# The Straight Dope Bar Fight **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 2, 2000, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776 "2000-08-02T00:48:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 25
**Author:** ![Sakura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/898d66/32.png) [@Sakura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sakura)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/481 "2000-08-06T19:24:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DAVEW0071 \* > > ::Turns to Persephone and Sakura:: > > And you two! > > ::conks their heads together until little birds circle their skulls, twittering:: > > That’s what happens to anti-Dave consipirators! \*\* I’m telling Mom and **then** see what happens to you! Bwahahahaha!!! ::Turns to Persephone:: Also, use family members or someone the person you’re fighting with to “blackmail” 'em in a way. ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/482 "2000-08-06T19:49:08Z")
Welcome back blind What’s that look for? Oh yeah, the pants sorry. :pulls up pants: Dave’s not cooperating very well, I’m gonna run to the grocery store and pick up some chloroform so he’s a better sporting apparatus. Anybody want anything? Candy, or something? ---
**Author:** ![Sakura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/898d66/32.png) [@Sakura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sakura)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/483 "2000-08-06T20:28:05Z")
I think he’s allergic to chlorophorm (sp?). Just conk him on the head with this. ::Hands steeljaw Dave’s flashlight.:: But if you’re going out, get me some Swedish Fish. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![BlindFaithe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a4c791/32.png) [@BlindFaithe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlindFaithe)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/484 "2000-08-06T21:02:55Z")
Lobster for me … thanks 🙂 _rips arm off unconcious barkeep, thwacks Dave over the head_ It doesn’t work! What a think noggin you got, man! Better bring sleeping pills or somethin’ . … he can chase them down with some liquor … heard it’s okay to do that… ---
**Author:** ![Myrr21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Myrr21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrr21)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/485 "2000-08-06T21:14:19Z")
Weird thing is, Swedish fish are manufactured in Canada; go figure. ---
**Author:** ![BlindFaithe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a4c791/32.png) [@BlindFaithe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlindFaithe)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/486 "2000-08-06T21:27:09Z")
Very strange indeed … how come I can’t edit my posts? I meant to say Dave’s head is THICK not think. …! _see’s JohnL sneaking up, grabs his lapels and smacks her forhead into his. John goes down like a 100 lb. bag of pototoes_ My head is thick …too! (or is that think?) ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/487 "2000-08-06T21:36:24Z")
Ow. That hurted. :::grabs Dave in a headlock, gives him the Noogie from Hades::: Hey! I’ve got him! Quick! Grab his wallet! He’s buying this round! ---
**Author:** ![BlindFaithe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a4c791/32.png) [@BlindFaithe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlindFaithe)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/488 "2000-08-06T21:42:46Z")
_fishes about in Daves pocket and finds …_ Hmmm! Nice! _searches again, this time finds the wallet … dances with joy_ Let’s drag Daves rusty butt into the loo and give 'em a swirly!! ---
**Author:** ![Feelyat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3be4f8/32.png) [@Feelyat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feelyat)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/489 "2000-08-06T21:49:43Z")
Hey guys! I didn’t get the chance to introduce myself to the real fighters. I’m Feelyat! Feelyat! Feelyat! Bwahaha!! Sorry. I just woke up 2 hours ago(about 2:30 PM) and I have this weird surge of energy!!! Woooooooo weeeeeeee!!! Where’s Steeljaw? He’s foxy! ---
**Author:** ![Feelyat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3be4f8/32.png) [@Feelyat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feelyat)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/490 "2000-08-06T21:53:15Z")
Ooooh! Can I have his credit cards? I need to pick up a few necessities at Nordstrom, Macy’s, etc!!! ---
**Author:** ![BlindFaithe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a4c791/32.png) [@BlindFaithe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlindFaithe)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/491 "2000-08-06T22:19:38Z")
_fumbles through Daves wallet ._ Condom … condom … condom … Credit card! There you go, Feely! ---
**Author:** ![Feelyat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3be4f8/32.png) [@Feelyat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feelyat)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/492 "2000-08-06T22:41:04Z")
Yay! (ignoring the other contents of Dave’s wallet)Hmmm…I don’t have a car, can someone drive me to Macy’s? ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/493 "2000-08-06T23:21:17Z")
Sorry it took so long guys…traffic Who ordered the fish? And here’s your swedish lobster. Coincidentally, feely, I’m headed to the mall in a little while to take back some shoes. Aren’t shoes what started this whole melee in the first place? I’ll pick you up on the way. Just make sure your ready, cause I’m not waitin’. Can I get Dave’s driver’s license? I need to make a fake ID so that i can get something besides milk and ass kickins in this bar. ---
**Author:** ![Feelyat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3be4f8/32.png) [@Feelyat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feelyat)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/494 "2000-08-06T23:34:43Z")
Well, since I have Dave’s credit card and I’m dressed and all, so I guess I’m ready. Wait…what kind of car do you drive? ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/495 "2000-08-06T23:42:19Z")
Always so superficial. I’ve got a cal style bug, and if that doesn’t fly, i’ll bring the infiniti or the suburban. is that ok with you, miss feely? ---
**Author:** ![Feelyat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3be4f8/32.png) [@Feelyat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feelyat)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/496 "2000-08-07T00:00:37Z")
The Infiniti will do. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/497 "2000-08-07T00:17:03Z")
“Hey, why don’t you watch where you’re going, pipsqueak?” He looks up at me, cowers, and runs back inside. “The nerve of that slob!” I mutter as I go on my way. ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/498 "2000-08-07T04:15:36Z")
steel, rolls up in the infiniti to pick up feely and go to the mall. sees smug looking monty fellow walking down the street. punches the gas and runs him down. returns to get feely. ---
**Author:** ![Feelyat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3be4f8/32.png) [@Feelyat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feelyat)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/499 "2000-08-07T04:20:52Z")
You forgot to back over him! hmmm…why is this brick in my purse? \ Aaah. Now my purse is a lot lighter. ---
**Author:** ![Nocturne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9fc348/32.png) [@Nocturne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nocturne)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/500 "2000-08-07T04:48:18Z")
_emerges from behind the bar, where she has convinced the bartender to slip her a few drinks despite her underage status. She comes out swinging, looking and bellowing for VaHermit to show his ugly face… She finds him unconscious on the floor. To the tune of a drunk pianist playing "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies, she dances on his head…_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776.md?page=24) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776.md?page=26)