# The Straight Dope Bar Fight **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 2, 2000, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776 "2000-08-02T00:48:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 26
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/501 "2000-08-07T06:20:40Z")
:walks in bar carrying all of feely’s bags: :feely follows carrying nothing: Walks over to nocturne and gives severe tongue lashing for underage drinking(through piles of shopping bags) drops bags and gives intimidating look challenging nocturne to make first move and revive this dead brawl. feely lurks in the shadows ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/502 "2000-08-07T06:22:17Z")
woo hoo first post on page 11 next round’s on me ---
**Author:** ![BlindFaithe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a4c791/32.png) [@BlindFaithe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlindFaithe)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/503 "2000-08-07T06:59:37Z")
I’m back … got myself arrested trying to strap the bar’s large screen t.v. to my bike. But no joint can hold me, especially when there’s a fight to be embroiled in! _pulls from chaps (damn amazing chaps these!) a prison window bar and a dead cat. Swingscat around over her head and shwacks Steel in the head_ It’s true! You can’t swing a dead cat around here without hitting a drunk! Is Dave still a pinota? I don’t see him about anywhere … _hears copper sirens approaching_ Gotta hide! Where can I hide? _runs around in circles till she stumbles over moose head. Grabs head, hunkers in a corner behind a broken table and pulls moose face over hers_ Dummy up on where I am, k? 🙂 … oh, and nice shoes! ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/504 "2000-08-07T07:23:29Z")
Yeah, um, all I know is, I saw some crazy biker chick come runnin’ by here with a huge box or tv or something. She yelled something threatening at me. Scar lady. Listen, you guys need to do something, cause I don’t feel safe around this neighborhood with her on the loose. :tries to suppress laughter: “Thanks for your help, sir, we’re doing everything we can.” Alright, uh, have a nice day…_under breath_ jackass… “Huh, did you say something?” Oh, no sir, I just said have a nice day…er…catcherfass. Yeah, catch her fast. That’s it. :officer leaves: :steel leaves: time passes slowly while he’s not around :steel returns with members of Alaskan Inuit tribe looking for food: guides them in direction of moose-woman :Inuit aim spears and… ---
**Author:** ![BlindFaithe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a4c791/32.png) [@BlindFaithe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlindFaithe)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/505 "2000-08-07T08:00:19Z")
::fervantly tries to remember her inuit, fumbles for the words ‘friend’ and ‘don’t shishkabob me!’ manages only to bark:: Thanks for disdirecting the coppers, Steel … 🙂 Now, if you could just call off your guides . gee they smell like bear grease! ::struggles with moose head, manages to get it half way off, chaps start to bind, prison bar shifts down a leg:: ooo! give a lady a hand?? (no clapping, please, unless you plan to throw money afterwards … :)) ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/506 "2000-08-07T11:05:42Z")
this has Guy Stuff IV written all over it… ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/507 "2000-08-07T11:14:09Z")
IV? Where are II and III then?? ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/508 "2000-08-07T11:23:59Z")
ALL the guystuff threads [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/search.php?query=Guy+Stuff&forumchoice=4&booleanand=yes&searchin=subject&searchdate=-1&searchuser=&exactname=yes&action=dosearch&getdaily=&pagenum=](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/search.php?query=Guy+Stuff&forumchoice=4&booleanand=yes&searchin=subject&searchdate=-1&searchuser=&exactname=yes&action=dosearch&getdaily=&pagenum=) ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/509 "2000-08-07T11:26:01Z")
That all went horribly wrong, but there were 3 guy stuff threads and at least 5 threads about the guy stuff threads… ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/510 "2000-08-07T11:36:46Z")
I do seem to remember Guy Stuff II now. It never could live up to the real thing. And this is in another league too, I’m afraid. I mean, here we are, on page ten, and there hasn’t been a single moose killing. Sure, it’s fun, but it ain’t Guy Stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/511 "2000-08-07T11:38:02Z")
And here we are, on page **ELEVEN** , and there also have not been any reports on burned cats 😃 ---
**Author:** ![DarkHeart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6de8d8/32.png) [@DarkHeart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarkHeart)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/512 "2000-08-07T16:24:24Z")
:::walks back into bar after 2 days:: :::throw’s dead moose and cat on bar:: Hey bar keep…I hear you needed these… :::looks around for Falcon::: One day…One day… ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/513 "2000-08-07T16:33:29Z")
_plops down on stool next to DarkHeart, eyeing dead animals_ So…THIS is where you’ve been. I’ve been holding this for you. _sets down bottle of Jack_ ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/514 "2000-08-07T17:18:28Z")
Whoa, whoa, whoa **Coldfire** , you probably just missed it but [blindfaithe\*\* walked in just a little while ago and flung a dead cat. She then proceeded to make a smartass comment about not being able to fling a dead cat without hitting a drunk or something. So, you see, this bar fight hasn’t been a _complete_ disappointment. Although, I must say, all the bodies piling up on the floor are making it rather difficult to move around. ---
**Author:** ![DarkHeart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6de8d8/32.png) [@DarkHeart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarkHeart)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/515 "2000-08-07T17:20:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by struuter \* > \*\*_plops down on stool next to DarkHeart, eyeing dead animals_ So…THIS is where you’ve been. I’ve been holding this for you. > _sets down bottle of Jack_ \*\* What do you say we go and drink this in a more quiet place? I’ll show you my sword…😉 ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/516 "2000-08-07T17:44:46Z")
That’s just plain bad marketing. How are you gonna get new members by saying things like that? ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/517 "2000-08-07T17:48:40Z")
DarkHeart, I could make some very vile and tasteless comment about a sheath for that sword, but I’m above it. You shouldn’t drink and handle weapons, you know. You drink the Jack. Give me the sword. ---
**Author:** ![Nocturne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9fc348/32.png) [@Nocturne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nocturne)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/518 "2000-08-07T18:07:01Z")
_slaps steeljaw in the face with a smelly dead fish, then offer the fish to the hungry Inuits, who storm the bar looking for Beaujolais_ ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/519 "2000-08-07T18:52:28Z")
“new gal in town Mojo strolls by and notices the plethora of hot, sweaty, virile, manly men and manly women who are taking a quick break from brawling, dead animal throwing and the like and her interest is piqued” “sits down at the bar, orders a double shot of Jose Cuervo and a Corona and purrs- - Oh dear, is it hot in here or is it just me? I always like to like my salt off a steely jaw. Which one of you wants to help a lady out?” “Steeljaw’s interest is piqued, never one to refuse a lady in need, he obliges” “Mojo rubs the lime over Steeljaw’s massive steely jaw, sprinkles salt over it and licks it up” “aack this tastes just like dead fish” she shouts. Mojo launches into her patented MammarSlammer manuever in which her massive breasts leap out of her low-cut blouse and slam Steeljaw on both sides of the head and he is knocked into unconsciousness. “did I do that?” she coos as she downs her tequila and sips her beer,very ladylikely. I think I’m gonna like this place. ---
**Author:** ![DarkHeart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6de8d8/32.png) [@DarkHeart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarkHeart)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776/520 "2000-08-07T19:01:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by struuter \* > \*\*You drink the Jack. Give me the sword. \*\* That’s what I had in mind 😉 :::picks up struuter and carrier her out of bar::: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776.md?page=25) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-bar-fight/27776.md?page=27)