# The Straight Dope Banned Band! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 24, 2001, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-banned-band/89393 "2001-10-24T21:16:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-banned-band/89393/21 "2001-10-25T14:49:34Z")
oh oh oh! I haven’t been in a band in a while, this could be fun! Another keyboard player here, as well as rhythm guitar… I can sort of sing too, and I’ve never been booed off the stage while singing, so that’s something. After we debate what guitar player rips it up better than the others we can discus how Keith Emerson is still the king of all piano-type instruments. Then we can thrust a sword through a hammond organ. Followed by more beers. A brawl at some point would be nice too. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-banned-band/89393/22 "2001-10-25T14:58:03Z")
Well-I-can’t-sing–in-fact-my-kids-used-to-beg-me-_not_to-sing-them-a-lullabye. I’m-really-not-strong-enough-to-haul-equipment-around-besides-I-could-break-a-nail-or-something. I’m-a-fourty-something-woman-so-I-doubt-anyone-would-sleep-with-me-to-get-to-anybody. I-_am_-good-with-facts-and-figures-and-can-be-one-viscious-bitch-if-need-be-so-I’d-like-apply-for-the-position-of-assistant-manager/motivater. \*YOU-CALL-THAT-SINGING???YOU-GUYS-GET-IN-THERE-AND-PRACTICE-PRACTICE-PRACTICE.-WE’RE-NOT-PAYING-YOU-JUST-TO-LOOK-GOOD. ---
**Author:** ![FL\_Blues\_Baby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e36b37/32.png) [@FL\_Blues\_Baby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FL_Blues_Baby)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-banned-band/89393/23 "2001-10-25T15:25:11Z")
Mermaid, you kill me. I hope you don’t get your space bar fixed. It’s way funnier this way. And you sound like you have the manager love/abuse thing down already. You’re hired, in my book anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Oicu812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f475e1/32.png) [@Oicu812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oicu812)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-banned-band/89393/24 "2001-10-25T15:45:45Z")
Gee, can I be the roadie / bouncer / sound guy / piano groupie? I can only afford to pay you $200 a month right now, but maybe in the future… ## O Hoosier Daddy!? ---
**Author:** ![Cerowyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/82dd89/32.png) [@Cerowyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerowyn)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-banned-band/89393/25 "2001-10-25T15:59:59Z")
**Damhna** beat me to the prior-thread-link, so I’d like to volunteer for the Band. Despite being Welsh, I can’t carry a tune in a bucket, but I _can_ play saxophone (tenor or alto, preferably, or baritone in a pinch) and a bit of piano. I can stand in the dark at the side of the stage with the back-up singers and second keyboardist with my trusty tenor sax. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-banned-band/89393/26 "2001-10-25T16:07:06Z")
Band huddle! ::Should the name be “THe Straight Dope Banned Band,” or “The Straight Dope _Banned_?” ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-banned-band/89393/27 "2001-10-25T17:43:45Z")
“The _Banned!!_… we’ve got to get the _banned_ back together!” 😃 The Straight Dope Banned… we could play at dopefests worldwide… hey, that might be kind of fun! ---
**Author:** ![eunoia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eunoia/32/97_2.png) [@eunoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eunoia)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-banned-band/89393/28 "2001-10-25T23:25:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by pezpunk \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Xploder \* > > \*\*Well, I can play tith the guitar, bass, piano and drums and pretend to sing. Does that help? \*\* > > CRAZY! Thats exactly my bio! We can change it up a bit. \*\* Me too! Maybe the band members could rotate after every song like in volleyball! I can’t sing unless you like Gordon Cano or Johnny Lydon but I can hang out, drink beer, and start vicious rumours about the other bands for you. ---
**Author:** ![Disciple\_of\_Alf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/958977/32.png) [@Disciple\_of\_Alf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Disciple_of_Alf)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-banned-band/89393/29 "2001-10-25T23:37:56Z")
I am _all_ over the cow bell. And don’t pretend you don’t need one either. You can never have enough cow bell. -Disciple of Alf ---
**Author:** ![Lodrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@Lodrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lodrain)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-banned-band/89393/30 "2001-10-25T23:58:42Z")
Being a drooling, obsessed fan of _Einstürzende Neubauten_, I can bring in metal plates to bang on. I can play the French horn with a little competence (one and a half years of middle school band). I can also sing fairly well, but only at low volumes. I’m not a screamer. I can whip up somewhat decent lyrics, but rarely rhyme (I tend to use alliteration more than rhyme). I’m quiet and shy in real life, and had a childhood of relatively immoral behaviour, but without much malice involved - I can be your John Lennon (I need a Yoko Ono… Volunteers? Anyone?)! ---
**Author:** ![LoverBoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@LoverBoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LoverBoy)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2001, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-banned-band/89393/31 "2001-10-26T00:12:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Disciple of Alf \* > I am _all_ over the cow bell. And don’t pretend you don’t need one either. > > You can never have enough cow bell. [Walken]I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription for it is more cowbell.[/Walken] - Rob ---
**Author:** ![zoogirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b9bd4f/32.png) [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2001, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-banned-band/89393/32 "2001-10-26T06:08:30Z")
Oh! I almost forgot, I can play guitar too. It’s been awhile, but I bet I can still crank out a tune or two. Definately the “Straight Dope Banned!” When’s practice?! ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2001, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-banned-band/89393/33 "2001-10-26T08:03:03Z")
I see Fenris, dressed just like John Candy in that odd movie wherein JC had to rewrite the script to get himself back into reality, writing a knock-off of the song, Kokomo, using the names of all the banned. But then, I do have a twisted mind on occasion. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![broccoli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a183cd/32.png) [@broccoli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/broccoli)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-banned-band/89393/34 "2001-10-29T01:41:25Z")
Hey! I can sing! …and I live right by **pezpunk** in Tampa… What kind of band is this again? Yodeling lounge music? ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-banned-band/89393/35 "2001-10-29T01:53:48Z")
You need a keyboard player? I’ve never actually played keyboard before, but that never stopped Linda McCartney (MGRHS) from joining a band! As an added bonus, _I_ can sing on key. I do have kids, though, so can we practice during school hours? Oh, and no weekends during soccer season. Lisa, looking frantically for her kids’ Casio keyboard. ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2001, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-banned-band/89393/36 "2001-10-30T03:06:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Monty \* > \*\*I see Fenris, dressed just like John Candy in that odd movie wherein JC had to rewrite the script to get himself back into reality, writing a knock-off of the song, Kokomo, using the names of all the banned. > > But then, I do have a twisted mind on occasion. 🙂 \*\* I don’t normally take requests, but A) I owe you one from that Pit thread a while back, and more importantly, B) This is a f\*cking great idea [sub]Plus, C) If this gets the entire thread thrown into the Pit, I can blame YOU!!! Bwah-ha-ha! [/sub] So, Cue faux-Carribean music, start the steel drums, put on your flame-proof sunblock and listen: Jack Tyler And Phaedy I don’t miss you greatly DitW(a)d And MuMu and Infidel goodbye too Oh, WildBill I digress 'bout BooBoo’s Little Tigress LochNessHump and Concrete Your names we rarely repeat On the S-D-M-B There’s a thing called banning. That’s where they take up the welcome mat and make you go far away. Oh when a poster’s banned Threads will start asking “Was this planned or not thought out? Explain your reasons to me!” On the S-D-M-B Jack Tyler And Phaedy Gee I miss ya greatly DitW(a)d And MuMu and Infidel goodbye too Oh, WildBill I digress 'bout BooBoo’s Little Tigress LochNessHump and Concrete Your names we rarely repeat \ Stopped from making posts here Sent away forever Never posting again Goodbye To you Goodbye To yooooouuuu If I ever get banned from here It’s just time to go away To another message board Where they’ll give me the time of day If I ever get banned from here If I ever get banned from here Well the thread exploded with a mighty flash As the troll, he fanned the flames And as the Pit Mod said to the Admin “Hey! I hope you’re taking names!” Banned on the run! Banned on the run! And the trollish lout was soon thrown out To the relief of everyone With the Banned on the run! Banned on the run! Well the Admin cursed and with a heavy sigh She knew what must be done And the moderator drew a real deep breath For the flames had just begun From the Banned on the run! Banned on the run! And the threads you see 'bout the conspiracy And the clique just weren’t fun 'bout the Banned on the run Banned on the run And the real culprit was the sock-puppet who was gone forever more it’s now Banned on the run Banned on the run (etc) Fenris ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2001, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-banned-band/89393/37 "2001-10-30T13:06:39Z")
Very nice, Fenris. Now I know how Yoko felt the first time she heard “Imagine.” ::Looking around nervously:: Anyone know Bernie Taupin’s number? ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2001, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-banned-band/89393/38 "2001-10-30T13:32:41Z")
::flicks Bic lighter:: ::holds lighter over head:: ::sways back and forth:: ::chants:: Fennn-risssssss!!! Fennn-risssssss!!! Fennn-risssssss!!! Fennn-risssssss!!! Fennn-risssssss!!! Fennn-ri **OWWWWWW!!!** ::drops lighter:: ::sucks on burned finger:: ---
**Author:** ![zoogirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b9bd4f/32.png) [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2001, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-banned-band/89393/39 "2001-11-02T07:10:24Z")
Hey, everyone! If we need any lyrics, ya know- to do covers- I have a TON of records! I’ve even got almost ninety 78’s! What? Oh, CD’S. Well, yeah, I think I have three. Two are from my church though… Mr zoogirl’s band just did a gig at a college and I bet we can borrow equipment off them. Oldies! Oldies! ---
**Author:** ![Elvis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/958977/32.png) [@Elvis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elvis)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2001, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-banned-band/89393/40 "2001-11-02T15:35:51Z")
Alright, everybody out of the way, the King is here. You couldn’t possibly let anyone else sing now that you’ve got me. What’s more, in addition to singing, I can do some mean karate moves, sweat profusely, throw scarves to orgasmic middle aged women, and, if we’re lucky, I’ll do it all without splitting the seam in the rear of my expensive jumpsuit, which is actually cleaned by my sweat! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-banned-band/89393.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-banned-band/89393.md?page=3)