# The Straight Dope Horror Movie. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 17, 2000, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-horror-movie/45988 "2000-12-17T05:43:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2000, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-horror-movie/45988/21 "2000-12-18T14:06:47Z")
I’ll be the friend guy. You know, not the hero guy but the not quite so cute guy who is smart and has a crush on the main girl but she see’s him only as a friend. (a really good friend!) Dejected as the Dope Fest of Doom breaks up into pairs of people making out and alas there is nobody for me. I drunkenly walk outside to pine for my sweetie who is going down on a dumb jock. (how’d he get to the dope fest!) After I round a corner some sort of long spear impales me through my ribs. A flash of lighting casts a shadow of myself being held aloft by the killer’s shadow. [Hint hint] Later the girl I have a crush on will hide in a closet somewhere as the killer is in high gear. She sees my face and reaches out to me only to have me fall limply over her. Yeah, this will happen later to some scantliy clad chick. /[Hint Hint] ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2000, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-horror-movie/45988/22 "2000-12-18T16:14:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zebra \* > [Hint hint] Later the girl I have a crush on will hide in a closet somewhere as the killer is in high gear. She sees my face and reaches out to me only to have me fall limply over her. Yeah, this will happen later to some scantliy clad chick. /[Hint Hint] Great idea. Of course, we’ll be shooting that scene with your stunt double so you can take that day off. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2000, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-horror-movie/45988/23 "2000-12-18T17:01:25Z")
I’ll be Una O’Connor—you know, the snoopy old village woman who runs around with a flaming torch shrieking, “The monstah! The monstah!” ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2000, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-horror-movie/45988/24 "2000-12-18T17:08:07Z")
I’ll be the props master, but all I’ve got is this new green ketchup - so it’ll have to be shot in B&W. ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2000, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-horror-movie/45988/25 "2000-12-18T17:12:34Z")
I’ll be the sarcastic, witty guy who hangs out with the hero and his (now deceased) friend Zebra, and cracks jokes about everything going on. For some reason, I’ll be the only one who notices what’s going on, and sees the pattern emerging at the dopefest. Hopping into my car, I speed off to find the hero and warn him. Alas, I get a flat from a conveniently placed dead body, and have to pull off. I hear a noise in the woods, whell around, and the camera cuts to black as I scream bloody murder. (Later, when the hero is fighting the murderer, who stands ready to impale him with a joystick, a gunshot rings out, the killer falls, and I walk out from the doorway holding a pistol, saying some witty comment. As it turns out, the guy in the woods was just THespos, coming to tell me, in his own creepy manner, who the killer is.) HA! Didn’t see THAT plot twist, didja! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Dumbledore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/dfb087/32.png) [@Prof.Dumbledore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Dumbledore)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2000, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-horror-movie/45988/26 "2000-12-18T17:59:48Z")
hey no takers for Hero??? wow never thought i’d get to do the honors. Well i’m the hero who the sexy heroine is gong out with but she suspects him in the middle but in the end the real killer comes after her,only minutes before finishing me off. However i am not dead(surprise surprise!!!) and i manage to kill the villain and it turns out to be… well in the end i get the sexy heroine. WOW…thanks for letting me be the hero 😃 ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2000, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-horror-movie/45988/27 "2000-12-18T19:41:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Prof. Dumbledore \* > \*\*hey no takers for Hero??? wow never thought i’d get to do the honors. Well i’m the hero who the sexy heroine is gong out with but she suspects him in the middle but in the end the real killer comes after her,only minutes before finishing me off. > However i am not dead(surprise surprise!!!) and i manage to kill the villain and it turns out to be… > well in the end i get the sexy heroine. > WOW…thanks for letting me be the hero 😃 > \*\* No, no, no, no. This is a smart horror movie. If you appear to bite it, you do. Nobody comes back to life. And the hero has to bite it. I’ve always wanted a horror movie where the Alpha Male guy kicks off… whee. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2000, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-horror-movie/45988/28 "2000-12-18T20:09:32Z")
I do remember a slasher movie where they all died. Some soroity thing where they were spending the night in a haunted house and they all died. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2000, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-horror-movie/45988/29 "2000-12-18T21:11:07Z")
I want my tendency to be anal about grammar/spelling/etc. to be in there somewhere. And I am not averse to being knocked shirtless. Give the movie-watchers something to scream about;) (in horror). ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-horror-movie/45988/30 "2000-12-19T04:00:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by iampunha \* > \*\*I want my tendency to be anal about grammar/spelling/etc. to be in there somewhere. > \*\* Oooh! I know! _death by thesaurus…_ ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Dumbledore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/dfb087/32.png) [@Prof.Dumbledore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Dumbledore)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-horror-movie/45988/31 "2000-12-19T04:40:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andygirl \* > \*\* > No, no, no, no. > > This is a smart horror movie. If you appear to bite it, you do. Nobody comes back to life. > > And the hero has to bite it. I’ve always wanted a horror movie where the Alpha Male guy kicks off… whee. 😃 \*\* Hey but thats already been done in the blair witch. Come on, does the hero really have to die. I’d rather be the killer than have to die…unless i get to do one of those lingering death scenes where he is trying to kill me off but i am not dying and so the suspense is intense. I always have enough life to keep saving the sexy heroine. However to everyone’s surprise one of the killer’s attempts at killing me succeeds and that too after the audience was so damn sure i would live till the end. This would be a first 'cos ussually if anyone has to die,they just do so quickly, all the lingering scene people or the people who survive enough for ambulances to come ALWAYS survive. ---
**Author:** ![Lexicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ac8455/32.png) [@Lexicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lexicon)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-horror-movie/45988/32 "2000-12-19T04:43:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by broccoli! \* > \*\ ***Lexicon** - i’m all over that! I’ll bring the nine-foot-tall sandwiches and the bong… > > broccoli! > > \*\* Sweet. We’ll make a good team. Do you have a dark green scrub shirt and a pair of brown bell bottoms? Allrighty then. Don’t forget the big ass C clamp to squish the sandwiches down to edible size. ---
**Author:** ![Gunslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gunslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gunslinger)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-horror-movie/45988/33 "2000-12-19T05:32:58Z")
I’ll be the G-man who shows up at the end and empties two Guv’mint .45s into the villian just as he’s about to kill the only survivor, a scantily-clad female. Then I’ll have to comfort her…😉 ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-horror-movie/45988/34 "2000-12-19T05:57:14Z")
I wanna be the guy who shows up after everything is finished and says: “What the hell happened here?”🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Broken\_Doll](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbce88/32.png) [@Broken\_Doll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broken_Doll)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-horror-movie/45988/35 "2000-12-19T09:25:05Z")
I wanna be the sassy, cynical side-kick of the main character [andygirl] who doesn’t get killed until near the end, in some violently bloody way while saying some sassy retort. “Um, like, this movie sucks anyways _gets stabbed violently, head gets chopped off, yadda yadda_” ---
**Author:** ![BornDodgy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@BornDodgy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BornDodgy)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-horror-movie/45988/36 "2000-12-19T11:51:03Z")
I just realized… nobody saw me die… What if somebody else tried to kill me because he/she found out I was the killer, broke into my house and I grabbed my baseball bat and — well… not that it is true… but you know… could be could be ---
**Author:** ![Deiket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce7236/32.png) [@Deiket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deiket)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2000, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-horror-movie/45988/37 "2000-12-19T15:35:53Z")
Ooo! Oooo! Can I be the really paranoid chick who sits, huddled in a corner, rocking back and forth while her friends are being knocked off one by one? Then, later in the movie, it’s revealed that through some past childhood trauma, I’ve become severly unhinged and started working with the killer… But, I get creeped out by the way the killer is acting and attempt to go to the police. Unfortunitly, the killer discovers this and kills me is some bizarre and totally bloody way. Can I please? Please?! ```auto Where do I come UP with this stuff? I blame Liz. ``` [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-horror-movie/45988.md?page=1)