# The Straight Dope Bar Fight **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 2, 2000, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776 "2000-08-02T00:48:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Montfort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Montfort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Montfort)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2000, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/21 "2000-08-02T01:10:50Z")
I must sigh, because you’re all wimps and I could easily just wipe you all out (save the ladies, of course) with a wave of my hand. But, okay, I can fight if you want to. How do you feel about being kicked in the head, Coldy? ---
**Author:** ![Kvallulf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@Kvallulf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kvallulf)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2000, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/22 "2000-08-02T01:10:54Z")
\*throws a mug of beer at Globe-trotter ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2000, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/23 "2000-08-02T01:10:54Z")
Whew! I can smell the testosterone burning in here! :::slaps a $5 on the bar::: My money’s on the Clogmeister. Anyone with me? ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2000, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/24 "2000-08-02T01:11:45Z")
A MUG??? Guinness comes in PINTS, heretic!! (Damn, this is getting more fun by the minute hehe :D) ---
**Author:** ![Globe-trotter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cab0a1/32.png) [@Globe-trotter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Globe-trotter)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2000, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/25 "2000-08-02T01:12:37Z")
Gin and tonic? That’s for sissies! Gimme a real drink, Coldie Clogs. ---
**Author:** ![Kvallulf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@Kvallulf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kvallulf)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2000, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/26 "2000-08-02T01:14:21Z")
YUCK!!! I don’t drink that slimy excuse for a beer!!! Gimme a Wiezen!!! - Wanders over to the ice machine and tosses ice cubes at everyone\* ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2000, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/27 "2000-08-02T01:14:38Z")
Kicked in the head? Boy, I received kicks in the head when you were a mere SPERM in your fathers left testicle! Bring it on! Oh, and Globie, here’s a JD for ya. On the house, for this once. ---
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2000, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/28 "2000-08-02T01:14:49Z")
Heheh, well your all covered in Guinness. Oh the foam! ---
**Author:** ![Byzantine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dfb087/32.png) [@Byzantine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Byzantine)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2000, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/29 "2000-08-02T01:15:32Z")
I would but none of the men want to hit a chick so I’ll just sit at the bar and hand out my empties for someone else to throw around! Here, Coldie, here’s a bottle for ya! What? You are so strong and fabulous you can kiss me in-between all that fighting? You lusty animal! Smooch! ---
**Author:** ![Montfort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Montfort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Montfort)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2000, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/30 "2000-08-02T01:16:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Coldfire \* > **Kicked in the head? Boy, I received kicks in the head when you were a mere SPERM in your fathers left testicle! Bring it on!** Okay. _kick kick kick_ And, speaking of testicles: _kick in the balls_ for good measure. ---
**Author:** ![Globe-trotter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cab0a1/32.png) [@Globe-trotter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Globe-trotter)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2000, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/31 "2000-08-02T01:16:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\*\*throws a mug of beer at Globe-trotter \*\* Don’t waste beer, you heretic! (Unless it’s Miller Light or some other crap like that.) 😃 Thanks for the JD, Coldie baby. _smooch_ ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2000, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/32 "2000-08-02T01:16:27Z")
Wiezen??? Quickly, tell me you meant Weizen before I bash your skull in! Sheesh, you fartknockers sure don’t know your beer. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2000, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/33 "2000-08-02T01:17:05Z")
Smeghead walks in, grabs **Coldfire** , the nearest combatant, and throws him humorously over the bar into the shelves filled with bottles, also breaking the mirror in the process. That felt damn good today, boys! ---
**Author:** ![ponch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bcef8e/32.png) [@ponch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ponch)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2000, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/34 "2000-08-02T01:17:15Z")
that’s it, enough fight piano music… (stands on piano, jumps towards brawl, misses, lands on drum set) d-oh! ---
**Author:** ![Kvallulf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@Kvallulf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kvallulf)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2000, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/35 "2000-08-02T01:19:11Z")
Of course Stinky pants!!! I was just checking to see if you knew!! Sheesh! Now, Where is my Beer??? - Drums fingers impatiently on table\* ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2000, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/36 "2000-08-02T01:19:31Z")
Cue=\>Blazing Saddles ## Bart: Go for your gun. Hedley Lamarr: Wait, wait, wait. I’m unarmed. Bart: Alright, we’ll settle this it men, with our fists. Hedley Lamarr: Sorry, I just remembered . . . I am armed. ## Rev. Johnson: Now, I don’t have to tell you good folks, what has been happening here in our beloved little town: sheriff murdered, crops burned, stores looted, people stampeded, and cattle raped. Jim: The Waco Kid: What did you expect? “Welcome sonny,” “Make yourself at home,” “Marry my daughter.” You’ve got to remember, that these are just simple farmers, these are people of the land, the common clay of the new west. You know . . . morons. ---
**Author:** ![Myrr21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Myrr21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrr21)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2000, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/37 "2000-08-02T01:20:33Z")
::Acquires 1 dark force point to shoot Jedi lightning bolts at Montfort:: I \* told \* you I could out-geek you, but would you listen…noooo!! ::crawls under table toawrds Byzantine’s shoelaces:: ---
**Author:** ![Angkins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/fbc32d/32.png) [@Angkins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angkins)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2000, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/38 "2000-08-02T01:20:44Z")
\*\*\* peeks in and notices all the brawling men, and quietly takes a seat next to Globe-trotter \*\*\* What’s it take to get a little service in this place…and is this blouse too low cut?? ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2000, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/39 "2000-08-02T01:21:21Z")
_walks in_ _grabs half empty bottle of JD_ _Downs the rest_ YO! Now who started this??? _glares at assorted male Dopers, chest heaving_ ---
**Author:** ![Kvallulf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@Kvallulf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kvallulf)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2000, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/40 "2000-08-02T01:21:30Z")
_whips an ice cube into Angkins low cut bodice_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776.md?page=3)