# The Straight Dope Bar Fight **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 2, 2000, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776 "2000-08-02T00:48:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 17
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/321 "2000-08-04T01:12:12Z")
_checks his delivery list_ Eh, where’s the Jack Daniels, the whip cream, the Galapagos turtle with garters and the almost new honkey-tonk piano? Stoopid drivers can’t even pack their truck right. ---
**Author:** ![Rock-n-Rolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/22d042/32.png) [@Rock-n-Rolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rock-n-Rolga)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/322 "2000-08-04T01:20:33Z")
Oi! Who you callin’ stupid? Geez, just tryin’ to pass by and help a guy out… Oh well! There’s plenny of other online bars who’d be happy to have this stuff fall on their doorstep. So bleah! :R-n-R puts it in gear and rumbles off down the street: ---
**Author:** ![Sakura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/898d66/32.png) [@Sakura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sakura)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/323 "2000-08-04T01:32:48Z")
::Walks in totally oblivious to the broken glass, chairs, tables, & furniture in general. Makes her way over to **DAVE** Hey - I’ve been in that car, what? Since the 4th page! It’s sweltering & I can’t get any tunes on the radio. Haven’t you gotten directions ye— ::Finally realizes what’s going on as **Myrr’s** sparking body falls on the floor:: [delighted squeal] Ooooooo! A bar brawl! [/delighted squeal] :: Picks her way over **Myrr’s** somehow concious form to the bar:: Hey! Bartender! Gimme all the carbonated drinks ya’ got! And I don’t take none of that wussie caffiene-free crap neither! ---
**Author:** ![Kvallulf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@Kvallulf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kvallulf)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/324 "2000-08-04T01:36:37Z")
Hey Coldfire, enjoy your little ride? _dashes behind the bar and grabs the seltzer bottle_ ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/325 "2000-08-04T01:40:38Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Myrr21 \* > **Cute eh? Maybe in the future I should just wire myself to a 9 V battery and walk aroun** ZAP!_\*\*\* Aww, a man willing to torture himself for me! How sweet! Myrr, that’s not necessary. Leave the sizzling to me! > [@](#): > > **Hey! That tickles! And the heart-stopping thing’s not fun either (though you’re breath-taking thing is pretty nice, I got to admit).** Why thank you. > [@](#): > > **Glad you could stop by and light up the room with your presenc** ZAP!\*\*\*\* Flattery will get you everywhere. > [@](#): > > \*\*I’ll just cower in submission now… \*\* I win! I win! ::does a victory dance:: > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Kvallulf \* > \*\* > Hey you kids knock of the nonsense!!!_\* _ZAP!!_ Heh heh heh!! Looks like Sakura’s fitting right in! ---
**Author:** ![Kvallulf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@Kvallulf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kvallulf)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/326 "2000-08-04T01:48:56Z")
_Sprays AudreyK with Seltzer_ Take That, haha! ---
**Author:** ![Sakura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/898d66/32.png) [@Sakura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sakura)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/327 "2000-08-04T01:50:36Z")
:: Now standing on top of the bar because she is hyped up on WAAAAY too much sugar.:: Thanks. ::Chucks the rest of her Surge/Mt. Dew mixer on Audrey:: ---
**Author:** ![Kvallulf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@Kvallulf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kvallulf)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/328 "2000-08-04T01:53:01Z")
_Sprays Sakura with Seltzer_ ---
**Author:** ![Myrr21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Myrr21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrr21)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/329 "2000-08-04T02:01:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kvallulf \* > \*\*_Sprays AudreyK with Seltzer_ > > Take That, haha! \*\* Hey, back off, or I’ll use my near-unconcious body to trip you! Audrey: Yes, I think you win, now show him what happens to those who put a steady stream of water in between themselves and electric-woman. ::stumbles over to bar for a recharge:: Now then, once you’re done with the twerp, care for a drink? ---
**Author:** ![Kvallulf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@Kvallulf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kvallulf)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/330 "2000-08-04T02:08:07Z")
Who you calling twerp, droopy drawers? _Sprays Myrr2 with Seltzer._ ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/331 "2000-08-04T02:14:04Z")
::grabs Kvallulf and dumps him into a keg of Canada Dry:: Take THAT!!! Sakura, you’re next!!! Myrr, hon, get me a Coke, please!! I’ll be there as soon as I give DaveSpawn here a lesson in bar fighting… ---
**Author:** ![Kvallulf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@Kvallulf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kvallulf)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/332 "2000-08-04T02:18:10Z")
_gets out of the keg_ There had better be some rum in that Coke!!! _whips out his gridmap, and plots a fire mission on AudreyKs last know position._ ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/333 "2000-08-04T02:22:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kvallulf \* > \*\* > _whips out his gridmap, and plots a fire mission on AudreyKs last know position._ \*\* ::sips Coke:: Nope, no rum. Myrr, you did remember I’m allergic, right? Kvallulfie, I could smell yer Canada Dry-ed hide from clear across town! You ain’t gonna plot anything without me knowing! ---
**Author:** ![Myrr21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Myrr21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrr21)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/334 "2000-08-04T02:22:55Z")
Wow, now this was worth whatever money I paid to get in 🙂 Bartender! Pick yourself up off the floor this moment and fetch Audrey a Coke. Now; I don’t care if you’ve been assaulted by every third person in the room. Audrey, dear, give em what for–there’s a chair and a cold drink waiting for you when you’re done. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Myrr21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Myrr21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrr21)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/335 "2000-08-04T02:27:38Z")
Of course it’s non-alcohol-imbued Coke. Even if you weren’t allergic, we couldn’t have you drunk and firing off bolts all over the room… Now give em what for! ---
**Author:** ![Kvallulf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@Kvallulf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kvallulf)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/336 "2000-08-04T02:33:30Z")
“Out.” _runs for the back_ ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/337 "2000-08-04T02:35:49Z")
:::sniffs air::: Hey, what’s that smell? Is that…_Love’s Baby Soft_? What the…there’s a _minor_ in this bar! Woohoo! Let the corruption begin! ---
**Author:** ![Sakura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/898d66/32.png) [@Sakura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sakura)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/338 "2000-08-04T02:36:26Z")
::Sakura, a chicken at heart, jumps off the bar top into the numerous bottles of liquor. Thouroughly drenched, she quickly hides behind the Bartender who should be getting paid triple-overtime for all he’s putting up with:: Audrey, might I remind you that the Spawn of Dave is entitled to use his 3 battery aluminum flashlight? ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/339 "2000-08-04T02:40:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sakura \* > \*\*::Sakura, a chicken at heart, jumps off the bar top into the numerous bottles of liquor. Thouroughly drenched, she quickly hides behind the Bartender who should be getting paid triple-overtime for all he’s putting up with:: > > Audrey, might I remind you that the Spawn of Dave is entitled to use his 3 battery aluminum flashlight? \*\* The heck you are, kid. Get your own flashlight. I might need mine if that Larrigan character shows up again. ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/340 "2000-08-04T03:04:33Z")
Sakura’s disarmed!! Sakura’s disarmed!! Get her!! Myrr, thanks for the Coke! ::sip:: Mmmmm, I taste Kvallulf’s fear!! Where did he go? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776.md?page=16) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776.md?page=18)