# The Sorry State of American Education, or why my kids don't get it. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 5, 2002, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sorry-state-of-american-education-or-why-my-kids-dont-get-it/107391 "2002-05-05T14:01:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1

**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2002, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sorry-state-of-american-education-or-why-my-kids-dont-get-it/107391/1 "2002-05-05T14:01:42Z")

My kids, their pal Garrett and I just enjoyed a wonderful breakfast of scratch pancakes, courtesy of the Toon Chef. (That would be me ).During said breakfast, I was informed of the following: _Originally Stated As Fact By **Man-Cub, Fem-Bot and Garrett From Across The Field** _ > [@](#): > > Babboons are not from the Earth. They are aliens. They must be, because they have red butts, and give birth to babies through big cuts in their CHESTS :eek: WHAT THE HELL? I asked why they would think such a thing, and with the insousance that is the modus operandi of all pre-teens, they informed me that they saw it on the Discovery Channel, so it \*\* MUST BE TRUE\*\*. I laughed, whist inside was weeping. What has happened to my kids? I pay my school taxes, I swear I do. Why is this happening to me??? [Richard Dreyfuss in CE3K] **WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE???** [/Richard Dreyfuss in CE3K] 😃 It is now incumbent upon me to scour the Internet, finding photographs of Babboons giving birth in what I must only assume will be the fairly normal primate manner. Cartooniverse ---

**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2002, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sorry-state-of-american-education-or-why-my-kids-dont-get-it/107391/2 "2002-05-05T14:18:45Z")

[giving-benefit-of-a-doubt-mode] You didn’t say how old your kids are, so this _could_ fall under the “stupid things I believed as a kid” category. [/giving-benefit-of-a-doubt-mode] I don’t care how old I am, I would not be happy with my pop if he showed me pictures of baboons giving birth. Along that path lies… well, if not madness, then maybe some upset stomachs. 😉 ---

**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2002, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sorry-state-of-american-education-or-why-my-kids-dont-get-it/107391/3 "2002-05-05T14:21:46Z")

I’m sorry, that was kind of important to the story, wasn’t it? The **Man-Cub** is almost 12, the **Fem-Bot** is 10 1/2, and **[Garrett** is about 10 1/2. I’ve been reading up on this on the 'Net. While I’m fairly sure they are not in fact aliens, I am VERY disturbed the the “large circles wrought in tall grass out on the Veldt”, visible only from space that is apparently the work of Baboons. 😛 ---

**Author:** ![Hemlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Hemlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hemlock)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2002, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sorry-state-of-american-education-or-why-my-kids-dont-get-it/107391/4 "2002-05-05T14:43:37Z")

The alternative for your kids (I’m presuming you haven’t brought them up to believe in creationism) is to live with the apalling notion that these creatures with horrendous bright red buttocks are not only of this world, but biologically very closely related to us humans. The idea that they are alien is quite comforting. ---

**Author:** ![shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shrew)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2002, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sorry-state-of-american-education-or-why-my-kids-dont-get-it/107391/5 "2002-05-05T15:04:05Z")

American schools aren’t responsible for what your kids learn on TV. If the schools are to blame, so are you. Trust me when I tell you, you will never question teachers as much as teachers question you. I have uttered the phrase, " **What** are his parents TEACHING HIM? and “His parents must be brain dead” so many times I’m beginning to believe in putting birth control in the water. Don’t piss off a teacher, **Toon** , not when I’m about to spend my whole Sunday grading papers while you have pancakes with your kids. [sub]grumble grumble[/sub] ---

**Author:** ![shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shrew)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2002, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sorry-state-of-american-education-or-why-my-kids-dont-get-it/107391/6 "2002-05-05T15:06:58Z")

I closed those quotation marks. Truly I did. ---

**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2002, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sorry-state-of-american-education-or-why-my-kids-dont-get-it/107391/7 "2002-05-05T15:11:04Z")

You might try pointing out that there were times in their younger days that _they_ had red butts and made noises that were not of this world… Then ask them what that could mean… 😃 Just trying to help out a friend. ---

**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2002, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sorry-state-of-american-education-or-why-my-kids-dont-get-it/107391/8 "2002-05-05T16:18:27Z")

> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by shrew \* > \*\*American schools aren’t responsible for what your kids learn on TV. If the schools are to blame, so are you. Trust me when I tell you, you will never question teachers as much as teachers question you. I have uttered the phrase, " **What** are his parents TEACHING HIM? and “His parents must be brain dead” so many times I’m beginning to believe in putting birth control in the water. > > Don’t piss off a teacher, **Toon** , not when I’m about to spend my whole Sunday grading papers while you have pancakes with your kids. > > [sub]grumble grumble[/sub] \*\* \<---------- Liberally spraying **DanderDown** , the newest Educator’s Salve. **shrew** , trust me when I tell you that I know the teacher’s mindset as well as you do. My Mom was a teacher for 30 years, including 25 as Special Ed. The Wifestrocity is a music teacher of 22 years. I have sub taught for months, everything from 2nd grade to 12th grade. I meant NO insult, I was being a shocked and amused weisenheimer, and I apologize here if it got your Dander up. I’ve got LOTS of questions for the parents of my students, but whether or not they taught their kids that Baboons birthed their calves through a heretofore unknown orifice in the sternum AIN’T ONE OF EM !!! :eek: Hey, those kids just spent an hour living the book, “Holes”. A little hard manual labor never hurt a Primate. Sorry you are grading papers today, if your day in your town is ANYTHING like my day in my town, you should be in the back yard with a tall cuppa iced tea, a lap desk, a red pen, and those papers. Until they’re done. Then you should switch to a nice novel. Perhaps [Up The Down Staircase](http://shopping.yahoo.com/shop?d=v&id=1802832330) or [Cheaper By The Dozen](http://www.epinions.com/book_mu-3393399/display_~reviews) 😃 😃 😃 Sincerely, and in great fear for my life, Cartooniverse ---

**Author:** ![shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shrew)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2002, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sorry-state-of-american-education-or-why-my-kids-dont-get-it/107391/9 "2002-05-06T00:06:02Z")

Back from grading papers…and shoe shopping. 🙂 Sorry if I was hypersensitive this morning, **Toon** , but thanks for the Danderdown. It’s sweeeeeeeet. ---

**Author:** ![ClairificC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ea924/32.png) [@ClairificC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ClairificC)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2002, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sorry-state-of-american-education-or-why-my-kids-dont-get-it/107391/10 "2002-05-06T00:42:24Z")

I definatly think that goes under “dumb things I believed as a kid” or “I was to stubborn to give up the arguement, even when I knew I was wrong” catagory. I remember trying to convice my 2nd grade teacher Ice Cream was made from cold cows, and that I had seen it done when my neighbor milked his cows in the winter. Once agin, too stubbon to say I was wrong… and dumb thing I belived as a kid. (sigh) ---

**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2002, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sorry-state-of-american-education-or-why-my-kids-dont-get-it/107391/11 "2002-05-06T02:23:06Z")

> [@](#): > > I remember trying to convice my 2nd grade teacher Ice Cream was made from cold cows Bwaaaaahahahaha! That one’s so good, I just might tell it to my kids! 😉 ---

**Author:** ![AbbySthrnAccent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@AbbySthrnAccent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AbbySthrnAccent)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2002, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sorry-state-of-american-education-or-why-my-kids-dont-get-it/107391/12 "2002-05-06T04:43:41Z")

> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ClairificC \* > \*\*I remember trying to convice my 2nd grade teacher Ice Cream was made from cold cows, and that I had seen it done when my neighbor milked his cows in the winter. > \*\* Mine was sort of like this, my older brother told me (and I believed him for a couple of years) when I was in kindergarten and first exposed to chocolate milk at school that chocolate milk comes from the brown cows. ---

**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2002, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sorry-state-of-american-education-or-why-my-kids-dont-get-it/107391/13 "2002-05-06T12:16:31Z")

=======blink blink======= Uhhh,then where **DOES** it come from??? 😃😉 Isn’t a Brown Cow a soda fountain specialty drink? Perhaps I’m dating myself with that question. And, more to the point, if I AM dating myself, will I get a goodnight kiss? 😛 ---

**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2002, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sorry-state-of-american-education-or-why-my-kids-dont-get-it/107391/14 "2002-05-06T12:18:00Z")

I thought it was a Black Cow - a root beer float? Dunno - I don’t like root beer.