# The Story of Eve and the Big, Big, Very Big Umbrella **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 27, 2002, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098 "2002-11-27T13:59:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/1 "2002-11-27T13:59:47Z")
On my way to work this morning, I had to squeeze past an umbrella that could easily have sheltered the entire cast of a Gilbert & Sullivan operetta, including the chorus members. New York sidewalks are not _that_ capacious—and unless you are over 400 pounds or are actually the Wicked Witch the the West, you have no business carrying an umbrella with the wingspan of a 767. I keep hoping a gust of wind will come along and carry all these SUVs of the Sidewalk aloft with their owners, like the rejected nannies in _Mary Poppins_ . . . ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/2 "2002-11-27T14:01:46Z")
Coulda been worse. Coulda had advertising on it. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/3 "2002-11-27T14:17:43Z")
Oh, they _all_ seem to have corporate logos on 'em—I assume annoying corporations give them out to their most annoying employees and instruct them to go forth and brush everyone else off the sidewalk. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/4 "2002-11-27T14:23:14Z")
The best part is when you’re standing at a crosswalk, waiting on the light to change. The overly large umbrellas always seem to somehow slide under _your_ umbrella, acting as a conduit to funnel the rain directly onto your shoulder. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/5 "2002-11-27T15:24:35Z")
I’m sorry Eve. But at least I was dry 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/6 "2002-11-27T15:39:37Z")
> [@](#): > > or are actually the Wicked Witch the the West I am _so_ glad that I was not drinking anything just then. On the other hand, did the person portaging this thing around by any chance look like [this fellow](http://www.thesimpsons.com/bios/bios_townspeople_burns.html)? If so, you may want to stock up on vitamin K. ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/7 "2002-11-27T15:49:20Z")
More annoying still is how the razor point umbrella spine tips seem to heat seek my fricking eyeballs. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/8 "2002-11-27T16:46:09Z")
We wouldn’t have this problem if everybody would just wear sombreros. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/9 "2002-11-27T18:37:47Z")
God, that would be a riot. ---
**Author:** ![obfusciatrist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4af34b/32.png) [@obfusciatrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/obfusciatrist)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/10 "2002-11-27T20:11:48Z")
All made worse by the fact that the spines of these umbrellas always end up at a height perfect for slitting my throat. ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/11 "2002-11-27T20:13:30Z")
Urban sombreros, lieu? ---
**Author:** ![GaryM](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garym/32/241_2.png) [@GaryM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaryM)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/12 "2002-11-28T02:41:29Z")
Here you go! Seattle Sombrero [http://rsn.altrec.com/shop/detail/13527/9](http://rsn.altrec.com/shop/detail/13527/9) ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/13 "2002-11-28T05:55:22Z")
Let me guess, **Eve** : You brought the umbrella, thinking it would be big enough, but you ended up getting wet. 😃 – Derleth, hoping y’all are U2 fans. ---
**Author:** ![chula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a4c791/32.png) [@chula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chula)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/14 "2002-11-28T06:26:06Z")
You stole my line. I used to rant daily about these umbrellas in San Francisco and called them “the SUVs of the sidewalk.” I’ve only seen one in NYC. I’d probably start telling people off if I saw them here. ---
**Author:** ![Kyomara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8edcca/32.png) [@Kyomara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyomara)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/15 "2002-11-29T04:59:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Derleth \* > \*\*Let me guess, **Eve** : You brought the umbrella, thinking it would be big enough, but you ended up getting wet. > > 😃 > > – Derleth, hoping y’all are U2 fans. \*\* Police. Not U2. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/16 "2002-11-29T22:42:13Z")
If we outlawed umbrellas, only outlaws would have umbrellas. Make 'em easier to spot, anyways. ---
**Author:** ![Freyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freyr/32/5763_2.png) [@Freyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freyr)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2002, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/17 "2002-11-30T06:18:17Z")
\*\*Eve wrote: On my way to work this morning, I had to squeeze past an umbrella that could easily have sheltered the entire cast of a Gilbert & Sullivan operetta, including the chorus members.\*\* I am the very model of a modern Major-General. My umbrella is a sail from the _HMS Penafore_… Okay, I’ll stop now… ---
**Author:** ![privard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e8c25b/32.png) [@privard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/privard)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/18 "2002-12-02T13:05:40Z")
It’s not the width, it’s the height. No, really. I’m guessing Eve isn’t especially tall or she wouldn’t wonder about this. I’m only about six feet, but in anything heavier than a mild drizzle, or if there’s any wind at all, I get wet from the thighs down under a regular size umbrella; those little ones can’t even keep me dry to the waist. And if I’m walking with anyone else or carrying anything, everything except my head gets soaked. Bigger umbrella (we’re not talking beach umbrella, though, or even golf), no problem. I find all you supposed midgets, Eve, tend to hold your umbrella spines right about my eyeball level. The small ones are just as dangerous. So it ain’t the size, it’s what you do with it (I do try to hold mine OVER other peoples to make passing through a crowd easier). ---
**Author:** ![butter\_pie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aca169/32.png) [@butter\_pie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/butter_pie)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/19 "2002-12-02T13:39:01Z")
Just consider yourself lucky you never got stuck walking behind or anywhere around me in about a 3-4’ radius. I tend to carry around a big stick umbrella that I’m prone to swing wildly about unprovoked, and have bonked people walking with me (purposefully and not) on many, many occasion. The actual canopy part is of a moderate size, though. I’m short. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/20 "2002-12-02T14:50:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jinwicked \* > …I’m prone to swing wildly about unprovoked, and have url=“[http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=bonk](http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=bonk)”] **bonked** people walking with me (purposefully and not) on many, many occasion… > [sup(emphasis and link mine)[/sup] You can do this without breaking your stride? - I’m suitably impressed. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098.md?page=2)