# The Straight Dope House

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-house/75903>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [August 12, 2001, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-house/75903 "2001-08-12T13:37:40Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 11

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**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\
**Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-house/75903/201 "2001-08-16T20:06:12Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by screech-owl \*  
> \*\*
> 
> > [@](#):
> >
> > …Dibs! I get dibs on ALL uniformed men! DIIIIIBS!..
> 
> Although we could have played “capture the flag” if he had a loin cloth.  
> \*\*

Dibs! I call dibs on all men in loincloths! DIIIBS!!!  
…especially if they have that bald-with-a-goatee thing happening…  
🙂

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**Author:** ![Paul\_The\_Younger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d9b06d/32.png) [@Paul\_The\_Younger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_The_Younger)\
**Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-house/75903/202 "2001-08-16T20:12:12Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by BunnyGirl \*  
> \*\ ***Ginger** , don’t worry about the cats. I’ve installed my patented _Keeping Cats Away From People Who’re Allergic or Don’t Like Them_[sup]TM[/sup] device on all the cats’ collars.
> 
> **screech** , you okay! :eek:
> 
> :dusts **screech** off, finds out she’s fine and missed the kittens entirely:
> 
> :giggles and whispers: [sub]Hey, wanna join 'im?![/sub] \*\*

Hey, **Bunny** , I thought the idea was to _join_ him?

Now if you really want to make this interesting for us spectators on the porch, maybe a game of _Strip Paintball[sup]TM[/sup]_, hmmm? Every shot you take and miss, off goes some of that sexy camo… 😉

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**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\
**Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-house/75903/203 "2001-08-16T20:14:53Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Tripler \*  
> \*\*Being part Marine, **Tripler** is able to hold his breath and swim underwater like a fish. While **BunnyGirl** is thrashing about in the water, our now blue-assed hero surfaces 50 yards away, and sneakily crawls back into the local shrubbery. . .
> 
> :: parts the bushes and watches **BunnyGirl** splish and splash away, and quietly folds back into the brush ::  
> Tripler  
> Ow, my ass hurts. . . :eek: \*\*

Don’t even think you can get away from me that easy, boy. I was on our swim & dive team in high school and you forget I was in the Navy. 😃

As **Tripler** sneaks into the bushes, he steps neatly into the rope that **screech** left lying for him, thereby tripping the wire and hauling him bare-a\*\*ed into the air by his left foot. A wet **Bunny** and a snickering **screech** walk up to him, arm-in-arm.

Now, really, **Tripler** , we don’t want to hurt you…just…_play_ with you a bit. Let’s cut 'im down, **screech** , this’ll be fun.

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**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\
**Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-house/75903/204 "2001-08-16T20:16:13Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Paul The Younger \*  
> \*\*
> 
> > [@](#):
> >
> > \*Originally posted by BunnyGirl \*  
> > \*\ ***Ginger** , don’t worry about the cats. I’ve installed my patented _Keeping Cats Away From People Who’re Allergic or Don’t Like Them_[sup]TM[/sup] device on all the cats’ collars.
> > 
> > **screech** , you okay! :eek:
> > 
> > :dusts **screech** off, finds out she’s fine and missed the kittens entirely:
> > 
> > :giggles and whispers: [sub]Hey, wanna join 'im?![/sub] \*\*
> 
> Hey, **Bunny** , I thought the idea was to _join_ him?
> 
> Now if you really want to make this interesting for us spectators on the porch, maybe a game of _Strip Paintball[sup]TM[/sup]_, hmmm? Every shot you take and miss, off goes some of that sexy camo… 😉 \*\*

Actually **Paul** that was my thought, but then she mentioned paintball and I forgot all about it in my bloodlust. 😛

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**Author:** ![Paul\_The\_Younger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d9b06d/32.png) [@Paul\_The\_Younger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_The_Younger)\
**Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-house/75903/205 "2001-08-16T20:18:29Z")

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Sounds like the blood part is over…is this where the _lust_ comes in?

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**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\
**Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-house/75903/206 "2001-08-16T20:20:36Z")

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It might be. **screech** and I still need to figure out something to do with our captive **Tripler**. Shall we bring him up by the pool so everyone can observe? 😛

Not that I’m sayin’ anything. We haven’t decided what his punishment will be yet.

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**Author:** ![Paul\_The\_Younger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d9b06d/32.png) [@Paul\_The\_Younger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_The_Younger)\
**Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-house/75903/207 "2001-08-16T20:25:24Z")

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Camouflage outfit…$98

Paintball gear and ammo…$127

Catching a nekkid Marine and having your way with him in front of an entire hope of Dopers…Priceless

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**Author:** ![Paul\_The\_Younger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d9b06d/32.png) [@Paul\_The\_Younger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_The_Younger)\
**Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-house/75903/208 "2001-08-16T20:27:32Z")

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…_house_ of Dopers…

or maybe …hope_ful_ Dopers…

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**Author:** ![Sophie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/35a633/32.png) [@Sophie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sophie)\
**Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-house/75903/209 "2001-08-16T20:29:02Z")

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You know, we’ve got this here bowling alley, what with it’s shiny, waxed floors. We have the sound system and the black lights and the glow-in-the-dark bowling balls and pins. Oh, and we got beer.

We also have folks who want a little ballroom dancing. And that dancing needs the same kind of floors.

All I’m saying is, hey, your chocolate’s in my peanut butter.

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**Author:** ![Paul\_The\_Younger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d9b06d/32.png) [@Paul\_The\_Younger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_The_Younger)\
**Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-house/75903/210 "2001-08-16T20:38:15Z")

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{b]Sophie\*\*, that’s an excellent suggestion!!!

**Bunny** , **screech** , Sophie says you should cover him in chocolate and peanut butter…whaddya think? 😃

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**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\
**Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-house/75903/211 "2001-08-16T20:43:10Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by MissBHaven \*  
> \*\*The earlier talk of dancing put me in the mood for a ball. I think I’ll send out a few invitations & wax the floor. Grab your ballgowns ladies… \*\*

**Miss** , we have to wait for **thinksnow** to get back. He’s going to give me dance lessons! However, I do have the _most_ divine dress ready: a sleeveless black velvet dress (like the ones the models wear on the Black Velvet whiskey billboard) and some lovely [Jimmy Choo](http://www.jimmychoo.com/womens/sparkles/sparkles.htm) shoes (bottom left corner).

Plus, my pearls. You’ve got to wear pearls with black velvet. And the black does set off my green eyes so well. Will **Cartooniverse** be catering for us tonight? He’s just _divine_!

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**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\
**Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-house/75903/212 "2001-08-16T20:44:43Z")

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[sup]…or a mans behind behind, as the case may be.[/sup]

Surfacing stealthily, **SCUBAsnow** shoots silenced shots screaming straight and true and sinks silently sub-subsurface shortly after sighting the substantial splatter.

\< **Bunny** and crew are soaked in paint, bewildered and clueless as to their assailant\>

\<running of in various directions, they leave they’re prey unattended as **RESCUEsnow** rushes in\>

\*My name is Luke Skywalker, I’m here to rescue you! wait, uh…just come on, we’re getting out of here.  
\*  
“No, let me face the peril.”  
\*  
Far too perilous.  
\*  
\<with a deft swipe of his K-Bar, **ASSAULTsnow** frees **Trip** from a fate barely imaginable\>

\<darting back to the safety of the water, **RETREAT&COVERsnow** glances back to see **Trip** tying his hands up again and laying down, waiting for his captors.\>

Well, you can only do so much.

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**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\
**Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-house/75903/213 "2001-08-16T20:52:29Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by BunnyGirl \*  
> \*\*Shall we bring him up by the pool so everyone can observe? \*\*

Absolutely. It’s too quiet over here - nobody’s been skinny-dipping in hours.

I’ve been wondering what the ruckus was; I was just about to climb yonder tree and observe the goings-on. Looks like it’s about time for you ladies to haul up and measure your catch.

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**Author:** ![Sophie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/35a633/32.png) [@Sophie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sophie)\
**Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-house/75903/214 "2001-08-16T20:53:40Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Paul The Younger \*  
> **{b]Sophie**, that’s an excellent suggestion!!!
> 
> **Bunny** , **screech** , Sophie says you should cover him in chocolate and peanut butter…whaddya think? 😃 \*\*

You know, some of the male Dopers would certainly, truly and 100% whole-heartedly appreciate that sight. I’m just guessing here.

So, there will be chocolate & peanut butter wrestling? Or would that be wrasslin’?

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**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\
**Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-house/75903/215 "2001-08-16T21:10:40Z")

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[sub]Ya know, I leave for an hour for a real-life doctor’s appointment and what do I find? I missed a hell of a lot of fun! Thanks for covering for me![/sub]

HA!!! Fresh prey!!! **BunnyGirl** , keep **Tripler** covered [sub]so to speak, heh heh heh[/sub].

::takes off after **thinksnow** ::

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**Author:** ![Zappo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b3f665/32.png) [@Zappo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zappo)\
**Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-house/75903/216 "2001-08-16T23:07:47Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Paul The Younger \*  
> :: With the high-pitched scream of a fighter jet, **Paul** ’s finely-tuned [Y2K Superbike](http://www.marineturbine.com/y2kinnov.htm) winds up the drive and glides to a stop in front of the garage. ::  
> (this _IS_ a fantasy, right? :D)
> 
> -------------------------[sub]O[/sub]\>=\<[sup]\>[/sup][sub]O[/sub]
> 
> Hey, **Zappo** , know anything about gas turbine engines? Feel free to play with this one for awhile if you like. \*\*

Oooh, yowza! I’m not one for donorcycles, but this is intriguing. Thanks, **Paul**. Here, pull her in between the Chrysler Turbine Car (yep, the only Bronze Blowtorch still in operating condition) and the Eldorado Brougham. Maybe tomorrow we can head out to the SDMB dragstrip and convert some dead dinosaurs into fun.

> [@](#):
>
> That is, of course, after we enjoy this fantastic meal (you were generous with the garlic in that hoummus, right, **Cartooniverse**?) Perhaps we can take a smaller bowl out to the deck with some pita, and enjoy the hoummus while we lounge in the tub? Any takers? 😉
> 
> :: throws some Mike’s and a few assorted brews (requests?) into a tub with ice, refills his Beam and coke, and heads out to the deck ::

\<Homer\>Mmmmmm. . .garlic. \</Homer\> Throw a couple Yuengling Lagers in that cooler, willya? I’ll join you as soon as I get out of these coveralls and get the grease out from under my fingernails.

Can’t stay too long, though. I heard there’s going to be dancing later on and I’m hoping for a tango with **Ginger**. Or maybe **BunnyGirl**. Black velvet and green eyes. . .humina humina humina! 🙂

Anybody mind if I pick a boutoniere (sp?) for my dinner jacket and a rose for my teeth from the greenhouse?

Your friend in fins,

Zappo

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\
**Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-house/75903/217 "2001-08-17T00:02:33Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by BunnyGirl \*  
> \*\* Will **Cartooniverse** be catering for us tonight? He’s just _divine_! \*\*

\>Blush City\<. Of course I’ll be catering the late night snacks. However, a few important details.

1. I adore [Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups](http://www.hersheys.com/products/reese/). Let us not bicker. For one thing, the ballroom is on the SECOND sub-level, allowing for greater ventilation, NOT to mention the fact that because the House is on a hill, there are windows along one wall of the Ballroom.

2. The bowling alley is on the fourth sub-level. Hell, the darker the better. No air flow, so that reeking skanky smell of stale beer and old floor wax hits your nostrils like the 1st Cav. Never the twain shall meet, for you two not only have separate FLOORS, but separate Floorzoni’s as well. Much like the famed Zamboni, it’s a ride-on floor waxer and buffer. Rides to the select elite few lucky ones. 😃

3. **Zappo**??? Not only do we have 3 cases of [Yuengling Lager](http://rreu.11net.com/yuengling/) and 3 cases of Yuengling Pale Ale, but we have the large and lovely glass beer mugs to go with it. I’m not much of a beer man, but I do love my Vitamin Y. Also, doncha love how at the end of the brewery tour, MR. YUENGLING HIMSELF is tending bar? God, I love that.

4. I’ll be circulating throughout the house, with trays of finger foods from 8:30-11:30p.m. After that, you’re all on your own as far as food. Each floor has a double wide [Sub-Zero](http://www.subzero.com/) fridge, stocked with each of your fave foods. The plan at this point is shrimp cocktail, followed by ecru d’ite. A dip of goat cheese and creme fraiche will be available. No double dipping, it’s poor form. 😃 Home baked chocolate chip cookies will appear around 10:30. Baklava at 11:15. Warm hand towels at 11:30.

That about covers it. I could use some volunteers to help with the serving, it’s a lonely job and sometimes a man craves a bit of conversation. It’s especially lonesome whilst I sit in the kitchen, carefully filling sliced celery sticks with peanut butter ( thought I forgot, huh?? HUH??? )

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**Author:** ![Dave\_Stewart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@Dave\_Stewart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dave_Stewart)\
**Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-house/75903/218 "2001-08-17T01:21:35Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> Dave says the bourbon is flowing and the hot tub is open (now that Razorwitt and watsonwil have finished scrubbing it out.) If only we could get some of these beautiful women here to join us in the tub, this might really be a party!

“I’m sssorry, I pear to haf barfed on…in th spa…where are all th bew-tiful wimmin?”

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**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\
**Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-house/75903/219 "2001-08-17T02:19:27Z")

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Sure, I’ll help out in the kitchen, **Cartooniverse**. Whatcha want, some spuds peeled? How about I tackle the 10  
foot stack of dishes? I think I’ll join **MissBhavin** on the dance floor later. Can we have a little Latino music as well? I just learned Salsa and Meringe, and I’m dying to move my feets!

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**Author:** ![Sophie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/35a633/32.png) [@Sophie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sophie)\
**Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-house/75903/220 "2001-08-17T03:00:54Z")

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I fear that after I bowl, my hair will be a fright. This will not keep me from it one bit; however, we’ll need a little fixin’ up, no?

We need a salon in this joint.

See, 'cuz I wanna dance, too.

So, I’d like a salon somewhere in the vicinity of the upper-most of this house (I mean, as long as I’m asking). It needs a few good stylists from Paris and a frequently-stocked closet filled with anything we might need, from ruby slippers to fuzzy slippers. And lots of sequinned ballgowns, am I right?

My hair isn’t long enough for an up-do, but if Jacques doesn’t mind finger waves, I can totally vamp out for this.

_heads for the bowling alley while Jacques consults with Kevin Aucoin on tonight’s make up_

Has anyone else noticed that this night is going on and on and on…?

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