# The Story of Eve and the Big, Big, Very Big Umbrella **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 27, 2002, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098 "2002-11-27T13:59:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/21 "2002-12-02T14:51:52Z")
Preview Dammit! [Bonk](http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=bonk) (scroll down to defitinition 2) ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/22 "2002-12-02T17:37:48Z")
I wish some polite person would invent an umbrella with gutters. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Ace\_of\_Swords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@The\_Ace\_of\_Swords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Ace_of_Swords)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/23 "2002-12-02T18:12:19Z")
What, are there no Chindogu lovers here? Please find this humble [Long umbrella](http://www.intro-spect.co.uk/littleworks/index.htm) to your liking? Or you could always get a [Zorb ball.](http://www.partyworks.co.uk/different/p_zorb.htm) Just watch out for those hurricanes. ---
**Author:** ![Charlie\_Tan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/charlie_tan/32/12582_2.png) [@Charlie\_Tan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charlie_Tan)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/24 "2002-12-02T18:18:54Z")
I’m 6’4’’ dammit. Umbrella points are always on the verge of gorging my eyes or the jugular. I **whack** them outa my way. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/25 "2002-12-02T23:05:23Z")
> [@](#): > > I wish some polite person would invent an umbrella with gutters. You mean a gutter-bumber-chute? [sub]Keep circulating the tapes![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Thylacine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thylacine/32/1143_2.png) [@Thylacine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thylacine)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/26 "2002-12-02T23:57:39Z")
I was wandering down the street one sunny yet coolish day when I heard a voice behind and below me saying _“aren’t you hot?”_. As it was in no way hot (though it had been the day before) I presumed someone was gabbing on a mobile phone and just kept going. I heard it again and could not resist turning. There was a tiny woman in a sari and parka (winter waterproof and warm jacket) with a very large umbrella who was terribly concerned it seemed that my thermostat was about to blow. She placed her brolly above my head to protect me from the sun and we walked along chatting. Trouble was she was at least a foot shorter than I and despite me walking with bent knees she kept hitting me in the back of the head with it. I left her at the first bus stop I could find and wandered off thanking all that is holy that she was not locked up as she once would have been and I had those moments of nurturing from a stranger. She was completely loopy but she cared damnit and the bleeding did eventually stop of its own accord. ---
**Author:** ![Marvel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marvel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marvel)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/27 "2002-12-03T01:37:03Z")
“I wish some polite person would invent an umbrella with gutters.” Actually, Mike and the Bots on the Satellite of Love (S.O.L.) have already done that! I believe that was Mike’s very first invention exchange as seen in the “Brain That Wouldn’t Die” episode! Play MSTie for Me, Patty ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/28 "2002-12-03T07:01:20Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Marvel_ > Actually, Mike and the Bots on the Satellite of Love (S.O.L.) have already done that! I believe that was Mike’s very first invention exchange as seen in the “Brain That Wouldn’t Die” episode! Hel_looo_! > [@](#): > > _Originally poste by Miller_ > You mean a gutter-bumber-chute? And keep circulating the goddamned tapes. ---
**Author:** ![chula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a4c791/32.png) [@chula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chula)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/29 "2002-12-03T07:47:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by privard \* > \*\*It’s not the width, it’s the height. No, really. I’m guessing Eve isn’t especially tall or she wouldn’t wonder about this. I’m only about six feet, but in anything heavier than a mild drizzle, or if there’s any wind at all, I get wet from the thighs down under a regular size umbrella; those little ones can’t even keep me dry to the waist. And if I’m walking with anyone else or carrying anything, everything except my head gets soaked. Bigger umbrella (we’re not talking beach umbrella, though, or even golf), no problem. I find all you supposed midgets, Eve, tend to hold your umbrella spines right about my eyeball level. The small ones are just as dangerous. So it ain’t the size, it’s what you do with it (I do try to hold mine OVER other peoples to make passing through a crowd easier). \*\* Umbrellas aren’t meant to keep the lower half of your body dry, even on short people. It would take an umbrella with a 10 foot diameter to keep you dry (larger during high winds), and if you think you’re going to walk down the sidewalk with one of those you’re crazy. ---
**Author:** ![qzxwxzwqzxwqzxwqzx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/da6949/32.png) [@qzxwxzwqzxwqzxwqzx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/qzxwxzwqzxwqzxwqzx)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/30 "2002-12-03T19:43:59Z")
Many humans wear waterproof clothing over their street clothes, thereby keeping themselves completely dry and poking no one. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2002, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/31 "2002-12-10T21:59:23Z")
Not to revive the “umbrella” converse, but I have to say. I’ll never look at umbrella’s in quite the same way again. And to whomever coined the phrase “SUV of the sidewalk”?, (LOL, as a confirmed SUV hater, even as an Alaskan who doesn’t OWN an umbrella I can appreciate that one). Being pretty much “West Coasters” we just about live in our cars here. Not many pedestrian commuters here, so umbrellas aren’t something we really have a lot of experience with, so,I found your descriptions of what happens in cities where there IS a lot of foot traffic, interesting and amusing!!! ---
**Author:** ![marinwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@marinwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marinwood)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2002, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/32 "2002-12-10T23:28:07Z")
Whatever happened to those deep domed umbrellas? Do they still make those? ---
**Author:** ![Medea\_s\_Child](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/33 "2002-12-11T03:00:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by KidCharlemagne \* > \*\*More annoying still is how the razor point umbrella spine tips seem to heat seek my fricking eyeballs. \*\* Yes. I don’t use bumbershoots, I like rain and for the most part don’t mind being wet. This gives me **no** shield from other people’s homicidal implements of death that they hide under. I like rain. I hate other people in rain. The human body is what, 80% water? (ass cite\*) Regardless of your fears, please keep the damn thing from scratching out my hippy, rain loving eyeballs. [sub]\* an ass cite refers to a piece of information pulled from that esteemed orifice. In this particular case, I’m too lazy to go look it up. I finished my finals today, I get 12 hours off from academic work, by my lights. ---
**Author:** ![Medea\_s\_Child](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/34 "2002-12-11T03:01:47Z")
Hey who stole my coding? ---
**Author:** ![Bucky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Bucky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bucky)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098/35 "2002-12-11T19:18:01Z")
When I first lived out East after growing up in the Midwest, I was introduced to the perils of umbrellas. yes, the heat seaking sharp points, the complete lack of the umbrella-bearer being able to see who they were assualting, and the SUV phenomenon–what joys! Raincoats work. Hats are a nice idea, and even look good if they aren’t just cheap baseball caps. Clothes do dry. And if the rain is so wild that it’s soaking your legs, it’s ark building time! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-story-of-eve-and-the-big-big-very-big-umbrella/139098.md?page=1)