# The Straight Dope Message Board  is going down?!  (A rant in song)

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-message-board-is-going-down-a-rant-in-song/73982>\
**Category:** The BBQ Pit\
**Created:** [July 27, 2001, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-message-board-is-going-down-a-rant-in-song/73982 "2001-07-27T16:48:04Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 1

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**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\
**Post date:** [July 27, 2001, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-message-board-is-going-down-a-rant-in-song/73982/1 "2001-07-27T16:48:04Z")

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**Seasons of Straight Dope**

Goodbye to you S-D-M-B  
I’ve read you lots, and you have charged no fee  
But you’ve been slow for quite a time  
You’ve been my favorite passtime  
Reading posts fun or sublime

Goodbye Straight Dope, you hear me say  
How can you leave me? You will go away  
And you will leave me all alone  
Maybe I’ll drink or get stoned  
(Anything but clean my home!)

We had joy, we had hope, on the message board “Straight Dope”  
But the posts that we opined were just seasons out of time ( \<-Don’t blame me, the original’s gibberish too!)

Goodbye Dopers, please pray for me  
This weekend really will be quite dreary  
As we debate what’s right and wrong  
Talk of sex, parody songs  
Wonder how I’ll get along

Goodbye Dopers, I’ll face real life  
Filled with anger, grief, and filled with strife  
And after I get much shuteye  
I might go outside so I can see the sky  
Maybe for dinner, a potpie.

We had joy, we had hope, on the message board “Straight Dope”  
But the thoughts that that we shared were all fluffy like Care Bears ( Hey, it makes more sense than the original “starfish” line)  
We had joy, we had hope, on the message board “Straight Dope”  
But the posts that we opined were just seasons out of time

Goodbye to Tuba and Lynn too  
I don’t know what I’ll do without the two of you  
And every time the board was down  
I couldn’t always play the clown  
Think of me, I’ll be around

Goodbye to Dopers all, goodbye  
I’ll miss your love now I will go and cry  
Forever you will go away  
But wait, what’s that you say?  
The board will be back on MONDAY?!

I’ll have joy, I’ll have hope, on the message board “Straight Dope”  
But I’ll be content with porn, 'till the board’s back Monday morn!  
I’ll have joy, I’ll have hope, on the message board “Straight Dope”  
But I’ll be content with porn, 'till the board’s back Monday morn!  
I’ll have joy, I’ll have hope, on the message board “Straight Dope”  
But I’ll be content with porn, 'till the board’s back Monday morn (fade out)

Fenris McKuen (wearing a nehru jacket, a white polo shirt and trying to look profound while smoking a pipe on a windswept hill)

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**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\
**Post date:** [July 27, 2001, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-message-board-is-going-down-a-rant-in-song/73982/2 "2001-07-27T17:07:18Z")

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Aggghhhh!!!

You used the most hated of songs for that and now I have it stuck in my head!

I will find you and after the rose petals, I will beat you for this, oh, yes I will.

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**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\
**Post date:** [July 27, 2001, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-message-board-is-going-down-a-rant-in-song/73982/3 "2001-07-27T17:19:28Z")

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:mad:  
😃  
😕

Trying to figure out if I jeer at **Fenris** or applaud him…  
[sub]Wanders off muttering to self…[/sub]

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**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\
**Post date:** [July 27, 2001, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-message-board-is-going-down-a-rant-in-song/73982/4 "2001-07-27T17:21:47Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Fenris \*  
> I might go outside so I can see the sky  
> Maybe for dinner, a potpie.

It is to weep! ::sniff::

I will be missing the Dope and thinking of you while I eat my potpie.

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**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\
**Post date:** [July 27, 2001, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-message-board-is-going-down-a-rant-in-song/73982/5 "2001-07-27T17:43:35Z")

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I just bought pot pies at the store yesterday. I shall eat one in your honor, Fenris.

And this:

> [@](#):
>
> But the thoughts that that we shared were all fluffy like Care Bears

was my favorite line.

Zette

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**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\
**Post date:** [July 27, 2001, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-message-board-is-going-down-a-rant-in-song/73982/6 "2001-07-27T18:05:40Z")

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Oh lord… I thought I had scrubbed all traces of Rod McKuen from my brain… I was FREE, man!

You are evil!

stoid

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**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\
**Post date:** [July 27, 2001, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-message-board-is-going-down-a-rant-in-song/73982/7 "2001-07-27T18:10:24Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Stoid \*  
> \*\*Oh lord… I thought I had scrubbed all traces of Rod McKuen from my brain… I was FREE, man!
> 
> You are evil!\*\*

:: sinister chuckle ::

At least I didn’t do “Jean” (Jean, Jean! Roses are Red, all the leaves have gone green…\< blech! \> 🙂

Fenris

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**Author:** ![bunnymom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c4cdca/32.png) [@bunnymom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bunnymom)\
**Post date:** [July 27, 2001, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-message-board-is-going-down-a-rant-in-song/73982/8 "2001-07-27T18:36:12Z")

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Fenris -

That was just beautiful, man. You should really submit that to ‘Teemings’.

Maybe they need to create a ‘Songs of the Dopers’ section.

::going to buy my ‘Official SDMB Withdrawl Recovery Pie’…(is that chicken or beef?)::

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**Author:** ![Kamandi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5daacb/32.png) [@Kamandi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamandi)\
**Post date:** [July 27, 2001, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-message-board-is-going-down-a-rant-in-song/73982/9 "2001-07-27T18:53:51Z")

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As a Canadian, it is my solemn duty to announce that Rod McKuen is Canadian, don’t ya know!  
Bravo, **Fenris**. Another triumph!

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**Author:** ![Tabithina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f04885/32.png) [@Tabithina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabithina)\
**Post date:** [July 27, 2001, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-message-board-is-going-down-a-rant-in-song/73982/10 "2001-07-27T18:54:36Z")

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with horror and helpless laughter. Horror, because my poor brain is succeptible to any glurgy seventies music, and laughter because you are the one and only **Fenris**.

I mostly lurk these days, but I always open any thread with your name on it. What will I _do_ this weekend?

[sub]\<sniff\>[/sub]

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**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\
**Post date:** [July 27, 2001, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-message-board-is-going-down-a-rant-in-song/73982/11 "2001-07-27T18:57:31Z")

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Ohhh

ahhhh.

heavy.  
(wearing my mood ring, bandana and beads)

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**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\
**Post date:** [July 27, 2001, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-message-board-is-going-down-a-rant-in-song/73982/12 "2001-07-27T19:00:18Z")

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Man. I guess it’s a sign of my generation that I started off reading that song to the tune of “Seasons of Love” from _Rent_. It made for some akward rhyme schemes, let me tell you.

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**Author:** ![Tabithina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f04885/32.png) [@Tabithina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabithina)\
**Post date:** [July 27, 2001, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-message-board-is-going-down-a-rant-in-song/73982/13 "2001-07-27T19:21:32Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Fenris \*  
> :: sinister chuckle ::
> 
> At least I didn’t do “Jean” (Jean, Jean! Roses are Red, all the leaves have gone green…\< blech! \> 🙂
> 
> Fenris

::Tabithina clears her throat ominously::

Ahem!

“Clean, clean, or lie abed  
While the StraightDope is unseen–  
Or seek porn, if you will,  
until you’ve had your fill—  
and Monday arrives,  
and the Dope once again fills your screeeeeeeen.”

[sub] I think I got the meter wrong on that last line, but I don’t want to think about it anymore, and I think that no one else wants me to think about it, either. At least not here.[/sub]

\<grins and retreats\>

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**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\
**Post date:** [July 28, 2001, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-message-board-is-going-down-a-rant-in-song/73982/14 "2001-07-28T00:45:13Z")

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Once again, Fenris, you are rifling through my record (yes, record!) collection while I’m at work aren’t you?

I have the original Terry Jacks 45 of that in there, you know!

Peace, babycakes! Be mellow!

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**Author:** ![pesch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pesch/32/4925_2.png) [@pesch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pesch)\
**Post date:** [July 28, 2001, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-message-board-is-going-down-a-rant-in-song/73982/15 "2001-07-28T02:46:34Z")

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It could have been worse, ya know.

He could have used “Cat’s in the Cradle”

Now THAT’S evil. 😃

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**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\
**Post date:** [July 28, 2001, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-message-board-is-going-down-a-rant-in-song/73982/16 "2001-07-28T03:08:49Z")

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Here I am, desperately trying to come up with a way to resurrect you, **Fenris,** from the horror that **Scylla** has visited upon you in MPSIMS…and then I read _this???_

Feh. I am now seriously contemplating just leaving you DEAD. I don’t think I’ll be able to accomplish much anyway, since that tune is now careening wildly throughout my brain, turning me from a mere idiot into a drooling, blithering imbecile.

Thanks. Thanks so much.

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**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\
**Post date:** [July 28, 2001, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-message-board-is-going-down-a-rant-in-song/73982/17 "2001-07-28T03:14:52Z")

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\*\*Persephone \*\* look carefully, this was his last post. I’ve looked **everywhere** for him (and I want to assure everywhere, and to be thourough, I’m even havin’ all the male dopers strip down nekkid so’s I can check - wanna help?)

but back to **Fenris** we can’t let this be his last post. we just [whiney voice on] can’t [whiney voice off] So, after we finish checking out I mean checking up um I mean checking all of the doper guys, you’ll help me figure our what to do for **Fenris** won’t you???

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**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\
**Post date:** [July 28, 2001, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-message-board-is-going-down-a-rant-in-song/73982/18 "2001-07-28T05:13:33Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Kamandi \*  
> **As a Canadian, it is my solemn duty to announce that Rod McKuen is Canadian, don’t ya know!**

As if we didn’t have enough bad things to say about Canada. Thanks for adding to the list. 😛

[sub]just kidding…[/sub]

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**Author:** ![The\_Man\_Who](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c2a13f/32.png) [@The\_Man\_Who](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_Who)\
**Post date:** [July 28, 2001, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-message-board-is-going-down-a-rant-in-song/73982/19 "2001-07-28T14:57:21Z")

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Apparently I have to thank someone that I am unfamiliar with “the poems of Rod McKeun.” Although the potpie line is genius. Is that in the original?

-Myron

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**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\
**Post date:** [July 28, 2001, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-message-board-is-going-down-a-rant-in-song/73982/20 "2001-07-28T15:35:21Z")

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Fenris, the songster of the SDMB!You rule dude!

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