# The Straight Dope Flirt Academy
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [February 23, 2003, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035 "2003-02-23T23:57:16Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@TruePisces](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruePisces)
#### Post date: [February 23, 2003, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/1 "2003-02-23T23:57:16Z")
As some may remember, I ran a Flirt Academy here about two years ago. I’ve been told by some that there is need for such a thing again, and I should revive it. Always up for a challenge, I decided to open the doors again.
For those interested, [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=65849) is the original thread.
I am Professor **TruePisces** , and I am here to teach those willing the finer arts of flirting. Much as in the original thread, I’m here to answer your questions, and for myself, and guest instructors, to give those in need a little practice in a safe place.
So come one, come all. The doors are open, seating is limited, and I’m ready to assist where need is greatest.
[sub]Just please keep in mind, flirting is only flirting. That means no going over the lines into behavior not appropriate for a board read by a variety of ages.[/sub]
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### Author:  [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)
#### Post date: [February 24, 2003, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/2 "2003-02-24T00:30:31Z")
_leers at **TruePisces** _
_fidgets_
_licks lips_
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### Author:  [@TruePisces](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruePisces)
#### Post date: [February 24, 2003, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/3 "2003-02-24T00:36:23Z")
Hmmm… some women don’t mind a leering start, but that’s usually not a safe bet to start with. The lip licking, though… that’s not a bad start. If you want to go with completely non-verbal conversation, though, a wink is always a good place to start. 😉
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### Author:  [@samarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samarm)
#### Post date: [February 24, 2003, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/4 "2003-02-24T00:41:37Z")
\*::walks over to **TruePisces** ::
::nochilantly puts Porsche keys on table::
::says “Hey babe, I’m a pisces too. How about me and you go for a swim?”::\*
(I really am a pisces, by the way!)
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### Author:  [@Toffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toffe)
#### Post date: [February 24, 2003, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/5 "2003-02-24T01:16:11Z")
“Hi.” 🙂
_blinks, trying to think of something to say_
_short awkward pause_
“Um, I’m Christoffer, how you doing?”
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### Author:  [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)
#### Post date: [February 24, 2003, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/6 "2003-02-24T01:46:52Z")
::pales::
::gets wide eyed::
::begins to make irrelevant comments and over-the-top opinions that I cannot back up::
::realizes she’s stupid, waits for everyone to leave, and reminds self that she has no business speaking aloud::
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### Author:  [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)
#### Post date: [February 24, 2003, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/7 "2003-02-24T01:55:19Z")
Professor TruePisces!
I’m so glad you started this thread! I do not know how to flirt. My flirting skills are so terrible that I have completely missed people flirting with me. (Kind people have let me know about the flirting afterwords. It just seemed like a nice chat to me!)
Please help this clueless girl.
Naive in Michigan
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### Author:  [@lel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lel)
#### Post date: [February 24, 2003, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/8 "2003-02-24T02:08:39Z")
Professor **TruePisces** , I would love to enroll in this course. However, my flirting skills are extraordinarily deficient. For this reason, I must request enrollment in a course more basic than Flirting 101. I do sincerely wish to increase my skills, and I promise to get private tutors, as many as necessary!
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### Author:  [@Global\_Citizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Global_Citizen)
#### Post date: [February 24, 2003, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/9 "2003-02-24T02:28:14Z")
I’ll take all the advice I can get.
Professor TruePisces, I’m a Pisces, too! (Actually, I’m an identical twin so there’s another one, plus my Mom is a Pisces as well.)
Okay, I haven’t had a girlfriend in … 9 years. No, that’s not a typo. Nine years.
I have no idea how to flirt. My confidence is pretty low but a couple of things in the past two months has helped: regular exercise (my BMI is perfect) and I got a promotion at work which I’ll start next week.
How **do** I flirt? Where should I do it? (As a side note, I go to the grocery store several times a week, a bookstore a couple of times a week, the gym, etc. But I’ve never, ever, ever met anyone in those places. I don’t even know if those are good places or not.)
Any help is appreciated (heck, I’ll probably get a laugh at the spam, too! 🙂 )
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### Author:  [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)
#### Post date: [February 24, 2003, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/10 "2003-02-24T02:34:12Z")
Please sign me up for the first course as well. I’ve been so hopeless at flirting, I can’t even participate in “SDMB Flirting Threads,” and how hopeless is _that_?
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### Author:  [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)
#### Post date: [February 24, 2003, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/11 "2003-02-24T02:35:01Z")
Sometimes I think women might be flirting with me, and I long to respond. But the consequences of my being mistaken might mean dismissal from my job, a civil lawsuit, or imprisonment.
How do I get over my fears and go for the gold?
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### Author:  [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)
#### Post date: [February 24, 2003, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/12 "2003-02-24T02:43:30Z")
Dear Professor **TruePisces** :
I would like to re-enlist in The Flirting Boot-Camp. I washed out of the last one, but I’ve been Making My Life Better: I’ve been working out and I got a decent apartment and I 'm researching a new career. Other than that, as far as flirting-skill goes, I pretty much sound like the previous five posters in this thread: I need the basics, not the finer arts.
So… a question… does it help to be bilingual? 🙂
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### Author:  [@Lockz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lockz)
#### Post date: [February 24, 2003, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/13 "2003-02-24T02:55:50Z")
:: walks into room ::
:: turns to look at \*\* TruePisces \*\* ::
Hey, ba ----
:: walks into wall, falls down ::
Hmm, this isn’t good. Do you have any tips to help me out?
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### Author:  [@hampster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hampster)
#### Post date: [February 24, 2003, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/14 "2003-02-24T03:07:44Z")
As I look at all the shiny happy people around me, I get the feeling knowing how to flirt will get further than knowing how to contrast Chaucer’s Clerk and Squire.
::Tosses his english lit book away::
I need help Prof.
I can flirt!
Just- not on purpose, and when I do there always tend to be ridiculous complications.
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### Author:  [@imthjckaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/imthjckaz)
#### Post date: [February 24, 2003, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/15 "2003-02-24T03:17:05Z")
Hi there Professor.
Does this Academy have a dodge ball team?
And, are you really a Professor?
I’d like you to show me your…er…credentials, please.
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### Author:  [@ProjectOmega](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ProjectOmega)
#### Post date: [February 24, 2003, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/16 "2003-02-24T03:26:08Z")
“Date me or I’ll cut you” always seems to work for me.
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### Author:  [@cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cherry)
#### Post date: [February 24, 2003, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/17 "2003-02-24T03:31:54Z")
is this like the learning annex? I would very much like to learn how to flirt … will battering eyelashes work?
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### Author:  [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)
#### Post date: [February 24, 2003, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/18 "2003-02-24T03:57:01Z")
Told you, didn’t I, **TP**? 😉
So, how YOU doin’?
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### Author:  [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)
#### Post date: [February 24, 2003, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/19 "2003-02-24T04:01:34Z")
(The person you are about to hear is NOT a paid actor, he is an actual graduate of this esteemed Flirt Academy).
Hi, my name is **UncleBill** , and I was once just like you. Nervous, stumbling, spastic, drooling. Then I took the **TruePisces Straight Dope Flirt Academy** , and it changed my life. I am now a contributing member of society, can walk and chew gum, and I am a married man. And I married a **DoperChick** , too! You, too, can be a success story, all you have to do is take this course, do your homework and practice sessions, and, _ **POW!** _
[sub]Results may not be typical, your participation may or may not result in a **DoperMarriage** , tax, tag, and title extra. See dealer for more details.[/sub]
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### Author:  [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)
#### Post date: [February 24, 2003, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/20 "2003-02-24T04:08:39Z")
“So, shag me if I’m wrong, but is your real name Gretchen?”
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