# The Straight Dope Bar Fight **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 2, 2000, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776 "2000-08-02T00:48:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 19
**Author:** ![VaHermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ed655f/32.png) [@VaHermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VaHermit)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/361 "2000-08-04T08:52:06Z")
::Walks out of bathroom, surveys carnage:: Ok, which one of you sombitches spilled my drink? Now I’m pissed! ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 8:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/362 "2000-08-04T08:55:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by VaHermit \* > \*\*::Walks out of bathroom, surveys carnage:: > > Ok, which one of you sombitches spilled my drink? Now I’m pissed! \*\* Nocturne! It was Nocturne! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![VaHermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ed655f/32.png) [@VaHermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VaHermit)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 9:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/363 "2000-08-04T09:09:30Z")
Nocturne?..NOCTURNE!..Oh, there you are. Dammit kid, only 18 post and you come in here and spill my drink? I got half a mind to go kick your daddys ass! Whew, go take a bath, you smell like stale beer! ---
**Author:** ![Sakura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/898d66/32.png) [@Sakura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sakura)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/364 "2000-08-04T12:16:16Z")
::Applies severe pressure at crucial pressure points on Dave & grabs his flashlight as he falls to the ground:: > [@](#): > > Now then, for some pool (are there any cues left unbroken?) > > ::racks em up:: I play winner! ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/365 "2000-08-04T12:19:14Z")
Sure thing! Any girl who takes down her own father is cool in my book. ---
**Author:** ![Sakura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/898d66/32.png) [@Sakura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sakura)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/366 "2000-08-04T12:28:26Z")
Thanks, Audrey. And I’m sorry 'bout the Surge/Mt. Dew mixer thing. Need a moist towelette? ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/367 "2000-08-04T12:51:01Z")
the red heads prefer dave eh? well, if you really prefer New Yorkers, thats your choice… _saunters over to AudreyK_ so how you doin’?? ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/368 "2000-08-04T12:55:06Z")
That does it! You’re grounded! ::searches around for a suitable weapon. Spies an unbroken beer mug and tests its heft:: Works for me. Hey Audrey, remember to call your shots. Like this!! **Audrey on the floor!** ::bludgeons Audrey with the mug:: _heh heh heh_ ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/369 "2000-08-04T13:02:31Z")
**DAVE OVER THE BAR** \*grabs Daves belt and sends him sliding down the bar, as the other patrons lift their glasses out of the way, and dave goes into the cash register \*turns to Sakura So thats your father eh? ---
**Author:** ![Myrr21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Myrr21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrr21)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/370 "2000-08-04T13:03:30Z")
Oh, that does it! We were all set to have a nice game of pool… ::kicks Nocturne in groin:: ::lifts Dave over head, throws him through plate glass window:: You ok, Audrey? Still conscious enough for pool? ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/371 "2000-08-04T13:07:48Z")
::swings through plate glass window on convenient curtain cord:: What I want to know is… :: punches John Larrigan in the mouth:: …who’s gonna… ::monkey flips Myrr and heaves him over the pool table:: …clean up this mess? ::turns to Persephone:: Hang on, Red, I’ll be right over. ---
**Author:** ![Shadowfox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Shadowfox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shadowfox)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/372 "2000-08-04T13:23:27Z")
Shadowfox saunters back into the bar after having been gone for a couple of days. “So, what did I miss?” (ducks quickly as a goat comes flying by) “Okay, who in the hell threw that goat at me?” (Walks up to Dave, who just happens to be the closest person ) “Did you throw that at me?” (As Dave protests vehemently, Shadowfox grabs the back of his shirt, pulls it over his head, and then proceeds to violently tickle him) ---
**Author:** ![VaHermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ed655f/32.png) [@VaHermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VaHermit)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/373 "2000-08-04T13:29:11Z")
Taps Dave on shoulder and sucker-punches him as he turns around. Thats for spilling my SECOND drink when you slid down the damn bar. Next. ---
**Author:** ![Shadowfox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Shadowfox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shadowfox)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/374 "2000-08-04T13:35:53Z")
(Stops tickling Dave long enough to grab Vahermit by the hair and pushes his head down, at the same time bringing her knee up and smashing his nose into it) “You leave Dave alone! Don’t you see I’m busy torturing him?” (Grabs Dave again and gives him a wet willy) ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/375 "2000-08-04T13:43:38Z")
WOO HOO HOO! Stop! I’m so ticklish! ::grabs shadow and administers nuclear noogie:: Take that! ---
**Author:** ![VaHermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ed655f/32.png) [@VaHermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VaHermit)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/376 "2000-08-04T13:47:37Z")
::Wipes blood from broken nose, crawls across floor and ties Shadowfoxes shoelaces together…Laughs as Shadowfox falls flat on face:: ---
**Author:** ![Sakura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/898d66/32.png) [@Sakura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sakura)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/377 "2000-08-04T22:43:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JohnLarrigan \* > \*turns to Sakura > > So thats your father eh? \*\* What’s left of him - yeah. ::Elbows JohnLarrigan in the ribs:: \*That’s \* for making him keep my waiting in the car for 4 pages. :: Does a Three Stooges eye poke:: And \*that’s \* just 'casue I felt like it. ---
**Author:** ![Feelyat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3be4f8/32.png) [@Feelyat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feelyat)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2000, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/378 "2000-08-05T05:42:13Z")
\Is this place empty? Where’d android go? he sounds yummy…Seems to be no beer left, but I’m a minor, anyway. Good thing I brought this stoli… ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2000, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/379 "2000-08-05T13:43:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Myrr21 \* > \*\* > You ok, Audrey? Still conscious enough for pool? > \*\* ::woozy:: Yikes, Myrr, I’ve got a horrible headache… but FIRST THINGS FIRST, DAMMIT!! :mad: DAVE!! I’m calling you OUT!! ::snatches pool cue from rack:: I didn’t want to resort to violence… ---
**Author:** ![Sakura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/898d66/32.png) [@Sakura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sakura)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2000, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/380 "2000-08-05T14:06:33Z")
Audrey - try to give him amnesia! He’ll forget he grounded me! 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776.md?page=18) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776.md?page=20)