# The sleazy fucking jerk. No, she's not interested in you **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 12, 2008, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818 "2008-12-12T02:12:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2008, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/161 "2008-12-15T16:54:00Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Yeah, but if you are lingering enough that the NEW folks coming in are having trouble finding a place to sit, you are lingering TOO long. > > Just BECAUSE the manager hasn’t told you to scram doesnt neccessarily mean that he/she doesnt want you to. > > Kinda like the smokers who figure it aint rude to light up if someone doesnt speak up against it. No, it’s kind of like smokers smoking in the smoking section. Coffee shops are the lingering section. That’s what they’re for. ---
**Author:** ![raindrop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/74df32/32.png) [@raindrop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raindrop)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2008, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/162 "2008-12-15T16:58:06Z")
FWIW I’ve also had lots of nice chats with friendly old men. _LOTS_. I’ve found that the genuinely friendly guys and the sleazy types are worlds apart. And it’s not fair to the nice friendly gents to lump them in with the sleazy ones who can’t accurately interpret and respond appropriately to social cues. > [@brazil84](#): > > The thing is, as far as he knew he did have a chance with you. Because normally, a guy can’t know in advance whether his chances are zero or not. Granted, most 18 year old girls would not be interested in a typical 40 year old man. But some might be. So as a practical matter, if a 40 year old guy wants to date some young hottie, his best option is usually to approach a lot of girls. > > I’m sure it occurs to them. However, there are a lot of girls who might prefer a man who is more mature and financially secure. Heck, for some girls it’s a plus if the guy has already been married with children. > > I can tell you that it would be a lot easier for me today to pick up some 18 year old hottie than it would have been when I was 18 myself. And my original intent was to demonstrate the typical thoughts of an 18-year old female being hit on by a 40-year old married man. Unlike you I don’t find that lots of 18-year olds are so interested in older men. But I do find that overly optimistic old men are good at telling themselves why it’s possible that a high school graduate could want to be with them, and why they should continue to pursue lots of 18-year olds in order to find that special rare one. (Really, I’ve heard it all plenty of times before, and your explanation is very typical.) But while the old guys can tell me their take on it they seem much less able to fathom why a teenager wouldn’t agree with their view of the situation. I just felt inspired to provide some of the other clues they may have missed. BTW, now that I’m 50ish the 50ish men are seriously very appealing, hmm… i.e. except those who are still drooling over a teenager… naw, that’s still not a pleasant image. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2008, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/163 "2008-12-15T17:02:23Z")
> [@Captain\_Amazing](#): > > Well, you can go fuck yourself, man. It’s a place of business, and I really don’t think I’m being unreasonable in saying that if somebody finished their coffee half an hour ago and the place is full up, they should consider typing their thesis at home and leave the tables free for current customers. I usually get my coffee to go. Once in a while I will sit, drink my coffee, and then go. Why? I’m not the “coffee house type”. I’m generally on my way to work or from work, or just going somewhere else. Other than that, I don’t care if the “regular crowd” has been there all day and intends to stay there all night too. They have no effect on how long it takes me to get mine. None. Why would I care about someone else? What possible difference does it make? What makes it someone else’s business at all? I’m confused. ---
**Author:** ![lalenin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@lalenin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lalenin)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2008, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/164 "2008-12-15T17:56:55Z")
To all those who are not interested in random strangers talking to you: Do not ever move to anywhere in Latin America, especially the Caribbean, and especially Cuba. Everyone in Cuba, and I do mean everyone, will talk to you regardless of whether they know you, and even if you try to avoid eye contact. In fact if you’re a stranger they’re more likely to talk to you since their stories and general conversation will be new to you. This may be one of those cultural divides, but I can not understand the idea that saying hello to someone is wrong. Even if it is said with a leer and drool coming out of the corner of the mouth. It is just fucking “hello”. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2008, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/165 "2008-12-15T18:11:43Z")
I thought this would be a thread about someone repeatedly getting felt up at Starbucks. That it’s about some guy who said Hi to a paranoid woman who skedaddled because someone asked how she was is absolutely ridiculous. Yeah, maybe the guy missed some body language he should have been paying attention to, but calling him a sleazy jerk for executing a pleasantry is just plain silly. Maybe it’s best she didn’t get any coffee - the woman in the OP sounds jittery enough as it is. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2008, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/166 "2008-12-15T18:55:33Z")
> [@SteveG1](#): > > They have no effect on how long it takes me to get mine. None. Why would I care about someone else? What possible difference does it make? What makes it someone else’s business at all? Because I usually go at my lunch break, and get a sandwich or a salad, or a cup of yogurt for lunch, and I want to be able to sit down and eat it while reading my lunch book. I could get the food to go, but then I’d have to come back and eat in the break room, which is annoying, because you always run the risk of your coworkers wanting to be social, or, even worse, dumping more work on you during lunch. So, usually I just end up standing there for 10 minutes holding the cup of coffee and the sandwich (or salad or yogurt) while I wait for a table to clear. I don’t have any moral objection to them sitting there. I just want to be able to sit down and eat my lunch. ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2008, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/167 "2008-12-15T20:03:52Z")
I think you are all way off base, he wasn’t picking up on her at all or simply trying to start a conversation. He was hoping to interest her in a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and had she ever heard of Amway? ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2008, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/168 "2008-12-15T21:04:01Z")
Whatever else the case may be, this thread tells me that I am going to be single for the rest of my life. ---
**Author:** ![cowgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@cowgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cowgirl)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2008, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/169 "2008-12-15T21:23:08Z")
> [@LurkMeister](#): > > I’ve been following this thread and I’m amazed at the number of people who seem to be assuming that the only reason the gentleman in question smiled and attempted to start a conversation was that he was trying to “pick up” the young lady (leaving aside the possibility that he was hoping for anal sex). If it was me, his intentions are in no way relevant. If I am reading a book, I would not like to talk to you, even if you’re just trying to be friendly. Sometimes, if I don’t feel like talking to people, I don’t even answer my own phone - even if it’s an actual friend who I already like, calling just to say hi. It is my right to not talk to people if I don’t want to talk to them, regardless of the circumstances. I acknowledge that this is unfriendly, but it is in no way unreasonable. I am not going to apologize for not liking small talk. > [@lalenin](#): > > To all those who are not interested in random strangers talking to you: Do not ever move to anywhere in Latin America, especially the Caribbean, and especially Cuba. In such places, I never expect to be able to sit quietly and read my book without being interrupted. ---
**Author:** ![brazil84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8491ac/32.png) [@brazil84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brazil84)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2008, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/170 "2008-12-15T21:40:40Z")
> [@raindrop](#): > > And my original intent was to demonstrate the typical thoughts of an 18-year old female being hit on by a 40-year old married man. Unlike you I don’t find that lots of 18-year olds are so interested in older men. 😕 I’m not sure what your point is here. I clearly stated the following: > [@](#): > > Granted, most 18 year old girls would not be interested in a typical 40 year old man. * * * > [@](#): > > But I do find that overly optimistic old men are good at telling themselves why it’s possible that a high school graduate could want to be with them, and why they should continue to pursue lots of 18-year olds in order to find that special rare one. (Really, I’ve heard it all plenty of times before, and your explanation is very typical.) It’s typical and true. An average-looking 40 year old man can easily pick up an 18 year old girl if he is willing to be rejected 50 - 100 or so times in the process. (A 25 year old man might have to approach 30 to 40 girls to accomplish the same thing.) In a large American city, A man can easily approach 5 women a day, which means that a 40 year old guy would probably need 2 or 3 weeks to succesfully pick up an 18 year old. Maybe a little longer if he is balding. ---
**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2008, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/171 "2008-12-15T23:35:44Z")
> [@lalenin](#): > > To all those who are not interested in random strangers talking to you: Do not ever move to anywhere in Latin America, especially the Caribbean, and especially Cuba. Everyone in Cuba, and I do mean everyone, will talk to you regardless of whether they know you, and even if you try to avoid eye contact. In fact if you’re a stranger they’re more likely to talk to you since their stories and general conversation will be new to you. > > This may be one of those cultural divides, but I can not understand the idea that saying hello to someone is wrong. Even if it is said with a leer and drool coming out of the corner of the mouth. It is just fucking “hello”. My name is Sapo and I approve of this message. I do my grocery shopping at 7 am so I don’t have to spend half an hour chatting with strangers. Really. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/172 "2008-12-16T02:13:45Z")
> [@brazil84](#): > > It’s typical and true. An average-looking 40 year old man can easily pick up an 18 year old girl if he is willing to be rejected 50 - 100 or so times in the process. (A 25 year old man might have to approach 30 to 40 girls to accomplish the same thing.) In a large American city, A man can easily approach 5 women a day, which means that a 40 year old guy would probably need 2 or 3 weeks to succesfully pick up an 18 year old. Maybe a little longer if he is balding. Yep. Gene Simmons has nailed 1,000 women but he freely admits he’s been turned down by ten times as many. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/173 "2008-12-16T02:29:46Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > No, it’s kind of like smokers smoking in the smoking section. Coffee shops are the lingering section. That’s what they’re for. No, its like rude coffe drinkers lingering while the NEW costumers wonder when the hell THEY get to sit down. Let me just say this… ANYBODY who rarely or never bothers to look around any establishment once in a while and considers that they MAY have stayed long ENOUGH and ought to perhaps clear out is a jerk. I am always amazed at how much ass sitting priveledges some folks thinks a few measely bucks entitles them to. ---
**Author:** ![Jeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/174 "2008-12-16T02:45:22Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > No, its like rude coffe drinkers lingering while the NEW costumers wonder when the hell THEY get to sit down. > > Let me just say this… > > ANYBODY who rarely or never bothers to look around any establishment once in a while and considers that they MAY have stayed long ENOUGH and ought to perhaps clear out is a jerk. > > I am always amazed at how much ass sitting priveledges some folks thinks a few measely bucks entitles them to. Honestly, if you don’t want to deal with people lingering, get your coffee from McDonalds or Tim Hortons or Dunkin Donuts and stay the fuck out of wherever the rest of us go. Whether I’m by myself or sitting with friends, I can nurse a coffee for an hour before its too cold to drink, that’s the nature of coffeeshops. Get the fuck over it or get the fuck out. Its amazing how much pushiness some folks think a few measely bucks entitles them too. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/175 "2008-12-16T02:49:34Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > No, its like rude coffe drinkers lingering while the NEW costumers wonder when the hell THEY get to sit down. > > Let me just say this… > > ANYBODY who rarely or never bothers to look around any establishment once in a while and considers that they MAY have stayed long ENOUGH and ought to perhaps clear out is a jerk. I feel like I’m arguing that the Pope is Catholic. The entire idea of a coffee shop, back to the days when they were first invented, is as a congenial, welcoming place for people to gather, sit around, talk, relax, and enjoy themselves. It’s their business model. It’s what they’re there for. Whatshisface above told me that just because they haven’t asked you to clear out doesn’t mean you shouldn’t clear out. Did you hurried people ever consider that perhaps they don’t ask you to clear out because they don’t _want_ you to clear out? That they want to cultivate the image of a welcoming, comfortable neighbourhood place for you to settle down in and enjoy yourselves? That maybe if I’m sitting there for a few hours, I’ll order _gasp_ _several_ coffees, and maybe even a meal and a dessert? I ask again – I didn’t get an answer last time – why the hell would they provide free WiFi if they didn’t want people sitting around? If you want fast throughput, go to a goddamn McDonald’s. If you’re in a business whose \*entire model \*is devoted to sitting around, quit your fucking bitching about people who are using the business the way it’s intended to be used. ---
**Author:** ![raindrop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/74df32/32.png) [@raindrop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raindrop)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/176 "2008-12-16T02:59:53Z")
> [@brazil84](#): > > 😕 I’m not sure what your point is here. … I was specifically thinking of this comment when I wrote that… > [@](#): > > … there are a lot of girls who might prefer a man who is more mature and financially secure. I disagree there are “a lot” who prefer older men for those reasons. BTW I also dislike the shotgun numbers approach to hitting on women, and I think it’s even more unbecoming when it’s employed by an old guy who’s hitting on lots of teens. ---
**Author:** ![MOIDALIZE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/177 "2008-12-16T03:04:00Z")
http:// [random-good-stuff.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/pissing-girl.gif](http://random-good-stuff.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/pissing-girl.gif) : This is the only acceptable interaction between an old man and a young woman. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/178 "2008-12-16T03:13:58Z")
**MOIDALIZE** , we don’t allow direct linking of nudity and/or women getting kicked in the butt while they’re urinating. Please don’t do it again. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/179 "2008-12-16T03:18:10Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > **MOIDALIZE** , we don’t allow direct linking of… \ …women getting kicked in the butt while they’re urinating. This rule really deserves its own sticky, doesn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![brazil84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8491ac/32.png) [@brazil84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brazil84)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818/180 "2008-12-16T03:36:18Z")
> [@raindrop](#): > > I disagree there are “a lot” who prefer older men for those reasons. :shrug: Even if it’s only 1 in 50 girls, that’s hundreds of thousands. > [@](#): > > BTW I also dislike the shotgun numbers approach to hitting on women, I dislike it too, but it works really really well. If an average guy uses the more traditional approach of meeting one girl; getting to know her better; developing interest; and then finally making advances, it’s easy to get extremely frustrated. Because the reality is that unless a man is exceptionally good looking or exceptionally wealthy, most women will not be interested in him. Even if he is right in their age range. > [@](#): > > and I think it’s even more unbecoming when it’s employed by an old guy who’s hitting on lots of teens. Why? For an old guy, that might be his only realistic chance. Looks to me like your real objection here is that you don’t like the idea of 40 year old guys chasing after 18 year old girls. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sleazy-fucking-jerk-no-shes-not-interested-in-you/476818.md?page=10)