# The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Garden Gnomen **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 25, 2005, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-garden-gnomen/314038 "2005-07-25T12:56:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![earthpuppy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8c91f0/32.png) [@earthpuppy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/earthpuppy)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-garden-gnomen/314038/221 "2005-07-29T13:45:08Z")
I see nothing’s changed around here. Still the best thread on the Board. Hi **Bumba**! I re-ordered some fig and pomegranate soaps (I loved them so much!) Hello to everyone else I haven’t seen in a while! ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_Factotum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-garden-gnomen/314038/222 "2005-07-29T13:45:56Z")
First of all, Happy Birthday **Swampy**. I’m afraid I’ll get all **Bobbio** if I try to encode it in different sizes and colors. And I hope you like the card - it was the first one I found that had bears on it. (Or are we supposed to go over to **Bear\_Nenno** ’s thread to proffer birthday wishes?) > [@chaoticdonkey](#): > > I so got put in my place by a 12 year old girl. I told you that I’m a math tutor, right? I teach people calculus. Well, someone hands me $1.90 for something that’s 94 cents. (don’t ask why.) And I sit there like 😕 and give them 94 cents back, instead of 96. The little girl is quick to correct me, saying that she’s “an expert at math”, and I retort by saying that I teach people how to do calculus for a living (and stick my tounge out at her in my mind). This immediately brought to mind something that happened to a friend of mine when we were seniors in high school (during the Jefferson administration). There was a pizza place not far from the school, and it was owned by two twin brothers who taught at another high school within the city limits (we were out in the suburbs.) Anyway, my friend Dan worked there. Dan took the AP CAlculus class, and was indeed a very smart man. He was giving change one night, and just couldn’t get it right. One of the owners, Ron, comes over and starts giving Dan grief. Things like “Mr. Smart guy can’t make change for a dollar” and comments like that. Dan finally got so frustrated that he screamed “F\*\*\* you, Ron! At least I can integrate!” Well, we thought it was funny. ---
**Author:** ![taxi78cab](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47c2d/32.png) [@taxi78cab](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/taxi78cab)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-garden-gnomen/314038/223 "2005-07-29T14:12:27Z")
Happy birthday swampy!! I’m so excited about coining a new expression. And having it be poop-related in the MMP is pretty jake. **Ashes** , I’m definitely planning to make sure my next apartment/house/whatever has a separate kitty bathroom. Unfortunately, the one I have right now is just too small to share! Besides, the kitties know they own the whole place anyway, and probably wouldn’t be happy to have their box relegated to a side room. Since my Teddy kitty has lost so much weight, I’m trying to get him to eat more. When I first got Lily and she had weight problems, the vet said to give her some chicken-flavored baby food. Apparently cats’ll eat baby food even if they refuse all other food and it helps them to gain weight. So now I’m trying to figure out which store to go to so that I won’t run into anyone I know while buying baby food for my cat. That might be a little hard to explain. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-garden-gnomen/314038/224 "2005-07-29T14:19:47Z")
Happy Birthday Swampy! ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-garden-gnomen/314038/225 "2005-07-29T14:24:38Z")
> [@taxi78cab](#): > > So now I’m trying to figure out which store to go to so that I won’t run into anyone I know while buying baby food for my cat. That might be a little hard to explain. :rolleyes: I say go to the store where you’re sure to know the _most_ people–only do it with your hair in pigtails and cute little freckles drawn on your face. And maybe wearing a bib. That’s how I’d do it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-garden-gnomen/314038/226 "2005-07-29T15:05:49Z")
Well, as anyone who’s read the story of my username knows, “donkey” was my HS nickname. In the end, it probably doesn’t matter which one you use (although **CD** is less typing.) ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-garden-gnomen/314038/227 "2005-07-29T15:27:59Z")
So today, I get a special treat–the receptionist didn’t come in again, and she didn’t call in sick or anything. The stereotypical actions of a 21-year-old college student looking to get fired. She wasn’t in yesterday, either, and it’s my job to answer the phones if she’s not in, and file all the previous day’s invoices. In addition to my own work, of course. Yesterday, I just plain didn’t get to the invoices. So, I’ve got two days’ worth of her work to do today. The only thing that makes this even remotely okay is that some of our customers’ names are funny. Ladies and Gentlemen and Bears of All Ages, a representative sample from just the invoices I’ve sorted through this morning … **New Hope Photo** –Yes, I know it’s a town, I’ve even been there, but I can’t help but picture Luke Skywalker in a Fotomat hut. **Gobbler’s Knob Studios** –\ **Pleasure Chest** –They buy nothing but batteries. **Flame On** –I don’t care what they sell, it still makes me giggle. **Tool Police Dept.** –At least they’re honest. ---
**Author:** ![Taters](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/taters/32/2845_2.png) [@Taters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taters)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-garden-gnomen/314038/228 "2005-07-29T15:28:44Z")
\*\*HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST SWAMPY!![/B] I was early yesterday because I kept thinking it was Friday. Today is Friday! Yeah! I have nothing exciting to report or add at this time. I have 70 bazillion megatons of work to do before I can leave tonight and enjoy my vacation. Sigh… I’m going to try and pop back in later. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-garden-gnomen/314038/229 "2005-07-29T15:39:38Z")
> [@Taters](#): > > \*\*HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST SWAMPY!![/B] Y’all can leave me alone about coding now. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-garden-gnomen/314038/230 "2005-07-29T15:46:52Z")
It’s The GirlChild’s Birfday today too, so I’m a little pressed for time. She’s 40, but you didn’t hear it from me. Mkay?) Anyway, I’ve got two things to say.: Happy Birthday Swampy!!! And- **Earthpuppy!!!** Where ya’ been, darlin. We’ve missed you. At least I have. Now sit down and tell ol’ Unca Bumba all about it. Gotta run. Back later. ---
**Author:** ![Taters](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/taters/32/2845_2.png) [@Taters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taters)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-garden-gnomen/314038/231 "2005-07-29T17:40:38Z")
See, **Bobbio,** I’m all about taking the pressure off others, so they can pick on me instead. Aren’t I nice? Happy Birthday to **Bumba’s GirlChild** too! Turning 40 wasn’t any big deal for me, hell I turned 41 the week of Swampfest in Seattle. I think I only improve with age, like fine wine and cheese. So, if the **GirlChild** is having difficult with the whole turning 40 concept, tell her life only gets better from here out. Well, I have finished a security certification and now only 69.5 bazillion megatons of work to do before I can leave today. All this birthday talk is making me think ice cream cake would be mighty tasty about now. ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-garden-gnomen/314038/232 "2005-07-29T17:57:46Z")
Poor **Draelin**. I hate people like that who give college students a bad name. I haven’t called in since I was 15 and had to call in because they scheduled me the same day as a marching competition. There were some times when I should have, though. Coming to work sick probably isn’t good. 😛 My life is so awesome, as I’m going to go get a haircut today, and I also won TWO free portrait sets at our neighborhood Wal-Mart. (They ask trivia questions every so often, and the prize is a free $5.88 portrait set. I’ll go get them done tomorrow, I think. ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_Factotum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-garden-gnomen/314038/233 "2005-07-29T18:18:08Z")
> [@chaoticdonkey](#): > > and I also won TWO free portrait sets at our neighborhood Wal-Mart. (They ask trivia questions every so often, and the prize is a free $5.88 portrait set. I’ll go get them done tomorrow, I think. You’re allowed to win stuff given out by the company you work for? Or did you quit just to get a shot at the prize. ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-garden-gnomen/314038/234 "2005-07-29T18:24:02Z")
Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday! I’m not gonna try to code anything, because I’d just mess it up. I will raise a glass of something to you tonight, and get anyone who’s around (probably Mr. Lissar and Attacks Things Husband, but maybe Quasi-Daughter and Driving Husband) to sing happy birthday to you. I saw a random, weird Chinese movie last night, called something like _Warriors of Heaven and Earth_. It was weird. Did you know that the relics of Buddhist monks can cause sonic booms? I sure didn’t. Not as good as _Musa the Warrior_, which is _awesome_. Good acting, interesting story, great ending. I got my holiday pay yesterday. I’m off to look for a pair of pants at the mall. Pray for me- it’s a Friday, and the mall rats will be out. ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-garden-gnomen/314038/235 "2005-07-29T18:53:32Z")
> [@chaoticdonkey](#): > > Poor **Draelin**. I hate people like that who give college students a bad name. I’ve played more than my share of hooky in my lifetime. But this girl is late almost every day (if the traffic’s that bad, how 'bout you just _leave earlier?_), out sick at least once a week, it seems, and today she hasn’t even _called_. I seriously doubt she’s ever coming back. It took them seven months to replace the receptionist they fired last year, and they wouldn’t even hire anyone full time because they not-so-secretly don’t want to pay benefits. And, word in the cube farm is that they’re getting ready for another round of layoffs. All of which means that instead of the two jobs I’m doing right now, I’ll once again be the receptionist, as well, in addition to whatever they give me to do when they fire half the office again. Woo-frickin’-hoo. The things I put up with in exchange for being able to wear anything I want to work. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-garden-gnomen/314038/236 "2005-07-29T18:54:57Z")
I’m sure **swampy** is at his pool party so he has not idea how festive it is here. I think we should snarf down some ice cream and cake in his absense, just to keep the fun going. I’ve got a chocolate chocolate chip cake with chocolate butter cream frosting and a gallon of ever-so slightly melty French Vanilla ice cream. mmmmmmmmmmmm yummmmmmmmmmm ---
**Author:** ![Taters](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/taters/32/2845_2.png) [@Taters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taters)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-garden-gnomen/314038/237 "2005-07-29T19:12:01Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > I’m sure **swampy** is at his pool party so he has not idea how festive it is here. I think we should snarf down some ice cream and cake in his absense, just to keep the fun going. I’ve got a chocolate chocolate chip cake with chocolate butter cream frosting and a gallon of ever-so slightly melty French Vanilla ice cream. mmmmmmmmmmmm yummmmmmmmmmm You big tease! Quit doing that to us! I’m sitting here in my lil’ ol’ office eating some M&Ms and drinking diet coke. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-garden-gnomen/314038/238 "2005-07-29T20:00:11Z")
> [@earthpuppy](#): > > Hi **Bumba**! I re-ordered some fig and pomegranate soaps (I loved them so much!) I’ve looked all over but I can’t find an e-mail from you. Are you sure you ordered from me? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![merrily](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@merrily](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/merrily)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-garden-gnomen/314038/239 "2005-07-29T20:44:41Z")
This is the first time since the beginning of the week that I’ve actually caught up to the end of the MMP. So I’m late on the happy birthdays, but I still wish them, and assume they are proceeding just fine. Good idea to have a virtual party, **FCM**. That cake looks delicious. Here, have some more of this cream brulay. Too bad **Swampy** isn’t here to see the scantily clad French waiters. My token French phrase: Mais ou sont les neiges d’antan? A timely question with 100 degree heat… ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-garden-gnomen/314038/240 "2005-07-29T21:24:06Z")
Ooooooooh…cake…and scantily-clad French waiters??? Food fight!!! GT Where is that **Ashes**? Probably out getting all caffeinated or something, while we’ve been temporarily awarded _most juvenile_ status and could be running around making a mess for those nice waiters to clean up. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-garden-gnomen/314038.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-garden-gnomen/314038.md?page=13)