# The Straight Dope Flirt Academy **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 23, 2003, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035 "2003-02-23T23:57:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Bishamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3e96dc/32.png) [@Bishamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bishamon)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/61 "2003-02-25T15:46:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MissTake \* > \*\*Thank you **Bish** , I’m MissTake > _smiles at him_ > This is the flirting class, right? I mean, we’re not in Underwater Basketweaving 101, are we? > \*\* _returns smile_ I’m pleased to meet you **MissTake**. You have a lovely smile. I hope I can see more of it as the day continues. I really wouldn’t worry if I were you about making a good first impression or how to make the first move. You’re much better than you give yourself credit for. But if you are indeed looking for the Underwater Basketweaving class, it’s down the hall, second door on the left. But since you just got here, why don’t make yourself comfortable. Can I get you anything? ---
**Author:** ![TruePisces](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/truepisces/32/13628_2.png) [@TruePisces](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruePisces)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/62 "2003-02-25T17:18:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Toffe \* > **Hey, I can probably limp my way through flirting with someone, but my real problem is telling when others are flirting with me. It even took me a while to figure out that that girl I met at a party last year who kept asking if she could hug me (sure :)) was probably flirting a little… Lately I’ve gone to the pub a few times with a nice woman I know, but I can’t tell if she’s flirting at all and so I don’t know if we’re just becoming friends (as per usual, which is great as well). Any tips, Professor?** Hmm… this is the hardest part of the whole flirting process… finding out if someone _is_ flirting with you. Some people are much more obvious on that than others. What are some of the things she does when you’re together? > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hampster \* > \*\*Yeah, well no offense I’d flirt with you too but I’ve had it up to here —\> > > with Americans! > > No, I’m kidding, I love Americans. (That’s part of the problem actually…) \*\* I’ve told you the solution to this. Move down here! > [@](#): > > **Anybody want to play Spin-the-Bottle? We can all get together and take turns flirting with random people within the group? It would make making the first move a lot easier.** That’s actually not a bad idea… > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Swimming Riddles \* > \*\*OK, Prof. I’ve got a question of flirting morality: I’m in a bar. A handsome, seemingly non-mass murderer walks over to my table (I am with about 6 people, some of them male, so this is a bold move.) we talk a lot. Witty banter (my flirting method of choice) ensues. Later on, while singing loudly to a bad Karaoke version of something, he has his hand on my shoulder, and slowly moves it to my neck. Despite all of these (and others) signs that he’s interested, I never give him my number. In my defense, he never asked. > > A week later I am at the same bar with a different group of people. He walks to the table. I am excited. He doesn’t see me at first, and begins talking to the girl sitting next to me, who, I learn, is his ex-girlfriend. > > Questions: > A.) I didn’t attempt to grab his attention the second time, under the theory that even if I am totally over my ex, I still don’t want to see them macking on some other woman. Was I morally correct? > B.) Even AFTER recognizing me, he never even waved or anything. Should I take this personally? > C.) If I see this guy again, should I say something like “hey, remember me?” Or is that just asking for humiliation?\*\* A) Well, yes and no. I think if you’d gone over and hung all over him, that would have been a bad thing. But to just go up and say hi… that may not have been a bad thing. It would have let him know that you were still interested, but not pushing things too far. B) I wouldn’t. It could be that he was feeling a little uncomfortable with having you right next to his ex. It could be that he honestly didn’t notice you next to his ex. (I’ve done that before, been looking for someone and found them literally right under my nose… usually, in bars or at Dopefests). Until you have enough information to determine otherwise, don’t think the worst. C) I don’t think I’d go the “Hey, remember me?” route, but saying hi and starting up a conversation again wouldn’t be a bad thing to do. What do you have to lose, really? > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TeleTronOne \* > \*\*I think I’m definately in need of a refresher course. I wasn’t great at it to begin with, but most of my good friends growing up were female, and I got it pounded into my brain that pretty much anything I could do other than sit down and shut up, would make me either a “jerk”, “perv”, or “stalker”. This did not have a positive effect on my psyche, and so I am extremely hesitant to do just about anything. \*\* I can understand where that would make it more difficult in the dating world to make the first move. The key is to always read the signs. Most women don’t have a problem with your interest, even if you aren’t interested, as long as you don’t keep it up when they show they aren’t interested. That’s what turns you into “jerk”, “perv” or “stalker”. If you start off as just being friendly, that’s the best way. Start a conversation. And if it’s misconstrued, you can always fall back on saying that you were just being friendly. As I said, you just have to keep an eye on the signs they are giving you when you decide whether to proceed or not. > [@](#): > > **But… umm… Hey, how 'ya doin? So… do you like… stuff?** _nice smile and a small laugh_ Yeah, I like stuff. A lot of stuff. And I’m doing pretty good. How are you doing? _bites lip with a smile_ > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Robot Arm \* > **That’s right, I remember flunking out of that thread. Has it really been two years?** I don’t remember you flunking out. I don’t remember ANYONE flunking out. But, yeah, it’ll be two years in April since the thread was started. Are you back for the refresher course? > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Frank #2 \* > **Say Prof, is the “club her over the head and drag her back to the cave” method still an acceptable form of flirting?** I’d have to say no on that one. Definitely not. Especially not with Doper Wimmins. We can hold out own, and you might just find a surprise once you get us back to the cave. > [@](#): > > \*\*If not, lemme try this: > > That’s a really cool pendant that your wearing. It really brings out the color of your eyes. Say, isn’t that shade of blue also associated with Pisces? Looks great on you, real natural and lets the “real you” shine through.\*\* Damn, you WERE paying attention on Sunday! If you’d said this then, **Verrain** there or not, I would have been blushing to my toes! > [@](#): > > **Enough butt-kissing, anyone else want some harmless yet heart-warming flirting thrown their way? 😃** God, I love guest profs! 🙂 > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by KKBattousai \* > **The word of the day is, um, peanut butter. No, wait…that wasn’t right…** Oh, I dunno… peanut butter is a pretty good word in my book… 😉 > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by monica \* > **Professor Pisces, I have a problem that’s a bit different from that of the other posters. I often flirt unconciously. I don’t even realize I’m doing it until later! This can result in me sending lots of mixed signals which can be a problem. Help!** Ah, another natural flirt! I’m the same way. The best way, I’ve found, to work through this is to be honest and upfront with people. I’m engaged, but I flirt. I make it known to everyone that I’m very HAPPY in my marriage-to-be, so they realize that any unintentional flirts that come from me are just me being me. It’s a lot more difficult when you don’t know the people that you end up flirting with, I admit. However, if you find that people DO get the wrong idea, the best thing I can say is that you need to correct the wrong impression as soon as possible. It saves hurt in the long run. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bishamon \* > **I would love to come up and see you sometime. I find it interesting that the person Mae was addressing was named Captain Cummings. A little double entendre there too perhaps, hmmm? I however, unlike Cary Grant, do happen to enjoy the company of women, particularly yours. I’m sure there’s other things about you I might enjoy too. What might they be?** Oh, definitely a double entendre. Those are some of my favorite things to look for. They’re so much… fun. As for other things you might enjoy… feel free to explore and find out. There’s a lot to me, and it’s hard to know what might interest you most. _And it looks like you and **MissTake** are in good hands with one another. You’re off to a really good start!_ > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Duke \* > **Professor Pisces, not so long ago a lady on this board flirted with me. (I recognized it, so Step 1 I suppose I’ve got down.) In trying to flirt back, I tried to make a clever riposte, but instead ended up acting foolish, and I killed the thread to boot.** That’s happened to me more times than I can count. You can’t let one failure get you down. You just have to keep trying. Seriously. I can give you links of times where I’d started flirting with someone, and then they either dropped me like a hot potato or I killed the thread or… who knows what else happened. So, really, don’t take what happened personally. Chances are, no one else saw it as bad as you did. > [@](#): > > \*\* > What sort of mindset ought I to have in flirting here? Should I have any role models in mind? (Please, no one from the Board, I have my standards you know.)\*\* Oh, I dunno. There are some good flirters on the Board. **UncleBill** , back in his day, **lindyhopper** … they’re both very suave flirters. They know how to make women feel pretty special. I’ve never been really good at pointing out role models, other than people I know personally, so let me hit the mindset. First, you have to realize that flirting is FUN. That’s the most important thing. Flirting with someone isn’t a life or death situation. Something may come out of it, something may not. You never know. Try to be yourself, but don’t think about what “being yourself” is too hard. That’s when you start to freeze up. Flirting is also different for everyone. If you can think of a good double entendre, those work wonders around here. It gives someone something to play off of. I’ll probably think of more advice as this thread goes along. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DirkGntly \* > \*\*Well, here’s my $.02 in the online world…this is an introduction I’ve used many times in online chat rooms, to introduce myself and start a flirt session: > DirkGntly, a 6ft tall Texan, walks up casually to {object of attention}, deftly removes his silver Stetson from his head, takes her hand, looks into her eyes and says, in a soft Texan drawl, “Howdy, Ma’am. I’m Dirk. It’s a real pleasure to meet ya. Would you care for a {dance/dinner/drink/whatever is appropriate to the situation}?” > > The key here is to give enough detail to ignite the imagination. Let the woman fill in the details of slim/stocky/hair color/eye color/facial hair, etc…VERY powerful when starting an online flirt session…\*\* This is excellent advice. It may take awhile to find what the right balance of enough/not enough detail is, but once you do, you hang on to that for life. Remember, if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. There are always people out there waiting for your own special brand of flirting. ---
**Author:** ![Toffe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e19adc/32.png) [@Toffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toffe)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/63 "2003-02-25T17:48:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TruePisces \* > \*\*Hmm… this is the hardest part of the whole flirting process… finding out if someone _is_ flirting with you. Some people are much more obvious on that than others. What are some of the things she does when you’re together? > \*\* Dang! Um, she smiles a lot, but then she’s a smily person. All I can tell is we both seem pretty comfortable just sitting and chatting about anything, alone or with friends. Oh, and she hugged me goodbye the first time, but then she was a bit down and a little drunk at the time… (she also said I’m sweet) She’s quite a tomboy (but a cute one 🙂 ) and doesn’t seem to be an obvious flirt at all, though. But then I could be completely wrong. I usually am. Sorry I can’t be more specific, I’m fluent in five languages but none of them are body language. ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/64 "2003-02-25T18:16:40Z")
**BLUSH** _Really, I DO blush extremely easily_ Why, thank you, **Bish**. And no, I was looking for the flirting class. I tried the underwater basketweaving last semester, but I could not hold my breath that long. 🙂 Just point me to the sodas-- shall I get one for you also? It would be my pleasure. _Puts her hand on **Bish** ’s shoulder as she stand up, smiles at him again…_ ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/65 "2003-02-25T18:18:59Z")
GGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! SORRY ABOUT THAT! _BLUSHES WILDLY AND RUNS AWAY!_ ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/66 "2003-02-25T21:59:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TruePisces \* > I don’t remember you flunking out. I don’t remember ANYONE flunking out. Perhaps “flunk” was the wrong word; call it an “incomplete”. ---
**Author:** ![Bishamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3e96dc/32.png) [@Bishamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bishamon)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/67 "2003-02-25T21:59:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MissTake \* > \*\*GGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! > SORRY ABOUT THAT! > _BLUSHES WILDLY AND RUNS AWAY!_ \*\* **wonders whether to be insulted or flattered. Decides on flattered. Gets up to look around.** **Miss**? It’s okay. Really. I’m new at this too. Usually I would be in the same underwater basketweaving class since it’s easier to avoid people and conversation under water. But this sounded like so much more fun. And I am having fun too. I’m also nervous, but still having fun. So, why don’t you come on out of the coat closet and we’ll try this again. Don’t make me come in there after you. (did I really just say that? :smack: ) I’ll go grab you a soda, and I’ll wait over here by . . . whatever sort of thing we wait by in here. I promise to be more entertaining than the coats when you decide to come out. ---
**Author:** ![Bishamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3e96dc/32.png) [@Bishamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bishamon)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/68 "2003-02-25T23:26:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TruePisces \* > \*\*Oh, definitely a double entendre. Those are some of my favorite things to look for. They’re so much… fun. > > As for other things you might enjoy… feel free to explore and find out. There’s a lot to me, and it’s hard to know what might interest you most. > > _And it looks like you and **MissTake** are in good hands with one another. You’re off to a really good start!_ > \*\* Explore you? Don’t mind if I do. I’m catching on I think. And I must say it is due to your excellent skills as a teacher. You deserve so much more than just a mere apple. Can I stay after class and slap the erasers together? 😃 I could tell that you were a woman of depth and not just some frivolous tart by your easy confidence. You’re controlling this rambuncious class of social novices with grace. That I find to be extremely interesting. Kudos and thanks to you. Have you always been the easy going around people, or was it something you had to work at and learn? ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2003, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/69 "2003-02-26T01:41:44Z")
Professor, I don’t feel I’m in need of your services, but would it be possible for me to be…well, a guest lecturer? If you need a refresher on my flirting credentials, I’ll be glad to conference with you…or with any DoperChick, actually. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2003, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/70 "2003-02-26T02:08:59Z")
> [@](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > Originally posted by Sunspace: > > The language of international… communication. _Gxi brakumas la mondon kun plena koro…_ > > Mmmmm… sure makes THIS woman melt. :eek: \ So… uh… \ > [@](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > How can I tell whether someone is flirting with me? […] > > This really is the hardest part of flirting. Because what may be flirting with some may not be with others. Lets try starting with the more blatant, and work out way down to the more subtle. > > (And, since practice is ALWAYS the best way…) > > How YOU doin’? 🙂 Uh, well, a lot better now. Uh… \ ---
**Author:** ![hampster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/53a042/32.png) [@hampster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hampster)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2003, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035/71 "2003-02-26T05:05:26Z")
so **prof** , what do you think I should do, start a sperate spin-the-bottle thread? or just live live with my 5K1LLZ the way they are now, and hope I don’t accidently seduce an Australian. _smiles and starts doing some finite to pass the time_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-flirt-academy/157035.md?page=3)