# The Straight Dope Bar Fight **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 2, 2000, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776 "2000-08-02T00:48:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 21
**Author:** ![Myrr21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Myrr21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrr21)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/401 "2000-08-06T05:13:06Z")
Hmm, we could modify this a little into a sport–something along the lines of ping-pong? Let’s see, proposed rules: 1. Duct-tape-Dave must make it at least 3/4 of the distance down the bar from each shove. Failure to reach this distance shall result in 1 point for the opposition 2. In the process of each push, he shall plow through at least two beverages–at least one of which must be alcoholic. Failure to do so results in 1 point for the opposition 3. Beverages may be replentished between serves as necessary; at no time shall there be less than 4 beverages on the bar, two of which must be alcoholic. 4. Duct-tape-Dave be given a small sip of beverage between serves, should he so desire. 5. First player to 10 wins. Alllllriggghhhhtt!!! ::serves up Duct-tape Dave:: your turn ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/402 "2000-08-06T05:22:58Z")
Damn you, you knocked over my heineken. I think I’ll take out my aggression on Duct Tape Dave But first you need to re set the beverages. ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/403 "2000-08-06T06:04:12Z")
Oh, now _this_ is a nifty sport! Here, let me buy a Duct Tape Dave round! ---
**Author:** ![BlindFaithe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a4c791/32.png) [@BlindFaithe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlindFaithe)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/404 "2000-08-06T06:09:28Z")
\*Rumbling sound is hear outside of bar, Blind dismounts her Harley, spurs jingle, leather chaps creak, wears mirror sunglasses (day and night) … Kicks bar room doors open … \* Damn! That hurt … _Music from any Clint Eastwood western plays_ I’m the obligatory suspicious stranger in town and this place just begged me to come join the fun … _Steps through doors, leather boots thump ominously on the hard wood …_ I’m also American and I’ve got a … _Whips out 9mm semi automatic pistal from tight leather vest_ But before I start stompin’ drunk heads I need me a Guinness … _Bar is silent, watches Blind gain parimeter of bar and down pint in three gulps…_ Blimey! That’s good … washes the road right outta my throat … so! Who’s the most sober? Stelljaw? Myrr? Come on … _stands with hands on hips_ give me your best … :biggrin: _Spies moose head on wall, yanks it down and gives VaHermit a new look_ Ah-ha!! _bar is drowned again in the calmor or brawling, mud wrestling and pool ball poking_ _Graps chandelier and swings, chain a clanging, for Duct Tape Dave_ Love a man who knows who to wear tape!! ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/405 "2000-08-06T06:11:33Z")
so wait, i’m confused. i mean i know it is my turn and all but… is the only way to score if the other team doesn’t toss dave far enough. Where’s the offensive strategy? And no buying Dave rounds, he gets a sip between tosses. Someone should officially name the sport too, you know like the NBA is really just basketball with a fancy name. You know for marketing purposes. ---
**Author:** ![Feelyat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3be4f8/32.png) [@Feelyat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feelyat)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/406 "2000-08-06T06:29:04Z")
\ I just watched Fight Club!!! (and nobody cares about me!! woooo weeeee!!!) ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/407 "2000-08-06T06:32:45Z")
First of all Blind, I’m a superhero, so you’re damn bullets won’t do jack. Plus, I’m not the soberest, so please don’t hurt me. feely, can I be your psycho alterego. Unless you wanna be the psycho and i’ll be the suit. It’s up to you. ---
**Author:** ![Feelyat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3be4f8/32.png) [@Feelyat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feelyat)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/408 "2000-08-06T06:48:42Z")
Yay! Somebody talked to me!! Oh…I want to be the pscyhoticter-ego because I’m really psychotic, and he gets to wear cool clothes. ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/409 "2000-08-06T07:00:42Z")
Yes his thrift store garb is rather nice. I’ll bet if he was here he would kick everyone except my ass, seeing as how we are one and the same. Wait he is here. ---
**Author:** ![Feelyat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3be4f8/32.png) [@Feelyat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feelyat)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/410 "2000-08-06T07:14:12Z")
Whoa! You just blew my mind. Can I be me again istead of Tyler? I can have lots of fun!! ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/411 "2000-08-06T07:19:11Z")
I was kinda enjoying it but ok I need to take my turn at flinging duct tape dave anyway. ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/412 "2000-08-06T07:21:18Z")
Where the hell is everybody. It’s just me and feelyat fighting with ourselves right now and kicking people who are already unconscious. Someone jump in here. ---
**Author:** ![Feelyat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3be4f8/32.png) [@Feelyat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feelyat)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/413 "2000-08-06T07:21:20Z")
Ok!! Yah! \ Hey…I don’t have a wooden leg!!! That kinda hurt! ---
**Author:** ![Feelyat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3be4f8/32.png) [@Feelyat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feelyat)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/414 "2000-08-06T07:23:26Z")
Any good lookin’ men in the bar? ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/415 "2000-08-06T07:30:45Z")
:huddle up: Hey you stand beside the door with your sausages, and I’ll sit here looking all vulnerable and open to attack. Then when someone walks in, pummel them with the hotlinks. :on three: :ready, break: ---
**Author:** ![Feelyat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3be4f8/32.png) [@Feelyat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feelyat)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/416 "2000-08-06T07:34:01Z")
I don’t have any sausages! It’s a quote from Kids in the Hall. And it’s kinda hard to stand up since I just ripped of muh leg. Mmmmm…hotlinks sound good…where’s the barkeep? ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/417 "2000-08-06T07:36:01Z")
you candy ass. I’m ashamed to be called your alterego. You’re gonna let the absence of a leg and a weapon get in the way of our plan. Then, on top of that you want to drown your sorrows in sausage. You disgust me. I guess that means I disgust me. So confused ---
**Author:** ![Feelyat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3be4f8/32.png) [@Feelyat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feelyat)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/418 "2000-08-06T07:37:59Z")
\ That’s what you get for picking on a poor little girl!!! ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/419 "2000-08-06T07:45:43Z")
damn, bet that hurt. you stupid alterego. Ow, stop hitting me, i mean yourself, whatever :lightbulb: she’s only got one leg. i can run away steel runs behind bar, starts chucking full beer bottles at the immobile uni-legged feelyat. take that ---
**Author:** ![Feelyat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3be4f8/32.png) [@Feelyat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feelyat)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/420 "2000-08-06T07:48:50Z")
Hmmm…did you forget that i am no longer your alterego because I didn’t want to play any more? Also, I forgot to tell you that I can regenerate my limbs automatically!! Haha!! by the way, what’s your sign? ;o) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776.md?page=20) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776.md?page=22)