# The Straight Dope Lounge (a modern "colossal cave adventure" game) **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [March 12, 2011, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-lounge-a-modern-colossal-cave-adventure-game/574429 "2011-03-12T17:46:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2011, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-lounge-a-modern-colossal-cave-adventure-game/574429/21 "2011-03-12T22:58:13Z")
You see a plaque with a fuzzy (almost unrecognizable) photo of a man in jackboots. Underneath it are the words > [@](#): > > To Manhatten: He WAS the f—ing hall monitor You are in a long north-south hallway, bustling with activity. The east side of the hallway is full of doors, each with a small brass sign on the wall to the left of the door. There is a plaque in the middle of the west wall. At the far north end is a door with a lit sign above it saying “EXIT.” \> ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2011, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-lounge-a-modern-colossal-cave-adventure-game/574429/22 "2011-03-12T23:42:32Z")
Read plaque. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2011, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-lounge-a-modern-colossal-cave-adventure-game/574429/23 "2011-03-12T23:43:58Z")
\>gnaw on plaque ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2011, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-lounge-a-modern-colossal-cave-adventure-game/574429/24 "2011-03-12T23:56:33Z")
> [@Mahaloth](#): > > Read plaque. You being re-reading the plaque, which looks like it says the same thing it said a moment ago. Looking carefully at the sixth word, you – > [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > \>gnaw on plaque –stop reading and attempt to chew the plaque. It is, however, flat against the wall, and you can’t really get your teeth around the edges. You are in a long north-south hallway, bustling with activity. The east side of the hallway is full of doors, each with a small brass sign on the wall to the left of the door. There is a plaque in the middle of the west wall. At the far north end is a door with a lit sign above it saying “EXIT.” \> ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2011, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-lounge-a-modern-colossal-cave-adventure-game/574429/25 "2011-03-12T23:59:26Z")
ugh fine \>read the small brass signs ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-lounge-a-modern-colossal-cave-adventure-game/574429/26 "2011-03-13T00:10:45Z")
\> inventory ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-lounge-a-modern-colossal-cave-adventure-game/574429/27 "2011-03-13T00:48:00Z")
\> sign guestbook \> open south door ---
**Author:** ![Trepa\_Mayfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-lounge-a-modern-colossal-cave-adventure-game/574429/28 "2011-03-13T01:06:40Z")
\>Begin telling story about three hard-boiled detectives in a vaguely prohibition-style office… ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-lounge-a-modern-colossal-cave-adventure-game/574429/29 "2011-03-13T01:52:33Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > ugh fine > > \>read the small brass signs You begin at the north end of the hallway. The first door on the east reads, “Game Room.” The second door — > [@Jragon](#): > > \> inventory – You are carrying a 14-year-old thesaurus, a copy of the third _Straight Dope_ book, an MP3 player which is currently playing – > [@Oakminster](#): > > \> sign guestbook > > \> open south door – There is no guestbook to sign in this hallway. There is no door at the south – > [@pedescribe](#): > > \>Begin telling story about three hard-boiled detectives in a vaguely prohibition-style office… – You are not in one of the rooms. You cannot tell a story here. ---
**Author:** ![Trepa\_Mayfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-lounge-a-modern-colossal-cave-adventure-game/574429/30 "2011-03-13T02:37:16Z")
\>Exit Hallway \>Bungee jump into pit ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-lounge-a-modern-colossal-cave-adventure-game/574429/31 "2011-03-13T03:25:10Z")
\>Grow wings ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-lounge-a-modern-colossal-cave-adventure-game/574429/32 "2011-03-13T05:33:40Z")
> [@pedescribe](#): > > \>Exit Hallway You stare up and down the hallway, trying to decide which door would be the “exit.” You notice the big EXIT sign over the door at the end of the hall and walk through it. You awaken in a strange room. There is a door to the north labeled “EXIT.” There is a door to the south labeled “Straight Dope.” There is a door on the east wall labeled “Staff Only.” There is a desk in the southeast corner with a large guestbook. A desk in the southwest corner has a sign saying “register here,” and a friendly-looking receptionist sits behind the desk with a pile of registration forms. A stand next to the staff door holds a shiny polished tuba, and a well-worn sousaphone. > [@pedescribe](#): > > \>Bungee jump into pit There is no pit here. > [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > \>Grow wings You feel an itching sensation on your upper back. As the feeling intensifies, it seems that the muscles along your shoulder blades are about to burst through your skin. You fall to your knees and rip off your shirt (looking nothing like a soccer player, by the way) just as two stubby wings erupt from your back. Each wing has several downy feathers on it. The receptionist raises an eyebrow at you. \> ---
**Author:** ![Doctor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Doctor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-lounge-a-modern-colossal-cave-adventure-game/574429/33 "2011-03-13T05:37:08Z")
Enter Straight Dope Enter MPSIMS ---
**Author:** ![Prox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/da6949/32.png) [@Prox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prox)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-lounge-a-modern-colossal-cave-adventure-game/574429/34 "2011-03-13T05:54:41Z")
\>Pontificate ---
**Author:** ![Trepa\_Mayfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-lounge-a-modern-colossal-cave-adventure-game/574429/35 "2011-03-13T06:36:54Z")
\>Tattoo"Join Date" in left hand and “location” in right hand. [del]Tattoo a funny picture on your chest[/del] ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-lounge-a-modern-colossal-cave-adventure-game/574429/36 "2011-03-13T07:45:20Z")
\>ask the receptionist out on a date ---
**Author:** ![gryx00](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3be4f8/32.png) [@gryx00](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gryx00)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-lounge-a-modern-colossal-cave-adventure-game/574429/37 "2011-03-13T08:03:06Z")
\>Chew on thesaurus in inventory ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-lounge-a-modern-colossal-cave-adventure-game/574429/38 "2011-03-13T13:15:54Z")
> [@Doctor](#): > > Enter Straight Dope > > Enter MPSIMS \> Enter “The Game Room” \> Open thread “The Straight Dope Lounge” ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-lounge-a-modern-colossal-cave-adventure-game/574429/39 "2011-03-13T16:38:17Z")
Malacandra, if you make the whole thing crash, I’m going to be so put out with you. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-lounge-a-modern-colossal-cave-adventure-game/574429/40 "2011-03-13T19:32:13Z")
There are two types of people: those who say there is no such thing as infinite recursion, and those who say: "There are two types of people: those who say there is no such thing as infinite recursion, and those who say: "There are two types of people: those who say there is no such thing as infinite recursion, and those who say: "There are two types of people: those who say there is no such thing as infinite recursion, and those who say: "There are two types of people: those who say there is no such thing as infinite recursion, and those who say: "There are two types of people: those who say there is no such thing as infinite recursion, and those who say: "There are two types of people: those who say there is no such thing as infinite recursion, and those who say: "There are two types of people: those who say there is no such thing as infinite recursion, and those who say: "There are two types of people: those who say there is no such thing as infinite recursion, and those who say… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-lounge-a-modern-colossal-cave-adventure-game/574429.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-lounge-a-modern-colossal-cave-adventure-game/574429.md?page=3)