# The Straight Dope Flirt Academy **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 23, 2003, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035 "2003-02-23T23:57:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![TruePisces](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/truepisces/32/13628_2.png) [@TruePisces](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruePisces)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/41 "2003-02-24T19:13:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Toffe \* > \*\*šŸ™‚ > > You know, I think Iā€™ve been working too hard - once you start imagining pink fluffy turtles zooming around your room, you must be kinda stressedā€¦ so, what do you do around here? > > _gremlins start plotting to mess with Toffeā€™s luck_ \*\* _small, shy smily crosses my lips_ Pretty much everything, really. I teach practical classes, I do a little one on one tutoring. I think the tutoring has to be my favorite part of teaching here. You really get aā€¦ feel for things that way. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scuba\_Ben \* > \*\*:: excessive eyeing / ogling / staring :: > > :: long awkward pause (anywhere from a few minutes to a few years!) :: > > Umā€¦ hiā€¦ > > (In a heavy flat monotone, to control a high anxiety level) We. met. yesterday. at. the. Philly. Fest. and. you. talked. about. reopening. the. flirt. academy. I. donā€™t. know. what. flirting. is. Where. do. I. sign. up. for. Flirting. 101? > > (And that, Professor, is one of my better openings, in that I actually say something!)\*\* Hmmmā€¦ and I never would have guessed this was a problem, after having met you yesterday. You seemed to keep you your end of the conversation wonderfully. šŸ˜‰ But, I _am_ here to serve. So, Flirting 101ā€¦ where would you like to begin? How to recognize a flirt? How to find a good opening line? Or should we try a little simulation to see where what natural talents you have? šŸ˜‰ > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Payne N. Diaz \* > **Is it too late to add this class? I am absolutely clueless when it comes to flirting/ being flirted at. Maybe thereā€™s a remedial course?** Well, the classes are really tailored to the individual, so we can start wherever youā€™d like. And we have rolling admission, so you can join whenever youā€™d like. What would you like to start on? Seeing the signs? Flirting online? Flirting out of the virtual world? Or a little simulation? Iā€™m at your disposal, to do with what you will. šŸ˜‰ ---
**Author:** ![TruePisces](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/truepisces/32/13628_2.png) [@TruePisces](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruePisces)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/42 "2003-02-24T19:28:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SkipMagic \* > \*\*Dear Prof, > > A **DoperChick** (mad props to successful graduate **UncleBill** for the name) has already lost an unfortunate coin toss and has agreed to marry me. So, although I donā€™t feel that I need to flirt any more ('cause Iā€™m not sure she wonā€™t come in and catch me practicing), I would like to audit the class for enjoymentā€™s sake. I promise I wonā€™t cause many interruptions, although you may look over and see that Iā€™m throwing kissy faces at the women Iā€™m hoping are wild and wanton. > > Or maybe just wild with wonton soup. Thatā€™s good stuff, that is. > > Anyway, if you donā€™t mind, Iā€™ll just pull up a chair here in the back, and get ready to pucker upā€¦ \*\* Feel free to audit, **Skip**. I wouldnā€™t want you to get in any trouble with that special DoperChick, though I must stress that being single isnā€™t a requirement, as long as your partner knows and approves (heck, I have a special DoperGuy, whom Iā€™m marrying in 6 1/2 months, and he has no problems with this. He may even get in to help teach one of these days). > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bishamon \* > \*\*How am I doinā€™? Cold actually. Would you mind if I sat a little closer to warm up? \*\* Oh, I insist! Now that you mention it, it _is_ a little chilly in hereā€¦ > [@](#): > > **Besides, itā€™s _so_ noisy in here and itā€™s hard to hear you over all of the racket. And I must say that was one fine Joey impersonation. Do you do others?** _blushes prettily_ Well, Iā€™ve been told I do a pretty good May West. Why donā€™t you come up and see me sometime? šŸ˜‰ (howā€™s that?) ---
**Author:** ![TruePisces](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/truepisces/32/13628_2.png) [@TruePisces](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruePisces)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/43 "2003-02-24T19:31:17Z")
Grrrā€¦ thatā€™s what I get for not paying attention when I type. I should have had the part after the May West quote say: > [@](#): > > \*\* > (howā€™s that?)\*\* A fine, fine start, **Bishamon**. I think youā€™re going to be one of my star pupils! ---
**Author:** ![Toffe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e19adc/32.png) [@Toffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toffe)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/44 "2003-02-24T20:06:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TruePisces \* > \*\*_small, shy smily crosses my lips_ Pretty much everything, really. I teach practical classes, I do a little one on one tutoring. I think the tutoring has to be my favorite part of teaching here. You really get aā€¦ feel for things that way. > \*\* _turns bright red_ Yeah, direct hands-on teaching is the best. Especially with languagesā€¦ Unfortunately I can only tell you how great that blouse looks on you in seven of them. * * * Hey, I can probably limp my way through flirting with someone, but my real problem is telling when others are flirting with me. It even took me a while to figure out that that girl I met at a party last year who kept asking if she could hug me (sure šŸ™‚ ) was probably flirting a littleā€¦ Lately Iā€™ve gone to the pub a few times with a nice woman I know, but I canā€™t tell if sheā€™s flirting at all and so I donā€™t know if weā€™re just becoming friends (as per usual, which is great as well). Any tips, Professor? ---
**Author:** ![hampster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/53a042/32.png) [@hampster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hampster)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/45 "2003-02-24T20:46:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TruePisces \* > You, like **Kyla** , are a natural flirt. And, yes, itā€™s caused a few problems in the past, but you just need to hone your skill a bit more. Find someone around here to practice with. Iā€™ll see who I can scare up for you. (For those interested, Iā€™d flirt with **hampster** myself, but heā€™s been like a brother to me for about six years now, and flirting with him just feels WRONG!!!) Yeah, well no offense Iā€™d flirt with you too but Iā€™ve had it up to _here_ **ā€”\>** with Americans! No, Iā€™m kidding, I love Americans. (Thatā€™s part of the problem actuallyā€¦) Anybody want to play Spin-the-Bottle? We can all get together and take turns flirting with random people within the group? It would make making the first move a lot easier. ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/46 "2003-02-24T20:51:40Z")
OK, Prof. Iā€™ve got a question of flirting morality: Iā€™m in a bar. A handsome, seemingly non-mass murderer walks over to my table (I am with about 6 people, some of them male, so this is a bold move.) we talk a lot. Witty banter (my flirting method of choice) ensues. Later on, while singing loudly to a bad Karaoke version of something, he has his hand on my shoulder, and slowly moves it to my neck. Despite all of these (and others) signs that heā€™s interested, I never give him my number. In my defense, he never asked. A week later I am at the same bar with a different group of people. He walks to the table. I am excited. He doesnā€™t see me at first, and begins talking to the girl sitting next to me, who, I learn, is his ex-girlfriend. Questions: A.) I didnā€™t attempt to grab his attention the second time, under the theory that even if I am totally over my ex, I still donā€™t want to see them macking on some other woman. Was I morally correct? B.) Even AFTER recognizing me, he never even waved or anything. Should I take this personally? C.) If I see this guy again, should I say something like ā€œhey, remember me?ā€ Or is that just asking for humiliation? Oh, and my little flirting tip for the fellas: while having a girls night out, the subject turned to flirting techniques. It was almost universally agreed upon that if done correctly, this is a winner: While walking to the door with the object of your desire, holding the door and GENTLY putting your hand on her lower back (NOT ASS) is a sauve move. And, it gives her the chance to move away quickly if sheā€™s not interested. ---
**Author:** ![TeleTronOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4af34b/32.png) [@TeleTronOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeleTronOne)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/47 "2003-02-24T21:16:20Z")
I think Iā€™m definately in need of a refresher course. I wasnā€™t great at it to begin with, but most of my good friends growing up were female, and I got it pounded into my brain that pretty much anything I could do other than sit down and shut up, would make me either a ā€œjerkā€, ā€œpervā€, or ā€œstalkerā€. This did not have a positive effect on my psyche, and so I am extremely hesitant to do just about anything. Butā€¦ ummā€¦ Hey, how 'ya doin? Soā€¦ do you likeā€¦ stuff? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/48 "2003-02-24T21:27:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TruePisces \* > As some may remember, I ran a Flirt Academy here about two years ago. Thatā€™s right, I remember flunking out of that thread. Has it really been two years? ---
**Author:** ![Frank\_2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8c91f0/32.png) [@Frank\_2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank_2)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/49 "2003-02-24T21:58:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TeleTronOne \* > \*\*Butā€¦ ummā€¦ Hey, how 'ya doin? Soā€¦ do you likeā€¦ stuff? \*\* Jerk. šŸ˜‰ I know exactly how you feel. If women constantly label every man in world as a ā€œjerkā€ or a ā€œpigā€ then why would a man ever approach one of these women? They donā€™t make it easy on us, do they? Say Prof, is the ā€œclub her over the head and drag her back to the caveā€ method still an acceptable form of flirting? If not, lemme try this: _Thatā€™s a really cool pendant that your wearing. It really brings out the color of your eyes. Say, isnā€™t that shade of blue also associated with Pisces? Looks great on you, real natural and lets the ā€œreal youā€ shine through._ Enough butt-kissing, anyone else want some harmless yet heart-warming flirting thrown their way? šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![Gozu\_Tashoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@Gozu\_Tashoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu_Tashoya)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/50 "2003-02-25T00:19:11Z")
The word of the day is, um, peanut butter. No, waitā€¦that wasnā€™t rightā€¦ ---
**Author:** ![monica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a183cd/32.png) [@monica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monica)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/51 "2003-02-25T01:21:25Z")
**Professor Pisces** , I have a problem thatā€™s a bit different from that of the other posters. I often flirt unconciously. I donā€™t even realize Iā€™m doing it until later! This can result in me sending lots of mixed signals which can be a problem. Help! ~ monica ---
**Author:** ![Bishamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3e96dc/32.png) [@Bishamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bishamon)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/52 "2003-02-25T01:26:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TruePisces \* > \*\*_blushes prettily_ Well, Iā€™ve been told I do a pretty good May West. Why donā€™t you come up and see me sometime? > > \*\* I would love to come up and see you sometime. I find it interesting that the person Mae was addressing was named Captain Cummings. A little double entendre there too perhaps, hmmm? I however, unlike Cary Grant, do happen to enjoy the company of women, particularly yours. Iā€™m sure thereā€™s other things about you I might enjoy too. What might they be? ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/53 "2003-02-25T03:47:13Z")
_ **MissTake** , a tad late as usual, walks in with head tilted down, peering through her lashes. Nibbling nervously on her bottom lip, she walks up to the closest maleā€¦lays her hand on his armā€¦_ I hope Iā€™m in the right placeā€¦am I? ---
**Author:** ![Bishamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3e96dc/32.png) [@Bishamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bishamon)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/54 "2003-02-25T04:04:11Z")
I guess that would be me. But of course, please, have a seat here next to me. Iā€™m Bishamon, but you may call me Bish. Besides being fashionably late, you are . . . ? ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/55 "2003-02-25T04:28:11Z")
**Professor Pisces** , not so long ago a lady on this board flirted with me. (I recognized it, so Step 1 I suppose Iā€™ve got down.) In trying to flirt back, I tried to make a clever riposte, but instead ended up acting foolish, and I killed the thread to boot. What sort of mindset ought I to have in flirting here? Should I have any role models in mind? (Please, no one from the Board, I have my standards you know.) Awaiting your answer, **Duke**. ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/56 "2003-02-25T05:32:10Z")
Thank you **Bish** , Iā€™m MissTake _smiles at him_ This is the flirting class, right? I mean, weā€™re not in Underwater Basketweaving 101, are we? I mean, I usually can flirt okay when a man comes up and starts talking to me, but I have never been able to approach someone easily. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/57 "2003-02-25T06:05:35Z")
Well, no one ever flirts with me, and I never flirt with anyone, so I guess I need all the help I can getā€¦ ---
**Author:** ![Improv\_Geek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b3f665/32.png) [@Improv\_Geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Improv_Geek)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/58 "2003-02-25T13:19:45Z")
I would like to a study session right here in Atlanta. Iā€™ll be glad to take ladies out to practice, and Iā€™ll go out with guys to find females (being a Georgia Tech student you learn quickly where all the women hang out because it isnā€™t on campus). So yeah - what do you guys say. ---
**Author:** ![Frank\_2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8c91f0/32.png) [@Frank\_2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank_2)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/59 "2003-02-25T13:46:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by alice\_in\_wonderland \* > \*\*Well, no one ever flirts with me, and I never flirt with anyone, so I guess I need all the help I can getā€¦ \*\* What? A good-looking, fashionable woman like yourself? Come on, I can just tell that insdie your a confident & adventrous person. Maybe you need the right avenue to get comfortable so you can open up and chat with that crazy species we call ā€œmenā€. Should we head someplace else a little more private so you can get ā€œcomfortableā€? šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![DirkGntly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DirkGntly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DirkGntly)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/60 "2003-02-25T15:08:46Z")
Well, hereā€™s my $.02 in the online worldā€¦this is an introduction Iā€™ve used many times in online chat rooms, to introduce myself and start a flirt session: _DirkGntly,_ a 6ft tall Texan, walks up casually to {object of attention}, deftly removes his silver Stetson from his head, takes her hand, looks into her eyes and says, in a soft Texan drawl, ā€œHowdy, Maā€™am. Iā€™m Dirk. Itā€™s a real pleasure to meet ya. Would you care for a {dance/dinner/drink/whatever is appropriate to the situation}?ā€ The key here is to give enough detail to ignite the _imagination._ Let the woman fill in the details of slim/stocky/hair color/eye color/facial hair, etcā€¦VERY powerful when starting an online flirt sessionā€¦ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035.md?page=4)