# The Squirrel Haiku Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 30, 2001, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-squirrel-haiku-thread/52354 "2001-01-30T03:36:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![jeyen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a4c791/32.png) [@jeyen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jeyen)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2001, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-squirrel-haiku-thread/52354/21 "2001-01-30T21:27:56Z")
O, belovèd squirrel, with fur so soft (Though sometimes mangy), you used to leap high In the maple. Its springy boughs would loft Your lithe form, tail a-fluffed, into the sky. Now, though, the tree has failed us, leaving you On the road after a branch snapped from your Delicate weight. With horror I see that Once-soft fluffiness is squished, fluffed no more. Were you careless? Did enthusiasm make You take that fateful misstep? Or, perhaps, it Was a shameful [hazing incident](http://web.wt.net/~psherr/squirrel_hazing.htm). Take Your time climbing to heaven, there to flit. The maple and I now go on alone. We’ll miss your sweet, soft fur and hard, sweet bone. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2001, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-squirrel-haiku-thread/52354/22 "2001-01-30T21:45:41Z")
Jeyen is silly. More nutty than ten squirrels. That ain’t a Haiku! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![jeyen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a4c791/32.png) [@jeyen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jeyen)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2001, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-squirrel-haiku-thread/52354/23 "2001-01-30T22:02:16Z")
Argh. Jeyen fucks up Her own sonnet, and now she Must repost, pad count. O, belovèd squirrel, with fur so soft (Though sometimes mangy), you used to leap high In the maple. Its springy boughs would loft Your lithe form, tail a-fluffed, into the sky. Now, the tree has failed us, leaving you flat On the road after a branch snapped from your Delicate weight. With horror I see that Once-soft fluffiness is squished, fluffed no more. Were you careless? Did enthusiasm make You take that fateful misstep? Or, perhaps, it Was a shameful hazing incident. Take Your time climbing to heaven, there to flit. The maple and I now go on alone. We’ll miss your sweet, soft fur and hard, sweet bone. Jeyen too refers Mr. Cynical to the Original post. ---
**Author:** ![Ad\_Noctum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b19c9b/32.png) [@Ad\_Noctum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ad_Noctum)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2001, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-squirrel-haiku-thread/52354/24 "2001-01-30T22:39:08Z")
Squirrels are annoying I want some Mountain Lions they eat squirrel pancakes. if in the winter you hear knocks in your engine start car, watch guts fly PETA peeps beware Squirrels are luring you in trap they will eat your eyes ---
**Author:** ![Ad\_Noctum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b19c9b/32.png) [@Ad\_Noctum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ad_Noctum)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2001, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-squirrel-haiku-thread/52354/25 "2001-01-30T22:53:04Z")
Squirrels can get drunk give them lots of alcohol sleep on cloud in sky Squirrels gnaw on stuff they will devour anything let them eat some lead ---
**Author:** ![Upham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Upham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Upham)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2001, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-squirrel-haiku-thread/52354/26 "2001-01-30T23:19:47Z")
On my way to town I see you, crossing swiftly “bump bump” squirrel go squish! Chatter from your branch While all humanity fades You are pure evil I see you misjudged Probably missed by an inch I love gravity I’d like to see you Try to spark a match in this wind. laugh, fuzzy jerk Telltale pile of seads Stands out agains the wite snow My cat eats tonight ---
**Author:** ![Ad\_Noctum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b19c9b/32.png) [@Ad\_Noctum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ad_Noctum)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2001, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-squirrel-haiku-thread/52354/27 "2001-01-30T23:46:00Z")
chop down big huge tree see squirrel hop out and gallop I’ll give you head start ---
**Author:** ![TheNerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TheNerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheNerd)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2001, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-squirrel-haiku-thread/52354/28 "2001-01-30T23:47:25Z")
I see that I failed to post the last time I tried let’s see if this works my college suitemate fed a squirrel some vivarin say “hi” to [Twitchy](http://www.owlnet.rice.edu/~shiwala/vivarin.html) ---
**Author:** ![jeyen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a4c791/32.png) [@jeyen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jeyen)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-squirrel-haiku-thread/52354/29 "2001-01-31T05:35:00Z")
::Bump:: More squirrel haiku, Beloved fellow posters, If you please. Soon. Thanks! Jeyen ---
**Author:** ![Upham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Upham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Upham)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-squirrel-haiku-thread/52354/30 "2001-01-31T07:15:09Z")
The bump accepted Upham writes some more of them Because he hates squirrels The Squirrel; he plots Yet no one saw this coming Electric peanuts I will sew a coat It will be made of Squirrel hides Be warned, fluffy target You chew, i rejoice For once you gnaw something right My Extention cord Beady eyed monster I will sacrifice your bones Pagans had it right [sub]This one has nothing to do with Squirrels or my loathing of them, i just like it. I call it: “This is the title, it is also the haiku, pretty cheep eh?” This is the title It is also the haiku Pretty cheep eh?[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![broccoli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a183cd/32.png) [@broccoli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/broccoli)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-squirrel-haiku-thread/52354/31 "2001-01-31T13:28:54Z")
(from the squirrel’s POV) Look at my nuts, man! I keep them hidden from sight, but you can see them. \*Electronic gizmos… $478 Mechanical whatzits… $664 The machine that goes ‘ping’… $962 Instructions on how to get it all together… $15 Using the device to transfer your brain into a squirrel for a day, just to write a stupid haiku where you talk about your nuts… \*priceless punk snot dead, broccoli! ---
**Author:** ![Tommy\_the\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@Tommy\_the\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tommy_the_Cat)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-squirrel-haiku-thread/52354/32 "2001-01-31T14:19:30Z")
I like the squirrels I see my brethren do not Tommy ducks and runs Feeders by window The squirrels give a good show Drive my cats crazy When I was a kid Friend heard squirrel in a tree Thought it a chicken A slight [hijack] here Friend also thought that peacocks Were living on roof This friend was quite strange He moved after the third grade this [/hijack] is done ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-squirrel-haiku-thread/52354/33 "2001-01-31T14:50:24Z")
Catching a squirrel Is not all that difficult You can [fish for them](http://www.eecs.harvard.edu/~yaz/en/squirrel_fishing.html) ---
**Author:** ![Inky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7feea3/32.png) [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-squirrel-haiku-thread/52354/34 "2001-01-31T16:04:19Z")
\*Forrage not in street where the rubber meets the road now texture mimics waffle and blood spray shoots from nose \* - Sitting on a park bench Squirrels beg for someting on which to dine. But beware: for that Cracker Jack I’ve tainted with iodine. \* ---
**Author:** ![wayward](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a87d85/32.png) [@wayward](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wayward)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-squirrel-haiku-thread/52354/35 "2001-01-31T20:12:02Z")
Hmm. It didn’t post. I blame the bastard squirrels. I will try again. Rats with fancy tails That’s all those little shits are I stamp on their heads ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-squirrel-haiku-thread/52354/36 "2001-01-31T21:55:57Z")
The nut falls, captured Softly, gentle hands persuade Liftoff over green grass Tasty nut, hidden string Electricity echoes triumphant Singed fur falls, silent ---
**Author:** ![Kyomara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8edcca/32.png) [@Kyomara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyomara)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2001, 9:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-squirrel-haiku-thread/52354/37 "2001-02-01T09:21:18Z")
squatting and thrusting “look at my wee penis bone!” squirrel seems to say this long, dreary life soon we will all be just bones squirrel penis bone up early again the cold makes me stiff like a ---
**Author:** ![Inky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7feea3/32.png) [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2001, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-squirrel-haiku-thread/52354/38 "2001-02-01T19:30:08Z")
Be careful where you dance Bushy tailed monstrosity. Lest someone test your caliber, [and introduce you to velocity.](http://web.qx.net/antisquirrel/video.html) ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2001, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-squirrel-haiku-thread/52354/39 "2001-02-01T19:43:09Z")
Albino Squirrel Tale Leads Jarbaby to Believe Bouv Went to My School Squirrel In My Attic Must Be Driven to Suburb Released To The Wild Two Months Later She Returns To Wreak Havoc On My Insulation How Many Times Must I Drive You To Evanston Before You Give Up? jarbaby [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-squirrel-haiku-thread/52354.md?page=1)