# The sounds of badly-played instruments **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 7, 2003, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sounds-of-badly-played-instruments/217609 "2003-12-07T20:59:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sounds-of-badly-played-instruments/217609/61 "2003-12-11T19:38:58Z")
Due to hand injuries, hand-clapping hurts me well into the next day. I’ve taken to carrying cowbells and duck calls into sporting events. I was quacking at a NASCAR race, and a wobbly guy in front of me turned around. “You’re not even playin’ that thing right. Lemme show you.” After he figured out which end to blow into, he made a series of ducklike noises. Then he handed the call back to me. I laughed at him. “You think I’m trying to sound like a duck; no wonder you thought I was doing it wrong! I’m doing a cartoon duck, and I’m doing it right.” Then I duck-laughed at him. “Wack, wack, waaack!” ---
**Author:** ![SpectBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a87d85/32.png) [@SpectBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpectBrain)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sounds-of-badly-played-instruments/217609/62 "2003-12-12T00:15:56Z")
Clarinet: An ill woodwind that nobody blows good. ---
**Author:** ![l337\_h0b0](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/91b2a8/32.png) [@l337\_h0b0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/l337_h0b0)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sounds-of-badly-played-instruments/217609/63 "2003-12-12T00:34:24Z")
OK you guys have picked fun at all there insterments BUT I would like to ask what dose a triangle soud like when played badly ?? ---
**Author:** ![Dancing\_Fool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/59ef9b/32.png) [@Dancing\_Fool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dancing_Fool)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sounds-of-badly-played-instruments/217609/64 "2003-12-12T01:15:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr. B \* > **Great description. I would _love_ to hear “Smoke On The Water” on one of those things. Got any linkage to anything about this wunderstick?** [SlideDidge.com](http://www.slidedidge.com) has something similar. These are made of PVC pipe, though. I’m pretty sure the guy I saw either made or commissioned his own. His was a real wood didge, cut in half, with a pipe extension (probably PVC) on one side and and a socket embedded in the other. DancingFool ---
**Author:** ![vina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/df788c/32.png) [@vina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vina)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sounds-of-badly-played-instruments/217609/65 "2003-12-12T02:51:14Z")
Anyone had the joy of hearing an unrehearsed renaissance crumhorn collective? Very much like a field of sheep, each one slowly dying of some horrible plague ---
**Author:** ![CadburyAngel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c2a13f/32.png) [@CadburyAngel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CadburyAngel)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sounds-of-badly-played-instruments/217609/66 "2003-12-12T06:15:46Z")
Oh, I could go on for hours about oboes. Between learning it myself and dragging along a second player once I was first oboe… oy. This isn’t strictly an oboe description, but it occurred to me, so: “The teaching of human sexuality in our schools can also be compared to how they teach music - most students of the oboe become proficient enough to use the equipment, but they never develop the ability to give anyone else pleasure.” - Bob Smith ---
**Author:** ![tool462](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e5b9ba/32.png) [@tool462](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tool462)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sounds-of-badly-played-instruments/217609/67 "2003-12-12T07:59:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by l337 h0b0 \* > \*\*OK you guys have picked fun at all there insterments > > BUT I would like to ask what dose a triangle soud like when played badly ?? \*\* A square. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sounds-of-badly-played-instruments/217609/68 "2003-12-12T13:13:30Z")
[http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=197984&highlight=squirrel](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=197984&highlight=squirrel) According to **Belnix** in the above thread: A dropped piano goes, “BBBBBooooonnnnngggggg” ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sounds-of-badly-played-instruments/217609/69 "2004-02-20T19:55:52Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > I’ve known ever since elementary school (when I tried to play one) that a badly-played clarinet sounds like a dying bullfrog …and now I think to ask. 😛 in _Mr. Holland’s Opus,_ a girl in the orchestra struggles with a clarinet. I’ve never tried to play one; obviously the clarinetist must do more than blow into the mouthpiece to get sound out of the instrument. ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2004, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sounds-of-badly-played-instruments/217609/70 "2004-02-20T21:42:01Z")
IIRC from high school, a lot of beginning trombonists don’t use enough air; they try to make up for it by pinching their lips. It sounds like nerds farting when they do. ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2004, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sounds-of-badly-played-instruments/217609/71 "2004-02-21T00:02:23Z")
I’ve heard an awful lot of instruments being played, both well and badly. But there is one that rises above all others in the sheer impossibility of guessing the skill level of the “musician”. I refer, of course, to the hurdy-gurdy. I would compare the sound of a hurdy-gurdy to that of a herd of mules being simultaeously gelded. Give me an army of beginning bagpipers any day. ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2004, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sounds-of-badly-played-instruments/217609/72 "2004-02-21T00:36:44Z")
> [@gatopescado](#): > > Reminds me of something funny I heard once: > > “The best sound an acordian makes is the sound of it hitting the bottom of the dumpster. The only thing that sounds better is when it lands on a banjo.” The one I heard was “The best way to play an accordion is with a knife.” ---
**Author:** ![lt180ml](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lt180ml](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lt180ml)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2004, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sounds-of-badly-played-instruments/217609/73 "2004-02-21T01:09:01Z")
Among all of the awful aspiring musicians out there, one of them takes the cake. You had to buy tickets to hear her, she was so awful. The first link contains the rest of the story, the second has sound clips. (Yes, she made a CD. Two CD’s, actually.) [http://www.maxbass.com/Florence-Foster-Jenkins.htm](http://www.maxbass.com/Florence-Foster-Jenkins.htm) [http://www.counterpoint-music.com/specialties/ffj.html](http://www.counterpoint-music.com/specialties/ffj.html) Also, an alleged quote from an unnamed member of the Chicago Symphony Brass Section: “The thing about late Schoenberg is, the better you play it, the worse it sounds.” ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2004, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sounds-of-badly-played-instruments/217609/74 "2004-02-21T02:34:42Z")
A badly played piano sounds like “Heart and Soul.” Or maybe “Für Elise.” A badly played guitar sounds like “Stairway to Heaven.” Never work in a music store. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2004, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sounds-of-badly-played-instruments/217609/75 "2004-02-21T04:51:14Z")
> [@](#): > > Traps like the tambourine and triangle I have little tolerance for these days; I have years of experiencing poor performances on these instruments. I spotted a poem about people playing the tambourine in church: I see some tambourines here There’s really quite a lot Some of them are keeping time But most of them are not > [@](#): > > Clarinet: An ill woodwind that nobody blows good. I thought that was supposed to be the saxophone? Q: Why do bagpipers always walk around while they play? A: They’re trying to get away from the noise. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2004, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sounds-of-badly-played-instruments/217609/76 "2004-02-21T05:12:12Z")
> [@SolGrundy](#): > > The one I heard was “The best way to play an accordion is with a knife.” I’d rather pretend I didn’t hear that, Sol. I prefer the sound of the accordion to that of instruments commonly used _these_ days. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-sounds-of-badly-played-instruments/217609.md?page=3)