a coffee shop and suggested that she was looking to get picked up, but I doubt it. If I go out to a cafe alone I often bring a book because I like to read, I _don’t_ want to get picked up, and it’s not much fun to just sit there staring into space. If the girl was a college student, as the OP guessed, she may prefer studying in a coffee shop to studying in her dorm or apartment. It’s finals time at most colleges in the US, so she’d have extra reason to want to focus on her book. ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2008, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/139 "2008-12-14T06:28:20Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > Several posters have asked why she would be reading in a coffee shop and suggested that she was looking to get picked up, but I doubt it. Let me make clear that I was not one of those people. I just noted that coffee shops are social places. “Hey, let’s go grab a cup of coffee” generally means to talk over a cup of coffee, not to sit silently and drink coffee. Given that, it wasn’t unreasonable to assume that people might talk to you there. I made the analogy to a bar, but only meant the analogy to carry so far to say that it was a social place as well, and the theme carried from there like the telephone game. I agree with you and everyone else who has said that some guy said hi to a girl who later left. No harm, no foul, no fault. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2008, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/140 "2008-12-14T06:42:38Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > Several posters have asked why she would be reading in a coffee shop and suggested that she was looking to get picked up, but I doubt it. Women looking to get picked up a) go in groups, b) go where men are likely to be in groups, and c) tend to prefer loud, crowded places where undesirables like smooth talkers and loners are at a disadvantage. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818.md?page=8)